Category Archives: Nail Art

Jan25

Anchor & Heart Lacquer: Messages in a Bottle – January and February 

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The year was 2005, the year of the chunky black shoe.  My daughter, just under 12 years old, was still willing to hug me with both arms, so clearly it a magical time.  It was summer – or maybe spring – and the world was full of green.  And happiness.  Lots and lots of happiness.

But then there was that dadgum trampoline.  Oh yes, all your childhood dreams are coming true.  Visions of flying, carefree and laughing, fill your mind.  Warm nights, laying outside on the cool mesh, staring up at the sky, counting stars.  Sounds dreamy, right?

Ugh.  Not even close.  Unless you’re totally fine with peeing your pants a little, I recommend bypassing the trampoline altogether.

However, what I’m really trying to say is, don’t jump on a trampoline with chunky black shoes on.  Cuz I did that.  And it hurt. A LOT.  I would’ve peed my pants all day long instead if I was given a choice.  Not only that, but the humiliation of having your husband shave just one of your legs so you could go to the hospital for an X-Ray, is too much to bear at times.  Of course, I am quite proud to note that amidst my suffering, I still had my wits about me to be a proper lady.  Again, only one leg, but still.  The fact that me and my husband at that time are now divorced is beside the point.

Fast forward to yesterday.  I got on a trampoline again for the first time in 12 years.  My granddaughter had left her headband outside and I went to retrieve it, and it was supposed to be an in and out real quick kinda thing.  But something took over me (as somethings are wont to do), and I bounced up and down for about 7.2 seconds.  Then naturally, because this is MY life we are talking about, I tweaked my foot as I landed a little off center.  And then as I was crawling out of the safety net, someone had replaced my normal legs with baby deer ones, cuz I swear I was 90 years old trying to get off that thing.  I don’t know if the universe is trying to tell me something (i.e., you’re old, you’re out of shape, stop eating potato chips), but I think I’ll just stick with my constant pajamas plan instead.

So get comfy with me and let’s look at pretty things.  I have two new polishes from Anchor & Heart Lacquer to share with you today.  And I had a nerdy font fest.  Ta da!

With jazz hands, of course.

This year, Taryn is doing a series of 12 polishes called Messages in a Bottle.  Each month will be a new shade, each promoting an empowering message in its name.  And you know what?  I think that’s freakin’ fabulous.  Every single one of us needs to hear something kind and uplifting, and if it comes in the form of a brand new nail polish, well what more justification do you need?  Get off your no-buys, ladies!  These are well worth your pennies.

First up for January is You’ve Got This:

Y’all know I’m not one for nude polishes cuz it makes me look pale and vitamin deficient, but this one … I mean, THIS ONE.  It’s got an extra special something that I absolutely love.  Like those flakies.  Gah!  Flakies make everything better.  And prettier and skinnier, too, probably.

So this one is a pink-tone nude polish with orange/lilac/blue shifting shimmer, pink holo micro glitter and violet/pink/gold shifting flakies.  It’s a neutral, but all dressed up for a party.  I did two coats here, but some might need three for full opacity.  Or you might need three cuz it literally takes superhuman strength to stop polishing with it.  

Macros to drool over:

Okay now that one was ridiculous.  Did you see all that stuff in there?  Why this polish doesn’t cost like a billion dollars, I have no idea.

I made nail art:

I hope you can tell that is a rose pattern, but regardless, isn’t it so precious?  I chose this wine colored stamping polish that complimented those flakies just perfectly.  Or I think so anyway.  But I also think Fritos and an entire can of bean dip is a great idea, so what do I know, really?

The roses came from the Uber Chic Beauty Love and Marriage 03 plate that just released.  I’ve been using it a ton lately, so you all should definitely check it out.

February’s polish is called You Are Enough:

Did you just die?  Cuz I sure did.  That is one heckuva glowy pink.  Wowwwww.  Someone help me put my mouth back on my face, please.  My brain’s stopped holding it closed.  And look, more flakies!  Seriously, Taryn, what are you doing to me? I do not look attractive with my tongue lolling about outside my body.

This one is a dark pink jelly based holo with shimmering pink/orange glass flecks and flakies that shift green/blue/purple.  Again, I did this one in two coats, but if there’s one polish to justify a trip to Polish Mountian, this one might be it.  One hundred layers sounds like a party I can get into.  Cuz although it might be one of the stupidest things I could ever do (aside from that one time where I jumped on a trampoline in boots; ugh), the fact it doesn’t require pants makes it so very appealing.

Better sit down before looking at these:

You okay?  Need a rag for your forehead?  I know.  Nail polish makes you sweaty sometimes.  I get it.

More kinda okay nail art:

Again, used the Uber Chic Beauty Love and Marriage 03 plate, and stamped on some heart images using a blue stamping polish that I thought kinda matched the flakies.  It didn’t really, but it turned out okay.  One thing for sure:  this polish is a true stunner and if it’s not going in your basket, you might wanna consult a doctor CUZ SOMETHING IS WRONG.
The round up:

I can’t think of any better way to spend your Friday night than throwing a couple of these in your shopping cart.  Honestly, you were just gonna put on sweatpants anyway – might as well be useful about it.

These polishes are part of the Messages in a Bottle series (as I mentioned), and despite the fact they are January and February offerings, you will be able to snag these any time.  Except let’s go ahead and take care of that now, just in case.  Release date is Friday, January 27 at 9pm EST so make sure you have Post-It Notes on all your surfaces.  Then click here to shop. There’s an initial preorder thru January 31 with shipping to start one week later, then once all that’s done, they will be fully in stock in February. 

Can’t wait to see what the year holds for Anchor & Heart – what more empowering, uplifting messages we will find.  I’m okay with fast forwarding to March anyway.  It can stop being 40-degrees any time now.

Later, loves!

Jan24

Noodles Nail Polish: Winter Collection 

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Since January 1st, I have lost a total of .6 pounds, and I don’t know about you but I’m celebrating.  Someone get me a Starbucks, cuz I. HAVE. EARNED IT.

Okay but for real.  Ugh.  Barely half a pound?  Certainly it’s not for my lack of trying.  I mean, I’m not exercising or anything – don’t get too crazy! – but I switched from my normal creamer with a splash of coffee to the most boring cup of tea you could ever imagine.  And my husband makes us sandwiches for dinner practically every day now.  That counts for something right?  Cuz if this lifestyle change doesn’t produce results sometime soon, it’s back to Funyuns and butter and happiness.  So, we’ll see.

I did have a moment about 6 years ago where I had lost about 35 pounds.  I didn’t exercise at all because I know me and I know what I’m capable of (couch laying, pajamas, picking things up off the coffee table with my feet cuz I can’t be bothered to move the rest), but I tracked my calorie intake like a drill sergeant.  And it worked.  I was starving for four years straight, but it worked.

Gradually, though, the pounds crept back on and I didn’t even realize it til I found it necessary to hold my pants closed with a ponytail holder instead of the button.  Or just wearing them unzipped altogether, but with a long shirt so I wouldn’t get arrested.  So now I’m back to where I started, and I’m trying to get psycho about losing weight again. I’m older so it’s tougher, and I imagine it’s going to take slightly a bit more work besides eating 3/4 of a cookie instead of a whole one.  Blah.

So while we contemplate the evils of Science, let’s look at nail polish.  I received the Noodles Nail Polish Winter Collection to review for everyone and I’m so excited to share.  Take a look:

SO. STINKIN. PRETTY.  Who wants to put these on all the surfaces?  I do, I do!  Hubby won’t mind, surely.  As long as he gets to keep the remote control, what could he possibly complain about?  Other than all the pajamas, I’d say not much.  I mean, helllllurrrrr, TROPHY WIFE.  Just cuz I can’t seem to get out of my fluffy pink robe doesn’t make it any less true.

First up is Ice, Ice Baby:

Heart eyes times a billion.  And the fact it’s named after a Vanilla Ice song makes it even better.  Who else instinctively says “collaborate and listen” when someone tells you to “stop”?  Although, I’m sure for some of you, it’s “hammer time” instead, but don’t worry – you’re wrong and you can go sit back down now.

So this one is a dark grey crelly with scattered holo,  blue and purple shimmer, platinum flakies and various shades of blue and violet glitters.  Opaque in two quick coats, so perfect for those who like to go do stuff.  Like socialize with friends or be Mom of the Year.  Perhaps you enjoy saving the world from war and poverty.  I, on the other hand, will just be sitting here having my husband bring me stuff on his way back from the kitchen.

Macro porn!

Yum.

Next up is Owl Moon:

I put this one under the lights so you could see the holo better.  Pretty, right?  (Right.)  It’s definitely the epitome of winter, being so grey and all.  However, this one is much lovelier and wayyyy less obnoxious.  Add some lavender and soft white micro flakies, and your brain has officially stopped holding your mouth closed.  There’s a drool-inducing scenario happening right about now, I just feel it.

This macro shows off those lavender flakies a bit better:

How you’re not passed out right now is beyond me.

Next up is Royal Winter:

Okay, for real you’ve passed out properly now, right?  Gah!  Purple lovers, this one is for you.  You cannot turn away.  It’s the polish equivalent of a room full of kitties; therefore, it’s going in the basket whether you like it or not.

This one is a stunning purple jelly packed with silver holo flakies and pink, gold and silver holo glitters, and if this macro doesn’t do you in, I’m pretty sure you’re a robot.

Now here’s Winter Whimsy:

If winter looked like this, we wouldn’t have a problem.  I’m all in for a glitter shower.  Maybe it would appear I have a much more exciting life if I was covered in glitter all the time.  Can’t be a fairy princess without it.  Or a stripper.

So this one is a white crelly with fine silver holo flakies and various shades of blue and purple glitters that are matte, metallic and holo.  I got it opaque in two coats and it leveled out nice, which is hard to do with white crellies.

Check out this macro:

Quick!  Lick the screen while no one’s looking.  Now act natural.

Good job.

Here’s Aurora:

I don’t know about you guys, but this one’s got me all kinds of woozy.  There’s just something about dark polish – and a shifty dark polish at that – that makes it hard to stay upright.  In fact, if someone could just roll me over one of those fancy little fainting couches, that’d be great.  Bring Leonardo, too, just in case.

Who needs a green/blue/purple multi chrome with platinum flakies and pink and silver holo glitters in their life?  Pretty much everyone, so lucky you, you’re buying it.

Lastly, this is Eskimo Kiss:

This one was a surprise favorite.  I had no idea how pretty this combo would be.  Grey and copper?  Yes, please.  Plus you get copper shimmer AND copper glitter, and I’m not even sure that’s enough.  The world needs more copper.  Copper and lattes and no pants on Sundays.  And then world peace is surely to follow.

Then I attempted some nail art:

Okay, I like that one.  Used some heart chain vinyls from Polished Vino and they are so super cute.  And since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I guarantee I’ll do at least 87 more manicures with these.

Scroll past this one:

Keep scrolling I said.  Ugh.

To be fair, I don’t necessarily hate it, but the stamping image I chose didn’t mix well with such a blingy polish.  How many of you know this is a cracked floral pattern?  Like roughly zero?  Sounds about right.

Used the Caption Polish stamping plate #4, just so you know.

A good ole classic french tip with a twist.  I’ve done manis like this before in the past, and I feel like it could be my go-to if I didn’t think it’d get boring after a while.  But crellies and coordinating glitters just look so good together.  And these neat and tidy lines soothe my OCD like nobody’s business.  I’m just gonna close my eyes and smile like an idiot for a second. BRB.

Last one, and my absolute favorite:

Someone hand me my horn so I can toot it cuz I adore this design.  Freaking ADORE IT.  I may start a trend with this one, which all I can say is FINALLY cuz after that record-in-the-hair debacle in the 7th grade, where I put my ponytail through the middle of one and only one single person took notice, I’d say my time has officially come.  Yes?  Yes.

I used the Lina’s Feeling Shapely 01 stamping plate, one of my favorites, and double stamped in two colors.  Thank goodness for clear stampers is the point of this mani.  Oh, and accolades, you know, if you’re not busy.

The round up:

This is a spectacular winter collection.  The colors in here all speak winter to me, and I can’t think of any logical reason why you’re not buying every single one of them.  All beautiful two coaters, vibrantly colored, and flawless.   Want, want and NEED.  That’s your new motto.

So set some alarms – minimum of 17 – so you don’t miss out.  These release Friday, January 27 at 5pm EST, and they’re a one stock deal.  Are you properly panicked now?  You should be.  Click here to order first, relax second.  Buy me a Starbucks third, cuz this blog post took 18 years to write.

Later, loves!

Jan14

Night Owl Lacquer: Winter Blues Trio

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I was gonna start this blog by talking about the Winter Apocalypse that never came, but I’m afraid I might jinx myself.  Technically, the storm system isn’t really out of the area yet, and I have a weekend road trip happening in the morning that cannot be ruined.  And I know the second I laugh in the face of Mother Nature who veered a little too far north is the same second she yanks out her earrings and pops off her Lee Press-Ons and declares a cat fight.

But I am no good at fighting.  The closest I got was in 6th grade when I slapped a girl in the ear.  IN THE EAR.  Trust me when I say any street cred I might’ve had up to that point = instantly revoked.  Never mind the fact I was Spelling Bee Champion of 1987 or that one of my prized possessions was my notebook full of fashion descriptions of every outfit Janet and Chrissy wore during reruns of  Three’s Company.  Or that I used to purposefully step on cow patties cuz I didn’t know cow patties were made of poop.

I was a very strange and sheltered child, you might say.

But my point – I know, you forgot there was one – is that I have also forgotten my point so we’re just gonna move on to the polish before something else stupid slips out.

On the blog today is the Winter Blues Trio from Night Owl Lacquer, a spectacular stunning set of three blue beauties.   Take a look:

This very well could be the elusive Winter Apocalypse we were talking about (oh yeah, my point!), except this is one you’d actually want.  I love the look of these and how the range goes from icy to deep.  If you’re a blue lover, you’re gonna wanna pass out for just a second.  Now FOCUS.  Cuz here we go!

First up is Winter Wonderland:

Isn’t this absolutely dreamy?  Like it might be made out of literal dreams.  It’s elegant and so fresh and clean.  And if you find yourself having tea with the Queen – as happens to most of us, probably – you can wear this polish and be proud.  With pinkies up, of course.

This one has a white crelly base with this amazing, glowy bright blue shimmer with bright blue micro glitter and shreds.  I did three thin coats, but could’ve stopped at two if I did them thicker.  The formula here is nice and smooth.  Crellies can be so iffy at times, but Lindsay knows her stuff.  Plus, that blue shimmer just kills you.  Like, you just THOUGHT it was a simple white, but then BAM!  Dead.  Every time.

See:

Gah!  So pretty.  This polish makes me infinitely happy.

And then I nail arted, guys, and actually did something decent:

Aaaaahhhhh!  Let’s give a little toot toot! for this one, shall we?  I used some cool slanted lines vinyls from What’s Up Nails, and they turned out so crisp.  Not sure if it was luck or Baby Jesus, but either way, I WIN.

Nex up is Frozen in Time:

Okay, now it’s just getting ridiculous.  Lindsay, did you just voodoo this one into being or what?  It’s magical perfection.  Seriously, I’m gonna need a minute to collect myself.  A Starbucks and a massage should do the trick.  And like one of those pillows that’s as big as your body.

So this one is a silvery blue polish with bright blue flakes and an almost foil-like finish.  Two smooth coats, of course.  Under the lamps, the foil really stands out:

Welp, you’re buying all these.  I’ve already decided.

Ugh, I just read the part about the cow patties to my husband, and then he took off his wedding ring and handed it to me.  He doesn’t understand about the no-TMI rule in here.  I mean, if you can’t throw in a random poop story every once in a while, what is the point of this blog?  I ask you, WHAT IS THE POINT?

More good nail art.  Who am I?!

I double stamped an image from the Lina 4 Seasons-Winter 01 plate.  I think they’re snowflakes, could be asterisks.  I’m var var tired right now, and hubby is blasting music in the other room cuz he thinks it’s helping me blog.  IT’S NOT.

Last polish in the trio is Midnight Snowfall:

Hands down.  Favorite.  Love me some dark polish, man.  This one is crazy deep and just mesmerizing to me.  Like an infinite galaxy or a fathomless ocean.  Or some other fancy poetic thing.  But look at it.  I mean, open your eyes real big and look at it.  No blinking.

Told ya.

This one has a blackened blue jelly base with scattered holo and silver white shifting flakies.  Two things I love here:  jelly polish and flakies.  The effect, well, there’s nothing like it. If you ever catch me looking down at my nails smiling like an idiot, chances are I’m wearing a jelly.

Under the lamps:

And just in case you’re not properly convinced, here’s a macro:

My most favorite nail art:

This is such a simple stamping design, but I stinkin’ love it!  I used an image from the Lina Feeling Shapely 07 plate and stamped silver in one direction and blue in the other.  So technically I made a thing and I’m feeling a bit more confident in my skills.  I mean, the feeling is temporary cuz that’s how my life works.  But still.  I’m just gonna revel in this while I can.

The round up:

As previously mentioned, you’re buying these.  I don’t see any logical reason around it.  I mean, I just told the entire internet a story about cow patties.  You buying this trio is the decent next step.  Here’s the deets:

Entire trio is $25, but you can buy a single color for $9 each.  They just released about an hour ago, so what could be more easy?  Just click here and get to it.  Then go rest; you’ve had a successful day.

But wait!  There’s a discount code.  But you gotta be a member of the fan group to get it.  Click here – it’s free.  And we love free things; oh yes we do.  Once you’re in, click on the Winter Blues Trio Release event and you’ll find the code.  

Lastly, Lindsay has added a Create Your Own Collection option to the store.  You can choose 6 polishes (excluding Limited Edition) for $50.  I think it’s a great way to get some pretties and save a bit of money.  Click here for the listing.  And if you need recommendations, I’m full of them, so let me know in the comments.

Okay, I’m headed to the nail table (aka, kitchen table) to do some polishing before bed.  I know I said I was tired, but if the option is nails or sleep, the answer lately seems to be nails.  I may fall asleep at my desk for many micro seconds throughout the day, but that point is and will forever be moot.

Later, loves!

Jan10

Glisten & Glow: Birthday Bash January 2017 Polish

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So how’s those resolutions coming along?  Anyone here reading this blog or y’all at the gym?

Obviously, by the sheer fact this post even exists right now, I have spent an entire weekend in pajamas.  But that’s not a big change from my everyday life, really.  In fact, if you see me outside my home for any extended amount of time, let’s just assume snake, ghost or STARBUCKS EMERGENCY! cuz those are the only logical reasons I can come up with.

My last real valiant gym effort was in 1997, where I spent a traumatic 90 minutes in an aerobics class trying not to pee my pants.  Jumping Jacks and I – NOT friends.  Then I did do a halfhearted gym attempt back in 2008 where I messed around with the weight machines for about a month.  You might’ve seen me:  I was the one putting her leg through the part where the arm goes.  Seemed right at the time.

However, my lengthiest gym commitment started in 2009 and my membership fees were auto-drafted out of my bank account.  To cancel, though, you had to go sign papers in person.  Well, shit.  So obviously I spent the next three years paying for a gym I never used because you don’t get to LAZINESS: EXPERT LEVEL without some sort of effort.

While we all contemplate the state of my life (var var sad), let’s talk polish.  I have a pretty one to show you today.  It’s super duper limited edition, so pay close attention.  I present to you the Glisten & Glow Birthday Bash January 2017:

Oh my.  We are all melting puddles of goo.  Hope you had suspenders on your britches, otherwise they’d be flying right off you now.  This polish is truly stunning.  It’s dark yet festive and blingy and gorge.  You need you need!  (No, seriously.  YOU NEED.)

Every year, Jill at Glisten & Glow does a special thing to celebrate her birthday on January 8.  This year, she created this beauty.  She’s a lovely purple-leaning blue (or blurple, if you’d rather) holographic with lots of multicolored micro glitter.  And it’s a smooth two coater, which is perfect for those who like to go do stuff.  I realize the entire world isn’t painting nails for 27 hours straight like me, although why not?, is the real question.

Macro time!  Better grab a chair.  You’re about to get faint-y.

Gah!  Too pretty for words.  So let’s just move on before incoherent moan-y throat noises come out.  

I did some nail art:

I actually don’t hate this one, which is a rare thing these days.  You’d think with all the practice I put in, this whole nail art thing would be second nature by now.  But of course not, cuz while I may appear to have it all (pajamas and Starbucks and the ear of Jesus), my American Dream is still a touch out of reach.  Blah.

Stamping image from the Bundle Monster + Chit Chat Nails collab plate.  Get it.  It’s a good one.

The round up:

First of all, you’re buying this.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s the how-to:

This polish releases on January 13 at 9pm EST.  Only one batch was made, so make sure you set like 17 alarms then click here.  You don’t want to miss it, trust me.  And it’s only $8, which is practically free.  That’s all the justification you need, so let’s get those to-do lists prioritized.  Glisten &  Glow up top, people!  Two days and counting …

Later, loves!

Jan6

Glam Polish: Rydell Forever Collection 

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I just went in to write this blog post and noticed it’s the ONLY one left in my drafts queue, and I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a freaking miracle and we can all go home and get back in pajamas now because life is officially succeeded.

Was that a run-on sentence?  Prolly.  But one can’t grammar at a time like this.  I’m about two seconds from full-on couch mode since for once in my life, I seriously have nothing to do.  Yes, yes, I know that makes zero sense considering all I ever do is generally nothing, but for real I’m not joking this time.  My swatching is caught up.  My blogging is caught up.  I watched everything on the DVR.  I am literally adrift at sea, on a floatie, with a cocktail and there’s Leonardo pointing a fan at me.

In other words:  we may never make it to the end of this blog. Cuz LEONARDO. And laying. Getting off this floatie will be nigh on impossible at this point.

But just for funsies, let’s talk about the new Glam Polish Rydell Forever Collection. I received 6 out of the 9 polishes in the set – and they’re all stinkin’ gorgeous. Take a look:

Told ya.  Glam Polish never disappoints.

As you may have guessed, this collection is inspired by the movie/musical Grease.  I looooooove Grease!  Do you know how often I belt out I got chills, they’re multiplying! for no reason whatsoever?  Surprisingly more than you’d think, although maybe not so much considering how cold it is in my office all the time.  Serious, it’s straight up grandma status in there with all the afghans on top of me.

In addition, I tell my husband we go together like lama lama ding dong, but he doesn’t think that’s as cute as I’m ALMOST CERTAIN IT DEFINITELY IS.  Boys are no fun sometimes.

Anyway, let’s get into it.  First up is Too Pure to be Pink:

Who wanted to be a Pink Lady growing up?  I lacked a certain coolness to ever be anything more than a kid with gold monogram stickers on her eyeglasses who played dress-up with imaginary babies.  Sooooo close yet so far, know what I’m saying?

Okay, so this one is a baby pink crelly with shifting flakies, glass flecks and holo microglitter.  It’s a dark enough pink to not wash out my entire skin, but light enough to be girly and sweet.  Same excellent formula you get with all the Glam Polish polishes – smooth and flawless.

Look at the size of that flakie!  Pretty sure that’s Jackpot Status right there:

Here’s some nail art I did:

I used the pink plus another color in the collection (swatched below) and some wavy line vinyls from Stick It Nail Vinyls.  It’s kinda cute, right? (Right.)

Next up is It’s Electrifying!:

I won’t lie:  I kinda wanna lick this.  Except society says NO.

This one is a delicious (I’m assuming) green jelly filled with iridescent flakies and holo microglitter.  And it’s absolutely stunning.  Of course, I don’t meet too many greens that I find unfascinating.  However, the depth in this jelly is flat out ridiculous.  Wanna go swimming?  I do.

Don’t look at this nail art:

Just keep scrolling.  Ugh.  Sometimes I do things and wonder what was I thinking?  Clear evidence it’s not just reserved for when I wore a record in my hair in 7th grade and somehow did not start a hot new trend exploding throughout the middle school.  Nope.  I make hideous nail art decisions too.

Although two thumbs up for this Powder Perfect Eqypt plate.  It does good work.

Next we have Oh Sandy!:

I feel a puddle-of-goo-type scenario coming on.  Quick!  Someone bring me an old Victorian fainting couch and one of those cute boys to feed me grapes.  STAT.  Mama needs to lie down.

So this one is a lovely bright purple crelly with shifting flakies, glass flecks and holo microglitter.  And just so you know, this is my absolute favorite shade of purple.  Like a bright but deep lavender with a touch of red.  Is that even a thing?  I dunno.  It’s so pretty, I’ve lost all the words to describe it properly.

More “nail art”:

Well, I’m not winning any awards with that one, am I?  I used the purple along with the blue one (swatched below) for an incredibly simple color block design.  Then added a matte top coat for extra jazz.  Mellow jazz, but jazz nonetheless.

Here’s Peachy Keen, Jelly Bean:

Well look who’s being sexy.  Phwoar!  This one is your date night polish.  Not my date night polish, mind you.  Unless you enjoy pajamas up to your neck and putting your sock booted-feet next to your husband so he can massage them with two fingers and a look of disgust on his face.  But we’re both on the couch next to each other, so I guess technically it’s still a date.  No, let’s just go with your date night then, which I’m sure by far at least takes place outside of your home and with pants on.  Or maybe no pants.  I don’t judge.

OMG, what am I even talking about?  Shut up, brain.

Okay, so this is listed as a bright magenta jelly with iridescent flakies and holo microglitter, but it leans on the red side on me.  Not that I’m complaining.  Red, magenta.  Potato, french fries.  It’s all good.

Now I’m quite proud of this nail art.  Can I get a toot on my own horn, please?

First of all, I matted this design and the red toned down somewhat and I can see the magenta coming through.  Do you see it?  I just love the contrast with the black.  The rose image is from the Uber Chic Beauty 1-02 plate, the very first set I ever purchased.  Memories!

Now we have You’re Cruisin’ For a Bruisin’:

And then a billion blue lovers just sighed and passed out a little bit.  It’s gorgeous huh?  I’m in love with all those holo thingies.  (Technical term.  I’m sooo good at blogging, you guys!)

This one is a navy blue 12D holographic, which I’ve discovered is a mix of different holographic finishes.  It’s magical at the minimum.  Look how sparkly and dreamy it is.  Did you just die?  Yes you did.

Formula is similar to a full coverage glitter, but goes on ultra smooth and easy.  After top coat, the finish was glassy and slick.  You’ll likey, I swear.

Here’s the nail art:

Two reasons this mani exists.  First, there’s a new butterfly emoji on the iPhone that was practically begging for it, and second, TIME FOR SPRING!  It was like 18 degrees today, and I’m about 1856704 percent done with that.

Butterflies courtesy of the Uber Chic Beauty 12-02 plate, just so you know.

Last one!  This is Tell MeAbout It, Stud:

Well, let’s just go out with a bang then.  Doesn’t this one look yummy?  Okay, the urge to lick all of these has reached a dire, unprofessional level.  Seriously.  Send help.

This one is described as a Boysenberry 12D holographic.  BOYSENBERRY?!  Well, I want that then.  Anytime you relate food to nail polish, there’s roughly a billion percent chance I’m all over it.  There could be dog tinkle in the bottle for all I know, but as long as the label says it’s Raspberry Whipped Cream, then that point is moot.  Gimme.

A good nail art attempt:

I took one image from the Lina Feeling Shapely 02 plate, and stamped different parts of it to make it look like I tried extra hard.  I like how it turned out.  Those Lina plates are awesome in case you’re looking for some good ones.

The round up:

Look at that stunning lineup!  Today is your lucky day then cuz you can buy them all at 1pm EST – that’s roughly 3 hours from now.  Set like 17 alarms.  Seriously.  DO IT.

Don’t forget, there are three other colors  available as well that I did not feature here.  Deets for you in case you want to prepare:

Rockin’ an’ Rollin’ an’ What Not – a space gray 12D holographic

Go Grease Lightning – bright red jelly with iridescent flakies and holo microglitter

Summer Lovin’ Had Me a Blast – Cerulean blue crelly with shifting flakies, glass flecks and holo microglitter

This collection is limited edition so do not waste time working or running errands.  You have more pressing things to get to.  Nail polish just might save the world one day, you don’t know.

Pricing is $12 for each bottle or $97.20 for the full set (special 72 hour discount; regular price $108).  If you are international, please click here to see if Glam Polish is available in your country.  And if so, click here and put everything in your basket.  You’re welcome.

Later, loves!

Dec29

SwatchFest 2016: GLH Nail Lacquer 

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Things I Learned at Christmas:

It IS possible to eat your weight in mashed potatoes AND find room to add a layer of Chex Mix and your sister’s chocolate fudge on top.  I look eight months pregnant now, but that is beside the point.

My boy cat jumped up on my mother-in-law’s lap and let her pet him until he rubbed cat hair all over her sweater in ecstasy.  So now she can’t come over anymore.  Hmmmpf.

And even though my mother broke the rules of the gift exchange by going over the agreed-upon budget for my sister’s present, I have decided to still love her.  Aside from my endearing laziness and how adorable I look in constant pajamas, it is my heart of gold that Jesus loves best.

Tell me, what did you guys learn at Christmas?  Did your family make it quite apparent your Dirty Santa gift contribution of two pairs of sherpa-lined sock boots was the least appreciated item they’ve ever seen, then ME TOO!  I’ll just be honest:  after the mashed potatoes, things went downhill a little.

Good thing there’s nail polish!  I received a lovely swatch pack from Gina with GLH Nail Lacquer to review for you all.  I’ve got 6 out of the 11 available for sale.  So feast your eyes!

First up is Pumpkin Spice:

ORANGE, people!  I was most excited about this one  cuz orange = happiness to me.  And then Gina had to go add shimmer to it, and now I can’t concentrate.  Isn’t it so pretty?  And it was two luscious coats of perfection.  What else could be more exciting?  Well, maybe Leonardo DiCaprio handing you a Starbucks.  But after that, not much!

Next is King Isaac:

This one is a lovely blue with tones of purple and that notorious speech-stealing shimmer.  Gah!  So far, I’m beyond impressed with these polishes.  And we just got started!  Hold onto your britches then or there might be some breezes near your lady parts by the time this blog is done.

Then I did some nail art.  Kinda.

I mean, it’s about as simple as you can get right?  A little negative space using line stencils.  I like it though.  I wore it to the Oklahoma City Thunders game and if it’s the reason they won, I wouldn’t be surprised.  It’s quite possible Russell Westbrook had something to do with it, but it’s not an exact science, so …

Now we have Sand Castle:

And then of course I got a cuticle situation right in the middle of swatches, so I’m well aware this is not the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen.  The polish is great though (duh).  A super creamy, two coat beige.  NOT STREAKY which is a dang near miracle with colors like this.  But we gotta move on now cuz my swatch is giving me the hives.

More nail art:

This is my attempt at trying to appreciate winter.  It has failed.  I wish I could enjoy the cold weather, early nights and snow, cuz I’d love to be one of those cute girls wearing Uggs and holding a latte.  But instead, I’m speed walking across the parking lot saying shit shit shit all the way to my office door.  Cold AND classy.  I’m not even sorry for it.

Here’s Queen Liz:

Can you even?  NO. YOU. CANNOT.  What a glorious color!  An antique-y gold with a raspberry shimmer running through it.  If I knew it wouldn’t taste like a science experiment, I’d be licking this off my fingers STAT.  Gracious.

The nail art:

Cute little guys!  I’m afraid, however, I haven’t been especially clever with my nail art this round.  I might’ve forgotten how to do it properly.  Or someone has stolen my mojo.  Let’s hope it finds its way home soon, though.  It’s been awhile since I’ve created anything, and I kinda miss it.

Next is Tutu Pink:

Now THIS is a winter polish!  Gimme a hot pink over an icy blue any day.  It’s a bit of cheer to beat the blahs, I think.  I’m seriously over winter, even though it was around 70 degrees on Christmas and we’ve been pretty lucky so far.  I just want to leave work when it’s daylight.  And to not wear sweaters that weigh 80 pounds.  Ugh.

But about this polish.  Again, two coats.  Do you notice a trend here?  TWO COATS.  They’ve all been perfect little dreamboats.  No streaks, self leveling, creamy smooth, vibrant color.  Only a 17 year vacation could make that better.

Cute nail art:

Okay, still not clever, but I like these bows.  I used the Can’t Wait for Xmas 01 plate from Lina Nail Art Supplies, and it’s one of my favorite purchases this year.  I own all the plates from Lina cuz I don’t know how to shop like a normal person.  Must own all the things.  It’s a sickness, I know.

Lastly, here’s Kiss of Red:

Very much your classic red crème.  It’s glorious and feisty and scratch-your-eyes-out sexy.  I’m not a huge wearer of basic reds, but you gotta have a good one in your collection.  This be it, just so you know.

Supposed to be nail art:

OMG, you guys.  Don’t even ask what this is.  Started out as a cute plaid design, then the stamping demons got me.  Black snowflakes?!  Of course, what else could I possibly do instead?  I swear, someone needs to come take away my stamping plates.  I mean, I’ll karate chop your hands off over it, but still.

The round up:


Wanna get some then?  Here’s the deets:

COST: $10 each

WHERE:  Click here

INSTAGRAM:  GLH Nail Lacquer, click here.  If you want more of me (and you do), click here.

STARBUCKS:  Click here. You know, in case you wanna buy a gift card on the off chance you know a person who might need a latte real real bad right now.  I’m not saying it’s me, but it’s probably me.

Later, loves!

Dec23

Flirtin’: Ice Kissed Collection 

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If someone could just go ahead and make all Christmas gifts come in perfect square boxes, that’d be great.  Cuz I don’t know about you, but I have about 18 poorly wrapped gifts, sitting in their lumpy and patchworked glory, under my Christmas tree right now.  It for real looks like I wrapped them with my feet, which hurts my heart a little since I actually take pride in my wrapping skills.  It’s the one time where I can let my nerd flag fly without fear of judgement, as everyone knows the one who has the gift of wrapping rules the universe.  Or something along that line.

So basically, I’ve got a chronic case of the hives now until these presents go away.  But at least my nails are done! (Which is my excuse for a lot of things, lately.  But in my opinion, a good manicure offsets even the worst offenses – just try noticing the fact I’m eating bean dip straight out of the can when I’ve got glittery snowflakes on mah nails.  It’s nigh on impossible.)

Speaking of nails, I received a lovely swatch pack from a new-to-me brand called Flirtin‘.  They have released six new polishes today and I have three of them to show you.  Here is the (partial) Ice Kissed Collection:

OMG, you purple lovers are gonna just die over this.  Do not lick your screen cuz there are judgy people all around you.  Not everyone appreciates good nail porn, which a) makes me question what kind of world do we live in, and b) I assume society must be on the verge of extinction then.  So lock yourself in a bathroom stall to read this blog, just to be safe, is what I’m saying.

According to Sham, creator of Flirtin’, the Ice Kissed Collection celebrates the colors of winter created by the shades of water, ice and snow.

“The wintery fresh collection represents windy nights, flurry days, and subzero temperatures. The collection compromises the key components which are most memorable about winter, braving the elements and scenic landscapes. These shades prove winter can also be gorgeous and magical.”

I don’t even like winter, but that description makes me think about it for half a second. Good job, Sham!

Let’s start with Sugar Plums:

Well how pretty is this?!  (Very.)  I’ll be honest and say I was only expecting a normal but pretty polish here. But the blue shimmer got me guys.  It got me good.

This one has a red-toned shimmery purple base packed with lavender holo.  It truly does look like a sugar plum!  Formula is thicker than anticipated but super easy to control.  My photos shows two coats.  And magic.  Clearly, I’ve captured magic.  Ugh.

Under the lamps, that shimmer stands out really well:

And then a macro in case you feel like sitting down and fainting for a second:

Not even joking.  That should do you in pretty good.  Hope you had your smelling salts handy.

Now focus, cuz I nail arted and it didn’t turn out hideous.  Hooray!

I used the christmas tree squiggles from What’s Up Nails to make this simple but impactful design.  And then I matted the whole thing.  I love it!  One of my favorite holiday manis I’ve done this year.

Next up is Nor’easter:

This is Sham’s take on a violent winter storm, with snow, rain and spiraling winds.  That all sounds awful, but the polish is fabulous.  I love me some dark colors, yo.  Get this one on your fingers, stat.

The effect here with all that silvery “stuff” (technical term; I’m soooo good at blogging you guys!) looks like a blizzard against a night sky.  DOES IT NOT?!  

And then you get it under the lamps and it reminds you of icy black pavement.  See:

Yep, Sham killed it with this one.  I don’t even know what the other three polishes are in this collection (yet, as of this writing), but I don’t even care at this point.  I’m buying them.  And so are you.

But look at this macro:

Do you see those surprising blue flecks?  WTF are those then?!  For real, if I had a mic I would’ve dropped it by now and straight up walked out of the room.  Such a cool color.  Want, want and NEED.  That’s your new motto.

More nail art:

Never mind the random cat hair stuck to my pinky.  That’s pretty much me on a daily basis anyhow.  I try to clean myself up for public, but when you force-hold your kitties and carry them around like babies (they looooooooooove it!) (okay, they don’t), you’re bound to have cat hair find you.  I pull them out of my mouth all the time, which is weird, but not completely surprising.

Back to the art – I did pink and blue gradient stamping!  I thought the contrast would look pretty good here.  Plus, had to keep that night sky theme going, hence the star image. Pretty easy, but I’m diggin it.  

Last polish to share is called Nippy:

Look, it’s the color of my lips after sitting in my office for about 10 minutes!  I just need an afghan and some of those heated, fingerless typing gloves and now you know exactly what I look like for 9 hours a day.  Basically grandma status is what I’m saying.  Someone needs to hand me a crochet hook so I can fight off all the boys.  (Obviously.)

This one is a medium sheer blue with a strong violet undertone, and it’s so super pretty on the nail.  It had a thinner formula, and still really good.  And under the lamps, it gets downright ridiculous:

My eyes, my eyes!  I love polishes like this, loaded up with shift.  They practically glow, and this is no exception.  Despite the fact the inspiration behind this polish is subzero temperatures – of which all I can say is NOPE – I truly adore this and want to cover all the surfaces with it.

Finally, here’s the nail art:

I don’t even know what I was attempting here, but I freaking love it!  I did some stamping and then some random swipes with a glitter striper.  Looks a bit like ice, and that wasn’t even my intention, so we’re just gonna call this a SUCCESS and move on.  Hooray!

The round up:

Okay guys, you know what to do.  Click here and go buy these.  Retail cost is $8 which is an excellent price for something so pretty.  I’m headed there now to get the other three I don’t have, and I’m so excited as these are some of my most favorites I’ve gotten this year.  That’s saying a lot cuz y’all know I have no filter on nail polish – I’ve purchased two of the same color in the SAME ORDER before and didn’t even realize it until they both arrived at my house.  In other words, I just throw polish in the cart without even looking.  Cuz I love them all. Want them all.  Need them all.

Well, why be obsessed if you can’t do it properly?

Later, loves!

Dec20

MDJ Creations: Fairytale Flakies Collection 

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It has been brought to my attention that my incognito naps out in the car during lunch break are not so incognito after all.  And that’s very unfortunate because when you’re up doing nails until 2am on a school night, naps just sort of happen whether you want them to or not.  Hubby told me he was talking about me with one of his friends who mentioned he had seen me napping out in my car:

ME:  Well, did you take up for me?  Did you tell him most of the time I am doing IMPORTANT STUFF and definitely NOT napping?  

HIM:  Like, are you doing squirrel surgery out there or something?  And then fall asleep in the middle of it?  Ooooooh, sorry.  You died.  I mean, I don’t know how to make what you’re doing sound important. 

ME:  Ugh.  Now he thinks I go to my car specifically to nap.  I’m Instagramming!  Sometimes scrolling takes a very long time.  And then I fall asleep on accident.  ON ACCIDENT.  There’s a difference.

HIM:  He said you looked pretty committed to it.

Well, greeeeeaaaaaaat.  It’s one thing to be sleeping with your mouth lolling open around a bunch of strangers on an airplane, but another thing entirely for a co-worker to see you looking your most unattractive.  I know I am an ugly sleeper when I attempt it sitting upright.  Either my mouth hangs wide open or my head falls into my own lap.  And I wake up every 90 seconds to put it back where it belongs before it ends up in my lap once again.  It’s an extremely hideous cycle, and one I prefer to do in private.

So until my job builds me my own personal napping room, I suppose we should just get on with the polish.  I received a nice little swatch pack from MDJ Creations to review, and the gorgeous Fairytale Flakies collection was in it.  See:

Dreamy, right?  Love me some flakies.  They make everything better.  I bet even my napping mouth would look good with flakies on it.

Okay, so about this collection.  It came out back in the summer and now it’s extremely limited.  Some polishes are still available as singles, but some you can only get if you purchase the entire set.   So, no rush or anything, but GO NOW.  Tomorrow may be too late.

You properly panicked now?  Well, you should be.

First up is Jasmine:

Welp, you’re gonna need this one.  It’s turquoise and green and gold and delicious.  You need no other reason.  Except for maybe it’s about to sell out, and now you have a crisis on your hands.  Erlack!

No nail art on this one because I did something hideous and this is a happy blog, so …

Next up is Aurora:

OMG, are you dying?  What a pretty pink; so girly!  But then I added some black stamping, and the contrast is making me weak in the knees.  My brain has stopped holding my mouth closed and there might be a drooling-type scenario in progress.  Ugh.  I love.

Now we have Belle:

Oh so fancy!  But listen, guys.  About this one.  It’s only available if you purchase the entire set; the single polish is sold out.  However, the set is fabulous (Clearly.  You’ve been paying attention right?), and you’ll be thrilled with it, I swear.  And then you can toot your own horn for your wise decision making and get back in pajamas cuz LIFE = SUCCEEDED.

I’m okay with this nail art:

A sideways french tip never hurt anyone.  I think the purple makes the gold look even more gold and extra flakie-y.  It’s truly pretty and you want it so much.  OH YES YOU DO.

Here’s Rapunzel:

Where my purple lovers at, cuz this one has your name alllll over it.  (It does.  I checked.)

Don’t ask about this nail art.  It looked better in my head:

Wellllll, I tried.  It’s sort of a stamped version of the spun sugar technique, which I guess is pretty cool and definitely less messy.  So there’s that.   I just feel like it’s missing something.  I dunno.  I’m not winning any awards any time soon, pretty sure.  Unless it’s for laziness, cuz I’m super good at that.  Like EXPERT level.  I once worked in a building across the street from my apartment, and I still drove my car over there to park in the parking lot.  I’m almost certain that’s the saddest story ever told.

Next up is Happily Ever After:

Now this one is a fun one, cuz it’s a taupe flakie and how many times have you seen a taupe flakie before?  And then there’s this surprise pink mauve shimmer in it, which makes me love it even more.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), it’s only available in the full set since the single polish sold out.  Oh well, you were buying the set anyway.

I underestimated the bling: 

Stamping doesn’t show up quite as clear as I’d hoped against that sparkly base, but I’m still diggin it.  I like the red against the taupe, specifically.  It’s an uncommon combo, and I’m gonna go ahead and celebrate like I invented the dang thing.  Hooray!

Next is Cinderella:


This one is a sky blue with soft rainbow flakies, and I don’t know what soft rainbow flakies are, but I’m pretty sure I want them all over my body.

TMI?  Not in this blog!

Lastly, if you do purchase the entire set, you get this lovely lady for free!  Here’s Once Upon a Time:

This one is a sheer pink rainbow with blue shift, marketed as a topper but here I applied three coats on naked nails just to see what it’d do.  You can still see the nail line, but I think it’s lovely.  

The round up:

Every single one of these polishes can either be toppers with one coat or full coverage with 3 coats.  My swatches were all full coverage attempts so you could get an idea of the true color of the polish without interference of any base color.

OMG, who’s the best blogger ever?  (Me, to be clear.)

Let me remind you how quickly you need to move on these.  Click here and get to shoppin’.  In addition to it being an emergency, there’s a coupon code.  Here’s the deets:

Code: CHRISTMASGIFT25 for 25% off plus a free gift (while supplies last).  Leave a message in the notes section on your free gift preference – choice of lip gloss jar, mini polish, mini cuticle oil, or ointment sample.  Minimum purchase of $25 is required.  Coupon expires 12/25.

And now you’re all set for the day.  Buy you some pretties, save you some money, get me a gift card.  Anything else you had planned is moot.

Later, loves!

Dec17

Glisten & Glow: Experience the Islands Collection and All Dressed Up Duo

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Before you go thinking I have this charmed life full of nail polish, Starbucks and happiness, let it be known that I just got home from work and realized I’ve been wearing my shirt inside out ALL FREAKING DAY LONG.  Like, there was a tag out in full view and everything.  I don’t know whether to be grateful no one noticed or confused by the amount of people who’d let me walk around like a dang hobo for nine hours straight.

Regardless of which, it’s my own fault for trying to wear clothes straight out of the laundry basket instead of hanging them up in the closet like a civilized person.  I just don’t have time to mess with it.  Who’s doing the nails, watching the Netflix and putting the Schnapps in the coffee then?  If I’m doing housework, that’s when my life truly goes to pieces.  So I hold it all together and just buy more underwear. That way, you can still read this blog and I’m basically a hero.  Hooray!

I’ve got more pretties from Glisten & Glow to show you today. I received the 4-piece Experience the Islands collection and the All Dressed Up duo to review – two collections that have been out for a few months, but still available, thank you Baby Jesus.

Let’s talk about Experience the Islands first.  Here they are:

I don’t know about you, but it’s flippin cold here and the sun has done took a vacay.  In other words, hibernation mode is kicking in and if I somehow get out of the house between now and April, it’ll be a straight up Christmas miracle.  If there was ever a more perfect time for some summer nail polish, I’d say one week before winter sounds about right.

First up is Bungee Jump in the Bahamas:

This thing is ridiculous good.  Perfect, smooth, and almost opaque in one coat.  Ultra creamy.  Self-leveling and non-streaky.  Effortless.  I loved everything about it.  It’s a super bright mint that would make an awesome base for some cool beachy nail art.

So naturally I did snowflakes!

It’s the only snow I approve of.

The good thing about these polishes is they stamp really well.  I used the white from the All Dressed Up duo and the fuchsia  one below to do the stamping, and I think it turned out pretty cute.  It’s kind of a rare thing when I feel like I’ve done something successful, so quick! hand me my horn so I can toot it.

Next up is ATV in Aruba:

Welp, I have no words.  This one is the ultimate berry pink and you’re buying it.  What more reason do you need?  NONE.  It’s going in the shopping cart.  The end.  

Same great formula as the last one, although the nail art could be a bit more creative.  However, I stamped using the black polish from the All Dressed Up duo, and that part looks pretty dang good.  And the image is a corset, so although I may be sitting on the couch wearing a pair of crocheted gray footies and an afghan up to my neck, at least my nails are sexy.

Now we have Parasail in Puerto Rico:

Squeeeee!  How pretty is this?  It’s a really bright coral creme that teeters on neon although not neon.  It’s my favorite!  Again with the perfect formula.  I’m not sure what these are made of, but MAGIC comes close.  They’re cheerful, happy little things and I can’t get enough.

I really need the sun to come out.  Ugh.  It’ll never be warm again.

Okay, I stinkin love this.  I got these really cute Quatrefoil line vinyls from Polished Vino and now I wanna go back and buy like a billion more of them and that’s not even a typo.  I adore them that much.  And also, I can’t be normal.

Last polish from the Experience the Islands collection is Snorkel in St. Thomas:

Everyone needs a good turquoise blue, so here you go.  It’s lovely!  For real, guys.  These polishes are all consistently amazing.  Two coats, tops.  Perfect if you’re short on time or just need to get back to couch laying, which is often my case.  I highly recommend them, and so you will buy them cuz I know what is best for you.

Look, I made flowers!  FREEHANDED.  I mean, well obviously, since they’re not the best flowers you’ve ever seen, but hey – I did a THING, so gimme that horn again.  Toot toot!  

The other set I received to review is the All Dressed Up Duo.  Don’t mind my nerdy font fest:


They’re not even joking with these.  Holy moly.  I’m just gonna make this short and sweet.  Creamy.  Opaque.  Amazing.  Want. Neeeeeed.

First up is Little Black Dress:

Ugh.  So good.  And you could totally get away with one coat if you wanted to.  I did two coats like always, but most people have lives and important things to do.  I, on the other hand, could really use a nap right about now.  

The other half of the duo is Wedding Gown White:

White is hard.  A lot of times you get one that is streaky, patchy or takes a crap ton of coats to get opaque.  However, I say this with barely concealed excitement, but SHE. IS. PERFECT.  One coat covers really well and the second coat evens it all out and is completely no fuss.  You gotta get it!  And then you = happiness.

I had zero direction on where I was going with this, which might explain that pointer finger.  However, the longer I look at it the more I love it.  I have no doubt I’ll recreate this design again at some point.

The round up:

Each one of these is amazing.  I’ve said that about 15 times in this blog post, but just in case you still need convincing, let me reiterate.  BUY THESE.  I mean it.  Click here.

Experience the Islands set – $30

All Dressed Up duo – $15

Single polish – $7.50 each

ORRRRRRRR, you can buy both sets thru this listing >>here<< and get free shipping.  We love free!  Free feels good.

And now for real .. about that nap …

Later, loves!

Dec13

Little Nail Girl: Holiday Vibes Duo

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A Life Lesson in Two Acts:

The Scene – On a road trip.  Wife driving, hands cramping at a consistent 10 and 2.  Husband scrolling Facebook, napping, staring out the window thinking God knows what cuz he has allllll the freaking time in the world while enjoying passenger seat comfort / VIP status.

ACT I

HUSBAND:  I’m not saying it’s an emergency or anything, but I’m gonna have to use the restroom pretty soon.

WIFE:  (picks up half drank bottle of tea from the cup holder)  Really?? Already?  Your bladder is surprisingly tiny for such a large person.

H:  All I’m saying is I won’t be able to make it for 2 hours.

W:  (checks ETA on the GPS)  Oh, well, great cuz we’ll be there in an hour and 42 minutes.  Perfect!

H:  45 minutes then.  I won’t be able to make it past 45 minutes.

Ugh.  Fifteen minutes further down the road, wife stop at the first gas station that involves the least amount of getting off the highway.  Jesus, most assuredly, is smiling down on her.

ACT II

HUSBAND:  Per your strict and somewhat rude instructions, here is your bag of Funyuns and your mocha iced latte.  Thank you for stopping to let me pee.

WIFE:  (handing the Funyuns back to the husband)  Can you open these for me?  I can’t do it while driving.

While holding the bag of Funyuns, the husband proceeds to tell a useless story about the other flavor of Funyuns (New! It’s Steakhouse!) sitting right next to the regular flavor of Funyuns.  And also, CURRENTLY NOT OPENING THE BAG.

W:  Why are you not opening the bag?  Come on, come on! (She is clearly starving to death.)

The husband quickly opens the bag and then an irrational misunderstanding takes place.

W:  (shocked, frightened)  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

H:  (with hand hovering over the opening of the bag, one Funyun dangling cautiously between thumb and forefinger)  Eating a Funyun?

W:  NO, you are NOT eating a Funyun!  (voice starts to wobble in an edge-of-hysteria sort of way)  WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!

H:  (said matter-of-factly)  You had me open the bag.  It’s a tax, everyone knows that.

W:  I didn’t take a bite of your chocolate ding dong you ate just now.  I didn’t even ask for one.

H:  (again, matter-of-factly)  Well, you didn’t open the bag.

W:  Oh my God.  (frustrated)  You know there aren’t that many Funyuns in a bag of Funyuns.  If you wanted even ONE Funyun, you should’ve gotten your own bag.  We do not share Funyuns.  Never ever ever do we share Funyuns.

H:  (laughing uncontrollably)

W:  You’re laughing, but I’m serious.  Don’t you ever eat out of my bag of Funyuns.  I will cut your arm off.  I will literally karate chop your freaking arm off.  MY Funyuns!  MY FUNYUNS.  Not OUR Funyuns.  There is no such thing as OUR Funyuns.

Wife then continues to eat her Funyuns in perturbed silence, while husband retreats back into the shell of his former self.

About 20 minutes further down the road, husband pulls more ding dong out of the bag on the floor.

W:  What the hell?!  You had ding dong left?  You stole my Funyun AND you didn’t eat all your ding dong?

Moral of the story:  there is no tax on opening someone’s bag of snacks.  You open it and then walk away.  Marriage = saved.

Thank God for nail polish, I always say.  I have the Holiday Vibes duo from Little Nail Girl to show you.  Get excited; they’re pretty!

Gah!  That foil finish!  The flakies!  And that golden shift!  Welp, this is starting out well.

Let’s do It Girl first:

Goodness, I’m already speechless.  You gotta love a red with an extra special something.  The shot under the lamps (bottom left) is plain ridiculous.  It’s the best kind of metallic.  Ultra smooth, two coats.  Perfection.  I dare you to wear this polish and somehow manage to NOT stick your fingers in peoples’ faces.

This macro, though.  If you’re not already convinced, here, lemme help you:

You done died.  For real, you did.

Then I did some nail art.  I tried to make a Christmas tree.  

Meh.  It’s okay.  I kinda like it.  The more I see it, the more I approve.  Sometimes my designs take a few days to fully appreciate. While I was making this, all I could think was how I was about to stamp all the things and I tried so hard to reel it in.  So, on that fact alone, this design is genius.

The other half of the duo is Lucky Charm:

Ooooooh!  Not your traditional Christmas green, so what a fun surprise!  It’s got a bit of aqua in it, plus that gold shift just takes it over the top.  Same smooth formula as the red one, these two are truly made for each other.  If you are a green lover (like me, obsessively so), you’re gonna have to buy this duo.  Sorry, but you have no choice.

You can’t unsee this macro:

Despite the fact this is not my best cuticle work, seeing all that flakie goodness gives me heart eyes times a billion.  Flakies make everything better.  And prettier and skinnier, too, probably.

Here’s nail art:

It’s poinsettia leaves in case I mucked them up beyond recognition.  Nail art is hard sometimes.  Reverse stamping is even harder.  In real life, these nails are like 10 inches thick.  Ooops.

The round up:

Okay, babes.  Get out your credit card and click here.  You’re buying this duo.  It’s only $15 and you know you’ve spent more than that on something stupid you don’t even need, like that poo spray you put in the toilet before you go potty.

And most important, don’t forget I have a discount code to save you money.  Whyyyyyy, now it’s practically free!  Use DSETT (all caps) at check out and get 10% off.  Now aren’t you glad you read all the way to the bottom?

Later, loves!