I just spent five hours on YouTube watching women paint their fingernails.  I’m not even sure that’s normal.  In fact, if you’re looking for the definition of crazy, you’d find it at my house on the couch with a set of earbuds in.  I have zero excuses other than the fact I found it oddly soothing.  There was just something about the straight lines of a squared off fingernail that literally made me feel comforted and that all was right with the world.  Oh my god, who’s the weirdo?!  ME.  Let’s move on.

Here’s my Birchbox:

Not a particular fan of this box.  There were too many single-use pouches in it, and it made me think bad thoughts.  I suppose I should keep my opinions to myself when all I spent was a mere $10, but then there would be no blog and think of all the wars and poverty THAT would cause.  No, it’s best we keep it honest around here.  The world depends on it.

Ugh.  Shut up, Brain.

First item is the Beauty Protector Body Wash.  This was actually pretty good, if you judge your body washes by smell that is.  And if you like cotton candy.  This little sample only lasted through 3 or 4 baths, but it was enough.  Smelled good, nice lather.  What else can you say about a body wash?  Turns out, not much.  Nexxxxt.

Perhaps the oddest thing I’ve ever received is this Chosungah 22 Flavorful Lipstick.  When I twisted it up out of the tube it had a clear orange see-through bullet.  Reminded me exactly of orange Jello.  I love things that are reminiscent of food (aside from actual food) so you can imagine my excitement.  Now it’s called “flavorful” lipstick, so naturally I had to have a little taste.  Don’t ask why I opted to lick the bullet instead of just licking my lips.  I was alone in the house at the time, otherwise you know the 1/100th of a second it would take to lick the lipstick would be that EXACT second my hubby decides to walk in the room.  Cuz that’s the way my life works, EACH AND EVERY TIME.

Regardless, it had zero flavor so I have no idea what they’re talking about.  At this point, I’m feeling a little ashamed I just went for it like that.  And applying it was pretty much a non-event after I had hyped it up in my head so much.  Felt like a lip balm.  Pretty much clear in color even though some people were saying there was a tint (they’re wrong).  Wore off very quickly and didn’t moisturize.  I’ll still use it in the evenings after I wash my face, but it’s definitely not worth carrying around for any medicinal purpose.  Fun to look at, but that’s where the excitement ends.

Next is a couple packets of LA Fresh Makeup Remover Wipes.  I did not like these one bit.  I only used one packet because the smell hurt my tummy.  I saved the other packet for a friend cuz when something doesn’t smell good, the first thing you want to do is force it on other people.  Although I did see a few reviewers on the Birchbox site saying they thought the smell was lovely.  Lovely is not the word I’d use, but then again I don’t review while drinking.  These weren’t particularly wet either, so I knew it would take light years to remove my mascara.   I gave up about mid-swipe and went back to my regular routine.  I just don’t have time to mess with things that take away from Pajama Time.

I’ve already owned the Miracle Skin Transformer Face BB Cream and it is a product I really like.  The coverage is rather light, but it does perfect the skin nicely.  I’ve reviewed it before, most notably in my very first Empties post back in January 2014, so please feel free to click here and read it.  It’s a tiny blurb but everything in it is still true.

As a bonus, I also got to try the Miracle Skin Transformer Miracle Revival Mud mask.  Of course I only got one use out of it, but it was a nice mask.  Felt pretty gentle and didn’t have an overpowering smell.  I was reading up on it and saw where it’s great for oily/combo skin (that’s me!) and that Paula’s Choice gave it their highest score – which I trust since Paula cares about the science part of a product whereas I care just about packaging.  So most likely I’ll buy the full size of this at some point.  I do have quite a cache of masks to get through first.

Last item in the box and perhaps the most snore inducing is the Harvey Prince Sea Salt Texturizing Mist.  Seriously, someone’s a comedian cuz they keep sending me HARVEY PRINCE EVERYTHING! complete with jazz hands and confetti – even though I’ve made it quite clear I’m over Harvey Prince and all his billion perfumes and body lotions and now (apparently) his sea salt mist.  How many more products does this man make?  Certainly I’ve owned them all by now?  Should be good for the rest of my life, I think.

Now I know there’s people out there who like texturizing sprays.  They enjoy making beach hair without the hassle of going to the beach.  I get it – I’d rather sit in my office too.  But there’s just something about sleek and shiny hair that I can’t give up.  And if I ever have time to actually do a hairstyle, it’s usually to curl everything under like a true Woman of the ’90s.  Anything other than those two hairstyles and I kindly bow out.  If you go on the Birchbox site and check out the reviews, roughly 3000 people loved it.  So what do I know?  Apparently NOTHING.

That’s it; we’re done.  Thanks for hanging out today.  One more review for May then it’s on to June.  And then winter will be next.  Ugggghhhh.  Time needs to slow down just a skosh.  For one I kept getting to be more 40 and I’m not sure I like it.

Toodles!