Since January 1st, I have lost a total of .6 pounds, and I don’t know about you but I’m celebrating.  Someone get me a Starbucks, cuz I. HAVE. EARNED IT.

Okay but for real.  Ugh.  Barely half a pound?  Certainly it’s not for my lack of trying.  I mean, I’m not exercising or anything – don’t get too crazy! – but I switched from my normal creamer with a splash of coffee to the most boring cup of tea you could ever imagine.  And my husband makes us sandwiches for dinner practically every day now.  That counts for something right?  Cuz if this lifestyle change doesn’t produce results sometime soon, it’s back to Funyuns and butter and happiness.  So, we’ll see.

I did have a moment about 6 years ago where I had lost about 35 pounds.  I didn’t exercise at all because I know me and I know what I’m capable of (couch laying, pajamas, picking things up off the coffee table with my feet cuz I can’t be bothered to move the rest), but I tracked my calorie intake like a drill sergeant.  And it worked.  I was starving for four years straight, but it worked.

Gradually, though, the pounds crept back on and I didn’t even realize it til I found it necessary to hold my pants closed with a ponytail holder instead of the button.  Or just wearing them unzipped altogether, but with a long shirt so I wouldn’t get arrested.  So now I’m back to where I started, and I’m trying to get psycho about losing weight again. I’m older so it’s tougher, and I imagine it’s going to take slightly a bit more work besides eating 3/4 of a cookie instead of a whole one.  Blah.

So while we contemplate the evils of Science, let’s look at nail polish.  I received the Noodles Nail Polish Winter Collection to review for everyone and I’m so excited to share.  Take a look:

SO. STINKIN. PRETTY.  Who wants to put these on all the surfaces?  I do, I do!  Hubby won’t mind, surely.  As long as he gets to keep the remote control, what could he possibly complain about?  Other than all the pajamas, I’d say not much.  I mean, helllllurrrrr, TROPHY WIFE.  Just cuz I can’t seem to get out of my fluffy pink robe doesn’t make it any less true.

First up is Ice, Ice Baby:

Heart eyes times a billion.  And the fact it’s named after a Vanilla Ice song makes it even better.  Who else instinctively says “collaborate and listen” when someone tells you to “stop”?  Although, I’m sure for some of you, it’s “hammer time” instead, but don’t worry – you’re wrong and you can go sit back down now.

So this one is a dark grey crelly with scattered holo,  blue and purple shimmer, platinum flakies and various shades of blue and violet glitters.  Opaque in two quick coats, so perfect for those who like to go do stuff.  Like socialize with friends or be Mom of the Year.  Perhaps you enjoy saving the world from war and poverty.  I, on the other hand, will just be sitting here having my husband bring me stuff on his way back from the kitchen.

Macro porn!

Yum.

Next up is Owl Moon:

I put this one under the lights so you could see the holo better.  Pretty, right?  (Right.)  It’s definitely the epitome of winter, being so grey and all.  However, this one is much lovelier and wayyyy less obnoxious.  Add some lavender and soft white micro flakies, and your brain has officially stopped holding your mouth closed.  There’s a drool-inducing scenario happening right about now, I just feel it.

This macro shows off those lavender flakies a bit better:

How you’re not passed out right now is beyond me.

Next up is Royal Winter:

Okay, for real you’ve passed out properly now, right?  Gah!  Purple lovers, this one is for you.  You cannot turn away.  It’s the polish equivalent of a room full of kitties; therefore, it’s going in the basket whether you like it or not.

This one is a stunning purple jelly packed with silver holo flakies and pink, gold and silver holo glitters, and if this macro doesn’t do you in, I’m pretty sure you’re a robot.

Now here’s Winter Whimsy:

If winter looked like this, we wouldn’t have a problem.  I’m all in for a glitter shower.  Maybe it would appear I have a much more exciting life if I was covered in glitter all the time.  Can’t be a fairy princess without it.  Or a stripper.

So this one is a white crelly with fine silver holo flakies and various shades of blue and purple glitters that are matte, metallic and holo.  I got it opaque in two coats and it leveled out nice, which is hard to do with white crellies.

Check out this macro:

Quick!  Lick the screen while no one’s looking.  Now act natural.

Good job.

Here’s Aurora:

I don’t know about you guys, but this one’s got me all kinds of woozy.  There’s just something about dark polish – and a shifty dark polish at that – that makes it hard to stay upright.  In fact, if someone could just roll me over one of those fancy little fainting couches, that’d be great.  Bring Leonardo, too, just in case.

Who needs a green/blue/purple multi chrome with platinum flakies and pink and silver holo glitters in their life?  Pretty much everyone, so lucky you, you’re buying it.

Lastly, this is Eskimo Kiss:

This one was a surprise favorite.  I had no idea how pretty this combo would be.  Grey and copper?  Yes, please.  Plus you get copper shimmer AND copper glitter, and I’m not even sure that’s enough.  The world needs more copper.  Copper and lattes and no pants on Sundays.  And then world peace is surely to follow.

Then I attempted some nail art:

Okay, I like that one.  Used some heart chain vinyls from Polished Vino and they are so super cute.  And since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I guarantee I’ll do at least 87 more manicures with these.

Scroll past this one:

Keep scrolling I said.  Ugh.

To be fair, I don’t necessarily hate it, but the stamping image I chose didn’t mix well with such a blingy polish.  How many of you know this is a cracked floral pattern?  Like roughly zero?  Sounds about right.

Used the Caption Polish stamping plate #4, just so you know.

A good ole classic french tip with a twist.  I’ve done manis like this before in the past, and I feel like it could be my go-to if I didn’t think it’d get boring after a while.  But crellies and coordinating glitters just look so good together.  And these neat and tidy lines soothe my OCD like nobody’s business.  I’m just gonna close my eyes and smile like an idiot for a second. BRB.

Last one, and my absolute favorite:

Someone hand me my horn so I can toot it cuz I adore this design.  Freaking ADORE IT.  I may start a trend with this one, which all I can say is FINALLY cuz after that record-in-the-hair debacle in the 7th grade, where I put my ponytail through the middle of one and only one single person took notice, I’d say my time has officially come.  Yes?  Yes.

I used the Lina’s Feeling Shapely 01 stamping plate, one of my favorites, and double stamped in two colors.  Thank goodness for clear stampers is the point of this mani.  Oh, and accolades, you know, if you’re not busy.

The round up:

This is a spectacular winter collection.  The colors in here all speak winter to me, and I can’t think of any logical reason why you’re not buying every single one of them.  All beautiful two coaters, vibrantly colored, and flawless.   Want, want and NEED.  That’s your new motto.

So set some alarms – minimum of 17 – so you don’t miss out.  These release Friday, January 27 at 5pm EST, and they’re a one stock deal.  Are you properly panicked now?  You should be.  Click here to order first, relax second.  Buy me a Starbucks third, cuz this blog post took 18 years to write.

Later, loves!