There is a price to pay for being overly lazy. I have discovered that by doing ambitious leg stretching while lounging on the couch in pajamas CAN and WILL pull a muscle in your foot. And then you will spend the next three days hobbling around while trying to leave a good first impression on your brother-in-law whom you’ve never met. I’ve also discovered that you can never look sexy while using your mother-in-law’s cane. And that they rent wheelchairs at the zoo, where your husband will push you around all afternoon, alternating between sweet and helpful gestures and deviously taking pictures and videos for all of Instagram and/or Facebook to see.
I wish I could say I hurt myself while saving a baby from a speeding car or something heroic like that. But no, of course not. I have to take laziness to the next level and literally cripple myself by doing a goodnight stretch right before bed. Am I 90? Seems so.
Here’s my Ipsy:
The first thing I pulled out was the Be A Bombshell lip balm, and I immediately wanted to take a nap. Lip balm, for reals? It’s the shape of a boring ol’ Chapstick, not even in a little vintage tin or pot with a shiny gold lid. They could’ve done that at least. Cuz while I utilize lip balm on a daily basis, if it’s not chocolate or coconut, made in France or in cute packaging, there’s a 97.954656% chance I’m not keeping it. I went ahead and sampled it for sake of this review, and basically if you’ve used Chapstick before then you’re already an expert. This one does have a bit of a pale pink color, but it blanked out my lips so much I looked like I was dead or in the process of dying. In other words, all my fair-skinned peeps out there – I found you the perfect lip balm. Who’s the best blogger in all the land? ME.
Things got worse cuz next thing in the bag was an Octavio La Playa seasalt spray – a product that I will never ever use. I’m not even going to attempt to review it because it’s already gone. I checked the Ipsy reviews and it seems to be a middle-of-the-road product for most people. Some said it made their hair crunchy while others said not crunchy. The only way to know for sure is to use it yourself. Much like everything else I review in the blog for you. However, is that the point? No it is not. It only applies to sea salt spray anyway. Everything else I review I pretty much get it right 100% of the time. Cuz PROFESSIONAL, that’s why.
I was okay with the Tarte Park Avenue Princess bronzer even though I already have a bit of this included in one of my old Tarte palettes. I like the packaging better on the new one anyway as it’s easier to lug around than a big palette. I’ve been using this every day for the past two weeks and I really like it. A very nice color with a barely detectable shimmer in it. Not too dark or too light, and blends out really well. I can actually apply this one in a non-stripey kind of way, which I hear is how the supermodels and celebrities like to do it. So if someone wants to call Vogue real quick, I’ll wait.
Then I got an Ofra eyeshadow/highlighter thingy in the shade Bliss. At first I wasn’t too thrilled about getting this. I mean, let’s be honest, the color is a bit normal. I prefer emeralds or deep purples if I get to choose it myself. But since I don’t, I decided to go the highlighter route with this. And surprisingly, it makes a lovely highlighter. The color is very pigmented so just a tap with your brush will do, and it looks spectacular on the skin. Very flashy if you’re into it. If you’re not, just be careful. I’ve received several Ofra items in the past and I’ve never been overwhelmed with love, but I like this one so I kept it. It sits in prime Z-Palette real estate right next to a couple of Makeup Geek blushes. That’s saying something.
Last item in the box is the Vasanti BrightenUp! exfoliator which I had received in my Birchbox just a mere three months ago. If you’d like to read what I said about it, click here. If not, the short version is that I liked it very much. Very fine exfoliator, gentle on the skin, and I’d swear it replaced my old face with a new one after just one use. I’m debating whether to keep it or pass it along to my mom. I have so many exfoliators I need to use, and I’m afraid I won’t get to it before it expires. I’ve already had to toss some stuff in the trash this past month because I can’t manage my life very well. You try opening up 27 foundations and then use them ALL up in one year. It’s nigh on impossible.
Well, in case you haven’t noticed I’m once again extremely behind. Let’s just call this my new normal, shall we? Cuz at this point, I’m on a roll. I’m assuming if I focused less on painting my nails every single night (and sometimes twice), I might get a lot more done. Sounds logical but I just had a rum and Coke and things are making a lot of sense right about now. Like, if you have a question about the meaning of life, I’m available for consultation.