Category Archives: Nail Art

Glisten & Glow: The 5 Buroughs Collection (plus two Polish Con extras!)

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Four years ago today, hubby was late to his own wedding.  And the fact I almost married my brother seems sooooo much less alarming in comparison.  On April 20, 2013, things weren’t organized well, let’s just say. 

Listen, I suppose this is what happens when you buy the cheap package.  You get a wedding march that starts playing with zero warning whatsoever; you get a coordinator who shoves your just-finished bouquet in your hands WHILE you are walking down the aisle, and you get a preacher who thinks the brother who is giving you away is actually the man you’re about to pledge your life to.  I mean, a little research ahead of time would’ve worked wonders in this scenario.  Maybe a note on a napkin about how if the groom is missing up front, it’s probably not time to start a dadgum wedding yet?  Like, at the minimum, at least.

Regardless, I’m walking and smiling with all eyes on me.  I’m oblivious to the fact my husband isn’t in the room.  Although I’m quite aware of the door right over there that leads to a secret underground moonshine tunnel, cuz when you’re having a hillbilly wedding, what else would you expect?

The preacher has a little twinkle in his eye as he begins the ceremony.  My brother is looking a skosh awkward, and honestly at this point, I just want cake.  There are horrified eyes everywhere.  The vibe in the room is less joyous occasion, more train wreck but with candles.  And still, I stand there smiling, one of just two people who has no idea what is going on.

Eventually, the preacher figures it out and I’m sent back out of the room so I can re-walk down the aisle and pretend I’m having a never-before-seen magical moment.  Completely normal situation – or at least in my life, it is.  Cuz if something’s gotta be awkward, the Universe just gives a big swift shove to my back.  AND THERE I AM.  Most likely with stupid words coming out and high-fiving my way out of the nightmare.

What I’m trying to say is, today is my wedding anniversary.  I’ve managed to stay married an entire four years, despite the ridiculous amount of robe on display.  I’d say I got pretty lucky, cuz if I’m forced to walk back and forth twice through a room, the only acceptable reason would be if hubby was standing at the end of it.  Happy anniversary, my love!

While we all wipe the tears away, let’s talk polish!  I have lots of pretty things from Glisten & Glow to show you today, including the gorgeous 5 Boroughs Collection as well as a couple of Polish Con limited releases.  Y’all need to get on your focus faces cuz it’s about to get suuuuuuper duper pass-out-y in here.  Let’s go!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

First up is the most time crucial, the two Polish Con releases.  Take a look:

Oh so pretty!  Every single one of you are drooling all over these in the most unattractive way possible.  Hope you’ve locked yourself in a room so you can be drool-y in private. Cuz Ugly Ecstasy Face causes divorce if I’m not mistaken.

Here’s A Raisin to Believe:

This one is a dark vampy purple-toned burgundy holographic with added pops of red holo microglitter.  It’s a collaboration shade between Glisten & Glow and beauty blogger Nicole with Hello Miss Niki.  It’s also going in your shopping cart, just so you know.

Macro time!

Isn’t that one of the prettiest purples you’ve ever saw?  Seen?  You’ve ever seen?  Ugh.  One can’t grammar at a time like this.

This polish will be releasing at Polish Con in New York City on April 29 but for all us sad souls who live in the middle of where nothing exciting ever happens, we get to purchase this beauty online on May 5.  It will launch at 9pm EST, so make sure you’ve got Post-It notes on all your surfaces.

Some nail art I did:

And I actually kinda love it!  Let’s revel in whatever amazing thing is happening right now.  Cuz a nail fail is lurking, I feel it.

I used the new Lina Feeling Shapely 09 plate for this design.  Plus, I gradient stamped, which means effort was involved, which means naps for everyone!

Next up is NYC is My Jam:

This one is a berry pink holographic loaded with purple and blue holo microglitters and a dusting of silver holo and copper shimmer.  Only one batch of this polish is being made and will be sold at Polish Con; however, if there are any leftovers, Jill will put them on the website on May 5.

In other words, we’re all buying tickets to Polish Con cuz sitting around while others stuff their bags full of Glisten & Glow is just for the crazy people.

An actual pretty dang good macro:

The blue glitters got me.  They got me good, guys.

More not hideous nail art:

That’s two in a row in case math is hard.  

I used the new Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate, and made some girly skulls.  Very simple design, but stinkin’ adorable!  Toots on the ole horn for me, then.

Also debuting at Polish Con is The 5 Buroughs Collection, a set of 5 beautiful holographic shimmery shades inspired by the five boroughs of New York.  Take a look at these:

Did you just die?  Cuz I sure did.  You’re about to spend some money, I just know it.

First up is Manis in Manhattan:

This one is a dusty purple based mauve holographic with a strong copper shimmer and a dusting of red and silver holo microglitters.  Went on in two fabulous, quick coats.  Perfect for those who have actual shit to do, unlike me who just lays on couches.

Lolling tongues, up ahead:

Gah!  Seriously, we’re never gonna make it to the end of this blog if I keep dying every 15 seconds.

The nail art:

Another one I don’t hate.  And I used the Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate again, cuz when I love something, I love it hardcore.  In a smothering way, as one tends to do.

Next up is Beatboxing in the Bronx:

This one is an olive green holographic with added pink and blue shimmers and a dusting of gold flakies and gold holo microglitters.  Naturally, this is my favorite cuz wherever there is green, there is me trying to reattach my jaw to my face.

We are no longer upright:

Told ya.  Those shimmers are legit gorgeous.  I want this all over my body, except I won’t, cuz SOCIETY.  The judgy eyes are everywhere.

More effort was made here:

Hope there’s a Starbucks coming cuz the sheer amount of nail art happening right now is downright inspirational.  Send Leonardo, too, just in case.

Used the Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate for the billionth time.  More gradient stamping using pink and gold, a little play off those shimmers.  It’s as if I thought this one through or something.  Or maybe the old me isn’t even here right now.  Perhaps I’ve been kidnapped cuz that seems more logical.

Here’s Quick Step in Queens:

This one is a medium grey creme-based holographic loaded with blue shimmers and a very light dusting of gold flakies.  I love shades like this cuz they always look so good against my pale skin tone.  Anything to make the fingers appear less sausage-y.  And in case of random hand modeling scenarios, 27 backup bottles is a super good idea.

You can see the goodies much better here:

Proof I occasionally make cute things:

This might be my favorite one!  Plus, every bit of this is Glisten & Glow products – cuz Jill’s cremes double as stamping polishes.  I’ve used Little Black Dress and ATV in Aruba (the pink) for this design, plus that dadgum Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate again.  Honestly, why obsess if you can’t do it properly?

Next is Brunch in Brooklyn:

This one is a light pink holographic with light pink holo microglitters and a dusting of blue and gold shimmers.  How precious is this shade?  So elegant and dainty.  It simply begs for a tiny cappucino or like, tea with the Queen, as happens to all of us from time to time.

An insane display of pretty:

Figured this one needed 18 pounds of jewelry:

I gave up after only four pieces.  I’m not good at goals, let’s just say.

I’m not even going to tell you which plate I used cuz I’m certain you already know.  After typing out Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate about 18,000 times, not much else can be expected out of me, anyway.

Lastly, here’s Selfies in Staten Island:

This one is a nude holographic loaded with copper, bronze and gold shimmers with a light dusting of silver holo microglitters.  If you like lots of extra holo effect, you’ll definitely want this one.  I can’t think of one decent reason why not.  Perhaps you have no eyes, or you have a black soul.  But after that, NOTHING.

Let’s seal the deal:

DONE.  In the cart, they go!

Here’s some super simple nail art:

Used a different plate, the Lina Feeling Shapely 09 on this one, which means I just ended this blog with a big ole exclamation point.  How’s that for Best Bogger Ever?  And in that case, I’ll take kudos and accolades and a Visa gift card, you know, if y’all not busy.
The round up:

This collection will be available at Polish Con in New York City on April 29, then will be re-released online on May 5 at 9pm EST.  Be sure to get your hands on them, so setting 17 alarms at the minimum sounds right.  Click here for shopping, then sit back, relax, and stalk the mailman.  Cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you.

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Flirtin’: Polish Con Limited Edition + Say I Do Collection 

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I’m behind again.  The blogs are piling up, and I’m over here watching Full House reruns like responsibilities are things for other people.  I mean, I literally just sat here putting Doritos in my mouth without even looking at them first cuz BRAIN FUNCTION: OUT THE WINDOW.  Gah!  What about the poison ones, then?!  Now that my wits have returned, I’m pretty sure hypochondria starts in roughly 2.5 seconds.  And then I shall wait for death for 197 hours at the minimum cuz I am the most ridiculous person on the planet.

Being me is hard, you guys. SO. HARD.

Since we’re in a bit of a time crunch and I’ve already wasted 18 hours writing one paragraph, let’s jump into some polish.  I received a couple of swatch packs from Flirtin‘ to review for you today.  I’ve got 3 out of 6 polishes from the Say I Do spring collection as well as their Polish Con exclusive shade.  Engage: Shopping Hand cuz you’re about to spend some money, I just know it.  Let’s take a look:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

First up is the most time sensitive, the Polish Con exclusive.  Here’s Brooklyn’s Bombshell:

First of all, if you’re one of the lucky ones going to Polish Con in New York City this year, I only hate you just a tiny bit.  I can’t plan things for shit, so naturally I chose a wedding date four years ago that is really super inconvenient right about now.  Guess I’ll take an anniversary trip instead.  UGH.

Anyway, this is Sham’s take on a glimmering New York skyline and the infamous Brooklyn Bridge.  The base is a delicious turquoise creme filled with a dusting of holo and some blue fleck things.  Which is a technical term obviously, cuz I’m SO GOOD AT BLOGGING.

Under the lamps:

You die!

This was opaque in two coats, which is typical of most of Sham’s polishes.  It’s such a pretty shade for the season, and those of you heading to Polish Con need to stop by Flirtin’s table and toss a bottle in your basket.  And some back up bottles in case you lick all over the first one.  As happens from time to time.

If you live close to NYC and didn’t know about Polish Con, click here for info and tickets.  Happening next weekend, April 29.  Just follow the huge crowd of crazy people holding giant shopping bags and a thousand drool buckets.

Next is Flirtin’s spring 2017 collection called Say I Do:

Sham decided on a bridal theme for this season, and for real, who wants every last one of these?  (You, to be clear.)  I love these soft and soothing shades – they’re perfect in every way.  In the cart they go!

First up is Something Blue:

This one has a denim blue base filled with a dusting of holographic glitter.  See how less sausage-y it makes my fingers look? That means we lub it lots, and now we can’t turn our back on it even if there’s a naked Leonardo holding a Starbucks in the other room.

Just kidding.  I mean, I may do stupid things (cuz POISON DORITOS, if you’ll recall), but when it comes to Leonardo, I am 27 kinds of serious.  Serious, but with a drool problem.  A SEX MACHINE, clearly.

Nail art I did:

I don’t hate these!  Let’s celebrate this brief moment of mojo.

Used the Lina 4 Seasons – Summer 01 plate and lots and lots of magic.

Next up is To Have & To Hold:

This one has a soft sage green base with holo glitters galore.  It’s very very springy, and probably delicious if we were locked in a room by ourselves away from judgy eyes.

Check out this macro:

Gah!  It’s super pass-out-y.

Don’t look at these:

I made wallpaper nails.  Blah.  Sometimes when I do nails, my brain goes away somewhere.  And then bad things happen in a stamping retaliation scenario sort of way.

Used the layered floral image from the Uber Chic Beauty 13-03 plate in case you’re curious.  (You’re not.)  Moving on!

Lastly, here’s Just Married:

This is a soft peachy coral shade, inspired by the sunset.  See those red bits in there?  And that gold shimmer?  And all the tongues, lolling?  Yep, this polish has suddenly made us all suuuuuuuper unattractive.  Cuz there’s only so much sexy to go around while your mouth is unattached from your body.

Kinda okay nail art:

I mean, I’ve done worse right?  And I actually attempted some reverse stamping, which means EFFORT was involved, which means I’m getting back in pajamas cuz I’ve had a var var hard day.

Used the Lina 4 Seasons – Spring 01 plate in case recreations are in order.

The round up:

As I mentioned before, the Say I Do collection is available now, since getting this blog written took approximately eons with light years and eternities on top.  Here’s the deets:

Collection consists of 6 shades, and each bottle retails for $8

In addition, Sham is offering a special deal for brides.  If you order one of the six polishes, you may mail in a swatch of one of your wedding colors and place an order for a custom formulated polish.  Cuz matchy matchy is less hobo-y and seems to be the most appropriate direction to go for a wedding.  But what do I know, really?  I’m still wearing pants with a stapled-back-together hem, so I’m not the best source for fashion advice.  Anyway, if you’re interested in a custom, click here to order.

If you’re just a regular person (i.e., crazy nail lady) just looking for more polish to hoard, click here instead.  Then sit back, relax and stalk the mailman.  Cuz it’s the most logical response at this point.

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Nailed It!: Sprung Into Spring Collection 

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Hubby left to go play golf and now I’m just sitting here wondering if I’m expected to make my own dinner or what?  Cuz it’s been at least six years since I’ve cooked anything, and I’m certain if it’s not a cup of instant mac ‘n cheese, things will not turn out well.  Or it’ll take nine years to chop up a garlic clove, and honestly, I just don’t have much commitment in me.  I sit down for a living; if I’m moving around at all, it’s cuz someone put a Starbucks in the other room or something.

I suppose it’s all my fault about the golfing.  I encouraged it.  I mean, hubby bought golf clubs during a “just in case” kind of moment, so when the opportunity came, I practically shooed him out the door.  I said all sorts of supportive wifely things, such as have fun, be good, and do you need an instruction manual?  Cuz I’ve known him since 2011 and golf has happened approximately zero plus never divided by what is golf, exactly?  In other words, there’s a comedy show down at the golf course if y’all’s not busy.

So while we wait for food to magically appear, I’ve got more pretty spring things to share!  I received the new Nailed It! Sprung Into Spring collection, and they are beauties!  Plus an opportunity for a glitter topper that justifies spending all your money.  You excited?  Well, you should be.  Take a look:

All your favorite Easter colors all lined up so nice.  Each with subtle sparkly, flakie-y effects.  You want them all, just so you know.    Cuz you’re the best crazy nail lady there ever was.

First up is Lovely Lilac:

This one is a lilac creme with a delicate dose of purple and blue flakies.  Tiny touch of holo to make it special-er.  Also, two quick coats cuz you have busy lives to tend to.  Not everyone lays on couches like me.

Close up of the goodies:

Dreamy!  You purple lovers just died a little.

Next up is Spring Fling:

This one is a soft pink creme with golden flakies and touch of holo.  It was hard to capture the sparkle cuz it was honestly pretty subtle.  In person, though, you can see it much better.  Now I did three coats here since pink is much lighter, but also I was swatching while sleeping cuz naps happen all by themselves whether I like it or not.  I kinda failed at this one, is what I’m saying.

Lolling tongue alert!

It really is a pretty color.  Darker than pastel, which makes my see-thru skin look sooooo much less unattractive.

Now here’s Blue Skies Ahead:

This one is my favorite, I think! I’m loving this bright baby blue creme.  Add in a touch of purple sparks and bit of holo shimmer, and can someone please help me hold my mouth closed?  Cuz my brain has stopped working.

Another macro in case you wanna pass out for a second:

This one was a smoooooooth two coater.  It’s lovely.  If you’re buying just one – although LOGIC, STRAIGHT OUT THE WINDOW – then I recommend this one first.

Well, no more blogging I guess:

Seriously, who’s cat is this?  Cuz mine wouldn’t dare, not even when I’m covered in Popeye’s chicken crumbs, which happens more than you think.  Although perhaps he’s trying to kill me, which in that case, makes 100% more sense.  Cuz CLAWS.  Ouchie.

Lastly, here’s Poppin’ Periwinkle:

This one is a pastel periwinkle blurple-y shade with pink, purple and blue flakies and more of that holographic sparkle.  So stinkin’ pretty.  If you love purple, then this one is calling your name.  Most likely in a French accent and handing you a Starbucks cuz what could be more perfect than that scenario?  Besides, Leonardo in your living room with a basketful of kittens that is.

Let’s seal the deal:

Do you hear angels?  I hear angels.

And in case you’re still not convinced properly, here’s one more thing:

The cutest glitter topper you ever did see!  It’s called Bloom and it’s full of different sized glitters in varying shades of purple and aqua and I’m thinking there’s silver in there too.  Here, I’ve layered it over Poppin’ Periwinkle and it looks dang fabulous.  You a fancy lady now!

An insane display of pretty:

You’re about 2 seconds away from sticking your fingers in people’s faces.   Look at mah nails!  Surprisingly, society isn’t as interested as one might think.  SOCIETY is zero fun sometimes.

Some nail art I did:

Get a good look at these, cuz this is literally as good as it gets.  I used the layered floral image from Uber Chic Beauty 15-02 plate right on top of Lovely Lilac, and I think it turned out so cute.  High fives were everywhere, which is the only logical reaction to a brief moment of mojo.  Then the Universe said SIMMER DOWN CRAZY, and bad things started to happen.

So, do NOT look at this one:

I said don’t look!  Ugh.  

I used the Uber Chic Beauty Yay Spring plate on top of Blue Skies Ahead on the middle finger, then I attempted some dry marble decals for my other fingers.  NOPE doesn’t even begin to describe this scenario.

OMG, mojo has done took a vacay.  Keep scrolling.

I used the Uber Chic Beauty Yay Spring plate again, this time over Spring Fling, and I’m thinking someone needs to take the stamping plates away.

Okay, I kinda like this one:

Actually, I really like it.  The most simplest one of them all; go figure.

I used the Lina Make Your Mark 03 plate with Poppin’ Periwinkle and the Bloom glitter on top.  Recreations are in order, yes?  YES.

The round up:

The Sprung Into Spring collection released a couple days ago so you’re all set for shopping!  Here’s the deets:

Entire 4-piece collection is $30

Single bottles $8.50 (if you must)

And remember, the first 10 people to order gets a free Bloom glitter topper, so go right now. POLISH EMERGENCY! At the minimum.
Also, in case you weren’t already having the best day ever, use code dianna15 and get 15% off your order.  That is your reward for reading all the way to the bottom.

Click here for shopping!  And if you have a horn handy, give yourself a little toot.  Cuz you make good decisions, that’s why.

Later, loves!

Different Dimension: The Best Mum and I See the Light Trios (plus bonuses!)

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When your mom has a birthday party and asks you to make her a bag of frozen corn, you put away your truffle oil and big bag of chef tricks and then just make her a bag of frozen corn.  Cuz she is queen for the day, and we shall treat her as such.

I get it though. Not everyone wants a 17 course meal with food names in foreign languages.  I mean, even my husband the chef just wants a corn dog sometimes.  OR! a big bowl of mashed potatoes, some stretchy pants and a room to be alone in.  But maybe that’s just me.  Although honestly, my ecstasy face does need a bit of privacy lest divorce is also on the menu.  Cuz there’s not much sexy to go around with one eyeball rolled back in your head and a gaping mouth full of potato.  Or so says society.

However, despite the corn, the party was still nice.  Well, except for two things:

1. Mom can’t stop running marathons.  The woman turns 60 and you’d think she’d like to start sitting down now.  Put on some pajamas, maybe.  She was 24 hours post-run, looking like a perky ray of sunshine.  STOP IT MOM.  Stop making me look bad.  Cuz Lazy, Level EXPERT is as high as this thing goes.

2. There was a gift giving contest that I was unaware of but somehow participated in.  And apparently my gift of a wad of cash just handed over was at the very bottom.  Blahhh.  Listen, I am quite aware of how un-clever I am with gifts.  The hives they are a-lurking and I stress about it for eons, then I panic and grab a popcorn maker and a 2-pack of sock boots on my way out the door.  So considering all that, I’d say a nice, safe wad of cash is about the best outcome in this little scenario.  At this point, if mom isn’t tossing a few happy tears my way, I am var var concerned about her brain.

While mom reconsiders the level of her love, let’s talk polish!  I have some goodies from Missi at Different Dimension to show off for you today.  First time on the blog, y’all!  Feeling awfully fancy right about now.  There are two new trios plus a couple of April special releases to discuss.  Lots to do, lots to see (and money to spend) so excitement starts NOW.

One of the trios is called The Best Mum.  Take a look:

This trio is inspired by gorgeous springtime blooms and is the perfect ode to all the mommies.  And in case you get an attack of the day sweats when it comes to all gift giving situations like I do, here, I fixed Mother’s Day for you.  Best blogger ever, is what you’re thinking.

First up is You Lilac You Could Use a Break:

This one is a delicate lilac creme loaded with a ton of golden shimmer with a pile of happiness and joy on the side.  It’s just one of the best spring colors you’ll find, and that golden glow is over the top pretty.  I just want to squeeeeee! while looking at it.  At any moment, I expect a surprise Leonardo sighting, cuz that’s just how good our day is going.  Best day EVER I’m pretty sure.

Closer look at that shimmer action:

See?  Who wants to lick that one just a bit?  All of us little weirdos, no doubt.

Some mediocre nail art:

So naturally I took this lovely little manicure, and did something hideous to it.  Ugh.  In my mind though, this looked fabulous.  I was gonna make a Mother’s Day bouquet right on mah nails!  Clearly, I gave up too soon.  I am not good at goals, let’s just say.

Used the new Uber Chic Beauty Mother’s Day plate, though, and it’s a good one.

Next up is Peony For Your Thoughts:

Okay, this is next level gorgeous.  Like, before I was just doing that smiling to myself with my eyes closed thing – you know, the one where I look like a complete idiot but still kind of normal – but now it’s official drool bucket season, and it’s about to get suuuuuuuper unattractive in here. Gah!  Hubby, look away!  I’m warning you now.

This one is a fresh peach creme loaded with those same golden shimmers.  Buy this one.  I’m serious.

More nail art:

Maybe only half a notch better.  Sorry, guys.  I tried, but then stamp all the things took over, and before I knew it there was chaos and it was EVERYWHERE.  Is your OCD twitching?  Yep, mine too.

Used both the Uber Chic Beauty 15-02 and 15-03 plates for this “design” in case you’re curious.  (You’re not.  We’re moving on.)

Lastly, here’s That’s Ranunculus:

Well, you’d knew there’d have to be a pink one, didn’t you?  Of course you did!  Pink is a necessity when it comes to spring. And this one is very dainty. You can practically hear it begging for a cappuccino in a tiny cup.  And possibly a sandwich.  Is the Queen handy?  We’re gonna need her too.  Cuz there’s a tea party about to happen, I just know it.

Last of the nail art:

This one is better.  Don’t ask why my brain said BLUE ROSES! like it made sense or something.  But it’s not an ugly mani.  I’m gonna take this brief moment of mojo and freaking RUN.  Cuz the nail fails are lurking, they are always always lurking.  

Used the rose layered image from the Uber Chic Beauty 12-03 plate in case recreations are in order.  And kudos and accolades, you know, if you’re not busy.

The formula on these three polishes are very consistent across the board.  They are slightly thicker than average due to the shimmer load, so you may need to add some thinner to help it along.  Ordering details will be at the bottom, so hang tight!

The next release is the I See the Light Trio, a set of three gorgeous holographic polishes.  These are legit stunning, with special illuminating shimmers for an amazing glowing effect.  Here’s proof:

Do you hear angels?   Cuz I hear angels.

These three beauties are all very similar; the only difference is the color of shimmer.  I’m going to show you all three shades at once, then we’ll talk.  Lessss go!

Here is Apparition:

This one has holographic microflakies and turquoise shimmer.  It’s very evident in the glare.

Time for macros!

OMG, I peed a little.  Seriously, you guys.  If you haven’t drooled in a thousand buckets at this point, well you are WRONG.  Or you have no eyes.  I dunno.

Next one is Ethereal:

This one has those same holographic microflakies plus copper shimmer.  It is very hard to stay upright at the moment.  The amount of perseverence happening over here is downright superhuman.

A macro EXTRAVAGANZA!

Mercy, I’m sweaty.

Lastly, here’s Rapturous:

Aside from those holographic microflakies we are now officially hardcore in love with, this one has purple shimmer.  Dreamy, simply put.

An insane display of pretty:

Welp, you want all those now don’t you?  (You do.)  The formula is consistent on these three as well.  Very easy and smooth to apply.  Two, possibly three coats.  Lays flat and dries relatively fast.  One coat of top coat, and holy moly you’re a fancy lady!  Definitely don’t miss these.  DON’T DO IT.  I mean it.  Ordering details at the bottom.

Lastly, we have two special releases for the month of April:

Seriously, who’s got too much time on their hands?  Fun with fonts!  With jazz hands.  I make collages like someone is paying me. They’re not, although WHY? is the actual question.

First up is B(earth)day 2017:

Missi’s birthday is April 22, which also happens to be Earth Day, so now we have TWO reasons to celebrate in case you need an excuse to have a wine cooler on a Monday.  

So this one is a steel blue linear holo with added silver holo microglitters.  All my blue lovers just died a little, I’m pretty sure.  Cuz it’s blingy and holo-y and a two coat dreamboat.  Honestly, what more do you need?  Well, besides pajamas and a nap with a Starbucks on top.  

Under the lamps for funsies:

My eyes, my eyes!  You need to buy one bottle of this then 27 backup bottles in case of an accidental painting of all the surfaces.

Finally, here’s Every Piece Belongs:

Since April is Autism Awareness Month, Missi wanted to create a polish to help raise money for the cause.  Fifty percent of the proceeds of this limited edition polish will benefit the Autism Society of Indiana, which means you can get a pretty polish and donate to charity with the push of one tiny button.  So get your shopping hand ready, cuz you’re adding to cart in about 2.5 seconds.  

This adorable polish is a unique baby blue creme loaded with these gorgeous contrasting shimmers.  It’s quite elegant, and looks fabulous on the nail.  And in case you want to scare the shit out of yourself wondering whose hands are on you at 2 in the morning, it also glows in the dark.

Fun!  I’ve never used a glow in the dark polish before, and I’m not saying I sat in the closet for half an hour doing the sign language alphabet,  but then again, of course I did.

The round up:

The two trios just released April 1 and are still available at the time of this writing.  You can purchase the full set of three or just single bottles, although every bit of this is going in the basket so that point is moot.  Here’s the deets:

The Best Mum Mother’s Day Trio is $25 or $8.75 each

I See the Light Trio is $32 or $12 each

As for the April special edition polishes, they will only be available until April 30 so it’s basically a polish emergency.  The clock is ticking, and if you’re not properly panicked, well then something is wrong with your brain.  They are $10 each just so you know.

Click here for shopping!

That’s it guys.  Thank you for reading all the way to the bottom.  I know you might’ve had other things to do – maybe groceries or dishes or life in general – so I appreciate you making a bit of room for me.  Y’all make writing these 18-hour-long posts so very very worth it.  Off to do nails so this blog can happen again tomorrow.

Later, loves!

Glam Polish: Technicolor World Collection 

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Before you go thinking I’ve got it all under control, lemme just say I about strangled myself trying to remove my bra without taking off my shirt, cuz you don’t get to Lazy, Level EXPERT by going the extra mile.  Although considering how much cardio was accidentally involved, dealing with the shirt might’ve been slightly less sweaty.   And we all know how unattractive I can be when a bit of effort is made.  I don’t sweat like a lady, let’s just say.

Listen, I know it’s not good to be this way.  But when you have a husband who randomly brings you sandwiches, what other choice is there?  Like, who’s getting up to make their own sandwich, when – if you wait long enough – one will just appear in your hand like magic?  Crazy people, that’s who.  Plus, he once told me I was a princess, and I don’t know if this is what he had in mind or not, but I’m just gonna sit here in pajamas for the next 47 years just in case.

It’s no secret I’ve never been one for activities.  You don’t read 72 books over the course of the year by running a dadgum marathon.  And since I refuse to pee my pants in public, looks like aerobics is out of the question.  In fact, the safest thing for me to do is nothing.  Cuz the one time I decide to jump on a trampoline wearing boots, I sprain an ankle and had to shave one leg so I could go get an x-ray.  Ugh.  Effort.  Such a dirty word.

Having said all that, I DO do things.  Have you read this blog before?  I mean, the nails don’t just happen all by themselves.  Just because I’m sitting in a chair for six hours straight wearing a robe and no pants on doesn’t mean I’m not working.  I might be overachieving if you want to be honest about it.  Granted, no laundry or dishes or husbands is getting done, but THAT POINT – well that point is simply moot.

So while we contemplate the importance of an idle life, let’s talk polish!  I have 5 out of 10 polishes from the Glam Polish Technicolor World collection to share with you today.  This collection was inspired by the costumes, set and music from the movie LaLa Land.  They’re all bright, vibrant and super gorgeous.  You like holo and flakies and immeasurable levels of happiness?  Then how lucky are you about to be?  Take a look:

Woah.  Okay, immediately your day just got better.  Cuz you’ve got no business being gloomy while these are in the room.  I mean, GUYS, there’s neon in there!  Bad moods are scientifically impossible at this point.  Complete with 17 charts and graphs and maybe an Excel spreadsheet, to be safe.

First up is Another Day of Sun:

Welp, let’s get the smiling like an idiot part out of the way first, shall we?  Perhaps you need to go off by yourself for a second, lest someone walk in on you while you’ve got your eyes closed, looking stupid.  Seriously, I have to blog in a separate room otherwise hubby be there lurking with the judgy eyes.  Cuz apparently minding his own business is option #2756 on a list of things he’s not doing.   I mean, certainly there’s like 17 different tv programs that needs an emergency click-through, right?  Can he not just hold the remote and look straight ahead like a proper husband?

In other words, keep the sandwiches coming or else what is the point of you?  Seriously though, WHAT IS THE POINT?

So this one is a bright yellow base loaded with pink shimmer, a hint of holo and a splash of fine holo microglitter.  The shimmer is very hard to catch on camera, but in person it’s very evident and is the most addicting thing about this polish.  You gotta this one on your nails, stat.  For real.  DO IT.

A macro EXTRAVAGANZA!

See?  You’re about to spend some money, I can already tell.

Some nail art I did:

Thought I’d take inspiration from that pink shimmer and do some pink gradient stamping. I used the Uber Chic Beauty Yay Spring plate and did a floral pattern for spring. I’m kinda really diggin it, which is quite a departure from the nail fails I’m normally doing.  Hooray for a brief moment of mojo!

Next is It’s a One Woman Show:

Alright, what is even happening right now?  Hope y’all got a Plan B for the day cuz I’ll just be over here trying to attach my jaw back to my face.  Ugh.  How the rest of this blog is getting written is a science experiment waiting to happen, you know, if y’all not busy.  Let me know how it goes cuz it’s about to get suuuuuper pass-out-y over here.  This polish = DEAD.

So this one has a bright pink base with the most exquisite blue/purple shimmer, ultra holo glitter and fine holo microglitter.  Seriously, anyone have a drool bucket handy?  Imma need a thousand of them.  LEGIT no typo.  A thousand, at the minimum.

Prepare yourself.  Now scroll:

Are you hot?  Cuz I’m hot.  The shimmer got me, guys.  It got me good.

Actual cute nail art:

Although it’s a pretty simple design, I really like how it turned out.  That’s two good ones in a row, if you’re doing math for funsies, although WHY? is the actual question.   

Used the Moyra Fabric Texture 20 plate that I picked up from the Cosette Nail Shop.  I love all my Moyras and highly recommend you pick up a few.  And by few I mean all of them cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you.

Now here’s I’ll See You in the Movies:

Just because there’s a perpetual state of robe-wearing happening at the moment doesn’t mean you can’t bring the sex every once in a while.  These are your date night nails, your hot mama nails.  The nails you wear when you want to feel less sweatpants-y but also still be in sweatpants.  Well, if you’re me, that is.  All the rest of you, I’m sure, can figure out more proper uses that doesn’t require a nap for good measure.

This one is a red scattered holo with shifting flakies, holo flakies, ultra holo glitter and fine holo microglitter.  Opaque in almost one coat, which works out perfect for those who like to do quick nails and then go be productive and accomplish some shit.  So, like, opposite of me, then.  Cuz I do nails with a splash of other things, like breathing with a touch of dishes thrown in so hubby won’t divorce me.  

Time for drool!

Holy moly, that’s a pretty red.  No sense in being basic about it, I always say.  Bahaha.  Just kidding.  Cuz SWEATPANTS, remember?

My favorite nail art:

For real, I don’t even know who I am anymore.  How does this mani exist without a minimum of 18 stupid things on it?  I’m starting to get suspicious, like perhaps I’ve been kidnapped and I don’t even know it.  Who is doing this nail art, cuz it’s certainly not me.  A facsimile of me, maybe.

Used the Moyra Fabric Texture 20 plate again, which means it’s official:  to the Cosette Nail Shop you go!  Buying all the plates, spending all the money.   As you do.

This one is Why Do You Say Romantic Like it’s a Dirty Word?:

Hubby just came in here and brought me a sandwich. Told ya.  At some point, the sandwiches just appear.

So this one is a light gold intense holo with pink and peach shimmer and holo flakies.  Again, opaque in about one coat, although I did two just be sure.  Plus, this one has that kind of addicting formula where if you’re not paying attention, there might be an accidental Polish Mountain situation in progress.  Although, good thing I give up easy, cuz goals have never been my strong suit.  Which surprises no one, I’m pretty sure.

More macros, more drool:

You can really see that pink and peach shimmer popping out, and that’s what makes this gold extra special.  If I’m not mistaken, you’re buying one bottle and then 27 back-up bottles.  Right?  Right.

Then I did this thing:

THERE IT IS.  While it’s not necessarily a fail, I can sense the mojo slipping a bit. Although, I’m mildly relieved cuz I’m not ready to commit to being too good at anything. Cuz I fixed the work copier just ONE time back in 2008, and now apparently I am a copier repairman with a side of doing my actual job.  No, the expectation of being an expert is just too much to bear sometimes.

Used the Uber Chic Beauty Mandala Love plate on this one in case you’re curious.

Lastly, here’s What a Waste of a Lovely Night:

My eyes, my eyes!  Gah!  Who wants this one on all the surfaces, everywhere?  All my blue lovers, get on it!  This is your perfect blue, your one coat dreamboat.  Might as well be a basketful of kitties based on how hardcore you’re not walking away.  I mean, kitties with a Leonardo and a skosh of Starbucks on top, to be more specific. It’s straight up everything you’ve ever wanted.  Seriously.  I dare you to determine otherwise.  

Barely any description is needed for this beauty.  She’s an intense indigo holo.  FULL STOP.  And she’s headed for the shopping cart whether you like it or not.

Let’s seal the deal:

A little cutie patootie:

We’re ending this blog on a high note, k?  I was going to do a galaxy mani on this one, but got tired just thinking about it, so I did this easy version instead.  And I don’t hate it, so toots on the ole horn for me, then!

Used the layered star and circle image from the Uber Chic Beauty 12-03 plate, in case recreations are in order.  (They are, to be clear.)

The round up:

 

The Technical World collection released yesterday so we’re all good to go for shopping.  The entire set is $120 but if you get your priorities straight within the next 48 hours, you can score a 10% discount.  Weeee!  Also, single bottles are $12, although we’ve already decided you’re not doing this.  You’re committing to all 10 cuz I help you make good decisions.

In case you are curious, here are the names and descriptions of the other 5 polishes I didn’t swatch:

City of Stars – lilac crelly with shifting iridescent glitter and fine holo microglitter

Someone in the Crowd:  cobalt blue crelly with iridescent flakies, shifting flakies, holo flakies and fine holo microglitter

Here’s to the Ones Who Dream – jade scattered holo with shifting flakies, holo flakies, ultra holo glitter and fine holo microglitter

As Long as it’s Pure Jazz – deep plum intense holo

Chasing All the Lights That Shine – mix of rainbow metallic glitter, shifting iridescent glitter and a hint of fine micro glitter in a clear base

If you’d like to see more swatch photos, check out Polish and Paws.  Tell her I sent you!  Then click here for shopping cuz what else is more important today?  That’s right, nothing.

Later, loves!

Noodles Nail Polish: Spring 2017 Collection 

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Hubby and I shouldn’t have discussions after 11pm cuz that’s when the stupid things start to come out.  I mean, when you have one eye closed and a brain half asleep, you really have no business talking at all.  Or else you might make a decision on things you weren’t ready to commit to.  Cuz apparently now if I ever have to get false teeth I’m not allowed to take them out and gum on things in front of the hubs or else he’ll refuse to love me.  Well how ZERO FUN is that?  I imagine the only bright side to false teeth would be the gumming.  Oh! and putting them in a glass by the sink right next to his toothbrush.

So not even sure why this is even a thing now, but since it’s out in the open, I’m gonna go ahead and dissect it to death.  Cuz four years ago, right after the minister thought I was about to marry my brother (we bought the cheap wedding, clearly) my husband promised to God and a room full of other people that he’d be there for me in sickness and in health.   So as soon as he shows me where the false teeth disclaimer is, I’m going to hold him to every word of it.  Sorry.  God is watching.

Not that I want to gum things in public or anything, but false teeth does run in the family.  Considering how lucky I am in all things life-related, prettttttty sure I’ll suffer the same fate.  Or actually hubby will be the one to suffer, as there’s not much sexy to go around when your teeth are in a completely different room as you.

Which brings me to the point for this entire conversation:  I’m going to the dentist today to get a cavity filled, which – as an adult – should be outlawed.  I get cavities at least once a year, so the probability for false teeth is lurking.  And if that’s the reward I get for going to the dentist every six months like you’d expect from the 1987 Spelling Bee Champion – well then maybe I should’ve drank more than one wine cooler in high school.  Cuz apparently following rules gets you nowhere.

So while I sit here having anxiety and sweating like a lady, let’s talk nail polish.  Natalie with Noodles Nail Polish sent me her Spring 2017 Collection to share with you today, six polishes full of sunshine and happiness.  Ready to go?  Well then lessss go!

Welp, we want all those, now don’t we?  Cuz they just scream spring, and who couldn’t use a dose of spring in their life?  That’s right – just the crazy ones.  My grass is already turning a brilliant shade of green, and I am beside myself with joy.  Goodbye dead winter self! I’m about *thisclose* to putting pants on, so you know I’m serious.

First up is Petals & Peonies:

It pays to be prepared in life sometimes.  Like, by wearing stretchy pants before cheesecake, or perhaps there’s a wedding dress in your car in case of a surprise Leonardo sighting.  And one day the Queen of England might need you to bring her a sandwich, so you’re buying this nail polish just to be safe.  Cuz while you’re probably not wearing pantyhose or one of those hats with the feathers in it, at least you know your nails look good. That’s half your fashion logistics right there. 

So this one has a pale pink crelly base and it’s loaded with pastel, silver and gold glitters, gold shimmer and silver flakies.  Goes on smooth even with all the goodies, and now you are ready to hold a thousand tiny cups, at the minimum.  Tea with the Queen: BRING IT. 

Time for macros!

Gah, so pretty. 

Next up is Metamorphosis:

Okay, it’s just way too early for this.  We barely got started and already my brain has stopped holding my mouth closed.  Can you imagine how unattractive I’m about to get?  Like, false teeth is one thing but lolling tongues and drool buckets is another thing altogether.  Seriously, I’m locking this bedroom door lest hubby comes in here to divorce me. 

This one is a steely blue green holo with copper shimmer and soft pinkish/red shift, and it will absolutely knock your socks off.  You got shit to do and only one coat of polish to spare?  Here ya go then, your dreamboat in a bottle.  Now you’ve got pretty nails AND time to spare to go be Mom of the Year or whatever it is all you normal people get accomplished on a daily basis.  It’s a sad state of affairs over at my house, what with all the pajamas and the lounging.

Put this hot mama under the lamps for a minute:

Do you hear angels? I hear angels.  You’re officially buying one bottle of this, and then 27 back up bottles.  To start.

Grab your smelling salts, stat!   Now you may scroll:

Some nail art I did:

I mean, not gonna win any awards or anything, but it’s not the worst I’ve ever done.  Cuz I invented the Meth Owl, and certainly not on purpose.  

Now here’s Blue Skies:

My absolute favorite of the bunch. It’s glorious and stunning and about 2.5 seconds away from an accidental painting of all the surfaces.  Clearly, an extra bit of supervision is in order.  SEND HELP.  And a Starbucks, just in case.

So this one is a light blue crelly with silver flakies, white microflakies and soft scattered holo.  WHITE microflakies?!  I know!  And now were all having the best day EVER.  Cuz flakies make everything better.  And prettier and skinnier too, prolly.

More macros, more drool:

You done died.  You did.

This one is called Rise & Shine:

My eyes, my eyes!  Holy moly guys.  A ridiculous display of sparkle, in case you’re due for one.

This one is a full coverage glitter mix of gold, pink, aqua, purple, silver metallic and holo.  It can be a used as a topper if you  apply it very thinly, but honestly, why you being hayve on a Thursday?  Let’s just lose allllll the control on this cuz that’s the only logical thing I can think of.  I did two brushed-on coats and one dabbed coat for safety, and the pay out is for real LEGIT.   They’re party nails or nap nails depending on if you’re you or if you’re me.  Either way though:  you will lub them lots.

More macros, in case you wanna pass out for a second:

Okay, now that was nuts.

Scroll past this next part:

Y’all didn’t scroll.  Ugh.  What the hell is this then?  I don’t dislike it, but I dunno.  Did I nail fail like usual or am I just being too critical?  You tell me cuz my brain’s no longer working.

Used the Bump, Set, Spike vinyls from Polished Vino if any recreations are in order.  Bahaha.  Ugh.

Next up is Spring Fling:

Well, now how precious is this?  Someone on my Instagram commented that it looks like candy, and I’d have to agree on that a bit.  I could go for a lick of this one, for sure.  Probably tastes more poison-y than expected, but can’t say I’m not considering it.   Also, someone needs to save me from me.  It’s getting dire in here.

So this little princess is a creamy white crelly loaded with yellow, pink, purple, peach and blue glitters and fine pink holo shreds.  All of it, cutie pie.  Every single bit is full of joy.  Go ahead and smile with your eyes closed on this one.  But be by yourself cuz judgy eyes are everywhere.

Can’t stop, won’t stop:

Lastly, here’s Flutterby:

No sense in petering out here at the end.  Cuz a spring collection wouldn’t be proper without some purple in it.  Who just died a little bit then?  ME TOO!  This entire collection is crazy good.  You’re buying the whole thing, I’ve already decided.  And in case kudos and thanks are in order, I like gift cards. And Leonardo, if you’re not busy.

So this beauty is a soft lilac holo with more of those white microflakies we love to the point of speculation and a touch of purple shimmer.  Seriously, if you haven’t drooled in a thousand buckets at this point, I’m var var concerned about the state of your brain.  Maybe you don’t enjoy happiness. Or maybe you have no eyes.  Either way, medical intervention is in order.  

Final act of convincing:

And then some kinda cute nail art:

I’m proud of this one.  It’s not hideous!  Granted, I went a touch bananas on those purple studs, but for the most part I did a thing with a skosh of jazz hands instead of a thing with, like, sweatpants on per usual.

You should definitely recreate this one!  Used the Lina Feeling Shapely 08 plate and a tiny bit of magic.  

The round up:

GUYS.  Trust me when I tell you how hardcore you love these.  You do, I know it.  Cuz we don’t just walk away from a basketful of kittens NOR do we walk away from a Noodles Nail Polish collection.  Ever.  Write it down in case there’s a quiz.

This collection releases tomorrow, March 31 at 6pm EST.  Set 17 alarms and put Post-It Notes in all your hidey holes cuz there’s no way you’re getting there late like some kind of hobo.  No, you’re first in line cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you. Click here for shopping!

For now, I’m just gonna have a quick little panic over the dentist tomorrow.  Maybe google some side effects in case the Novocaine doesn’t wear off for the rest of my life.  You know, nothing unreasonable.

(PRAY FOR ME.)

Later, loves!

Glisten & Glow: 7 Year Anniversary Polish Duo

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My right eye has been sleepy all day.  Every time I blink I pretty much fall asleep on just that one side for a little bit.  Not that the left eye refuses to participate or anything, but since I was at my desk trying to (reluctantly) adult, I figured Nap Mode: Level EXPERT would not be the most logical choice.   Cuz HR is lurking people, let us never forget.  And in that case, I will sit here comatose, but with one eye open, like a good girl.

I’ve never been much of a rule-breaker anyway (i.e., super boring person).  Because of my almost OCD-like need to follow direction, I ask a lot of questions.  I need to know specifically what you mean and how you mean it, probability of alternate scenarios, and I hope to Baby Jesus you have a FAQ sheet with bullet points, cuz imma need that too, prolly.

And don’t even ask me to veer off schedule and improvise anything.  I don’t believe in a gray area or room for interpretation.  If a recipe calls for a dash of pepper, I’m spending the next 18 hours googling how much a dash is.  And don’t tell me to cook the fish until it flakes easily with a fork cuz that’s not a proper cooking term.  HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE EXACTLY?!, is the actual question, and I get the hives trying to figure it out.

In other words, if someone doesn’t invite me to a party soon, well do you see what you’re missing?!  DO YOU?

While we all sit and contemplate, let’s look at pretty things!  I have two new polishes from Glisten & Glow to show you today.  They are part of a duo to celebrate the anniversary of the birth of Glisten & Glow, a very worthy party idea if I ever heard one, you know, in case you need an excuse to drink a wine cooler on a Thursday.  See below:

Back on March 10, 2010 a dream came true and Glisten & Glow became a real life thing.  And without any warning whatsoever, every single one of us nail polish nerds fell in love.  Seriously, how did we all function like humans before this indie business started?  We were just polish robots with carts full of mainstream, zero fun, and cuticles that could poke an eye out, I’m guessing.  Or at least I was anyway.  So, God bless Glisten & Glow for all the spectacular pretties over the past 7 years.  And for making my nails not look like a hobo.  Amen.

First up is 7 Years and Glowing:

Mercy, it’s already started.  Dadgummit.  Are you sweaty?  Cuz I’m sweaty.

This one is a teal linear holographic with sparkles of silver holo microglitters and flashes of blue and gold shimmers.  It’s a beautiful, mermaid-y, ocean-y dreamboat, and you’re just gonna go ahead and throw it in the basket. Cuz I’m the boss of you, that’s why. 

Then I stuck a big ole daylight lamp on top of it.  And died a little:

Erlack! For real, that’s no joke legit. There’s no way you’re walking out of this blog without 27 bottles of this, MINIMUM. 

Macro (aka, drool) time!

How unattractive do you look right now?  ME TOO! Lolling tongues and drool buckets, everywhere.

Some nail art I did:

I was gonna do a mermaid mani but thought I’d do something unexpected. Not that this is particularly revolutionary or anything, but I’ve had these Twinkled T scribble vinyls for ages and figured why not?

Why not, indeed. I like it lots. 

Last half of the duo is Seventh Heaven:

If there’s anything more complimentary to a teal green mani, it’s gotta be a coral one. Clearly someone knows how to do nail polish. I’m not saying it’s Glisten & Glow, but it’s probably Glisten & Glow. 

So this one is a light coral creme holographic with sparkles of silver holo microglitters and subtle purple and blue shimmers. It’s very springy and fresh and totally work appropriate and Queen of England-approved, you know, in case you two are having sandwiches later. As happens from time to time.

The shimmers in here are delicate and a bit shy. Below is a shot with the daylight bulb so you can see them better:

I dunno guys.  I kinda want to lick this one.  Cuz it looks like it might taste like a peach.  I mean, I know it probably doesn’t, maybe not even close.  But if there’s a chance it won’t kill me, I can’t say I wouldn’t at least lay my tongue near it at the minimum.  It’s hanging out of my mouth right now anyway, sooo …

I’m not crazy, you’re crazy.

In case you’re not convinced properly:

Took this shot directly under the lamps so you can see those shimmers real good.  Seriously like a peach, I’m sure of it.

Some nail art I like:

A pretty simple design, but thought I’d play off those purple shimmers by adding a bit of purple stamping.  Kinda cute, yes?  I mean, you’ve seen me do worse I’m certain of it.  Cuz you’ve read this blog before.

I used the Uber Chic Beauty 14-02 plate in case you’re curious.

The round up:

Launch date for this duo is Monday, March 20 at 9am EST so you have PLENTY of time to get your priorities straight.  Glisten & Glow up top, people!  Here’s what you need to know:

Both polishes in a bundle retails for $13

If you want to buy just a single bottle – although, WHY?!, is the actual question – cost is $7

Click here for shopping!  Be sure to pick up a few others while you’re there cuz honestly, what other choice is there?  It’s Jill’s anniversary and we need to thank her properly.  And then go buy me a Starbucks cuz I help you make good decisions.

Later, loves!