Tag Archives: glisten & glow

The Holo Hookup: July 2017 – Beaches of the World

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One of the coolest things has happened to me, and it surprisingly doesn’t involve Leonardo or a wedding dress.  GUYS.  I’ve been asked to blog for the Holo Hookup box!  Excuse me while I pee my pants a little.  Cuz I don’t know about you, but they’ve got an awesome batch of bloggers, and to be amongst them makes me feel like I should be allowed to quit my job and wear pajamas forever AT ANY MOMENT NOW.  Except hubby says NO cuz hubby is zero fun.

We shall stay married, however, cuz he brings me sandwiches.

Since the Holo Hookup is a new thing to my blog, let me give you a tiny rundown.  It is the brain child of Jill from Glisten & Glow, Sara from Cupcake Polish and Missi from Different Dimension.  Every month, they team up with a fourth rotating featured brand and create exclusive holographic polishes based on that particular month’s theme.  And then the rest of us swoon and drool and be basically unattractive as we elbow our way to the front of the line.  Cuz they’re only on sale for 7 days, and y’all know a POLISH EMERGENCY ain’t the time to be leisurely.

Anyway,  let me show you what’s coming up for July.  Brace yourselves for an insane amount of holo.  Ready?  Well then lessss go!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Yep.  You’re about to spend some money, I can already tell.

So this month’s theme is Beaches of the World.  Before you even open the box, you know you’re gonna love each and every one of these.  Cuz who doesn’t want all things beachy?  I mean, I cried while snorkeling and wore a sweat bead mustache for 7 days straight, and still somehow managed to have a good time.  The frizzy triangle-shaped hair was pushing it though, just to be clear. Ahhhhh, Humidity, my evil friend.

Here’s the inspiration photo:

Now let’s get into some polish.  I’m getting quite chatty, and if I don’t wrap this up soon, stupid things are gonna come out.  As they do about 97.75867% of the time.

This month’s featured brand is the lovely Sarah and Adrienne with Fair Maiden Polish.  I had the pleasure of swatching a collection for them back in April, and lemme just say:  I LUB THEM LOTS.

And because we are all some kind of classy ladies, guests shall go first.  Here is what Sarah and Adrienne made for us.  Presenting, Waikiki Beach:

This one is a sandy linear holographic with pink to gold shifting shimmer and hints of scattered holo sparkle throughout.  It’s a pretty dainty shade but with just enough punch to make my sad white sausages look slightly more hand model-y.  And for that reason alone, IN THE CART SHE GOES!

Under the lamps, jaws are dropping everywhere:

Close up of that shimmer:

Mercy!

And then I made this nail art:

Look!  Effort!  Kinda cute right?  Worth half a horn toot, maybe? 

Used the Uber Chic Beauty 18-01 plate on this one, a crap ton of gold beads, and a skosh of mojo.

Next up is the offering from Glisten & Glow – here’s Trunk Bay:

This one is an ocean blue linear holographic with mermaid tail shimmers and a twinkle of silver holo microglitters.  Well, who wants this one all over the surfaces?  EVERY DADGUM ONE OF US, that’s who.  There’s just something about a blue, isn’t there?  So calming and serene.  If a nap is coming next, no one’s surprised.

Under the lamps:

Angels are signing, I’m quite certain.

Macros, and an attempt at ladylike composure:

Just kidding.  I’m a drool-y mess.

Not hideous nail art:

You might’ve expected something more mermaid-y, so naturally I did raindrops.  Best blogger ever, is what you’re thinking. 

Used the Uber Chic Beauty 9-01 plate in case you’re curious.  (You might be this time!)

Now here’s Pink Beach from Different Dimension:

This one is a blush pink linear holographic with twinkling pink shimmers and silver holographic microglitters.  It gives off a slight lavender-y tone on me, and it’s so soft and precious and perfect for holding tiny cappuccinos.  Cuz she a fancy lady, that’s why.

Under the lamps, we all get just a little bit more pass-out-y:

And then a prelude to the Noodle Leg Epidemic happening next:

How are we still upright?  The sheer amount of perseverence on display over here is downright superhuman.  Still not putting pants on though.  

Some simple stamping:

Meh.  No awards are coming, but it’s not the worst I’ve ever done.  I mean, you’ve read this blog before.  Nail fails, THEY. ARE. EVERYWHERE.

Used the Uber Chic Beauty 9-02 plate on this one in case recreations are in order.  (They’re not.  Moving on.)

Lastly, here’s Horseshoe Bay Beach from Cupcake Polish:

This one is a creme based peach linear holographic with pink to blue shifting shimmers.  At first I thought this was a pink polish, but after I applied it, the peach is very evident.  It’s such an awesome summery shade.  And it’s pretty much a one coater, although I added a second out of habit.  Then I went and lounged on couches, cuz TWO COATS for no damn good reason?  That’s effort to the trillionth degree.

Under the lamps:

And then macros to aid the convincing:

But then again, you already know.  One box plus 27 backup boxes, AT MINIMUM.

Scroll past this one:

You stopped scrolling!  Ugh.  Is it me or is that blinding white pinky nail just staring you in the face asking WHAT THE HELL, Expert?  Like, was I doing nail art and then somewhere in the middle my brain just up and went somewhere?   Bye bye mojo.  You had one foot out the door anyway.

Used the Uber Chic Beauty 9-01 plate, but at this point … NEXT!

Bonus points down below!  Someone’s feeling overachieve-y:

Used all four colors from the box and smooshed ’em all over my nails cuz a big burst of energy just happens sometimes.  Don’t worry, though, we’re all back to normal now, picking things up with our feet cuz bending over properly is a commitment I’m not yet ready to make.

A patchwork, color block-y, chevron-y kinda thing:

Again, used all 4 colors.  Seriously, is a Starbucks coming?  I think yes.

The round up:

Pre-order for this box starts on June 21 at 9pm EST and will run thru June 28 at 9pm EST.  And in case you don’t math well, that’s 7 days of panic heading your way.  So 17 alarms and Post-It Notes in all the places?  COMPLETELY NORMAL BEHAVIOR.  

Cost is $40 and shipping will begin by July 12.  Click here for shopping!  (On Wednesday.  First in line.  Cuz no one does Crazy Nail Lady quite like you.)

And now, some linky loos:

Holo Hookup Instagram

Holo Hookup Facebook Fan Group

Okay, gang, that’s it!  You’ve got your game plan and I’ve got the carpal tunnel.  Oh the things I do for your love.  Professional Blogger Extraordinare?  Yep.  Sounds about right.  

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Glisten & Glow: Summer Camp Daze Collection 

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Outdoorsy things have always hated me.  I was never the kid who got called on for sports.  Considering how often I played dress up with imaginary babies out on the playground, I’m sure they all figured a kickball rolling towards me at .027 miles per hour just wouldn’t be my thing.  I mean, you miss the ball only ONE SINGLE SOLITARY TIME, and suddenly a reputation for books and spelling bees is just handed to you – with a bow, signed card and cherry on top.

So naturally, that athletic inclination followed me everywhere.  I’d ride my bicycle to the post office to buy stamps for my nerdy pen pal obsession, only to get chased by the scary neighbor girls up the street.  I suppose my smoking candy cigarettes while steering one-handed just wasn’t the tough persona I expected it to be.

But I figured out a way, guys.  I FIGURED OUT A WAY.  Twelve years old.  Church camp, away from the comforts of home and the wise teachings of a mother whose only job at that point was to remind you how important it is to track your period on a DADGUM CALENDAR lest you have a surprise incident over a 100 miles away from a maxi pad.  Cuz in one fail swoop, it’s Unfortunate Star of the Tampon Mystery Hour, and there I am in the bathroom stall with a compact mirror and a thousand prayers for the tiny Baby Jesus.

My point is, if you’d like to be excused from beach volleyball for the rest of your life, accidentally leaving the cardboard applicator inside of your body is a pretty effective way. 

TMI?  Not in this blog!

I have a most glorious collection of summery crèmes to show you today.  Jill at Glisten & Glow is at it again with the Summer Camp Daze collection, and I don’t know what you have planned for the weekend, but if you’re tossing all five of these beauties in the cart, you may continue to read this blog.  Cuz we’s best friends now whether you like it or not.

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

OMG, I don’t even know which one to lick first!  Is Society watching, cuz it’s very hard to sit here and be normal right now.  Five fingers full of Jolly Rancher goodness, I’m almost certain.  Possibly slightly more poison-y, although who’s to know for sure?  Cuz the judgy eyes, THEY. ARE. EVERYWHERE.

Let’s do the rundown of colors, then I’ll meet you at the bottom.  Here we go!

First up is S’mores & Sing-alongs, an iris purple creme:

And then a shot under the lamps for maximum glossy effect:

Lastly, some nail art that I actually like:

Clearly, I was in a mood.  A bit of a burst of energy happened, and I managed a halfway decent dry brush before the nap kicked in.  I used two polishes in this collection plus Jill’s white creme, Wedding Gown White, then stamped over the top with the new What’s Up Nails B018 plate.  I think it turned out nice!  Let’s revel in this brief moment of mojo, shall we?

Next up is Counselors & Crushes, a bright magenta creme:

Under the lamps:

More okay nail art:

Pretty simple stamping attempt, and it’s not even hideous!  I’m not sure what is happening right now, but if a horn toot is next, no one’s surprised.

Used the same What’s Up Nails B018 plate plus Jill’s black creme, Little Black Dress, you know, in case recreations are in order. (They are.)

Now here’s Bunks & Bug Juice, a medium cobalt creme:

Annnnnnnnd, we’re drooling.  There’s no way you’re leaving this blog without a cart full of this one.  It’s the best of the bunch, a beautiful blue dreamboat.  I can’t even be clever right now cuz words have straight up left me.  The moan-y throat noises, though, are a dire thing.  Uhhhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnn.

See?  Gah!

Don’t look at this one:

I knew it was too good to be true.  Mojo had one foot out the door the whole time!  Blah.  Used What’s Up Nails B018 plate one more time, and then went off and cried for the next 37 years.  Hello, Nail Fail, my old friend.

On the bright side, all these cremes stamp beautifully.  Weeeee!

Here’s Campfires & Color Wars, a watermelon meets coral creme:

Under the lamps:

The nail art:

I’m good with this one.  I like the image and the two colors together.  I mean, no awards are coming although I’ll take a Starbucks if y’all not busy.

Used the What’s Up Nails B002 plate for this one.  It has lots of cool watermarble-y type scenes on it, so for those who think watermarbling is rocket science with neurosurgery and 27,000 spreadsheets on top, then you might need this plate.

Lastly, here’s Talent Shows  & Tie-Dye, a medium teal creme:

Under the lamps:

Final nail art:

A good old fashioned random patterned dotticure, which I methodically placed on my nail for the next 19 years.  I’m not good at random, let’s just say.  Although the attempt at effort was downright superhuman.

The round up:

Every single one of these polishes was virtually opaque in one coat.  I did two just to make sure everything was smooth and perfect, but then again, I can’t figure out a tampon so what the hell do I know, really?  The formula was consistent across the board, though – ultra creamy and smooth like butter.  I can’t think of anything more perfect.  Well, unless it comes with a side of Leonardo, that is. 

The Summer Camp Daze collection releases on Sunday, June 18 at 9pm EST, and you do NOT wanna miss out!  Setting 17 alarms is the most logical next step.  And then stalking your mail man like a proper loon.

Click here for shopping! 

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Glisten & Glow: The 5 Buroughs Collection (plus two Polish Con extras!)

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Four years ago today, hubby was late to his own wedding.  And the fact I almost married my brother seems sooooo much less alarming in comparison.  On April 20, 2013, things weren’t organized well, let’s just say. 

Listen, I suppose this is what happens when you buy the cheap package.  You get a wedding march that starts playing with zero warning whatsoever; you get a coordinator who shoves your just-finished bouquet in your hands WHILE you are walking down the aisle, and you get a preacher who thinks the brother who is giving you away is actually the man you’re about to pledge your life to.  I mean, a little research ahead of time would’ve worked wonders in this scenario.  Maybe a note on a napkin about how if the groom is missing up front, it’s probably not time to start a dadgum wedding yet?  Like, at the minimum, at least.

Regardless, I’m walking and smiling with all eyes on me.  I’m oblivious to the fact my husband isn’t in the room.  Although I’m quite aware of the door right over there that leads to a secret underground moonshine tunnel, cuz when you’re having a hillbilly wedding, what else would you expect?

The preacher has a little twinkle in his eye as he begins the ceremony.  My brother is looking a skosh awkward, and honestly at this point, I just want cake.  There are horrified eyes everywhere.  The vibe in the room is less joyous occasion, more train wreck but with candles.  And still, I stand there smiling, one of just two people who has no idea what is going on.

Eventually, the preacher figures it out and I’m sent back out of the room so I can re-walk down the aisle and pretend I’m having a never-before-seen magical moment.  Completely normal situation – or at least in my life, it is.  Cuz if something’s gotta be awkward, the Universe just gives a big swift shove to my back.  AND THERE I AM.  Most likely with stupid words coming out and high-fiving my way out of the nightmare.

What I’m trying to say is, today is my wedding anniversary.  I’ve managed to stay married an entire four years, despite the ridiculous amount of robe on display.  I’d say I got pretty lucky, cuz if I’m forced to walk back and forth twice through a room, the only acceptable reason would be if hubby was standing at the end of it.  Happy anniversary, my love!

While we all wipe the tears away, let’s talk polish!  I have lots of pretty things from Glisten & Glow to show you today, including the gorgeous 5 Boroughs Collection as well as a couple of Polish Con limited releases.  Y’all need to get on your focus faces cuz it’s about to get suuuuuuper duper pass-out-y in here.  Let’s go!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

First up is the most time crucial, the two Polish Con releases.  Take a look:

Oh so pretty!  Every single one of you are drooling all over these in the most unattractive way possible.  Hope you’ve locked yourself in a room so you can be drool-y in private. Cuz Ugly Ecstasy Face causes divorce if I’m not mistaken.

Here’s A Raisin to Believe:

This one is a dark vampy purple-toned burgundy holographic with added pops of red holo microglitter.  It’s a collaboration shade between Glisten & Glow and beauty blogger Nicole with Hello Miss Niki.  It’s also going in your shopping cart, just so you know.

Macro time!

Isn’t that one of the prettiest purples you’ve ever saw?  Seen?  You’ve ever seen?  Ugh.  One can’t grammar at a time like this.

This polish will be releasing at Polish Con in New York City on April 29 but for all us sad souls who live in the middle of where nothing exciting ever happens, we get to purchase this beauty online on May 5.  It will launch at 9pm EST, so make sure you’ve got Post-It notes on all your surfaces.

Some nail art I did:

And I actually kinda love it!  Let’s revel in whatever amazing thing is happening right now.  Cuz a nail fail is lurking, I feel it.

I used the new Lina Feeling Shapely 09 plate for this design.  Plus, I gradient stamped, which means effort was involved, which means naps for everyone!

Next up is NYC is My Jam:

This one is a berry pink holographic loaded with purple and blue holo microglitters and a dusting of silver holo and copper shimmer.  Only one batch of this polish is being made and will be sold at Polish Con; however, if there are any leftovers, Jill will put them on the website on May 5.

In other words, we’re all buying tickets to Polish Con cuz sitting around while others stuff their bags full of Glisten & Glow is just for the crazy people.

An actual pretty dang good macro:

The blue glitters got me.  They got me good, guys.

More not hideous nail art:

That’s two in a row in case math is hard.  

I used the new Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate, and made some girly skulls.  Very simple design, but stinkin’ adorable!  Toots on the ole horn for me, then.

Also debuting at Polish Con is The 5 Buroughs Collection, a set of 5 beautiful holographic shimmery shades inspired by the five boroughs of New York.  Take a look at these:

Did you just die?  Cuz I sure did.  You’re about to spend some money, I just know it.

First up is Manis in Manhattan:

This one is a dusty purple based mauve holographic with a strong copper shimmer and a dusting of red and silver holo microglitters.  Went on in two fabulous, quick coats.  Perfect for those who have actual shit to do, unlike me who just lays on couches.

Lolling tongues, up ahead:

Gah!  Seriously, we’re never gonna make it to the end of this blog if I keep dying every 15 seconds.

The nail art:

Another one I don’t hate.  And I used the Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate again, cuz when I love something, I love it hardcore.  In a smothering way, as one tends to do.

Next up is Beatboxing in the Bronx:

This one is an olive green holographic with added pink and blue shimmers and a dusting of gold flakies and gold holo microglitters.  Naturally, this is my favorite cuz wherever there is green, there is me trying to reattach my jaw to my face.

We are no longer upright:

Told ya.  Those shimmers are legit gorgeous.  I want this all over my body, except I won’t, cuz SOCIETY.  The judgy eyes are everywhere.

More effort was made here:

Hope there’s a Starbucks coming cuz the sheer amount of nail art happening right now is downright inspirational.  Send Leonardo, too, just in case.

Used the Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate for the billionth time.  More gradient stamping using pink and gold, a little play off those shimmers.  It’s as if I thought this one through or something.  Or maybe the old me isn’t even here right now.  Perhaps I’ve been kidnapped cuz that seems more logical.

Here’s Quick Step in Queens:

This one is a medium grey creme-based holographic loaded with blue shimmers and a very light dusting of gold flakies.  I love shades like this cuz they always look so good against my pale skin tone.  Anything to make the fingers appear less sausage-y.  And in case of random hand modeling scenarios, 27 backup bottles is a super good idea.

You can see the goodies much better here:

Proof I occasionally make cute things:

This might be my favorite one!  Plus, every bit of this is Glisten & Glow products – cuz Jill’s cremes double as stamping polishes.  I’ve used Little Black Dress and ATV in Aruba (the pink) for this design, plus that dadgum Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate again.  Honestly, why obsess if you can’t do it properly?

Next is Brunch in Brooklyn:

This one is a light pink holographic with light pink holo microglitters and a dusting of blue and gold shimmers.  How precious is this shade?  So elegant and dainty.  It simply begs for a tiny cappucino or like, tea with the Queen, as happens to all of us from time to time.

An insane display of pretty:

Figured this one needed 18 pounds of jewelry:

I gave up after only four pieces.  I’m not good at goals, let’s just say.

I’m not even going to tell you which plate I used cuz I’m certain you already know.  After typing out Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate about 18,000 times, not much else can be expected out of me, anyway.

Lastly, here’s Selfies in Staten Island:

This one is a nude holographic loaded with copper, bronze and gold shimmers with a light dusting of silver holo microglitters.  If you like lots of extra holo effect, you’ll definitely want this one.  I can’t think of one decent reason why not.  Perhaps you have no eyes, or you have a black soul.  But after that, NOTHING.

Let’s seal the deal:

DONE.  In the cart, they go!

Here’s some super simple nail art:

Used a different plate, the Lina Feeling Shapely 09 on this one, which means I just ended this blog with a big ole exclamation point.  How’s that for Best Bogger Ever?  And in that case, I’ll take kudos and accolades and a Visa gift card, you know, if y’all not busy.
The round up:

This collection will be available at Polish Con in New York City on April 29, then will be re-released online on May 5 at 9pm EST.  Be sure to get your hands on them, so setting 17 alarms at the minimum sounds right.  Click here for shopping, then sit back, relax, and stalk the mailman.  Cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you.

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Glisten & Glow: 7 Year Anniversary Polish Duo

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My right eye has been sleepy all day.  Every time I blink I pretty much fall asleep on just that one side for a little bit.  Not that the left eye refuses to participate or anything, but since I was at my desk trying to (reluctantly) adult, I figured Nap Mode: Level EXPERT would not be the most logical choice.   Cuz HR is lurking people, let us never forget.  And in that case, I will sit here comatose, but with one eye open, like a good girl.

I’ve never been much of a rule-breaker anyway (i.e., super boring person).  Because of my almost OCD-like need to follow direction, I ask a lot of questions.  I need to know specifically what you mean and how you mean it, probability of alternate scenarios, and I hope to Baby Jesus you have a FAQ sheet with bullet points, cuz imma need that too, prolly.

And don’t even ask me to veer off schedule and improvise anything.  I don’t believe in a gray area or room for interpretation.  If a recipe calls for a dash of pepper, I’m spending the next 18 hours googling how much a dash is.  And don’t tell me to cook the fish until it flakes easily with a fork cuz that’s not a proper cooking term.  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE EXACTLY?!, is the actual question, and I get the hives trying to figure it out.

In other words, if someone doesn’t invite me to a party soon, well do you see what you’re missing?!  DO YOU?

While we all sit and contemplate, let’s look at pretty things!  I have two new polishes from Glisten & Glow to show you today.  They are part of a duo to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Glisten & Glow, a very worthy party idea if I ever heard one, you know, in case you need an excuse to drink a wine cooler on a Thursday.  See below:

Back on March 10, 2010 a dream came true and Glisten & Glow became a real life thing.  And without any warning whatsoever, every single one of us nail polish nerds fell in love.  Seriously, how did we all function like humans before this indie business started?  We were just polish robots with carts full of mainstream, zero fun, and cuticles that could poke an eye out, I’m guessing.  Or at least I was anyway.  So, God bless Glisten & Glow for all the spectacular pretties over the past 7 years.  And for making my nails not look like a hobo.  Amen.

First up is 7 Years and Glowing:

Mercy, it’s already started.  Dadgummit.  Are you sweaty?  Cuz I’m sweaty.

This one is a teal linear holographic with sparkles of silver holo microglitters and flashes of blue and gold shimmers.  It’s a beautiful, mermaid-y, ocean-y dreamboat, and you’re just gonna go ahead and throw it in the basket. Cuz I’m the boss of you, that’s why. 

Then I stuck a big ole daylight lamp on top of it.  And died a little:

Erlack! For real, that’s no joke legit. There’s no way you’re walking out of this blog without 27 bottles of this, MINIMUM. 

Macro (aka, drool) time!

How unattractive do you look right now?  ME TOO! Lolling tongues and drool buckets, everywhere.

Some nail art I did:

I was gonna do a mermaid mani but thought I’d do something unexpected. Not that this is particularly revolutionary or anything, but I’ve had these Twinkled T scribble vinyls for ages and figured why not?

Why not, indeed. I like it lots. 

Last half of the duo is Seventh Heaven:

If there’s anything more complimentary to a teal green mani, it’s gotta be a coral one. Clearly someone knows how to do nail polish. I’m not saying it’s Glisten & Glow, but it’s probably Glisten & Glow. 

So this one is a light coral creme holographic with sparkles of silver holo microglitters and subtle purple and blue shimmers. It’s very springy and fresh and totally work appropriate and Queen of England-approved, you know, in case you two are having sandwiches later. As happens from time to time.

The shimmers in here are delicate and a bit shy. Below is a shot with the daylight bulb so you can see them better:

I dunno guys.  I kinda want to lick this one.  Cuz it looks like it might taste like a peach.  I mean, I know it probably doesn’t, maybe not even close.  But if there’s a chance it won’t kill me, I can’t say I wouldn’t at least lay my tongue near it at the minimum.  It’s hanging out of my mouth right now anyway, sooo …

I’m not crazy, you’re crazy.

In case you’re not convinced properly:

Took this shot directly under the lamps so you can see those shimmers real good.  Seriously like a peach, I’m sure of it.

Some nail art I like:

A pretty simple design, but thought I’d play off those purple shimmers by adding a bit of purple stamping.  Kinda cute, yes?  I mean, you’ve seen me do worse I’m certain of it.  Cuz you’ve read this blog before.

I used the Uber Chic Beauty 14-02 plate in case you’re curious.

The round up:

Launch date for this duo is Monday, March 20 at 9am EST so you have PLENTY of time to get your priorities straight.  Glisten & Glow up top, people!  Here’s what you need to know:

Both polishes in a bundle retails for $13

If you want to buy just a single bottle – although, WHY?!, is the actual question – cost is $7

Click here for shopping!  Be sure to pick up a few others while you’re there cuz honestly, what other choice is there?  It’s Jill’s anniversary and we need to thank her properly.  And then go buy me a Starbucks cuz I help you make good decisions.

Later, loves!

 Glisten & Glow: Oh, The Places You’ll Go Collection (plus bonus!)

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Let’s just go back to being kids.  Here’s some good reasons:

1.  Other people can drive you places.  I mean, honestly, the whole novelty of driving wore off about the second time your mother sent you to the store for bread.  After that, driving just became a means to get yourself to places you don’t really wanna go.  Like school.  Work.  Or anywhere else that requires pants.

2.  You can walk into a room full of office supplies and not get the hives.  Instead of candy or paper dolls, I’d spend my allowance on phone message pads and Post-Its.  I’d play office for hours and paper was everywhere.  I had envelopes with matching stationary and 65 pen pals I got out of the back of a Tiger Beat magazine.  This was my happy place.

Fast forward 30 years, and it’s surprising how much my childhood office is nothing like my real office.  Cuz there’s other people there, and they all ask you to do things.  Like correctly and on time.  Sure, the room is full of office supplies, but sadly it’s not the same thing.

3.  Playing dress up with imaginary babies is less creepy when you’re 9.  If you need further explanation on this one, I am var var concerned about the state of your brain.

4.  Snow days were actually a good thing.  Now they’re just an anxiety attack waiting to happen.  Cuz just because it snowed doesn’t mean you still don’t have shit to do.  Someone’s gotta make the spreadsheets, and most likely it’s me.  And chances are there’s no food in the fridge or gas in the car cuz that’s how my life works.  This is directly related to reason number one cuz where’s a mom with a car to come pick you up when you need one?

5.  Slumber parties.  These were the best.  Well, except for the one where Stacy and Juanita put mustard between Kathy’s toes because she fell asleep first and I sat over on the stairs and cried.  Or the one where my best friend peed in the bed right next to me, and I didn’t realize I was laying in it until the next morning.  And the time where I discovered my first cow patty on my friend, Kelly’s, farm and I gleefully hopped from one to the other cuz no one told me it was poop.  Besides those three times, though, slumber parties were …

A horrible example.  Never mind.

But honestly, being a kid was just so much easier.  When being lazy was your default since you literally couldn’t do things on your own.  Back when shaving your legs could still be a choice.  And you could watch the Miss USA pageant with your mom and a bowl of ice cream and think it was the greatest night you’ve ever had.  However, the downside?  Wine coolers.  Being illegal and whatnot.  That’s about it.

Time for nail polish!  I have some of the prettiest spring shades you might ever see.  Jill from Glisten & Glow sent me her amazing Oh, the Places You’ll Go collection, and basically they’re going in your basket whether you like it or not.  Take a look:

Told ya.  Who wants to fast forward to April now?  I do, I do!  Spring is literally where I bring my dead winter self back to life.  I’m ready y’all.  Like yesterday.

So this collection is inspired by the children’s book, Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss, and I’m telling you, SPOT ON is an understatement.  Jill did her magic and made a perfect tribute to this classic book.  Not that we expected anything less.  Cuz GLISTEN & GLOW.  Duh.

First up is Your Mountain is Waiting:

I mean, COME ON.  How will you ever make it to the end of this blog if you’re just gonna go pass out already?  Ugh.  Best pink ever.  Pretty sure.

This one is the color of bubblegum and so ultra creamy.  Just the right amount of thickness to go on opaque in two, non-streaky coats.  Jill makes some of the best crèmes, I swear.  Formula is consistent clear across the board, and I absolutely love that.  Cuz why put wonton strips on a Thai salad one time and not the next?  WHY TROPICAL SMOOTHIE CAFE, WHY?!  You see, consistency is key.  You add the wonton strips.  Always.

Actual cute nail art:

Pretty simple, but I don’t hate it so toot toot! then.  Although I do feel I do this sort of design a lot, with the two stamped nails and the studs.  Trying to stop doing that so much, but it’s just so dang easy to stay in your rut.  Especially cuz getting out of a rut requires energy, effort and probably pants for all I know – three things I do not like.

For this design, I used the Lina Feeling Shapely 08 plate and some bright pastel blue stamping polish.  Also, the shimmer comes from one of the new toppers which I will talk about further down.  And the matte top coat.  Stay tuned.

Next up is 98 and 3/4 Percent Guaranteed:

One of my absolute favorite colors for spring.  There’s just something about periwinkle that makes me sigh with happiness.  Did someone just wrap me up in warm blankets and hand me a bunch of kitties?  Cuz  this polish makes me feel that way.

Again, two coats.  No streaks.  What is this voodoo, I ask you?  This whole scenario is suspiciously perfect.

Not quite as cute nail art:

But it’s not the worst, right?!  RIGHT.

I used one of Glisten & Glow’s crème polishes, Wedding Gown White, to stamp this design from the Lina Make Your Mark 03 plate.  Added more shimmer top coat plus the new matte top coat.  You’re dying to know.  Keep reading.

Now here’s Today is Your Day:

It’s true.  Today IS your day.  Your day to buy a bunch of nail polish you didn’t know you needed.  How lucky are you?!  (Very.)

This sunshine yellow crème was a huge surprise to me because I totally expected it to wash me out, look garish and gaudy and super unattractive against my obnoxiously pale skin.  But it had just enough of a neon quality to it that it did just the opposite.  Look how tan I look below:

Just kidding.  But it’s not ugly, and that is the point.

Yellow can be hard to manage, but this one is creamy and opaque in (again) two coats, no streaks.  It’s the best yellow creme I think I’ve used.  Toots for you, Jill!

Nail art that took actual effort:

OMG, I made a thing, an actual nail art thing.  I gradiented, guys!  I mean, I cheated and used the super simple gradient image from the Lina Make Your Mark 03 plate, but what exactly is your question?

Used all three of the crèmes mentioned so far for the gradient, which also ended up giving me an orange and a purple too once blended.  Added the dot image from the same plate plus one of the shimmah effects toppers, and voila.  Masterpiece!  I’ll take recreations, toots and accolades, you know, if you’re all not busy.

Last of the cremes is this one, Great Balancing Act:

I won’t lie, I kinda want to eat this one.  Good gracious, it looks yummy.  Plus it’s described as a mimosa orange crème and that sounds like ice cream so technically if I just lick it a little bit that’d be okay.

I’m not crazy, you’re crazy.

Also, for the record, this is my favorite of the bunch.  Such a unique orange shade, I own nothing like it, and if it’s weird or different, I want it.  Which is how I owned a pair of hammer pants in the first place.  And jodhpurs.  No self-respecting 7th grader should own a pair of jodhpurs.  Except unless you’re me cuz I could never be normal.

My favorite nail art:

I love the contrast between the orange and the periwinkle so much!  And the fact these crèmes stamp are expectations = exceeded.  They don’t appear like they would since they aren’t super thick like Mundo de Unas, but here is your proof.  How much more happy can you be right now?  Well, I mean, of course STARBUCKS, but then how much more happy?

Used the Uber Chic Beauty Love & Marriage 01 plate if you’re curious.

In addition to those four glorious cremes, Jill created two “shimmah” effects toppers just for funsies.  First one is called Fun to be Done:

Chock full of purple, pink, and red shimmer.  It’s glorious!  I chose to put this over a black base so you could really see the effect, but the majority of the above nail art uses these toppers, and they all look pretty good on colors too if you ask me. (And you did, cuz then why are you here?  The expertise, clearly.)

The matte version looks best, but the top two fingers below are glossy so you can compare.  Which is your favorite?

The other “shimmah” is Bang Ups and Hang Ups:

This one has blue and green shimmer, and I think it’s my favorite of the two.  Cuz it’s the darkest and has green in it, and of course I’d love all that, have you read this blog before?

Also, run-on sentence.  Now is not the time for grammar.  Nail polish makes me forget my brain.

Some shots of the Shimmah Effects on top of the cremes with the new matte top coat:

All that is magical.  Just so you know.

Now a word on that matte top coat:

Brand new edition to Jill’s core collection, so it’ll be available all the time.  It’s made in-house which instantly takes this from a good matte top coat to a great one.  Homemade is always better, don’t you think?  Well, unless you’re me.  My attempts at homemade look like a T-Rex did it with their eyes closed.  A hot mess, is what I mean.

So this top coat applies smoothly, dries to a satiny matte finish and doesn’t smear nail art.  Dries to the touch in under a minute and is fully dry within five minutes, which is perfect cuz y’all know you’re gonna need that paper clip at the bottom of your purse as soon as your nails are done.  Nothing says “suddenly got shit to do” like 10 wet fingernails.

In other words, this matte top coat is perfect.

The round up:

There are several different ways of purchasing these polishes.  Although you’re buying everything so I don’t know why this matters.  But because I am nothing if not thorough, here you go:

Set of 4 crèmes $28; individual bottles $7.50

Set of 2 shimmah effects toppers $14; individual bottles $8

Entire 6 piece set $45

Matte top coat (again, made in-house; toot toot!) $6.99

These launch on Friday, Feb 24 at 9pm EST so make sure you engage EMERGENCY NAIL POLISH MODE so you don’t miss out.  Click here to order and then sit back and wait impatiently.  It’s the least you can do.

Bonus ending!

Last Friday, Jill released this ocean blue dreamboat.  Here’s Diving With Mermaids:

Since it’s still available, I wanted to go ahead and mention it.  (Again, thorough.  Also, BEST BLOGGER EVER.)  This polish is a collaboration with Tiffany at @stunnin.nails on Instagram.  It’s a gorgeous oceanic blue holo with green shimmer, dusting of silver and red holo micro glitter and touch of King Triton’s gold.

Well, dang.  Who feels like doing 18,000 mermaid manis now?

An insane display of holo:

You done died.  You did.

I wore this polish to work and a co-worker asked to borrow it, and I tried to play it cool but inside the hives were lurking.  Cuz it’s hard to let go of your polish babies, even just for 14 hours.  I let my mom borrow a book from me once and it came back to me bloated and warped and with melted dirty snow all over it.  So naturally I panicked cuz nobody loves my things the way I love my things.  Sometimes unnaturally, but that is beside the point.

Macro time!

And of course there’s a mermaid mani:

Just something simple using the layered scales image from the Uber Chic Beauty Mermaid Life plate.  It’s not ridiculously creative, but I still like it anyway.

This one is available now and you can click here to purchase. Also, if you’re one of the lucky ones heading to Polish Con in New York City on April 29, this polish will be there along with Jill and Tiffany, who will be helping out at the table.  Price is  $10 either way so be sure to get your hands on it.

But back to the Oh, the Places You’ll Go collection.  Here’s a recap cuz someone’s already forgotten, I just know it.  Available on Friday, February 24 at 9pm EST.  You’re buying all 7 of them, so write that down and then do what I say.  I promise you’ll thank me.  And in that case, I like Starbucks and Visa gift cards.  And Leonardo, if he’s handy.

All done!  You’ve reached the bottom.  It only took 18 years to write this so kudos to both of us.  We. Are. Amazing.

Later, loves!

Glisten & Glow: Birthday Bash January 2017 Polish

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So how’s those resolutions coming along?  Anyone here reading this blog or y’all at the gym?

Obviously, by the sheer fact this post even exists right now, I have spent an entire weekend in pajamas.  But that’s not a big change from my everyday life, really.  In fact, if you see me outside my home for any extended amount of time, let’s just assume snake, ghost or STARBUCKS EMERGENCY! cuz those are the only logical reasons I can come up with.

My last real valiant gym effort was in 1997, where I spent a traumatic 90 minutes in an aerobics class trying not to pee my pants.  Jumping Jacks and I – NOT friends.  Then I did do a halfhearted gym attempt back in 2008 where I messed around with the weight machines for about a month.  You might’ve seen me:  I was the one putting her leg through the part where the arm goes.  Seemed right at the time.

However, my lengthiest gym commitment started in 2009 and my membership fees were auto-drafted out of my bank account.  To cancel, though, you had to go sign papers in person.  Well, shit.  So obviously I spent the next three years paying for a gym I never used because you don’t get to LAZINESS: EXPERT LEVEL without some sort of effort.

While we all contemplate the state of my life (var var sad), let’s talk polish.  I have a pretty one to show you today.  It’s super duper limited edition, so pay close attention.  I present to you the Glisten & Glow Birthday Bash January 2017:

Oh my.  We are all melting puddles of goo.  Hope you had suspenders on your britches, otherwise they’d be flying right off you now.  This polish is truly stunning.  It’s dark yet festive and blingy and gorge.  You need you need!  (No, seriously.  YOU NEED.)

Every year, Jill at Glisten & Glow does a special thing to celebrate her birthday on January 8.  This year, she created this beauty.  She’s a lovely purple-leaning blue (or blurple, if you’d rather) holographic with lots of multicolored micro glitter.  And it’s a smooth two coater, which is perfect for those who like to go do stuff.  I realize the entire world isn’t painting nails for 27 hours straight like me, although why not?, is the real question.

Macro time!  Better grab a chair.  You’re about to get faint-y.

Gah!  Too pretty for words.  So let’s just move on before incoherent moan-y throat noises come out.  

I did some nail art:

I actually don’t hate this one, which is a rare thing these days.  You’d think with all the practice I put in, this whole nail art thing would be second nature by now.  But of course not, cuz while I may appear to have it all (pajamas and Starbucks and the ear of Jesus), my American Dream is still a touch out of reach.  Blah.

Stamping image from the Bundle Monster + Chit Chat Nails collab plate.  Get it.  It’s a good one.

The round up:

First of all, you’re buying this.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s the how-to:

This polish releases on January 13 at 9pm EST.  Only one batch was made, so make sure you set like 17 alarms then click here.  You don’t want to miss it, trust me.  And it’s only $8, which is practically free.  That’s all the justification you need, so let’s get those to-do lists prioritized.  Glisten &  Glow up top, people!  Two days and counting …

Later, loves!

Glisten & Glow: Experience the Islands Collection and All Dressed Up Duo

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Before you go thinking I have this charmed life full of nail polish, Starbucks and happiness, let it be known that I just got home from work and realized I’ve been wearing my shirt inside out ALL FREAKING DAY LONG.  Like, there was a tag out in full view and everything.  I don’t know whether to be grateful no one noticed or confused by the amount of people who’d let me walk around like a dang hobo for nine hours straight.

Regardless of which, it’s my own fault for trying to wear clothes straight out of the laundry basket instead of hanging them up in the closet like a civilized person.  I just don’t have time to mess with it.  Who’s doing the nails, watching the Netflix and putting the Schnapps in the coffee then?  If I’m doing housework, that’s when my life truly goes to pieces.  So I hold it all together and just buy more underwear. That way, you can still read this blog and I’m basically a hero.  Hooray!

I’ve got more pretties from Glisten & Glow to show you today. I received the 4-piece Experience the Islands collection and the All Dressed Up duo to review – two collections that have been out for a few months, but still available, thank you Baby Jesus.

Let’s talk about Experience the Islands first.  Here they are:

I don’t know about you, but it’s flippin cold here and the sun has done took a vacay.  In other words, hibernation mode is kicking in and if I somehow get out of the house between now and April, it’ll be a straight up Christmas miracle.  If there was ever a more perfect time for some summer nail polish, I’d say one week before winter sounds about right.

First up is Bungee Jump in the Bahamas:

This thing is ridiculous good.  Perfect, smooth, and almost opaque in one coat.  Ultra creamy.  Self-leveling and non-streaky.  Effortless.  I loved everything about it.  It’s a super bright mint that would make an awesome base for some cool beachy nail art.

So naturally I did snowflakes!

It’s the only snow I approve of.

The good thing about these polishes is they stamp really well.  I used the white from the All Dressed Up duo and the fuchsia  one below to do the stamping, and I think it turned out pretty cute.  It’s kind of a rare thing when I feel like I’ve done something successful, so quick! hand me my horn so I can toot it.

Next up is ATV in Aruba:

Welp, I have no words.  This one is the ultimate berry pink and you’re buying it.  What more reason do you need?  NONE.  It’s going in the shopping cart.  The end.  

Same great formula as the last one, although the nail art could be a bit more creative.  However, I stamped using the black polish from the All Dressed Up duo, and that part looks pretty dang good.  And the image is a corset, so although I may be sitting on the couch wearing a pair of crocheted gray footies and an afghan up to my neck, at least my nails are sexy.

Now we have Parasail in Puerto Rico:

Squeeeee!  How pretty is this?  It’s a really bright coral creme that teeters on neon although not neon.  It’s my favorite!  Again with the perfect formula.  I’m not sure what these are made of, but MAGIC comes close.  They’re cheerful, happy little things and I can’t get enough.

I really need the sun to come out.  Ugh.  It’ll never be warm again.

Okay, I stinkin love this.  I got these really cute Quatrefoil line vinyls from Polished Vino and now I wanna go back and buy like a billion more of them and that’s not even a typo.  I adore them that much.  And also, I can’t be normal.

Last polish from the Experience the Islands collection is Snorkel in St. Thomas:

Everyone needs a good turquoise blue, so here you go.  It’s lovely!  For real, guys.  These polishes are all consistently amazing.  Two coats, tops.  Perfect if you’re short on time or just need to get back to couch laying, which is often my case.  I highly recommend them, and so you will buy them cuz I know what is best for you.

Look, I made flowers!  FREEHANDED.  I mean, well obviously, since they’re not the best flowers you’ve ever seen, but hey – I did a THING, so gimme that horn again.  Toot toot!  

The other set I received to review is the All Dressed Up Duo.  Don’t mind my nerdy font fest:


They’re not even joking with these.  Holy moly.  I’m just gonna make this short and sweet.  Creamy.  Opaque.  Amazing.  Want. Neeeeeed.

First up is Little Black Dress:

Ugh.  So good.  And you could totally get away with one coat if you wanted to.  I did two coats like always, but most people have lives and important things to do.  I, on the other hand, could really use a nap right about now.  

The other half of the duo is Wedding Gown White:

White is hard.  A lot of times you get one that is streaky, patchy or takes a crap ton of coats to get opaque.  However, I say this with barely concealed excitement, but SHE. IS. PERFECT.  One coat covers really well and the second coat evens it all out and is completely no fuss.  You gotta get it!  And then you = happiness.

I had zero direction on where I was going with this, which might explain that pointer finger.  However, the longer I look at it the more I love it.  I have no doubt I’ll recreate this design again at some point.

The round up:

Each one of these is amazing.  I’ve said that about 15 times in this blog post, but just in case you still need convincing, let me reiterate.  BUY THESE.  I mean it.  Click here.

Experience the Islands set – $30

All Dressed Up duo – $15

Single polish – $7.50 each

ORRRRRRRR, you can buy both sets thru this listing >>here<< and get free shipping.  We love free!  Free feels good.

And now for real .. about that nap …

Later, loves!