It has been brought to my attention that I am an over-explainer.  That I tend to go on and on and on about a subject until I am certain you know exactly what I am talking about, particularly in instruction-giving scenarios.  That because you are not me I cannot assume we are on the same page, and I will keep giving you information with backup supporting documents, links to click on and jazz hands until I’m satisfied.

I’ve never realized this before but thinking back, it is absolutely true.  Not one time have I ever backed out of a conversation with someone who blithely states they’ll call me later without me asking when exactly will this call come cuz I want to make sure I am available to talk as I have a dentist appointment at 3pm and then I will be driving all the way home which roughly takes 14.7 minutes and if my music is up I may not be able to hear the phone especially if I have forgotten to turn the ringer back on because as you know it is simply soooo RUDE to have the ringer on while you’re at the dentist and you have a mouth full of sharp and pokey instruments.  Do you understand what I’m saying?  Here, let me explain it one more time to be sure …

Omg, who’s annoying?!  Here’s my Sample Society:

I think Sample Society is trying to kill me because the first two items are made of nightmares.  Not that I’m against trying new things or anything, but let’s do baby steps first.  Don’t go giving me a box full of scary bits and expect me dive head first.  One toe at a time please.  And maybe not even then.

First up is the St. Tropez Self Tan Express bronzing mousse.  I can count on one hand how many times I’ve self tanned.  It all started with an 8th grade field trip to an amusement park where I would be in shorts for an entire day.  I’ll admit I wasn’t an expert at self tanning or anything, but honestly how hard would it be to apply lotion for chrissakes?

Apparently, VERY.  I had to ride in a bus next to cute boys and mean girls for three whole hours, orange streaky legs in full view of everyone.  And to top it all off, I ate a chicken nugget on the way home that I swear wasn’t cooked all the way and spent the next 7 days waiting for the food poisoning to kick in.

In other words: COMPLETELY NOT WORTH IT.

What I’m trying to say is (again with the over-explaining) my relationship with self tanners got started in a rocky place and never quite recovered.  I have not tried the St. Tropez although the instructions are clear, concise and seem very easy.  You rub on your body, leave it for one hour for a natural, light glow (or longer for deeper, up to 3 hours max) and then rinse off.  Easy peasy.  My sister tried it and said she loved it.  The formula was very nice – not orange or streaky at all.  I’m sure I’ll find a way to eff it up, though.  Just ask me how that 3-ingredient no fail key lime pie I made back in 2006 turned out.  Did you know condensed milk and evaporated milk are two different things?  No, me neither.

To make matters worse, I got a pack of Completely Bare wax strips so I can rip the hair off my hoo hah all by myself from the comfort of my own bathroom.  Who’s excited?!  (#notme)  But I figured I have to try something, or else what is the point of this review?  Not sure how wax strips beat out self tanner for the thing I’d experiment with first; I admire my own bravery.

These wax strips are basically a gauze type with wax already on them.  You warm the strip between your hands for 30 seconds then peel them apart where you will have two strips ready to go.  Place one on the area to be waxed and massage it in the direction of the hair growth.  Hold skin taut and in one fluid motion, rip off the strip in the other direction.  Continue to use the strip until the entire wax area is covered in hair.

At this point, my upper lip is starting to sweat.  Instructions always sound so easy, but the last time I tried to inflict pain on myself, I ended up in the school bathroom, pale-faced and blue-lipped.  A Biology experiment gone horribly awry, let’s just say.  You can’t just hand someone (i.e., me) a lancet and tell them to stab their own finger with it.  Nobody needs to know their own blood type that bad.  I got an A for effort anyway.  Apparently, people feel sorry for you if you almost pass out.  There’s some knowledge you can take with you for the rest of your life if you’re interested.

But back to the wax strips.  I did as instructed and somehow managed to pull it off properly.  And surprisingly it worked, didn’t hurt as much as expected, and the results were very nice.  I’m not going to do it again or anything, but I’m not disappointed by any means.  One thing to note – in case someone out there is getting too excited – these strips aren’t not meant for full Brazilian waxing.  Only the right and left side of the bikini line.  I figure I’d better disclaim that in case someone gets sue happy.  I told you so.  If your vagina falls off, that’s on you.

Next is the Cotz Face Natural Skin Tone sunscreen.  I devoted an entire post to this sunscreen about a year ago, so kindly click here and read it.  I’m still loving it, still using it.  And as soon as I’m out of it, I’m buying it again.

Received the Lauren B. Beauty nail polish in the shade Polo Lounge Punch, a vibrant, bold purple fuchsia.  I absolutely loved this nail polish.  I’m sure you are wondering who or what has taken over my body, as that sentence has never been uttered by me on this blog for at least 18 months.  But this is honestly one of the prettiest colors ever.  And I can appreciate pretty things.  In fact, that’s how I have 18 order confirmations in my Inbox right now.  Don’t judge me.  DON’T DO IT.

Formula of the polish was okay – kind of thick.  First coat goes on normal, but to get it opaque it needs a second coat, which is thicker.  I had to wipe the excess off my brush while applying in order to not flood my nail.  However, you may be able to do one thick coat and get it opaque enough.  I’m not an expert nail polisher so I was being very careful and deliberate (or OCD as others might call it).  The end result was so pretty.  One of my favorite polishes – and it’s 5-free which means it’s not made with harmful chemicals.  Yay!

One item I will be regifting is the eSalon Perfect Ending leave in conditioner.  It’s made for color treated hair which I do not have.  Doesn’t mean I can’t use it, but I know my mom would appreciate it more.  This stuff detangles, fights frizz and reduces breakage which are all good things.  I suppose I could go ahead and use it – if I really wanted to.  But my collection of hair products is starting to overtake my bathroom, and since my hair routine is practically nil, I’ve having to be selective with what I keep.  I already own too many things that are on the verge of expiration.

Last product in the box is the e.l.f. Small Stipple Brush.  I’ve owned one of these brushes in the past and I really really liked it.  It’s a cheapie – only $3 – which may be why I had to toss mine (the ferrule came loose from the handle), but it is a cream blush’s BFF.  If you are scared of cream blush, I swear to you you need this brush.  It will have you applying it like a professional.  You take the brush and swirl it in your cream and dab it on your cheeks (in a stippling motion) then swirl the brush to blend like you would any powder.  It’s like magic, really.  I will never be without a brush like this.  I do own the Real Techniques stippling brush, which I like a lot, but it’s a bigger brush.  So it’s nice to have options.  It’s also nice to hoard makeup brushes.  I tend to do that.

Before we’re done, let’s have a word about Sample Society in general.  They sent out an email to let everyone know that June was their last box.  Starting in July, it will transition to the Allure Beauty Box – operated solely by Allure Magazine.  Not sure what this means in terms of value, but I’m good with change sometimes.  As long as it’s still $15 and they send me 5 items, I should have no problems.  And as long as they do not contract with Harvey Prince.  I own everything that man makes and honestly, I think Birchbox and Ipsy have already cornered that market to death.

Til next time, friends!