Quixotic Polish: She Sells Seashells Collection 

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I halfway expected to blind myself during yesterday’s solar eclipse. Cuz you’re perfectly fine not ever looking at the sun until someone TELLS you not to look at the sun.  Then suddenly you are like a 9-year-old child gleefully saying cuss words to yourself out in the backyard:  you know it is wrong, but quite simply, your brain’s done gone away somewhere.

I figure, however, now is not the time for a science experiment, considering eyes and all the seeing that is left to do.  To combat the crazy, I spent an extraordinary amount of time looking up disaster stories on eclipse viewing gone wrong, and OMG, MISTAKE!  ABORT, ABORT!  I swear, can I not just for one second try to be sexy?  NOT TODAY!  Or at least not while covered in 27 tubes of hives cream.  Ahhhh, Anxiety, my evil friend.  How I managed to leave the house somehow NOT wearing a tin foil UV ray-deflecting jumpsuit is practically a DADGUM miracle.

In other words,  clearly I need supervised.  Although, I did tell my 23-year-old daughter she wasn’t allowed to go outside in case she accidentally burned a hole in her retina (as you do) cuz I like to spread the anxiety around.  My daughter loooooves being related to me, I just know it.

Thank goodness I’ve got this nail polish thing on lock!  Mary from Quixotic Polish sent me her beautiful She Sells Seashells collection to review for you today, and if pearly, shimmery, delicious iridescence is your thing, well you’re about to have your best day EVER.  Take a look:

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An insane display of pretty?  YES INDEED.  It’s time for some noodle legs in case you’re curious.  (You are!)  Here’s a quick rundown of the colors, then I’ll meet you at the bottom:

SEASHELL SHIMMERS

DESCRIPTION:  A pearly white with strong purple shimmer

OPACITY:  I did three coats on this one, although some may only need two

This one ended up being a surprise favorite.  Normally, I’m kind of indifferent with white, but toss in a bunch of glorious purple shimmer, and NO ONE is walking away.  Looks exactly like the inside of a seashell.  Mary nailed this one, for sure. 

SEA URCHINS 

DESCRIPTION:  A light lavender with strong green shimmer

OPACITY:  Two was just fine, but I added three cuz it physically hurt to stop polishing

All you purple lovers, get on this, stat.  One bottle plus 27 backups in case of accidental painting of all the surfaces.  As happens from time to time.  Cuz rational behavior is for other people. Weeeee!

SAND CASTLES 

DESCRIPTION:  A sandy nude with strong turquoise shimmer

OPACITY:  Again, two was fine but I did three

Look what else you’re buying!  Gah!  So pretty.  Neutral shades like this are usually my last pick, but this one has just enough darkness in it to make my sad white sausages look slightly less white and sad.  And for that fact alone, I lub it lots!

REFLECTIONS 

DESCRIPTION:  A sky blue with strong gold shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats; three for funsies

The blue pulls you in but the gold makes you stay.  There’s no way you’re getting out of this blog without spending some money.  Unless you don’t like pretty things.  Or you have no eyes.  I dunno. 

CRUSHED IT

DESCRIPTION:  A magenta pink with blue shimmer

OPACITY:  Two or three; you know the drill

I can’t think of a better way to end this blog.  Something bold and vibrant and super duper sexy.  I’d say “like me” but then again, you’ve read this blog before. Nothing sexy to see here, let’s just say.  Thank goodness I’m such a trophy wife or we’d all be worried.

THE ROUND UP 

Well, we’ve officially drooled in a thousand buckets, haven’t we? So, see?  Still not sexy.  OMG, am I still married?  Cuz seriously, I don’t even know.

This collection is available now, so you’re all set for shopping!  Here’s some var var important ordering deets:

Full set retails for $47 (i.e., what you are buying) and single bottles are $10 each (i.e., moot point)

Where to buy:  http://quixoticpolish.bigcartel.com/

And now, the linky loos!  Connect with Quixotic Polish:

Instagram

Facebook

Fan Group

Time for clickin’, y’all!  You were just sitting around in sweatpants doing nothing anyway.  Well, if you’re me.

Later, loves!

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KB Shimmer: Hella Holo Customs August 2017 Trio

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Okay, for real this time.  Sleep, I am coming for you.  As in, BEFORE midnight.  Cuz while so far I’ve been able to function pretty well on 4-and-a-half hours of sleep each night, I have a feeling I’m one more late night blogging sesh away from losing all ladylike composure.  I mean, I took a nap WHILE putting Doritos in my mouth. What the hell kind of rude shenanigans is that?!  Sleeping while eating CHIPS, of all things.  Why not while doing dishes, or while being forced to wear pants to go buy groceries?  Ugh.  LAME.

In other words, I need my rest.  Cuz putting food in my mouth with my eyes closed means NO ONE is supervising, and the accidental ingestion of poison is lurking.  Those little brown spots on chips?  Poison.  Two M&Ms fused together?  Poison.  Gravy is nowhere to be seen?  POISON.  I need to see my food before I eat it, cuz spending my night googling symptoms on the internet doesn’t get me much sleep either.

Aside from all that, though, this is my third blog in a row about potato chips, so… Someone needs to come save me from me.  Except don’t, or I will cut you.

GUYS. Pretty things are happening!  I received some gorgeous polishes from the Hella Holo Customs + KB Shimmer collaboration to share with you today, and trust me when I tell you how much you’re gonna need these.  Do you like holo?  Do you like flakies and shimmer and glitter and happiness?  Well, then you’re about to have a var var good day.  Take a look!

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Do you hear angels?  Cuz I hear angels.

Each month, the Hella Holo Customs group on Facebook features two indie brands who create exclusive custom holographic polishes based on inspiration photos submitted by the members of the group.  This month, one of the brands is KB Shimmer, and I’m so so excited for the opportunity to swatch for Christy once again.  And when this trio arrived, it was all I could do to stay upright.  Noodle legs alert!  You have been warned.

 Quick rundown of the colors, then I’ll meet you at the bottom.  Lessss go!

PINKING OF PARADISE 

DESCRIPTION:  A softly tinted pink base with glowing holo flakies and a turquoise shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats, three if you’re crazy; obviously I did three

Welp, I’m done.  All of a sudden, things just got suuuuuper pass-out-y in here.  Do you see those flakies, actually GLOWING?  Christy’s a magician, I’m officially convinced.

This polish is slightly sheer and can be layered over a pink cream for extra opacity, but I think it looks pretty opaque all by itself.  Of course, my nails are little shorties, so what do I know, really?  I went to a Guns ‘N Roses concert a couple weeks ago, and I clapped like I was a fancy lady attending an opera cuz CLEARLY I don’t know how to do things right.  

What I mean is, if you have longer nails, you may need more layers.

ONE HOLO-OF A STORM

DESCRIPTION:  A periwinkle leaning blue base with holo glitters, pink shimmery flake and blue shifting shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats

Now this one is ridiculous.  The bling in here is insanely good and about 2.5 seconds away from ending up on all the surfaces.  COMPLETELY NORMAL BEHAVIOR, if you’re curious.

Look at that blue shimmer.  LOOK. AT. IT.  We’re all about to get 27 levels of unattractive, I just know it.  Cuz there’s only so much sexy to go around while holding a drool bucket.

THAT GOES WITHOUT CYAN

DESCRIPTION:  An aqua leaning blue holographic with bit of copper and gold for sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats

Top photo = well and good.  Bottom photo = dear God, what just happened to my body?!  Nothing ladylike is happening after this, I’m sure of it.  It’s a holo EXTRAVAGANZA! to like, the trillionth degree.  Proof:

Under normal, indirect lighting it still looks pretty, but the blue flame in this polish?  DEAD.  And you see those little specks of coppery gold?  MORE DEAD.  Y’all, we will never be the same again.

THE ROUND UP 

This trio is available now thru September 5 only, so now is not the time for lounging on couches.  Get on it, boo boos!  Cuz no one wants to wake up on September 6, sad and polish-less.

To order, you must be a member of the Hella Holo Customs group on Facebook.  Here is your official To-Do List:

1.  Join the group by clicking here.

2.  Find the August 2017 order links ORRRRRRRR, you can just click here.  GUYS!  I found it FOR you.  Counts as effort.  Also bonus points.  Best blogger ever, is what you’re thinking.

Cost for each polish is $10 and that’s basically free, so if y’all wanna toss like 18,000 bottles in the cart, well that’s just logical sense.  Cuz who’s in the mood to hoard a crap ton of nail polish?  Every DADGUM one of us, to be clear.

Some linky loos.  Connect with KB Shimmer:

Instagram

Facebook

Fan Group

As always, thanks for reading all the way to the bottom.  And for continuing to read all the way to the bottom, at the very least, so I’m not in here talking to myself like a crazy person.

Later, loves!

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The Holo Hookup: September 2017 – Royal Women

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Hubby’s left me for an overnight business trip, and I swear I don’t know how to be a proper human being.  Things accomplished so far?  A Cheetos and wine cooler dinner.  But the swatching and the blogging and the dire responsibilities?  Not so much.  And then the cat meowed for roughly an eternity before I realized I was in charge of food.  Seriously, I feel slightly out of sorts, almost like I’m lounging on someone else’s couch for the night.  OMG, I may never be normal again.  Cue the hives cream!  I’ll take a thousand tubes.  

Good thing there’s nail polish!  It’s time once again for the Holo Hookup box, and I got a whoooole lotta holo to share with you today!  Let’s take a look at what’s coming your way for September.  Prepare to spend some money y’all!  And grab your drool buckets just in case.

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Anything ladylike still happening?  NOT TODAY!

So this month’s theme is Royal Women, and to be honest, I relate to this on roughly 727 levels. Cuz I wear pajamas and hubby brings me snacks on his way back from the kitchen, and if that doesn’t sound like someone’s a DADGUM PRINCESS, well clearly how wrong you must be feeling right now.

But also, I am a Trophy Wife EXTRAORDINAIRE!, which is basically royalty to, like, the trillionth degree, so any further questions are officially moot.

Here’s the inspiration photo:

Picture of me, notwithstanding. Cuz ALSO A QUEEN, that’s why.

In an attempt to write this blog in less than 18 years, I’ll try to control the chatty.  Cuz as always, a new Holo Hookup is cause for emergency, and if I don’t get to the point quick enough, the karate chops are coming.

So this month’s featured brand is Takko Lacquer, and I’m so so excited!  Takko is one of the first brands I tried where every new collection incited an elbow jabby, Black Friday-style frenzy.  It is with Takko where I learned the importance of setting 17 alarms, and where the sheer act of it was the only logical next step.  Seriously, you guys.  Takko is legit, and if you’re buying 27 bottles of it, well, no one is surprised.

Let’s get busy!  Takko goes first!

TAKKO LACQUER: RANI OF JHANSI

DESCRIPTION:  A pink base with light sprinkle of holo and shifty green to pink shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat

Under the mood lights, it gets a bit sexy:

And then a macro to show off that shimmer:

Now, actual nail art:


Effort on display!  I did a gradient using the Takko plus the Glisten & Glow (coming up next!) and added some stamping from the Powder Perfect Floral 1 plate.  Kinda cute, yes?  YES.

GLISTEN & GLOW:  QUEEN ELIZABETH I

DESCRIPTION:  A dark red toned berry holographic with added pops of copper shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat

Vampy shades like this get me all kinds of excited!  And anytime you throw a copper anything in there, well, let’s hope there’s an old fashioned Victorian fainting couch nearby.  Specifically.  Cuz I refuse to get unattractive on a futon.

Under the lamps, the holo gets insane:

And turn the lights down low, and that shimmer gets ya good:

Simple nail art:


How clever am I for doing crowns on a Royal Women-themed polish?  Like, I might’ve thought this one through or something.  Bonus points are coming, I’m quite certain.

Used the Uber Chic Beauty Fairytale 02 plate for this one, in case you’re curious.

CUPCAKE POLISH: CLEOPATRA 

DESCRIPTION:  A turquoise holographic with gold shimmers

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat

It’s practically green, guys, so for that fact alone, I lub it lots.  And this bling?  RIDICULOUS.

Under low lighting, there’s a touch of blue peeking through:

And then I went and ruined it:


Bye bye mojo!  I picked the Powder Perfect Egypt 1 plate to use on top of my Cleopatra-themed polish, and then immediately my brain went away somewhere.  Ugh.

DIFFERENT DIMENSION: QUEEN NEFERTITI

DESCRIPTION:  A purple to blue multichrome holographic with added microglitters

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat

This one is freaking dreamy!  I mean, the holo is all well and good, but the shift is what brings on the noodle legs. Proof below!

See?!  We’re all a big puddle of goo at this point.

Temporary mojo reprieve:


I used the layered dragon scales image from the Uber Chic Beauty Fairytale 02 plate and I couldn’t be happier.  Even my lining up of the layers is getting a bit better.  Who is this person doing my nails right now, cuz certainly it cannot be me.  Toot toot! 

More nail art using all four polishes together.  Some overachieve-y on display:

Did a smoosh mani and stamped over it using the Lina Let’s Doodle 01 plate.  Who’s in love?  (All of us, to be clear.)  Also, the level of effort?  Superhuman.

And now, a dotticure:

Always a good idea.

THE ROUND UP 


Pre-order for this box starts on August 21 at 9pm EST and will run thru August 28 at 9pm EST. Which means, you have just ONE WEEK to get your life together before the polish goes away forever. Are you properly panicked? Well, you should be.

Cost is $40 and shipping will begin September 12th or so. Click here for shopping! (Well, not right now. The 21st. As in Monday. We’ve been over this already.)

And now, some linky loos:

Holo Hookup Instagram

Holo Hookup Facebook Fan Group

Lastly, set some alarms and put Post-Its on all your surfaces.  Cuz who’s missing out on this incredible box?  CERTAINLY NOT YOU.

Later, loves!

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Cupcake Polish + Top Shelf Lacquer + Crystal’s Charity Lacquers: Quad for the SPCA

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After an evening full of couch lounging and spending an extraordinary amount of time watching my cat have a fight with a string tie from one of my shirts, suddenly it is after midnight and YET AGAIN now is the time to write a blog.  Seriously guys, I might never go to bed again.  Cuz FOR SOME REASON, the blog don’t write itself and there’s roughly 7,397 left to do.  Still.  I’m not very good at goals, let’s just say.

And naturally there’s a POLISH EMERGENCY! in our midst. So we’re gonna zip through the blog real quick before I tell you things after the things are no longer the things.  Clearly, I make perfect sense when my brain is half asleep.  But aside from all that, Crystal’s Charity Lacquers is back again and it’s time to hoard some polish! BOOM.

Each month or so, Crystal’s Charity Lacquers chooses a charity and teams up with indie brands to create exclusive polishes to sell and help raise funds for the cause. This round, she has chosen Sara from Cupcake Polish and Amy from Top Shelf Lacquer to release some pretties to benefit the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, otherwise known as the SPCA.

So get off your no-buys, ladies! A TOTAL LEGIT JUSTIFICATION-type scenario just fell into your lap like no big deal. Lesssss go!

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A charity for animals is one of the easiest causes to donate to.  Cuz we all love animals, cats and dogs and little baby pandas trapped in tiny bubble cocoons.  And it doesn’t matter how much hard work they are (in a poop scooping way, mostly) or the fact a piece of cat hair literally just flew into my wet manicure, I still want to kiss my fur baby straight in the mouth even though he probably licked his own butt approximately 2.5 seconds ago.  Not sure that’s an admirable quality or what this says about me as a person, but that is beside the point.  

As previously mentioned, there are two indie brands helping out this round, and I was lucky enough to bring you swatches of both this time.  The whole shebang, y’all!  If you’re thinking overachieve-y best blogger ever, well, you’d be about 97.48676% correct.

Here’s a brief rundown of all the goodies, then I’ll meet you at the bottom.  And then prepare to spend some money, cuz there’s no way you’re getting out of this blog without 27,000 bottles in the cart.  Rational behavior?  NOT TODAY!

CUPCAKE POLISH DUO

Spoiler alert:  FLAKIES!  Wallets are officially flying out of purses, everywhere.

MAKE TODAY PAWSOME

DESCRIPTION:  An emerald green holographic with pink/copper/green/gold color shifting metallic flakies

OPACITY:  Two coats plus top coat

Also, did I mention this is green?  Gah!  The effort to stay upright at the moment is a dire situation indeed.

PAWS AND SHARE THE LOVE

DESCRIPTION:  A mulberry purple holographic with copper/red/gold color shifting metallic flakies 

OPACITY:  Again with the two coats

I’m loving how the flakies look like little glowy sparks of fire.  It’s comfy and cozy and happiness times a billion.  Did someone just walk in here and hand me a basket full of kitties?  Might as well have.

So if all that wasn’t enough to get you tossing polish in the cart all willy nilly, we’ll just go ahead and make your best day ever even best-i-er.  Cuz look what else you’re buying:

TOP SHELF LACQUER DUO

Dammmmmit.  I was trying to be a lady all day long, and now everything is ruined.  Cuz it’s hard to look classy while running for your drool bucket.

BLOODHOUND MARY

DESCRIPTION:  A deep red polish filled with glowing glass fleck and a subtle pink to orange shift

OPACITY:  Two smooth and yummy coats

This polish is ridiculously pretty.  More proof below:

THE BULLDOG SMASH

DESCRIPTION:  A medium grey with blue shimmer and red/orange/pink/yellow color shifting flakies 

OPACITY:  Two amazing coats

Y’all know I have issues with Fall, simply because of its unfortunate proximity to the hell that is Winter.  But it’s polishes like this, ones that look like wet leaves on pavement or smoldering ashes in a bonfire, that makes me think that Fall is the best season there is.  Just for half a second, though, but still.

And now, we SWOON.  You guys.  Get on this like stat.

THE ROUND UP

Pre-sale for these charity polishes has already started, cuz I am a DADGUM PROFESSIONAL, in case you are curious.  Regardless, there is time still left, so if bonus points are coming, well that sounds about right.  Last day to purchase is August 27 so make sure you go NOW, or at the very least, 5 seconds from now.

Cost for the Cupcake Polish colors is $13 and Top Shelf Lacquer’s is $12.  A portion of the proceeds will be donated to the SPCA, which makes this hoarding problem well and truly worth it.  Polishes are available now in each respective maker’s site, so here are the linkies all typed and ready to go:

Cupcake Polish 

Top Shelf Lacquer

Then while you’re in a clicking mood, go ahead and join the Crystal’s Charity Lacquers Facebook group so you can get inside scoop on future donations, brand collaborations, and polish sneak peeks. DO IT. I mean it. Click here.

And now we’re done!  I’m headed to bed and you’re headed for your checkbook.  Cuz that’s how this thing works. Weeeee!

Later, loves!

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Anonymous Lacquer: Multichrome Madness Group Custom Trio

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Can someone eat a whole bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos right before bed and let me know how it turns out? Cuz I’m about 2.5 seconds away from a junk food extravaganza, but figure midnight is not the time for a science experiment.  However, if YOU try it first and somehow manage to NOT gain 27 pounds of salt retention while you sleep, then for real you guys:  there’s about to be a Grabby Fingers to the trillionth degree-type situation happening over here.  Also known as BEST DAY OF MY DADGUM LIFE.  Weeeeee!

Pretty sure I have a problem with potato chips.  I mean, clearly I do.  On Sunday, I bought a bag of dill pickle-flavored ones and it wasn’t even on accident.  Cuz NO ONE buys chips that taste like pickles, except for those who lose control of all rational behavior once the shopping cart gets one wobbly wheel length down the snack aisle.  Seriously, did I just walk into a room full of one thousand Leonardos all handing me a Starbucks?  Might as well have.  DREAM SCENARIO, is what I’m saying.

So while one hand’s been stuck in a bag of Doritos, then other one’s been swatching nail polish.  GUYS!  Multichromes are happening, and if there was ever a time to get real serious about spending some money, now would be it.  Look what I got:

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You done died.  You did.  How the rest of this blog is getting written I don’t even know.

It’s time for the August customs for the Multichrome Madness group on Facebook, y’all!  This month, Mildred with Anonymous Lacquer is in the spotlight, and she created such a lovely trio.  There’s a blue and a purple, and so far so good, but then she tossed in a glorious green one, and basically I’ll never be normal again.  Ugly Ecstasy Face in full effect, yo.  And my brain has officially stopped holding my mouth closed.  If anything sexy happens soon, we’d all be surprised.

And now, a quick rundown of the colors plus more shifty beauty than you can handle.  Brace yourselves.  There’s serious business up ahead.  Lessss go!

GAIA

DESCRIPTION:  A teal to blue to purple shifter

OPACITY:  Two delicious coats

Then I turned on the mood lights, and OMG, have you ever?!  NO. YOU. HAVE NOT.

HERA

DESCRIPTION:  A green/gold/blue/blurple shifter

OPACITY:  Two smooth coats

And here’s where all our jaws just fell right off our faces.  Ladylike composure?  NOT TODAY!

HARMONIA

DESCRIPTION:  A green/gold/purple shifter

OPACITY:  Two of the yummiest coats of your life

This is my favorite color combo, and I want it on all the surfaces.  Mine AND yours.  Completely normal behavior, in case you’re curious.

THE ROUND UP

WANT, WANT and NEED, that’s your new motto.  And good news, guys:  you’re buying alllll this!  Cuz where there is multichrome there is you, having a var var good day right now.  Hooray!

To order, you gotta be a member of the Multichrome Madness group on Facebook. Click here to join, then head over to the Anonymous Lacquer store by clicking here. This trio is only available until August 31, so if you can’t go now – although WHY NOT?! is the actual question – be sure to set some alarms so you don’t miss out. Cuz who wants to wake up September 1st so very sad and trio-less? CERTAINLY NOT YOU.

Single bottles retail for $12

Trio retails for $30

However, happiness is PRICELESS.

And now, more clicking opportunities.  Connect with Anonymous Lacquer:

Instagram

Facebook

Fan Group

Later, loves!

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Pretty Jelly: Fantasmic Flakies Exclusive Group Custom

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Before y’all go thinking I’m living some sort of charmed life full of pajamas and nail polish, let me reassure you.  I just burned my boob while leaning over my bathtub faucet to wash my hair with no shirt on. I’m not even sure that was proper grammar, but honestly, the only other word I know right now is OUCHIE, so the rest are just bonuses.

Happy Monday, guys!  Although, most likely Tuesday by the time you read this cuz YET AGAIN I’ve decided to blog right before midnight.  Ugh.  If stupid words come out soon, no one’s surprised.  Cuz one eye is sleeping and the other is watching Full House.  Who is doing the blogging then?  Seriously, I don’t even know.

Time for polish!  Liz with Pretty Jelly sent me a most glorious, magical thing.  Who’s in the mood for a legit no joke flakie EXTRAVAGANZA!?  Damn near all of us, that’s who.  Take a look at this beauty:

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Well hell.  Already with the tongue lolling.  If anything ladylike happens next, it’d be a dadgum miracle.

So long story short, Liz just made all our flakie dreams come true.  Cuz Pretty Jelly is in the spotlight for August, and Liz has created a most amazing custom polish exclusively for members of the Fantasmic Flakies group on Facebook.  Y’all ready to spend some money today?  (The answer to that question is always YES.)

BOYSENBERRY BAY

DESCRIPTION:  A red-toned purple jelly with aqua to pink shifting shimmer, multichrome flakies, and aqua shards

SO. FREAKING. PRETTY.  One bottle, in the cart she goes!  Plus 27 backup bottles in case of accidental polishing of all the surfaces.  As happens from time to time.

My swatch shows three thin coats plus top coat to smooth everything out.  Applied very easily, which was a nice surprise considering all the goodies in there.  And then I spent the next 24 hours somehow NOT putting my fingers in my mouth, so if an award is coming, well that sounds about right.

Macros, for extra drool-y-ness:  

Gah!  Bye bye checkbook!  Cuz hers a pretty lady, that’s why.

This polish is only available until August 31, so now is not the time to lounge about.  Here is your To-Do List all typed up so nice and neat.  Best blogger ever?  I say YES.

1.  Join the Fantasmic Flakies group on Facebook by clicking here

2.  Head over to the Pretty Jelly shop

3.  Throw polish in the cart all willy nilly

4.  Boysenberry Bay is priced around a billion dollars, but if you use coupon code FFAUG2017, you’ll bring it down to $10 (practically free!)

5.  Then sit back, relax, and stalk the mailman like a proper loon

Finally, more clicking to do.  Connect with Pretty Jelly:

Instagram

Facebook

Basket full of kitties – click here, just because

Annnnnd we’re done!  More pretty polish tomorrow, so be sure to come back.  Thanks as always for reading my weird little blog. Y’all make all the carpal tunnel so completely worth it.

Later, loves!

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Tonic Polish: Unicorn Pee Collection 

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OMG, you guys.  I’m not even gonna waste time with this blog and just get right to the point:  Tonic Polish has a new collection coming out and suddenly BEST DAY EVER doesn’t even begin to describe this scenario.  A legit no joke hoarding situation is lurking, my friends!  Gimme all the Tonics.  Plus 27 backup bottles, at the minimum.

And now your best day is about to get best-i-er cuz this collection is full of UNICORN PEE.  As in, the most special and rare pigment in the entire world, discontinued for years and only found by sheer luck and/or superhuman effort to the trillionth degree.  Lindsey’s admin and lovely friend, Chris, has scoured the earth from end to end and found us a few bottles, so now we all owe her our firstborn childrens cuz I think that’s how this thing works, right? I might be thinking of something else. Either way, though, Chris and Lindsey, THANK YOU!

It’s about to get suuuuuper elbow jabby in here in about 2.5 seconds.  Brace yourselves.

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Cuz nobody does Crazy Nail Lady quite like you.

Well, in our defense, you can’t just release new Tonics out in the world and then expect anything normal to happen next.  Ladylike composure = out the freaking window with this one.

So before I get too chatty in here and accidentally take 18 years to write this blog, let’s go ahead and get started.  I’ll try to keep things brief, cuz I figure the more I keep talking, the higher the likelihood of something stupid coming out.  Collective jaw drops in 3 … 2 … 1 …  

HAPPY BEGINNING 


DESCRIPTION:  A squishy royal cobalt blue

Thought I’d start with this one as it’s the only polish in the collection not containing unicorn pee.  Because true to its name, it is the BEGINNING.  The base.  The foundation on which to build your Unicorn Pee dreams.  It’s the freaking glue that holds everything together, people!  In other words, YOU NEED HER.

Plus, all you blue lovers just died a little.  Seriously, you did.

I used two regular coats for my swatch, but some people may need three, especially if you have longer nails.  Also, because of the rich blue pigment in this one, it has that delightful skunky smell that we’ve all come to expect from similar polishes.  IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL.  No need to google search symptoms of poisoning because y’all know I already did that.  Turns out, blue dye just stinks.

APOTHEKE 

DESCRIPTION:  A unicorn pee topper

For once, I’ve actually shown you a thing!  I put one layer of this topper over my Happy Beginning base because I seriously tried to be a real blogger this time.  And now you have proof I think things through from time to time, sooooo … certainly an award is officially coming.

Then I turned on the mood lights for extra drool-y scenarios:


SERENDIPITY 

DESCRIPTION:  A warm toned purple with red to green shifting unicorn pee

Again, I did two coats and got pretty good opacity, but those with longer nails might need three coats.  This color is an ode to one of Tonic’s best sellers, Lula – so if you loved that one, you’ll love Serendipity.  Seriously, this purple is ridiculously yummy.  Like, if I didn’t have 7,397 blogs left to write, I’d just pass the hell on out now.  Gah!

Mood lights = grabby fingers:


CURIO

DESCRIPTION:  A blue toned purple with red to green shifting unicorn pee – an ode to another classic, Huckleberry Sparkle

Two coats for this one too, but some may prefer three.  That’s the deal about my short nails – visible nail line (VNL) isn’t much of a thing for me.  Although, I could easily go to Polish Mountain with any of these colors. One layer, two layers, three layers, infinity.  I swear, nail polish makes my brain just go away somewhere.  Suddenly, I’m 9 years old in a room full of office supplies.  DREAM SCENARIO, is what I’m saying.

On the other hand, Polish Mountain requires effort, and the last time I attempted effort, I got rug burn in my buttcrack and not even for a very good reason.  LAME.  In other words, I gave up after two coats.  Clearly, I’m also not very good at goals.


UNIPORN 

DESCRIPTION:  A sheer red jelly base full of unicorn pee

Because of my short nails (blah blah blah), I got opacity in three coats.  But this polish is intentionally made sheer, so some of you may never get opacity.  Wouldn’t it be awesome if I did an additional mani to show you this polish used as a topper over Happy Beginning like I did with the other one?  Cuz of that carpal tunnel-enducing high-fiving frenzy from earlier, y’all think I could keep up that “thinking things through” charade for more than 5 seconds?  Have you read this blog before?

You don’t get to Lazy, Level EXPERT by going the extra mile, is what I mean.

Regardless, I really love this red.  I think it is STUNNING on it’s own.  The UP shows up so nice and pretty; it simply glows.  But in case you wanna see Uniporn as a topper, click here for my friend, Amanda’s, blog.  Towards the bottom she posts some lovely photos of this one over Happy Beginning that you’re just gonna swoon over.  Take your drool bucket, though, just in case.


YOUR VIBE ATTRACTS YOUR TRIBE

DESCRIPTION:  A warm toned violet creme with red to green shifting unicorn pee shimmer

Since this one is a creme, two coats easily achieved opacity for me.  Goes on so smooth and yummy!  The UP is a bit more subtle, although I think the whole bit of it is absolutely lovely.  If you love purple, or pretty things in general, this one has your name written alllll over it.  (Seriously, I checked.)

Also, this polish is the official Tonic Facebook Fan Group custom.  Usually, membership is required to purchase these customs, but Lindsey is opening this one up to everyone.  HOWEVER, because at this point it’s the only logical next step, click here to join the group.  DO IT.  I mean it.


THE ROUND UP 


To. Die. For.  That’s not even a typo.  Every single one of these polishes is a noodle leg epidemic waiting to happen.  Formulas are perfection, colors are rich and beautiful, and, well – there’s that thing about unicorn pee.  Basically, if it’s rare, limited edition, discontinued, never to be seen from again, I want it.  Could be a bottle full of dog poo, but that’s beside the point.  Not that this is anything compared to dog poo, but you know what I mean.  Hopefully.  Right?

Well there’s that stupid thing we were talking about earlier.  Clearly I’ve rambled on a skosh too long.  UGH.  Shut up, Brain.

Order deets:

Price for Happy Beginning is $10; the others are $14 each

Because these are super limited edition and will NOT be restocked, customers can only order one bottle of each color for the moment.  After the first 48 hours, if there are still bottles left, the sale will open back up for multiples.  In addition, every new Tonic release seems to break the dadgum internet, so make sure you’re first in line.  Cuz getting NO BOTTLES is not an option.  Are you properly panicked yet?  You should be.  

Where to buy:  http://www.tonicpolish.com

When:  Sunday, August 13 at 2pm CST

Don’t miss out, guys!  

And now, the linky loos.  Connect with Tonic Polish:

Instagram

Facebook

Fan Group

Thanks for reading all the way to the bottom once again.  Your continued readership makes all this carpal tunnel-slash-no sleep thing utterly and completely worth it.  Hugs and internet kisses for all of you! XOXO

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •