Tag Archives: scofflaw varnish

Polish Pickup April 2018: Across the Universe

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Woah. Where have I been?  You know, I’d like to tell you I’ve been busy doing something really cool, like singing in an 80s band or learning how to riverdance, or maybe something even less cool (but CLEARLY AND TOTALLY worthwhile), like dressing the cat up in little outfits and carrying him in a purse through the grocery store.  But seriously, do you even know whose blog you’re reading right now?  Certainly not the blog of a person who goes and “does stuff” for a living, I’ll tell you that much.  YOU GUYS.  It’s me!  And y’all know damn well I’ve been laying on this couch for the past 12 days in the most extreme display of pajamas you EVER did see.

I CLICK, YOU CLICK, WE CLICK

Polish Pickup March 2018: Books

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Time once again for everyone’s favorite Polish Emergency cuz the March Polish Pickup is coming y’all!  Annnnd, YOU GUYS … We got us a good one.  This month’s theme is Books and I am the happiest of all things happy.  Books, gloriously smiling-to-myself-like-an-idiot BOOKS.  My first love, my best friend, the whole reason it takes me three hours to drink one tiny wine cooler.  Cuz while all the cooler kids went to parties, I read books like it was my dadgum job and quite honestly – I got the better end of the deal.  I mean, the fact I have no idea how to sip a shot of Jagermeister without holding my pinky up like a fancy lady is beside the freaking point. 

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Polish Pickup February 2018: Sugar Rush

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Time for everyone’s favorite Polish Emergency cuz the February Polish Pickup is coming y’all!  I’m doing things a little different this month as I haven’t had much free time for swatching and blogging like normal (or even lounging about on couches, which is quite possibly the lamest thing ever written).  Work has been very needy lately, what with all the people wanting their tax forms prepared in a timely manner (i.e., most ideal scenario) as opposed to the feet up, desk napping, procrasinating thing I’d rather do.   Ugh.  Fiiiine.  But I swear, if bonus points aren’t headed my way after this .. welllll .. where is Leonardo DiCaprio when you need him?  (SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS HE?)

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Scofflaw Varnish: Polish Pickup January 2018

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We’re over halfway done with this Polish Pickup blogging thing and the sale doesn’t even start for 7 whooooole days.  Who’s overachieve-y?  I’m overachieve-y!  But I’ll be honest:  it’s slipping fast.  My mother-in-law got me a heated throw blanket for Christmas and I’ve legit been under that thing for about 96 hours straight.  And pulling my arms out just so I can type a blog is proving to be nigh on impossible.  Behind the scenes tidbit, guys:  I’ve spent the past three days writing this paragraph.  NOT A TYPO.  If we somehow miraculously make it to the end of this one, it’d be a dadgum miracle.

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Scofflaw Varnish: Polish Pickup December 2017

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Welcome to my 7,397th blog in a row.  The carpal tunnel situation is legit no joke.  But because I am a PROFESSIONAL BLOGGER EXTRAORDINAIRE, we soldier on anyway.  Sooooo … a little horn toot, perhaps?  I mean, all this effort’s worth a half of one at least.

Oooooh, coffee just appeared out of nowhere!  Topped with whipped cream and booze.  GAH!  After rice cakes and starvation and bowls of sad baby carrots, an award has officially come.  Thank you to hubby for being so sweet!  Either he loves me or is just tired of watching me cry when I get near Cheetos.  Regardless, we shall stay married for one more day.

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Scofflaw Varnish: Holiday 2017 Limited Edition Trio

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Lunchtime nap? Or write a blog? Nap? Blog? Nap? Blog?  This has been my brain for about the past 20 minutes all while simultaneously wasting valuable break time deciding how I’m going to spend my valuable break time. Clearly, I’m doing it wrong. AGAIN. Booooo.  

Sounds about right though.  Same deal with this speed blog thing I’m attempting to do; so far, it’s a disaster with a big fat fail on top.  Seriously, if defeating your own purpose is some kind of seemingly unattainable goal for normal people, I have officially gone overachievingly NOT NORMAL approximately 18,000 times.  Soooo … If you’re looking for the perfect time to send over some bonus points, right now would be it. 

While we wait, let’s talk polish! The Thanksgiving/Black Friday frenzy is upon us and already the hives are lurking. SO MUCH SWATCHING. SO MUCH BLOGGING. Y’all better be lapping this up, cuz I don’t carpal tunnel for no dadgum good reason, just so you know. 

Take a look at this:

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Do you see all that GREEEEEN in there?  Gah! My brain wasn’t working all that well already (what with the nap-slash-blogging-slash-wasting time fandango) but now if anything gets done for the rest of the day, it’ll be some kinda Christmas miracle. Green = brain function, out the FREAKING window. 

These is the Scofflaw Varnish Holiday 2017 Limited Edition Trio. And you’re buying it. All other points are moot. 

 VELVETEEN RABBIT

DESCRIPTION:  A soft taupe with delicate blue shimmer and silver holo and opalescent flecks

OPACITY:  Two easy coats and a color just dark enough to make my sad, white sausages look less sad and sausage-y. Hooray!

REGRETS FROM THE HOLIDAY OFFICE PARTY

DESCRIPTION:  A mint green crelly with white shimmer flecks and pale gold, greens, mint, white and red glitters

OPACITY:  Three thin, careful coats. The formula here is thicker than average due to the heavy glitter load, so I added several drops of thinner to aid application.  However, sometimes I just suck at nails so honestly, what do I know realllly?  Other than a blog full of ridiculousness, I’d say NOT MUCH. 

THAT DAMN CAT IS IN THE TREE

DESCRIPTION:  A green jelly swimming with red/gold shifting multichrome flakies and gold shards

OPACITY:  Three coats, primarily cuz CAN’T. STOP. POLISHING. Could’ve done a billion, but I gave up after three. I’m not very good at goals, let’s just say. 

THE ROUND UP 

This trio releases on Thanksgiving, November 23 at 7pm CST, so while you’re recovering from your 17th bowl of mashed potatoes (or maybe that’s just me), you can be useful and spend a little money at least. Otherwise you are just a log on a couch with her pants undone, and THAT causes divorce if I’m not mistaken.

Regrets from the Holiday Office Party will retail for $9; the other two will be $12.

POLISH EMERGENCY ALERT! These will only be available through the Thanksgiving weekend. Snag ‘em by Sunday, November 26 before they’re gone FOREVER. Are you properly panicked? Well, you should be.

Other Black Friday specials include the annual mystery prototype release ($10 each), the annual restock of David Bowie’s Bulge ($9 – or priceless cuz HOW CAN YOU NOT?!) and core color restock ($6.50 each). Check out the site and make your list!  Or just toss polish in the shopping cart all willy nilly like me. 

Where to buy:  http://www.scofflawvarnish.com

Extra clicking for bonus points! Connect with Scofflaw Varnish:

Instagram

Facebook

Whew! One blog down, 7,387 left to go. Get ready y’all. A frenzy is coming.  

Later, loves!

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Scofflaw Varnish: Halloween LE Mini Collection 

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Happy Friday y’all! Who else is lounging about wearing sweat pants with one hand in the Cheetos bag?  I mean, I’m not, but certainly there’s someone out there living my dream life.  Cuz that dang diet thing just won’t go away. Now there’s a calorie tracker involved – and I’m pretty sure at this point, getting out of this potato chip-free HELL will never freaking end.  Ugh.

So while I just sit here and downright starve to death, let’s look at pretty things. Drama level at an all-time high?  Prolly. But it’s either that or the Land of a Thousand Starbucks which apparently has been officially cancelled and deleted. Booooo.

Okay. Nail polish. Got more goodies from Finch with Scofflaw Varnish to share with you today.  Take a look at these lovelies:

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Welp. If we can’t bury our face in a crap ton of Funyuns, we can fill our hearts with flakies instead.  Flakies make everything skinnier anyway. Or else I dreamed that. I dunno.

This is the Halloween limited edition mini collection, and I. STINKIN. LOOOOOVE. You know, I’m all for your typical oranges and purples and blacks, but this is a nice little change for Halloween polish.  Plus, I look like a hand model, sooooo … I’m not saying these are all magical perfection, but they’re probably all magical perfection.

Here’s your quick rundown of colors. Brace yourself for 27 levels of a swoon-y situation. Go!

I BIND YOU NANCY

DESCRIPTION:  A grey shimmer crelly with cherry red metallic micro shards, violet sparks and warm pink-carmine sparkle flecks and highlights

OPACITY:  Two luscious coats

WHERE DID THAT SPIDER GO?

DESCRIPTION:  A grey shimmer crelly with copper/green multichrome flakies, scattered holo and packed with a golden/copper/green shifting shimmer and flash

OPACITY:  Two coats here too; again, MAGICAL

668: NEIGHBOR OF THE BEAST

DESCRIPTION:  A grey shimmer crelly packed with blue and silver sparkles, blue/purple iridescence and multiple shades of blue flakies and shimmer highlights

OPACITY:  Once again, two coats; I sense an epidemic

THE ROUND UP 

Who’s surprised those were all grey crellies?  ME TOO!  Seriously, sometimes nail polish is some straight up voodoo. Which also most likely explains the 2,397 bottles all over my kitchen table.

In other words, good news! You’re buying these. Here’s your shopping deets:

Full 3-piece set $30

Single bottles $10 each

And THEN! If you purchase the entire trio, you get a treat!  Free shipping within the US, which basically equals a legit justification-type scenario to like the trillionth degree.

Where to buy:  http://www.scofflawvarnish.com/

Now click more things! Connect with Scofflaw Varnish:

Instagram

Facebook

Okay, get on it, boo boos! This mini collection is available and ready for the shopping cart (in case you didn’t know).

Later, loves!

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