Tag Archives: fair maiden polish

Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup December 2017

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• A PRESS SAMPLE FANDANGO •

OMG, are we done yet?  NO.  Welcome to your Bonus Blog! Y’all better be loving this cuz who carpal tunnels for no dadgum good reason?  NOT THIS LADY!

Making it short and sweet once again cuz I’m really trying to keep the momentum going.  I mean, I finished some swatching about three hours ago and then spent the next eternity changing the wallpaper in my fake bakery, sooooo .. things are going quite well on the blogging front, clearly.  How I’m not finished with all 7,397 drafts in the queue is beyond allll the comprehensions.

CLICK FOR MORE DROOL-Y OPPORTUNITIES

Fair Maiden Polish: Tipsy Christmas Collection + Black Friday Deals

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Three hours from mashed potatoes and I. CAN’T. WAIT.  Thought I would pop on real quick and talk about some nail polish because honestly I don’t know what sort of shape I’ll be in later.  It’s a day full of carbs, y’all!  Plus a diet soda, you know, for SAFETY.

It really sucks to be counting calories on Thankgiving cuz everything I want has gravy on it.  I suppose I could go sans gravy, but OMG!, I about cried just typing that.  Blah.  I’m not even gonna pretend that’s normal.

So I’ve officially declared today a cheat day.  I’ll try to be somewhat good, but maybe let’s keep the judgy eyes to a minimum just in case.  Who’s that log on the couch with her pants undone, clearly being sexy but desperately trying to stay married?  Yeah, that’s me, prettttty sure.

Okay.  Nail polish.  Let’s go!  Here is something beautiful from Sarah and Adrienne, the lovely ladies behind Fair Maiden Polish.  You want this:

• A PRESS SAMPLE FANDANGO •

Told ya.  18,000 bottles, and in the cart they go!  Cuz now is not the time for rational behavior.

This is the Tipsy Christmas collection, a set of 4 soft-toned shades loaded with all sorts of multi-dimensional goodies.  Flakies and holo and jaw-dropping shifts … seriously guys, if you haven’t already drooled in roughly a thousand buckets, well then you are most definitely a robot.

A glorious parade of colors.  Brace yourself for the swoons!

JINGLE YOUR BELLS OFF

DESCRIPTION:  An elegant sage green with intense copper flame and subtle holographic hints

OPACITY:  Three coats plus glossy top coat

SLEIGH ALL DAY 

DESCRIPTION:  A creamy soft lavender with red shimmer flame, subtle violet/gold shift with holo sparkle

OPACITY:  Three coats plus glossy top coat

DON’T HOG THE NOG

DESCRIPTION:  A rosy gold multichrome with magenta/copper/gold shift and holo sparkle throughout

OPACITY:  Two coats plus glossy top coat

LET’S GET BLITZENED

DESCRIPTION:  A muted blue with holo sparkle and teal to purple chroma shifting flakies

OPACITY:  Two coats plus glossy top coat

THE ROUND UP 

Want, want and 27 levels of YES PLEASE.  That’s your new motto.

This collection releases tonight, November 23 at 11pm CST.  So despite that mashed potato coma you’re in, you will FIND A WAY to get your shopping done.  Fair Maiden up top, people!  I’m serious.  Here’s all you need to know:

Full set of 4 polishes retail for $43 (full size) or $28 (mini size)

Single bottles retail for $11

HOWEVER!  There’s a coupon.  Use code TIPSY25 at checkout to receive 25% off your order.  Whyyyyy, that’s practically free!  All the more reason to toss nail polish in the cart with your eyes closed.  Weeee!

Other deals:

* 14 prototype mystery polishes

* Free Holiday 2017 polish with $50+ order (automatically added to cart; no effort!)

* The $5 doorbuster polish, It’s Lit, will be available but capped at 100 bottles; once it’s gone – it’s gone FOREVER!  Soooo … first in line then?  YEP, sounds about right.  

Discount does not apply to the doorbuster and there’s a 2 bottle max.  To see my review of It’s Lit (plus 14 other polishes in the Indie Brand Collective Black Friday sale), click here.

Where to buy:  http://www.fairmaidenpolish.com

Bonus clicking opportunities!  Connect with Fair Maiden Polish:

Instagram

Facebook

Fan Group

Alright, that’s it.  Gotta get my game plan ready for dinner.  Most likely involving stretchy pants, as there isn’t a no-pants option while out in public.  Ugh, SOCIETY.  You are ZERO fun sometimes.

Later, loves!

• A PRESS SAMPLE FANDANGO •

Indie Brand Collective: Black Friday Exclusives

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Ooooh, something exciting is happening! The ultimate pajama lounging experience of your life. A Black Friday to elbow jab all the other Black Fridays. And an opportunity to hoard alllll the things cuz no one does Crazy Nail Lady quite like you. Did your Shopping Hand just get twitchy?  Cuz honestly, that’s only the beginning. Get ready for drools and swoons and 27 other levels of ladylike-type scenarios.  Cuz the Indie Brand Collective is back and it’s about to get some kinda sexy in here, just so you know.

A little rundown on the IBC before we start. Organized by Liz of Pretty Jelly, the IBC is a collective sale site where customers can view all participating shops in one place and use one universal sale code to shop them all during the specific sale period – in this case, Black Friday weekend.  The sale code will mean different things for each shop, so you can visit the IBC site, click on each brand and find all the details regarding sale terms and conditions and convenient links to take you directly to their store. Cuz why waste time in figuring all that out by yourself when Liz has already done the hard part for you?  Liz gets a horn toot, a half of one at least.

Currently there are about 36 brands participating.  More could be added before the sale goes live, so be sure to keep checking the list of shops for changes.  About 14 of those brands are offering exclusive polishes for the sale and that is what I’ll be showing you today.  Y’all ready? Well then lessss go! A Noodle Leg EXTRAVAGANZA! is happening in 3 .. 2 .. 1 ..

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

See?  You already want all of them.  You’re about to spend some money, I can already tell.

Suuuuuper picture-y blog today with tons of important info, so in an effort to not spend the next 18 years in here, I’ll keep the chatty to a minumum.  For once, maybe I’ll be a proper blogger or something!  Well, we’ll see.  I dunno.  Stupid words tend to come out whether I want them to or not.

Ugh, already wasting time.  GUYS!  The nail polish:

ALTER EGO:  MYSTERY SHOPPER

DESCRIPTION:  A clear base with light olive green microglitter and purple shreds

OPACITY:  Swatch shows 4 coats plus top coat

Intended as a topper, but I’ve swatched Cynthia’s toppers before on naked nails and they always turn out exquisite. And four coats sounds like effort to about the trillionth degree, but they were an effortless four coats and .. well .. you had me at effortless.

Aside from all that, this polish would make for some awesome party manis. Someone do that for me and tag me in it. I’ll just be over here wearing an extraordinary amount of pajamas.

Price:  $9/17ml or $4.50/8ml

Sale code T&C:  20% off entire purchase; free shipping with $50+ purchase; international shipping

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BLACK DAHLIA LACQUER: COMING UP ROSES


DESCRIPTION:  A metallic mauve holographic with silver holo flakies, rose gold glitter flakes and subtle red/indigo/violet shift

OPACITY:  Two coats, but one covered really well

How precious is this color?  Ugh.  As far as pinks go, it’s pretty much pink, level EXPERT.  If you’re not buying this, let’s have a chat about priorities, shall we? Cuz how can you enjoy sitting amongst all that “electricity” and “running water” without this lovely pink holo in your life? Spoiler alert: you can’t.

Annnnnd then!  A double dose of Black Dahlia.  For real bonus points come to LIFE.  Check it out:

BLACK DAHLIA LACQUER: FOUR LEAF CLOVER


DESCRIPTION:  A dark gunmetal crelly with blackened green to purple duochrome shift, silvery blue and dark violet flakies and champagne/red and purple/blue shifting glitter flakes

OPACITY:  Two coats

Formula here isn’t quite as opaque as the other one, but it’s pretty dang close.  About one-and-a-half coats to be exact, except I don’t think that’s a thing.  Regardless, it went on easy and it’s full of yummy deliciousness.  Flakies, guys, FLAKIES.  And for that fact alone, we lub it lots.

Price: $10.75/14ml or $6.75/8ml

Sales code T&C:  20% discount; purchases $25+ get Four Leaf Clover for free; purchases $40+ get free cuticle oil; purchases $75+ will get free top and base coat; international shipping

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BOHEMIAN POLISH:  A JOHN WATERS CHRISTMAS

DESCRIPTION:  A white crelly with pink and gold chameleon chrome flakies and strong pink shimmer

OPACITY:  Two smooth and silky coats; a Polish Mountain waiting to happen

One swipe down the nail and .. ugh.  DEAD.  This color is STINKIN’ GLORIOUS.  The shimmer! The flakies! The tongue lolling about outside my body!  Told ya it was about to get sexy in here.

My polish is a tribute to the delightfully tacky yet unrefined city I call home.  When I think of how John Waters, our Baltimore hometown hero, would celebrate Christmas, I imagine plastic white trees covered with pink flamingo Christmas lights and just glowing.  I wanted to capture that feeling.

— Jen, Bohemian Polish

And soooo … we’ll take 18,000 bottles.

Price: $12

Sale code T&C:  40% off; free tote to all orders $35+ while supplies last; international shipping

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CRYSTAL KNOCKOUT:  SHELTERED GROVE

DESCRIPTION:  A holographic gold metallic base with subtle green shift, iridescent pink flakies and gold shimmer

OPACITY:  Listen, I did 3 coats.  It only needed 2.  My brain has clearly gone away somewhere.

First time using this brand, and I was quite impressed!  This is a lovely gold and the formula was nice and easy.  A perfect shade for anytime, but it’ll make a great base for some holiday nail art.  Or maybe you just need an excuse to be festive?  These nails are begging for it, let’s just say.  They also say NAP TIME! although that might be just me.  



Price: $10.50

Sale code T&C:  30% discount; first 20 orders get a free 8ml mystery polish; international shipping

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FAIR MAIDEN POLISH:  IT’S LIT

DESCRIPTION:  A super sparkly periwinkle holographic with violet flame and red/gold/indigo shift

OPACITY:  Two coats

Formula was easy although it can get gloopy if you work it too much.  DON’T DO IT.  I mean it.  Just swipe then leave it alone.  It’ll all work out, I swear.  I mean, I go ultra perfectionist and ruin pretty much everything about 97.74658% of the time ALL so you won’t have to.  In other words, I did this mani twice.  Oops.

Lastly, BLING LEVEL is at an all time high.  Mercy.

Price: $5 (or practically free)

Sale code T&C:  25% off entire shop; international shipping

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LEMMING LACQUER:  CRANBERRY FAIRY

DESCRIPTION:  A cranberry holographic with sparkling pink and red microflake shimmers

OPACITY:  Two coats on ring finger and three coats on the rest; the thicker your coats are the less you need (science!)

So glowy! And sexy and vampy and all sorts of drool-y.  Sad we’re still only at the beginning cuz how unattractive am I gonna be later?  (VERY.)

Thanksgiving approached so the fairy prepared / Her cranberry magic, not that sugar plum fare / She made the food delicious and atmosphere merry / Thanksgiving was good thanks to Cranberry Fairy.

This polish is inspired by the Cranberry Fairy who visits every home the night before Thanksgiving to enchant the foods with deliciousness.  Her magic is also the reason many of us pass out after enjoying the feast.  Just don’t mention her sister, The Sugar Plum Fairy.  There’s some sibling rivalry going on there.

— Cassie, Lemming Lacquer

I could use one of those Cranberry Fairies.  Cuz salad with just some lemon squeezed on it is not quite a delicious as you’d expect.  Seriously y’all, this diet is LAME.  Is skinny happening soon?  Cuz the Cheeto withdrawals are a dire thing.

Price:  $12

Sale code T&C: 25% off $20+ purchases

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MDJ CREATIONS:  FROST

DESCRIPTION:  A clear base with blue/violet shifting shimmer

OPACITY:  Swatch shows two coats on naked nails.  At first I tried three coats, but it got too thick and then disaster ensued. I really really suck at nails sometimes.  It was also 2am on a work night and one eye was already sleeping, sooo …

Formula is thicker than average due to all the shimmer packed in.  I mean, SO MUCH SHIMMER!  It dries slightly textured and semi-matte, but once you add top coat – HOLY MOLY!  Complete driving hazard.  Potholes come straight out of nowhere with this one.

One coat over black for funsies!

Price:  $10

Sale code T&C:  30% off entire purchase; no minimum; international shipping

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MY STUNNING NAILS:  TINSEL

DESCRIPTION:  A silver foil with gold and silver flakies

OPACITY:  Two coats

This one is actually opaque in almost one coat, which works out perfect for those who like to do quick nails and then go be productive and accomplish some shit. So, like, opposite of me, then. Cuz I do nails with a splash of other things, like breathing with a touch of dishes thrown in so hubby won’t divorce me.

Price:  $9.95

Sale code T&C:  40% discount; buy three or more polishes and get the exclusive for free

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PAINT IT PRETTY POLISH:  FEELING FROSTY

DESCRIPTION:  A teal/purple/blue multichrome with some sparkly bits; I added that last part (clearly I did)

OPACITY:  Two coats

Easy to apply, medium thick formula.  There really isn’t much else to say about it cuz multichromes make me stoooopid.  Brain’s stopped holding my mouth closed and the Ugly Ecstasy Face is so dire.  If I somehow manage to stay married after this, it’ll be a dadgum miracle.  Y’all need this!

Price: $8

Sale code T&C:  20% discount; surprise gift with every purchase; orders $80+ ship free; ships international

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POLISH ‘M:  INDIGO GLOW

DESCRIPTION:  An indigo purple holographic with iridescent purple/blue shifting glitter, aqua/purple/pink shifting flakies, slight blue to pink shift and a rainbow of chameleon chrome shifting flakies

OPACITY:  Two ultra glide-y coats

Ummmm, do you see all those goodies in there?  How this polish doesn’t cost like a billion dollars defies allll the comprehensions.  Although considering how much we’d pay for a bottle full of magic, even a billion dollars makes sense.  For half a second, but still.  Purple lovers, get on this!

Price: $12

Sale code T&C:  50% discount; first 49 orders that are $49+ will get the exclusive for free; free shipping for $60+ purchases; international shipping

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PRETTY BEAUTIFUL UNLIMITED:  BLACK FRI-YAY!

DESCRIPTION:  A purple/pink/copper/orange multichrome shifter with cosmic holographic flakies

OPACITY:  Two nice and smooth coats

GUYS.  Another multichrome!  Our best day ever just got best-i-er.  That shift is LEGIT gorgeous and then you go tossing flakies on top and OMG, I swear I’ll never be normal again.  If you haven’t drooled in a thousand buckets at this point, I feel var var sad about your brain.

Price:  $11

Sale code T&C:  35% discount; purchases of $50+ get the exclusive for free plus free shipping

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PRETTY JELLY:  BLACK FRIDAY 

DESCRIPTION: A dusty periwinkle with copper shimmer and rainbow multichrome flakies

OPACITY:  Two coats

All you really had to say is copper shimmer and now not much happens after that.  Good thing we’re nearing the end, otherwise we might be sitting in this blog for nigh on eternity.  I mean, there’s plenty of nail polish but barely any mashed potatoes and THAT, my friends, is a nightmare with a travesty and a sad face on top.

OMG what?  Shut up, Brain.  Stupid words have officially come out, which we were all expecting at some point anyway.

Price: $10

Sale code T&C: 35% discount; free 5ml mini polish for the first 30 orders; order $40+ get the exclusive for free; orders $75+ get free shipping; international shipping

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SASSY PANTS POLISH:  BLACK FRIDAY 

DESCRIPTION:  A black jelly base with platinum silver micro flakies and beautiful shifting chameleon glitter

OPACITY:  Three thin coats

Another one just LOADED with sparkly bits.  I’m on the verge of a loss for words. I’ve been writing this post for like 18 years, trying to come up with something clever to say that hasn’t already been said. It’s nigh on impossible. It is what it is: beautiful, stunning, lovely, gorgeous – all of the pretty words poured in a bottle.

Price:  $11

Sale code T&C:  20% discount; orders $50+ get free shipping; first 30 orders of $25+ get the exclusive for free; international shipping

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TURTLE TOOTSIE POLISHES:  SHOPPING SPREE 

DESCRIPTION:  A blackened green jelly with holo and green sparks

OPACITY:  Three coats

Well if we’re gonna end this thing properly, there better be a green one!  And it’s soooo gorgeous you guys.  GAH!  My heart hurts just looking at it.  Don’t mind me!  Just crying over nail polish.  COMPLETELY NORMAL BEHAVIOR, just so you know.

Price: $6

Sale code T&C:  30% discount; international shipping; free Turtle Tootsie pen while supplies last; first 50 orders get a Turtle Tootsie Post-It note folder full of Post-It notes (OMG, dream scenario!  Office supplies:  GIMME.)

Shop | Instagram | Facebook | Fan Group

THE ROUND UP

Who’s still upright?  Not a dadgum one of us, that’s who.  All this pretty all in one place all at the same time.  If any one of you has managed to somehow WALK AWAY, well then perhaps you are a robot cuz nothing else seems logical.  Unless Leonardo is involved, that is.  With Leonardo, everyone gets a pass.

Now, FOCUS.  Very important sale info ahead!

DATE/TIME:  Friday, November 24 at 12am EST through Monday, November 27 at 11:59pm EST

DISCOUNT CODE:  Enter IBCFRIDAY at checkout in all participating shops to receive discounts and goodies pertaining to each shop

WHERE:  Shopping takes place at the individual stores, but the collective information can be found in one convenient site by clicking here

During the sale, customers can interact with each other and the various makers by joining the sale group.  Click here and hang around a bit.  Flash giveaways might happen, and you won’t wanna miss it.

That’s it!  We made it!  You may officially get off your no-buys, ladies, cuz a legit justification-type scenario has just landed in your lap like no big deal.  Get your wallets handy and set those alarms!  Cuz who’s missing out on all this yummy Black Friday goodness?  CERTAINLY NOT YOU.

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup November 2017

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GUYS. The Polish Pickup sale has officially commenced and guess who still has 7,397 blogs to write? Gah!  I’m pretty sure the unfortunate lack of Cheetos is to blame.  Cuz Cheetos is brain food, or at least my brain food, and without it I am directionless, adrift at sea.  And you do not want that, trust me. Cuz I’ve been snorkeling in Mexico without a lifejacket and crying in front of strangers, and THAT is no bueno.

Gotta keep the chatty to practically nil, otherwise I’ll be in here telling you things after the things are no longer the things. And considering how often people just looooooove that, I’m assuming an effort to get the hell on with it would be the most ideal. So let’s jump into some nail polish! Here’s something beautiful from Fair Maiden Polish:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

And in one fell swoop, jaws are dropping, everywhere. Do you see that shifty goodness? And the flakies?!  OMG, I’m trying very hard to stay a lady, but the Ugly Ecstasy Face is so dire.  If I manage to stay married after this, it’d be a damn near miracle. 

As mentioned, the November theme is Fandoms and Sarah and Adrienne were inspired by Pusheen, an adorably tubby little kitty who you’ve probably seen on Facebook as a sticker/emoji type thing.  Now she’s on t-shirts and lunch boxes and has her own subscription service.  Sooo lazy, yet so famous now. She gives me hope that all the time I’ve spent in pajamas will pay off big time somehow.  Universe, get on that, STAT!

Look how precious:


I WANT THAT KITTY!  Basically she’s my spirit animal, although I’m less adorably tubby and more just regular tubby and I don’t know what kind of rude sort of science that is, but someone needs to STOP IT.

On a lighter note, this polish is the perfect embodiment of Pusheen. Sarah and Adrienne have done it again! Although did anyone expect otherwise?  NO WE DID NOT.

SO LAZY CAN’T MOVE

DESCRIPTION:  A light grey holo with magenta/copper/golden-green color shifting shimmer, holographic flakies, iridescent red/gold/green chameleon glitter and berry/gold/blue/violet multichrome iridescent flakies

That’s a lot of goodies! How this thing doesn’t cost like a billion dollars defies allllll the comprehensions.  Although considering how much we’d all pay for a bottle full of magic, it still sounds pretty reasonable.

Okay, I’m not saying I have a nail polish problem, but I probably have a nail polish problem. SEND HELP. Except don’t, or I will cut you. 

OPACITY:  Three thin coats, if you’re curious.  And then HAPPINESS FOR EVERYONE!  Cuz FLAKIES, guys. They’ll getcha good. 

Soooo .. you need this. Cuz walking away from this lovely thing makes no dadgum bit of sense. Unless you don’t like happiness. Or maybe you have no eyes. I dunno. 

So Lazy Can’t Move will retail for $11, which leaves plenty of money left over for 18,000 more bottles. Rational behavior? I think YES.

Polish Pickup sale is in full swing now, so get on it boo boos!  You have until end of day Monday, November 6 to toss polish in the shopping cart. Although why wait until Monday? You were just sitting around wearing sweatpants doing nothing anyway. Well, if you’re me.  OR PUSHEEN. 

Need more info on the Polish Pickup? Click here for the FAQs. Same deal, different theme, every month.

WHAT: 50+ indie polish brands all coming together for a one-stop shop event; you buy one or all, it’s up to you! Flat $3 shipping no matter what. 

WHERE: http://www.PolishPickup.com

Okay, only one more blog to go. And three days left in the sale. Well, that’s still technically on time, right?  RIGHT.  Ugh, one of these days I swear I’ll be a proper blogger. 

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup October 2017

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Oh, just sitting here with the cat at 2 in the morning eating Doritos cuz CLEARLY we know how to party. Seriously guys, first Spelling Bee Champion of 1987 and now THIS. Why I’m not married to Leonardo DiCaprio at this point defies alllll the comprehensions.

So, seeing as the Polish Pickup is practically over, I figure now’s a good time to write a blog about it. Best blogger ever, y’all! Never forget. Ugh. However, I’m gonna try to make this review short and sweet in an effort to be somewhat professional. And then spend the next 17 paragraphs discussing how I’m gonna make a review short and sweet, thereby defeating the purpose about ONE BILLION PERCENT. Again, BEST BLOGGER EVER, just so we’re clear.

Let’s move on, shall we? You know, before more stupid things come out. I have the Fair Maiden Polish contribution to the Polish Pickup to show you, and I swear y’all are about to get suuuuper unattractive in about 2.5 seconds. Cuz there’s shimmer and flakies and noodle legs GALORE! Take a look:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

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Welp, let’s go ahead and get the smiling like an idiot part out of the way first, then. Perhaps y’all need to go off by yourself for a second, lest someone walk in on you while you’ve got your eyes closed, looking stupid.

Once again, the theme for October is Monsters & Mythical Creatures, and Sarah and Adrienne were inspired by the movie of my childhood, The NeverEnding Story. Seriously, I wanted to be that Empress. She was beautiful and angelic and the complete opposite of 9-year-old me with a face full of eyeglasses.

Here’s the pic:

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Now here’s the polish:

LUCK DRAGON

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Basically twins! But did we expect anything less from the Fair Maiden ladies? NO WE DID NOT.

DESCRIPTION: A white crelly with intense blue shifting shimmer that hints at violet and red in certain lights; finished with purple/blue multichrome flakies and a dusting of scattered holo sparkle throughout

OPACITY: Three coats, but two was pretty good

GUYS. This is one of the prettiest polishes you’ll ever lay your eyes on. It literally just glows on the nail. An eye-catcher, a dream-come-true-er. You’re gonna need like 27 bottles, but then again, you already know.

More pics, for extra convincing:

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Gah! The flakies got me, guys. They got me good.

The Polish Pickup sale is open NOW and will stay open all the way thru Monday, October 9. Cost varies between makers, but Fair Maiden’s polish retails for $11. Shipping is a flat $3 no matter how much you buy. However, I recommend all of them because no one does Crazy Nail Lady quite like you. Get on it, boo boos!

For more information on the sale and how it works, click here for the FAQs. Cuz I’ve blogged like 7,397 days in a row and the carpal tunnel is so dire.

Now click here for shopping. I mean, what else is more important for you to do today? (NOTHING, in case you’re curious.)

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

 

Fair Maiden Polish: Twisted Fairytales Collection 

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Speed blog alert!  It’s well after midnight, and I can’t think of a more perfect time to sit down and not be sleeping like a normal person.  In my defense, I’ve written a pretty strict schedule for myself this week, and DAY ONE I’ve already failed.  So in an effort to make amends, here I am – blogging like a dadgum professional.  With one eye napping and the other watching Full House, but still.  Worth half a horn toot?  I say YES.

Ugh.  Stupid things are gonna come out, I just know it.

Let’s jump into some nail polish!  Sarah and Adrienne, the two lovelies behind Fair Maiden Polish, sent me their new Twisted Fairytales collection to share with you today.  And trust me, guys: YOU. WILL. LOVE. Grab some smelling salts and go lock yourself in a room alone – you’re about to get suuuuuuuuper unattractive in about 2.5 seconds. Take a look:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Told ya.  A noodle leg epidemic is lurking, just so you know.

For fall, Fair Maiden decided to go dark and sexy, and although I was expecting something a little more Leonardo-y, these are  okay too.  Cuz anything that makes my sad, white sausages looks less sad and sausage-y, I want at least a billion.  Who’s in the mood for a whoooooole lotta rational behavior?  NOT THIS LADY!  Here’s your (quick) rundown of colors:

POISON APPLE 

DESCRIPTION:  An ultra deep wine red with ruby shimmer and subtle scattered holo

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat.  Smooth application.  Drooling extra.

SPELLBOUND 

DESCRIPTION:  A magenta multichrome that shifts from fiery copper/red/blue/green/violet with holographic sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat.  Formula is a bit thicker than the others, but it was easily managed.  And the shift?  LEGIT.

FALLEN KINGDOM 

DESCRIPTION:  A lavender-grey multichrome that shifts gold/red/violet with holographic sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat.  Another effortless beauty!  And, well, you had me at effortless.

INTO THE WOODS 

DESCRIPTION:  A deepened brown-toned multichrome that shifts olive/gold/orange/magenta with holographic sparkle 

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat, with happiness and Starbucks on top.  Probably.

IMMORTAL TRYST 

DESCRIPTION:  An intense teal blue with green chroma shift, hints of purple and subtle scattered holo

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat and a billion percent beautiful

And not surprising, this one is my faaaavorite.  Cuz where there is green there is me loving it in a smother-y stalker-y kinda way.

UPON YOUR THRONE 

DESCRIPTION:  A delicate warm peach made entirely of microflake and gold holographic pigment

OPACITY:  Three coats plus top coat

This one I loved even though it isn’t a dark polish by any means.  But the gold shimmer looks suuuuper fancy on the nail and causes involuntary HAND MODEL! scenarios if I’m not mistaken.

THE ROUND UP 

Still upright?  Just checking.

This collection was going to debut at Polish Con, but unfortunately Fair Maiden was unable to attend.  So now it’s up for pre-order this week instead.  Here’s the deets:

Full set retails for $63/full or $38/mini

Single bottle pricing:  Poison Apple, Fallen Kingdom, and Upon Your Throne is $11; the rest are $12

Annnnnd THEN!  There’s coupons:

All US and Canada orders over $50 will get free shipping – no code needed!

If you’re international, use code INT5SHIP for $5 off

Finally, if you attended Polish Con, Fair Maiden wants to send you their Polish Con exclusive shade, Room 13, for FREE with any purchase.  Just email a picture of yourself at the Con or a copy of your ticket to fairmaidenpolish@gmail.com and reference your order number.  Only good for orders placed 9/23 – 9/30.

Pre-order ends September 30 at 11:59pm CST, which means a bonafide POLISH EMERGENCY is among us and you have 5 days to respond accordingly.  Get on it boo boos!

Where to buy:  http://fairmaidenpolish.com/

And now, the linky loos!  Connect with Fair Maiden Polish:

Instagram

Facebook

Fan Group

Thanks for hanging in here with me while I try to write a blog without writing a blog all because I couldn’t manage to get off the couch long enough today to do it proper.  It’s hard to just give you a description and show you pictures and then move on to the next one like I ain’t a big drool-y mess and this is all NO BIG DEAL. Cuz it IS a big deal to the trillionth degree, and if we’re buying 18,000 bottles, well that makes the most sense.

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup September 2017

Standard

Okay, I’ve goofed off long enough and now we’ve reached Polish Emergency, Level EXPERT.  Cuz I’ve got four Polish Pickup polishes left to blog and zero time to blog them.  This is what happens when you spend your evening stuck inside a shirt in the JCPenney’s dressing room instead of writing a blog post like the Good Lord intended.  Gah!  I’m only a little bit stressed at the moment, and the hives are lurking to like the trillionth degree.  Sooooo, if a Starbucks is coming, that’d be great.  With whipped cream and a side of Leonardo, please.

Now FOCUS.  I figure posting this blog at some point BEFORE the Polish Pickup sale ends is the most ideal situation.  Best blogger ever?  I think YES.  Here is what Sarah and Adrienne, the ladies from Fair Maiden Polish, has for us this month:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

I see shimmer!  I see glitters!  I see jaws and THEY ARE DROPPING.

I might’ve mentioned this approximately 18,000 times before, but the theme for this month is Fall Foliage and Fun.  Sarah and Adrienne were inspired by this gorgeous night sky.  Take a look at this:

Now look at this:

FALL-ING STARS

Well, we all knew something beautiful was going to happen.  Plus noodle legs.  And drool.  And other suuuuper ladylike-type scenarios.  

DESCRIPTION:  A slightly metallic night blue with subtle purple shift, ultra chrome flakies that shift magenta-copper-gold, holographic sparkles and chameleon glitters that shift red-gold-green

OPACITY:  Two coats, but excellent coverage in one. This one had a thicker formula than average for me, but it applied just fine and basically looks like a masterpiece.  Duh.

More proof and/or convincing?  Keep scrolling!

AND LOOK!  That subtle purple shift mentioned above?  SNAGGED IT.  

I mean, it’s not super in-yo-face or anything, but I get half a horn toot at least.  

DONE. And in the cart she goes!  Plus 27 backup bottles for safety.  Weeeee!

Fall-ing Stars will retail for $11, which is a pretty cheap deal for so much happiness. Now, here’s more deets:

Polish Pickup FAQs – click here

Polish Pickup shop – click here

Got stuck in a what in a where now? – click here

So here’s where it gets serious. The Polish Pickup officially opens today (9/1) at 11am EST and will stay open through all day Monday, September 4. So if you can’t manage to get your priorities straight in a mere three days, well it’s a sad state of affairs for you then. In other words, setting 17 alarms makes the most sense. Cuz now is not the time to be normal. 

To be continued for all of eternity. More polish coming!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •