Now that the Polish Pickup blogs are over, we can officially focus on the next most important thing: my month-long birthday celebration.  Cuz I don’t know about you, but if you’re forced to be one more year established into your 40s, the least my husband can do is:

Gimme back rubs. Make me lots of coffee with Schnapps in it. And let me put my feet on him without giving even a skosh of disgust.

If we’re not doing any of that, the joy is basically SUCKED right out of the room, then. The point of birthdays is gifts; otherwise, we’re all in here just getting old for no DADGUM good reason.

AN ODE TO AGING, BUT NOT A GOOD ONE

I went to the dermatologist last week for my annual skin check. Here is the conversation (pretty much verbatim) on how that went down:

THE SCENE: Me, practically naked, arranging myself on the table in the least fat roll-inducing way possible.  Dermatologist walks in and proceeds to exam.

ME (pointing to a thing): So this one has a little crust on it that I can just scrape right off with my fingernail. 

HER:  Uh-huh, totally normal thing as we age. 

ME (pointing to another thing):  Well this one has been there for a while, and it doesn’t look any different, but what do you think?

HER:  Yep, a sun spot. You get those as you age. 

ME (pointing to yet another thing):  Okay, well this one, though.  Certainly we don’t like this one!

HER:  Ummmm, looks fine. Just a spot caused by aging.

OMG, AM I IN HELL?! Is there someone in this room who is aging?!  Seriously, I’m var var confused right now.  Cuz last time I checked, I was a Trophy Wife EXTRAORDINAIRE!, or in less science-y terms, One Who is AGELESS. 

On the bright side, I remembered to not wear my extra large underwear like I did at my last appointment. Although I exchanged it for my super orthopedic bra, but that is beside the point.

Again, no one is old. CLEARLY.

To kick off Birthday Month Extravaganza, I had the pleasure of blogging for Color4nails for the very first time, and I swear if Leonardo suddenly popped out from around the corner somewhere, it would only make sense. Cuz BEST DAY EVER, that’s why.

So excuse me while I squeeeeee! a little bit. Just look at these pretty things instead:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Sisi sent me a most gorgeous collection from Illyrian Polish to review for you, and when I say I didn’t know if my tongue would ever find its way back inside my mouth, well you can only imagine how unattractive things were being over here.  Am I still married, cuz seriously, I don’t even know.

But yeah – the Illyrian Polish Summer 2017 collection. Get on this, stat.

POLARIS

DESCRIPTION:  A cerulean blue base packed with holo sparkles and a gorgeous teal/blue/purple shifty shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats for me

Sooooo, I figured we’d start off with a massive case of the Grabby Fingers.  Cuz look at it. LOOK 👏🏼 AT 👏🏼 IT.  Basically magic in a bottle. No one’s getting out of this blog without spending some money, I already know. 

Under the mood lights:

That shift!  Have you ever?  NO YOU HAVE NOT. 

CETUS

DESCRIPTION:  A subtle turquoise to blurple thermal with an intense turquoise/teal shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats, three if you’re crazy; obviously I did three

Y’all know me and thermals. We’s best friends!  Cuz nothing says chummy pals quite like an anxiety enducing, hand in ice water, racing to take a pic before the temperature changes kinda photo sesh.  Plus sweat bead mustache for bonus points. Ugh.

Regardless though, I think things turned out okay. I give you the best five photos out of the 7,397 I took. Enjoy!

Transition between hot and cold:

Warm state only, the turquoise:

Cool state only, the blurple:

And then macros in transition, cuz BEST BLOGGER EVER:

As mentioned, the transition is subtle and blends together seamlessly. You buying this one, just so you know. 

LYRA

DESCRIPTION:  A sky blue jelly base packed with holo sparkles and a strong green to coppery rose shifty shimmer

OPACITY:  Two coats

I know the base is blue, but all I see is beautiful, glorious green.  And now my brain has officially stopped holding my mouth closed. Drooling, Level EXPERT, in case you’re curious. 

LYNX

DESCRIPTION:  A deep teal jelly base with a strong glowy violet shimmer and tiny holo sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats

So. Much. Pretty. Seriously, all you blue lovers just died a little bit. 

And now, more mood lights:

Dreamy!  That shimmer truly is glowy, and we are all basically just big puddles of goo by now. 

PHOENIX

DESCRIPTION:  A bright raspberry tinted pink base packed with a strong fire coppery orange shimmer and holo sparkles

OPACITY:  Two coats

Quick! Lick the screen while no one’s looking. Now act natural.

Good job. Seriously, if you came here for the ladylike composure, you’ve picked the wrong day.

I love they’ve put a pink one in the midst of all this blue-y purple. She’s definitely an eye catcher, a stunner, a one way ticket to the Drool Convention.

The color pulls more red on me, but other’s swatches show more pink.  Either way, though, we lub it lots.

More ultra drool-y scenarios coming up in 3 … 2 … 1 …

DRACO

DESCRIPTION:  A deep blue toned purple base packed with a teal/blue/violet shifting shimmer and tiny holo sparkle

OPACITY:  Two coats

Super vampy!  The teal part of the shimmer reallllly stands out and is just glorious. Makes my sad white sausages look less sad and sausage-y, and for that fact alone, we want 27 bottles. 

So let’s end this thing on an exclamation point. Last polish, up ahead!

AQUILA

DESCRIPTION:  A deep teal blue base with holo sparkle and pink/red/gold shimmer flecks

OPACITY:  Two coats

And in case you’re still on the fence, here’s some macros:

Cuz the fence is no place for a lady.  18,000 bottles, in the cart, stat! Rational behavior?  NOT TODAY!

THE ROUND UP

Every single one of these is fabulous. From formula to saturation of color – I had zero issues whatsoever.  It was my first go with Illyrian Polish, but definitely not my last. In other words, I’m about to get suuuuuper stalker-y, I can already tell. 

This collection is available now at Color4nails.com, so you’re all set for shopping!  Each bottle retails for $13, which is on the pricier end – although worth every penny if you need some justification.  However, my top faves are Polaris, Lyra and Phoenix, in case you’re being forced to, like, buy groceries and some electricity instead. Boooooo.

Happy Monday! Go buy some nail polish. Then come back later and buy some more. You deserve it. 

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •