A list of achievements, circa 1980s:

1.  Super good at fashion.  I mean, I had my initials on my eyeglasses cuz nothing gets more fancy than having enough room on your lenses to place a DADGUM STICKER.  Take that, add an extraordinary amount of flowered corduroys, and seriously guys:  if Vogue had called next, no one would be surprised.

2.  Super good at spelling.  Although I don’t really know where that’s gotten me in life other than being super annoying to everyone who doesn’t know the word orchestra has an “h” in it.

3.  Super good at sports.

Bahahahahahaha.  Just kidding.  Although I did get in a hair pulling fight with a friend outside of the library.

OMG, I’m the coolest person on the planet. 

4.  Super good at life.  Not only did I hopscotch on cow patties cuz no one told me they were made of poop, but I also thought condoms went on girls until like the 10th grade. I’m not even gonna pretend that’s normal.

Ugh. 

Good thing I’ve got this nail polish thing on lock! Fair Maiden Polish sent me their awesome new summer collection to review for you today, all inspired by fun songs from the 1980s. For real, if these beauties don’t bring back memories of you in your bedroom, singing into your hairbrush, well clearly you are a robot. Take a look!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Oooooh!  You’re buying ALLLLL these!

The ladies from Fair Maiden Polish, Sarah and Adrienne, are both girls from the 80s and grew up loving the songs that served as inspiration for this collection.  ME TOO!  I think the 80s is the best decade for music.  I had a huge collection of records that ranged from Oh, Mickey to Billie Jean all the way to the Beastie Boys one I wore around my ponytail but somehow did not start a new trend exploding throughout the middle school.  Although WHY?!?! is the actual question.

First up is Sunglasses at Night:

DESCRIPTION:  A dark blurple holographic with navy flame and holo sparkles

COATS:  Two

Inspired by the August 1984 song by Corey Hart and IT. IS. STUNNING.  A perfect night sky of a polish.  We lub it lots, oh yes we do.

Here’s a shot under the lamps, just in time for the Drool Convention:

Next up is Caribbean Queen:

DESCRIPTION:  An ocean blue with aqua shimmer, subtle shift to purple in certain lighting and holo sparkles

COATS:  Two

Inspired by the August 1984 song by Billy Ocean.  I want to swim in a bathtub full of this one.  So shimmery, so glowy, so super pass-out-y.  Might need your smelling salts, let’s just say.

Now here’s Cruel Summer:

DESCRIPTION:  A juicy neon melon with purple shimmer

COATS:  Three

Inspired by the June 1983 song by Bananarama.  And she’s a hot little mama!  However, the correct color on this one was so hard to capture.  It’s both an orange tone AND a pink tone depending on your lighting, and I swear I about got the hives trying to get these pictures just right.   But if you’re looking for an insane display of effort, well by all means:  SCROLL.

Outside shot shows more of its pink side:

And here’s that shy purple shimmer:

Next is Heaven is a Place on Earth:

DESCRIPTION:  A shifting gold to rose holographic with holo sparkles

COATS:  Two

Inspired by the September 1987 Belinda Carlisle song, and so now we’re all just puddles of goo at this point.  Cuz you can’t be gold and pink and shifty and shimmery, and somehow expect me to remain normal and upright. I mean, when you ask for a non-fat, no-whip Starbucks but accidentally get full-fat, does that mean it doesn’t have any calories simply because you ordered it that way? Well, OF COURSE IT DOES. But I think you see my point. In other words, I want a Starbucks.

OMG, what?  Shut up, Brain.

And now, a holo EXTRAVAGANZA!:

Mood lighting.  Phwoar!

Lastly, here’s Karma Chameleon:

DESCRIPTION:  A light violet purple to mint green thermal with strong red shimmer, holo sparkles, and red/purple/blue/green chameleon flakies

COATS:  Two

Inspired by the September 1983 song by the Culture Club.  And naturally, this polish had to be a color changer (cuz CHAMELEON) and use chameleon flakies (also cuz CHAMELEON).  In other words, NAILED IT doesn’t even begin to describe this scenario.

Full view of the warm state:

Full view of the cool state:

That’s two extra efforts, in case you don’t math well.  If an award is coming, that sounds about right.

The round up:

This collection is available now, so get on it, boo boos!  Cuz if you’re getting out of this blog without all five in your basket, well, I can only imagine how WRONG you must feel. So ENTIRE Summer 2017 Collection it is then! Congratulations on your very good decision.  Some deets:

Full collection retails for $48

For single bottles (although this point is moot), Cruel Summer and Sunglasses at Night retail for $10; all others are $11

Click here for shopping!

Okay, gang, we’re done for now!  Thank you for always reading all the way to the bottom.  Internet high fives for everyone!  (Or pajamas, if you’re me.)

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •