Tag Archives: fair maiden polish

Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup November 2017


GUYS. The Polish Pickup sale has officially commenced and guess who still has 7,397 blogs to write? Gah!  I’m pretty sure the unfortunate lack of Cheetos is to blame.  Cuz Cheetos is brain food, or at least my brain food, and without it I am directionless, adrift at sea.  And you do not want that, trust me. Cuz I’ve been snorkeling in Mexico without a lifejacket and crying in front of strangers, and THAT is no bueno.

Gotta keep the chatty to practically nil, otherwise I’ll be in here telling you things after the things are no longer the things. And considering how often people just looooooove that, I’m assuming an effort to get the hell on with it would be the most ideal. So let’s jump into some nail polish! Here’s something beautiful from Fair Maiden Polish:


And in one fell swoop, jaws are dropping, everywhere. Do you see that shifty goodness? And the flakies?!  OMG, I’m trying very hard to stay a lady, but the Ugly Ecstasy Face is so dire.  If I manage to stay married after this, it’d be a damn near miracle. 

As mentioned, the November theme is Fandoms and Sarah and Adrienne were inspired by Pusheen, an adorably tubby little kitty who you’ve probably seen on Facebook as a sticker/emoji type thing.  Now she’s on t-shirts and lunch boxes and has her own subscription service.  Sooo lazy, yet so famous now. She gives me hope that all the time I’ve spent in pajamas will pay off big time somehow.  Universe, get on that, STAT!

Look how precious:

I WANT THAT KITTY!  Basically she’s my spirit animal, although I’m less adorably tubby and more just regular tubby and I don’t know what kind of rude sort of science that is, but someone needs to STOP IT.

On a lighter note, this polish is the perfect embodiment of Pusheen. Sarah and Adrienne have done it again! Although did anyone expect otherwise?  NO WE DID NOT.


DESCRIPTION:  A light grey holo with magenta/copper/golden-green color shifting shimmer, holographic flakies, iridescent red/gold/green chameleon glitter and berry/gold/blue/violet multichrome iridescent flakies

That’s a lot of goodies! How this thing doesn’t cost like a billion dollars defies allllll the comprehensions.  Although considering how much we’d all pay for a bottle full of magic, it still sounds pretty reasonable.

Okay, I’m not saying I have a nail polish problem, but I probably have a nail polish problem. SEND HELP. Except don’t, or I will cut you. 

OPACITY:  Three thin coats, if you’re curious.  And then HAPPINESS FOR EVERYONE!  Cuz FLAKIES, guys. They’ll getcha good. 

Soooo .. you need this. Cuz walking away from this lovely thing makes no dadgum bit of sense. Unless you don’t like happiness. Or maybe you have no eyes. I dunno. 

So Lazy Can’t Move will retail for $11, which leaves plenty of money left over for 18,000 more bottles. Rational behavior? I think YES.

Polish Pickup sale is in full swing now, so get on it boo boos!  You have until end of day Monday, November 6 to toss polish in the shopping cart. Although why wait until Monday? You were just sitting around wearing sweatpants doing nothing anyway. Well, if you’re me.  OR PUSHEEN. 

Need more info on the Polish Pickup? Click here for the FAQs. Same deal, different theme, every month.

WHAT: 50+ indie polish brands all coming together for a one-stop shop event; you buy one or all, it’s up to you! Flat $3 shipping no matter what. 

WHERE: http://www.PolishPickup.com

Okay, only one more blog to go. And three days left in the sale. Well, that’s still technically on time, right?  RIGHT.  Ugh, one of these days I swear I’ll be a proper blogger. 

Later, loves!


Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup October 2017


Oh, just sitting here with the cat at 2 in the morning eating Doritos cuz CLEARLY we know how to party. Seriously guys, first Spelling Bee Champion of 1987 and now THIS. Why I’m not married to Leonardo DiCaprio at this point defies alllll the comprehensions.

So, seeing as the Polish Pickup is practically over, I figure now’s a good time to write a blog about it. Best blogger ever, y’all! Never forget. Ugh. However, I’m gonna try to make this review short and sweet in an effort to be somewhat professional. And then spend the next 17 paragraphs discussing how I’m gonna make a review short and sweet, thereby defeating the purpose about ONE BILLION PERCENT. Again, BEST BLOGGER EVER, just so we’re clear.

Let’s move on, shall we? You know, before more stupid things come out. I have the Fair Maiden Polish contribution to the Polish Pickup to show you, and I swear y’all are about to get suuuuper unattractive in about 2.5 seconds. Cuz there’s shimmer and flakies and noodle legs GALORE! Take a look:



Welp, let’s go ahead and get the smiling like an idiot part out of the way first, then. Perhaps y’all need to go off by yourself for a second, lest someone walk in on you while you’ve got your eyes closed, looking stupid.

Once again, the theme for October is Monsters & Mythical Creatures, and Sarah and Adrienne were inspired by the movie of my childhood, The NeverEnding Story. Seriously, I wanted to be that Empress. She was beautiful and angelic and the complete opposite of 9-year-old me with a face full of eyeglasses.

Here’s the pic:


Now here’s the polish:



Basically twins! But did we expect anything less from the Fair Maiden ladies? NO WE DID NOT.

DESCRIPTION: A white crelly with intense blue shifting shimmer that hints at violet and red in certain lights; finished with purple/blue multichrome flakies and a dusting of scattered holo sparkle throughout

OPACITY: Three coats, but two was pretty good

GUYS. This is one of the prettiest polishes you’ll ever lay your eyes on. It literally just glows on the nail. An eye-catcher, a dream-come-true-er. You’re gonna need like 27 bottles, but then again, you already know.

More pics, for extra convincing:




Gah! The flakies got me, guys. They got me good.

The Polish Pickup sale is open NOW and will stay open all the way thru Monday, October 9. Cost varies between makers, but Fair Maiden’s polish retails for $11. Shipping is a flat $3 no matter how much you buy. However, I recommend all of them because no one does Crazy Nail Lady quite like you. Get on it, boo boos!

For more information on the sale and how it works, click here for the FAQs. Cuz I’ve blogged like 7,397 days in a row and the carpal tunnel is so dire.

Now click here for shopping. I mean, what else is more important for you to do today? (NOTHING, in case you’re curious.)

Later, loves!



Fair Maiden Polish: Twisted Fairytales Collection 


Speed blog alert!  It’s well after midnight, and I can’t think of a more perfect time to sit down and not be sleeping like a normal person.  In my defense, I’ve written a pretty strict schedule for myself this week, and DAY ONE I’ve already failed.  So in an effort to make amends, here I am – blogging like a dadgum professional.  With one eye napping and the other watching Full House, but still.  Worth half a horn toot?  I say YES.

Ugh.  Stupid things are gonna come out, I just know it.

Let’s jump into some nail polish!  Sarah and Adrienne, the two lovelies behind Fair Maiden Polish, sent me their new Twisted Fairytales collection to share with you today.  And trust me, guys: YOU. WILL. LOVE. Grab some smelling salts and go lock yourself in a room alone – you’re about to get suuuuuuuuper unattractive in about 2.5 seconds. Take a look:


Told ya.  A noodle leg epidemic is lurking, just so you know.

For fall, Fair Maiden decided to go dark and sexy, and although I was expecting something a little more Leonardo-y, these are  okay too.  Cuz anything that makes my sad, white sausages looks less sad and sausage-y, I want at least a billion.  Who’s in the mood for a whoooooole lotta rational behavior?  NOT THIS LADY!  Here’s your (quick) rundown of colors:


DESCRIPTION:  An ultra deep wine red with ruby shimmer and subtle scattered holo

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat.  Smooth application.  Drooling extra.


DESCRIPTION:  A magenta multichrome that shifts from fiery copper/red/blue/green/violet with holographic sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat.  Formula is a bit thicker than the others, but it was easily managed.  And the shift?  LEGIT.


DESCRIPTION:  A lavender-grey multichrome that shifts gold/red/violet with holographic sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat.  Another effortless beauty!  And, well, you had me at effortless.


DESCRIPTION:  A deepened brown-toned multichrome that shifts olive/gold/orange/magenta with holographic sparkle 

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat, with happiness and Starbucks on top.  Probably.


DESCRIPTION:  An intense teal blue with green chroma shift, hints of purple and subtle scattered holo

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat and a billion percent beautiful

And not surprising, this one is my faaaavorite.  Cuz where there is green there is me loving it in a smother-y stalker-y kinda way.


DESCRIPTION:  A delicate warm peach made entirely of microflake and gold holographic pigment

OPACITY:  Three coats plus top coat

This one I loved even though it isn’t a dark polish by any means.  But the gold shimmer looks suuuuper fancy on the nail and causes involuntary HAND MODEL! scenarios if I’m not mistaken.


Still upright?  Just checking.

This collection was going to debut at Polish Con, but unfortunately Fair Maiden was unable to attend.  So now it’s up for pre-order this week instead.  Here’s the deets:

Full set retails for $63/full or $38/mini

Single bottle pricing:  Poison Apple, Fallen Kingdom, and Upon Your Throne is $11; the rest are $12

Annnnnd THEN!  There’s coupons:

All US and Canada orders over $50 will get free shipping – no code needed!

If you’re international, use code INT5SHIP for $5 off

Finally, if you attended Polish Con, Fair Maiden wants to send you their Polish Con exclusive shade, Room 13, for FREE with any purchase.  Just email a picture of yourself at the Con or a copy of your ticket to fairmaidenpolish@gmail.com and reference your order number.  Only good for orders placed 9/23 – 9/30.

Pre-order ends September 30 at 11:59pm CST, which means a bonafide POLISH EMERGENCY is among us and you have 5 days to respond accordingly.  Get on it boo boos!

Where to buy:  http://fairmaidenpolish.com/

And now, the linky loos!  Connect with Fair Maiden Polish:



Fan Group

Thanks for hanging in here with me while I try to write a blog without writing a blog all because I couldn’t manage to get off the couch long enough today to do it proper.  It’s hard to just give you a description and show you pictures and then move on to the next one like I ain’t a big drool-y mess and this is all NO BIG DEAL. Cuz it IS a big deal to the trillionth degree, and if we’re buying 18,000 bottles, well that makes the most sense.

Later, loves!


Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup September 2017


Okay, I’ve goofed off long enough and now we’ve reached Polish Emergency, Level EXPERT.  Cuz I’ve got four Polish Pickup polishes left to blog and zero time to blog them.  This is what happens when you spend your evening stuck inside a shirt in the JCPenney’s dressing room instead of writing a blog post like the Good Lord intended.  Gah!  I’m only a little bit stressed at the moment, and the hives are lurking to like the trillionth degree.  Sooooo, if a Starbucks is coming, that’d be great.  With whipped cream and a side of Leonardo, please.

Now FOCUS.  I figure posting this blog at some point BEFORE the Polish Pickup sale ends is the most ideal situation.  Best blogger ever?  I think YES.  Here is what Sarah and Adrienne, the ladies from Fair Maiden Polish, has for us this month:


I see shimmer!  I see glitters!  I see jaws and THEY ARE DROPPING.

I might’ve mentioned this approximately 18,000 times before, but the theme for this month is Fall Foliage and Fun.  Sarah and Adrienne were inspired by this gorgeous night sky.  Take a look at this:

Now look at this:


Well, we all knew something beautiful was going to happen.  Plus noodle legs.  And drool.  And other suuuuper ladylike-type scenarios.  

DESCRIPTION:  A slightly metallic night blue with subtle purple shift, ultra chrome flakies that shift magenta-copper-gold, holographic sparkles and chameleon glitters that shift red-gold-green

OPACITY:  Two coats, but excellent coverage in one. This one had a thicker formula than average for me, but it applied just fine and basically looks like a masterpiece.  Duh.

More proof and/or convincing?  Keep scrolling!

AND LOOK!  That subtle purple shift mentioned above?  SNAGGED IT.  

I mean, it’s not super in-yo-face or anything, but I get half a horn toot at least.  

DONE. And in the cart she goes!  Plus 27 backup bottles for safety.  Weeeee!

Fall-ing Stars will retail for $11, which is a pretty cheap deal for so much happiness. Now, here’s more deets:

Polish Pickup FAQs – click here

Polish Pickup shop – click here

Got stuck in a what in a where now? – click here

So here’s where it gets serious. The Polish Pickup officially opens today (9/1) at 11am EST and will stay open through all day Monday, September 4. So if you can’t manage to get your priorities straight in a mere three days, well it’s a sad state of affairs for you then. In other words, setting 17 alarms makes the most sense. Cuz now is not the time to be normal. 

To be continued for all of eternity. More polish coming!


Indies Outside the Box: Fan-Tastic Customs 3rd Edition


GUYS.  I went to bed before midnight last night cuz for an extremely brief moment, I thought I had my life together.  Swatches were done, blog was done, and all my tiny baby pandas had been set free from their bubble traps.  So I laid myself down, snuggled deep into my pillow, and about carpal tunneled myself via a high-fiving frenzy.  Are trophies coming, y’all?  Cuz, logically, that sounds about right.

And then I proceeded to scroll Instagram under the covers until after 1am because VICTORIES ARE A THING FOR OTHER PEOPLE.  Ugh.  Seriously, someone needs to come take my internet away.  Except don’t, or I will cut you.

Beautiful things are on the blog today!  I’ve got the latest edition of the Indies Outside of the Box collaboration, and it’s basically a box full of perfection.  Who’s ready for a one way ticket to the Drool Convention?  (All of us, to be clear.)  Take a look!


And just like that, wallets are flying out of purses everywhere.  Weeeee!

The Indies Outside of the Box collab is a quarterly box created from inspiration photos submitted by the members in their fan group.  The box features two constant brands – Top Shelf Lacquer (love!) and Lollipop Posse Lacquer (more love!) – and two featured brands.  For this 3rd edition, Fair Maiden Polish and Polish ‘M have joined the fun, which basically means you’re buying this box.  At this point, you have no choice.

Here are the photos that were chosen:

And then magic happened …


DESCRIPTION:  A bright pink matte base with pink and gold flakies

OPACITY:  Two smooth coats

I stinkin’ love this one.  There’s just something about matte polish that gives me a dire case of the Grabby Fingers.  And then those little flakies peeping through?  Gah!  GIMME.

Then I did a couple of glossy versions, cuz SOMEONE’S a dadgum professional:

Top is under the lamps; bottom is in indirect lighting.  Either way, we lub it lots!


DESCRIPTION:  A blue-aqua crelly with pink shimmer and a touch of holographic sparkle

OPACITY:  Two easy coats

Seriously, are angels singing?  Cuz I hear angels.

Karen with Lollipop always makes such lovely polishes.  This blue is no exception.  And then that pink shimmer is this extra layer of magic, and suddenly your brain has gone away somewhere.  So. Freaking. Dreamy.  


DESCRIPTION:  A deep dusky purple holographic with magenta/orange/copper shifting flakies and a subtle violet/red shifting flame

OPACITY:  Two yummy coats

I won’t lie, I kinda wanna lick this one.  Except SOCIETY says no.  Booooo.

I mean, I know it tastes like poison and it might actually kill me, but what if – WHAT IF! – it doesn’t? What if it’s a grape Jolly Rancher and I’ve just been wasting so much time sitting here being normal and whatnot? What is the point in life if you can’t eat a bit of nail polish every now and then? I ask you, WHAT IS THE POINT?

But aside from all that, I’ll just be over here reattaching my jaw to my face about 18,000 times. BRB.

And then I went outside for this one.  The overachieve-y is in FULL EFFECT:


DESCRIPTION:  A rose pink base with gold shimmer, gold micro flecks, rose iridescent flakies, rose gold microflakies and touch of scattered pink galaxy holo

OPACITY:  Two beautiful coats

OMG.  It’s time to roll the couches over cuz we’re all about to get suuuuuper pass-out-y in here.  Cuz you can’t just toss in all those goodies and then expect anything ladylike to happen next. Nope, it’s sweaty to, like, the trillionth degree.


Now here’s where it gets serious.  This box is only available for the next four days, so now is not the time for lounging on couches.  FOR REAL.  Don’t 👏🏼 sleep 👏🏼 on 👏🏼 this!  If you miss it, it’s a sad state of affairs for you.

Here’s some deets:

Cost for this box is $40 plus shipping

Pre-sale ends August 14 at 1159pm EST, and then the box goes away forever.  Are you properly panicked yet?  Well, you should be.

Expected ship date is August 30, which also happens to be my birthday.  Write it down in your book in case there’s a quiz.  Or if you’re in a Starbucks and a gift card just falls in your lap like no big deal.  

Available at http://www.topshelflacquer.com RIGHT NOW, so get on it, boo boos!  Cuz it’s Friday and you’re most likely wearing sweatpants doing nothing anyway.  Well, if you’re me.

Later, loves!


Fair Maiden Polish: Polish Pickup August 2017


So here I sit in a cute little boutique hotel, wrapped in a robe, and I’ve already unpacked three lamps, a lightbox, glitter backgrounds and 13 bottles of nail polish because I don’t know how to vacation like a normal person.  We are here just for a couple of nights, but wheeling three large suitcases through the hotel lobby didn’t look suspicious AT ALL.  Unfortunately, it’s not quite as exciting as one would expect.  Large wads of cash?  Private detective paraphernalia, perhaps?  NOPE.  Just nail stuff.  Clearly, I am suuuuuper fun at parties.

Before the swatch fest starts, let’s do one more blog.  Seeing as the Polish Pickup is practically over by now, I figure now’s a good time to talk about it.  Best blogger ever, guys!  Never forget.

Here’s something beautiful from Fair Maiden Polish:


Her name is Hollywood Royalty, and good news:  you’re buying it!

The Polish Pickup theme for August is Old Hollywood, and Sarah and Adrienne chose to work with Grace Kelly as their inspiration.  Grace Kelly was an American actress who later became the Princess of Monaco after marrying a prince.  You mean, this happens in real life, and I’ve just been sitting here being married to a chef this whole time?!  Ugh.

The inspiration photo: 

And it’s virtual polish twin:

So glorious!  All you purple lovers better FOCUS.  This is headed for your shopping cart in 2.5 seconds.  Plus 27 back up bottles, you know, FOR SAFETY.

DESCRIPTION:  A mauve linear holographic with a magenta to coppery gold flame

My swatches show an easy two coats.  Formula was smooth and lovely and full of magic.

And now, an insane display of holo:

Goodness, that color!  I love me some purple, but this red tone with the copper shimmer has got me reattaching my jaw to my face at least 18,000 times.  It’s truly stunning.

Finally, some macros:

Who’s still upright?  Not a dadgum one of us, that’s who.

The Polish Pickup sale is open NOW and will stay open all the way thru Monday, August 7. Cost varies between makers, but Fair Maiden’s polish will retail for $10. Shipping is a flat $3 no matter how much you buy.  I recommend all of them, because no one does Crazy Nail Lady quite like you.  Get on it, boo boos!

For more information on the sale and how it works, click here for the FAQs.  Cuz I’ve blogged like 7,397 days in a row and the carpal tunnel is so dire.

Off to swatch then more blogging in the morning.  Only one more Polish Pickup polish left, and then it’s Starbucks and pajamas for nigh on eternity.  Good night, loves!


Fair Maiden Polish: Summer 2017 Collection 


 A list of achievements, circa 1980s:

1.  Super good at fashion.  I mean, I had my initials on my eyeglasses cuz nothing gets more fancy than having enough room on your lenses to place a DADGUM STICKER.  Take that, add an extraordinary amount of flowered corduroys, and seriously guys:  if Vogue had called next, no one would be surprised.

2.  Super good at spelling.  Although I don’t really know where that’s gotten me in life other than being super annoying to everyone who doesn’t know the word orchestra has an “h” in it.

3.  Super good at sports.

Bahahahahahaha.  Just kidding.  Although I did get in a hair pulling fight with a friend outside of the library.

OMG, I’m the coolest person on the planet. 

4.  Super good at life.  Not only did I hopscotch on cow patties cuz no one told me they were made of poop, but I also thought condoms went on girls until like the 10th grade. I’m not even gonna pretend that’s normal.


Good thing I’ve got this nail polish thing on lock! Fair Maiden Polish sent me their awesome new summer collection to review for you today, all inspired by fun songs from the 1980s. For real, if these beauties don’t bring back memories of you in your bedroom, singing into your hairbrush, well clearly you are a robot. Take a look!


Oooooh!  You’re buying ALLLLL these!

The ladies from Fair Maiden Polish, Sarah and Adrienne, are both girls from the 80s and grew up loving the songs that served as inspiration for this collection.  ME TOO!  I think the 80s is the best decade for music.  I had a huge collection of records that ranged from Oh, Mickey to Billie Jean all the way to the Beastie Boys one I wore around my ponytail but somehow did not start a new trend exploding throughout the middle school.  Although WHY?!?! is the actual question.

First up is Sunglasses at Night:

DESCRIPTION:  A dark blurple holographic with navy flame and holo sparkles


Inspired by the August 1984 song by Corey Hart and IT. IS. STUNNING.  A perfect night sky of a polish.  We lub it lots, oh yes we do.

Here’s a shot under the lamps, just in time for the Drool Convention:

Next up is Caribbean Queen:

DESCRIPTION:  An ocean blue with aqua shimmer, subtle shift to purple in certain lighting and holo sparkles


Inspired by the August 1984 song by Billy Ocean.  I want to swim in a bathtub full of this one.  So shimmery, so glowy, so super pass-out-y.  Might need your smelling salts, let’s just say.

Now here’s Cruel Summer:

DESCRIPTION:  A juicy neon melon with purple shimmer

COATS:  Three

Inspired by the June 1983 song by Bananarama.  And she’s a hot little mama!  However, the correct color on this one was so hard to capture.  It’s both an orange tone AND a pink tone depending on your lighting, and I swear I about got the hives trying to get these pictures just right.   But if you’re looking for an insane display of effort, well by all means:  SCROLL.

Outside shot shows more of its pink side:

And here’s that shy purple shimmer:

Next is Heaven is a Place on Earth:

DESCRIPTION:  A shifting gold to rose holographic with holo sparkles


Inspired by the September 1987 Belinda Carlisle song, and so now we’re all just puddles of goo at this point.  Cuz you can’t be gold and pink and shifty and shimmery, and somehow expect me to remain normal and upright. I mean, when you ask for a non-fat, no-whip Starbucks but accidentally get full-fat, does that mean it doesn’t have any calories simply because you ordered it that way? Well, OF COURSE IT DOES. But I think you see my point. In other words, I want a Starbucks.

OMG, what?  Shut up, Brain.

And now, a holo EXTRAVAGANZA!:

Mood lighting.  Phwoar!

Lastly, here’s Karma Chameleon:

DESCRIPTION:  A light violet purple to mint green thermal with strong red shimmer, holo sparkles, and red/purple/blue/green chameleon flakies


Inspired by the September 1983 song by the Culture Club.  And naturally, this polish had to be a color changer (cuz CHAMELEON) and use chameleon flakies (also cuz CHAMELEON).  In other words, NAILED IT doesn’t even begin to describe this scenario.

Full view of the warm state:

Full view of the cool state:

That’s two extra efforts, in case you don’t math well.  If an award is coming, that sounds about right.

The round up:

This collection is available now, so get on it, boo boos!  Cuz if you’re getting out of this blog without all five in your basket, well, I can only imagine how WRONG you must feel. So ENTIRE Summer 2017 Collection it is then! Congratulations on your very good decision.  Some deets:

Full collection retails for $48

For single bottles (although this point is moot), Cruel Summer and Sunglasses at Night retail for $10; all others are $11

Click here for shopping!

Okay, gang, we’re done for now!  Thank you for always reading all the way to the bottom.  Internet high fives for everyone!  (Or pajamas, if you’re me.)

Later, loves!