I wake up in the middle of the night to my cat playing with my hair on the back of the pillow.  That’s kind of adorable although somewhat annoying at 4 a.m.  That’s also the best part of the story cuz the rest of it ends with me rolling my shoulder onto a couple of rock hard cat turds in my bed.  That is not a typo.  And definitely not cute.  Seriously, where did they come from – other than the obvious?  They were old and fossilized and weren’t there five hours prior.  Naturally, I’ve been obsessively checking WebMD in case I’m about to contract some cat poop exposure-related disease.  I mean, I’ve never had my head that close before.  I have no doubt I sniffed poop molecules straight into my brain.

On the bright side, here’s my Sample Society:

This is like my 4th can of the Avene thermal spring water.  It’s not that I don’t like it or anything, but it’s just water.  You can spray it on your face for a multiple of purposes.  To refresh, to tone, to set makeup.  Or maybe you are outside on a hot day and need a little pick me up.  In that case, Avene is your BFF.  I don’t know if I’m going to keep this particular can or not because I already have an unused one sitting on my bathroom counter giving me side-eye.  It’s been there about a year, so I don’t blame it one bit.

Dadgum Versace Eros Pour Femme perfume.  Every time I see a perfume in my box, I have to fight that narcoleptic urge.  However, I took a sniff for research purposes, and it smells really nice.  For those that would know what all this means, here’s the notes: lemon, bergamot, pomegranate, jasmine, peony, sandalwood, amber and musk.  Sounds pretty, but I don’t speak perfume.  Kind of like how I also don’t speak wine.  I’ve tried many wines that boast about its luscious peach or cherry notes, and I get all excited thinking I’m about to have the most delicious juice of my life!, but then take a sip and detect zero peach and zero cherry and 100% dry ass wine just like the last dry ass wine I tasted.  Wine has a very distinct flavor – it tastes EXACTLY LIKE WINE.  I suffer through it to look classy, but deep down I just want some Malibu rum.

How did we get here?  I dunno.

We’re on a roll now with the John Frieda 7 Day Volume In-Shower Treatment.  I used this for the sake of my people, and then promptly gave it away to a friend who loved it more than me.  It is a rather unique product though, so I give it points for effort.  You wash and conditioner you hair, then apply this gel and rinse out.  It’s supposed to give you a full week of volume even through a couple of washes.  The gel has something sticky in it that clings to your hair to make the volume and it’s water resistant.  I do find that some fascinating science.  Plus, it worked.  But because my hair is so fine and I get extremely irritated by texture that is not sleek and soft, I had to pass.  I could feel there was something in my hair – a slight dirty feeling although not as bad as some volumizers I’ve used in the past.  In fact, if I’m forced to pick a favorite, this one would be it.  Does that redeem it in any way?  Maybe.

Received the Julep lip gloss in the shade Graceful which is a very sheer pink.  This product was alright.  It wasn’t sticky, so that’s good.  But I wasn’t a fan of the color.  Too light for me.  My natural lips were darker than this lip gloss so you couldn’t see anything at all after applying.  And I couldn’t determine staying power because I couldn’t see the color.  Sounds like I’m whining, but I’m really not.  It was fine.  I’d wear it if I didn’t care about creating a “look.”  I’ll keep it for now.

My favorite item in the box was the Laneige Water Sleeping Mask.  It’s hard for me not to like a mask.  Masks (along with serums) are my favorite.  Especially the peel-off kind because they are oddly therapeutic (and safer than peeling off your own skin, sunburn-style).  This Laneige one isn’t peel-off, but instead a super lightweight gel that you wear while sleeping.  I wasn’t exactly sure how to use a sleeping mask since the masks I use are not appropriate for a side-sleeper like me.  But this one seems more like a moisturizer, as it does absorb, and when you wake up you have some definite soft, hydrated skin.  And upon further research, I learned that sleeping masks are designed to keep the moisture in your face from evaporating into the air overnight.  Basically, it’s magic.

The one thing I couldn’t figure out is if you’re supposed to use a regular moisturizer first, then right before bed apply the sleeping mask on top, or if the sleeping mask is considered your moisturizer.  I’ve used it both ways, and it does feel more hydrating when applied alongside a moisturizer.  The Laneige website says to apply it on top of your cleanser and emulsion, but emulsion isn’t a normal word to describe anything I’ve ever heard of.  I had to look it up because my OCD wouldn’t leave well enough alone – and discovered an emulsion is a moisturizer.  So there you have it.  You’ve learned something.  This blog is amazing.

Last item in the box is the Alterna Caviar heat protectant spray.  This may surprise you, but I’ve never used a heat protectant.  Out of all the hair products I don’t use, you’d think at least I’d own this one considering my hair regime consists of a hair dryer and flat iron and that’s it.  So I was alright getting this.  And I tell you what, I spritzed this generously all over my hair and absolutely NOTHING bad happened.  In fact, I think it made my hair better.  On two separate occasions, I even washed my hair and then skipped the flat iron because my ends looked so nice.  I don’t know if that’s a side effect of a heat protectant, but I swear it happened.  I’m about 97.8765% certain I’m buying the full size.  I may never flat iron my hair again.  You know, now that I own a heat protectant and everything.

So that’s it.  Hope everyone had a great day.  But if not, just remember how you could’ve slept in your bed curled up next to a big cat turd.  And suddenly, your day just got better.  You’re welcome.  As always, I’m here to serve.