May29

Love Lula | May 2014

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Back a few months ago while scrolling through Instagram at 3 a.m., I stumbled across a picture of the Love Lula beauty box.  It comes from England.  For one, the internet needs to be shut down in the middle of the night because it becomes a very very dangerous place.  And two, I should stop thinking everything from England is adorable cuz before you know it, I’m buying a pre-paid three months subscription without a second blink.

I’m helpless, not gonna lie.

So here is my very last box:

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Yes, two pictures because I was bathing when I unboxed it and left the packet of lotion on the edge of the tub.  Really shouldn’t multitask.  I did another unboxing in the bath tub last night, and I ended up fishing paper confetti out of the water for about 15 minutes.  Bath time is lazy time; I should know better.

Anyway, the products.  I got some shampoo and conditioner by Swell.  Apparently it’s part of a 3-step system, but I was unaware of what the 3rd step was as they’d only sent 1 and 2.  Why would you leave out the 3rd book in a trilogy?  How are you supposed to know how the story ends?  Who will Katniss choose, Peeta or Gale?  You get my point now.  My life is hanging in the balance now that I’ve shampooed and conditioned but didn’t do whatever else I needed to do in order to complete the circle.

Of course I look it up.  Step 3 is a root nutriet complex.  You spray it on your roots.  I don’t want that.  I’ve had bad luck with root things.  Most specifically in the sticky-up hair, dirty film left behind kind of way.  Maybe this one doesn’t do that, but I can’t be bothered about it now.  I freaked out for nothing.  Oh well.  Carry on.

An itty bitty Jane Iredale lip and cheek stain is next.  These samples are so funny, because if we say sample, by God you get a sample!  But in all honesty, I’ve never been that in love with a lipstick where I feel I need an enormous tube of it.  So I’m perfectly fine with this baby size.  Only problem is if I throw it in my purse, I may never find it again.  As for the color, it’s one of those self-adusting pink shades.  I’m not a huge fan of this style, but I will say this yields the prettiest pink I’ve ever had.  And the texture is very moisturizing and soft.  I like it y’all!

Speaking of teeny tiny samples, look at those two PAI skincare ones.  We’re on a roll now, aren’t we?  Both of these are thick, almost solid consistencies that melt into your hands as you rub them together.  I liked that aspect very much.  The cleanser lasted two rounds – and what can I say about a cleanser other than the texture and its function? – but the day cream is still going strong about five rounds in.  You need a small amount because once it melts it spreads pretty good.  And as the product starts to sink into your skin, it leaves behind a lovely velvet softness.  I think I have about one more use left, which actually makes me a little sad.  As sad as empty moisturizer can make me, that is.  Cuz y’all know how much I love throwing things away.  (Var var much.)

Another one of those boring things: nail polish remover.  This time it’s the Fresh Therapies version.  I got a wipe pouch, and then also a vial of the liquid remover.  The vial did not survive intact on its merry ol’ jaunt from England.  Not to worry, nothing leaked, but it did separate itself from the little booklet it was strapped to, and I couldn’t trouble myself with fixing it for a picture.  Which is why it’s not shown.  Another example of my incredible laziness, as just sitting the vial down next to the wipe packet poses too much of an exertion issue.  No wonder I’ve gained 10 pounds in a year.

Last item is a packet of John Masters Organics body milk in the Blood Orange & Vanilla scent.  Now THIS is the smell I’ve been looking for.  It smells what I imagine Heaven to smell like – orange dreamsicle ice cream.  I actually would have appreciated a deluxe sample of this instead of a one-time-use.  Now if it smelled like anything else un-food-related, I would’ve taken a nap right in front of it.  You see how I operate now?  Here’s an easy equation for you:  Food = good; other = hideous.  Works in almost any situation.

Now that my 3-month subscription is over, I debated on whether to sign up again.  Sadly (well, depending who you ask), I have opted not to.  There was some shipping issues with this box (March never came so they sent it again, but then I got 2 April boxes and still no March), and issues of any kind stress me the ef out.  So I’m gonna end it here.  If that doesn’t prove right there what a responsible human being I am, I don’t know what will.

Let’s celebrate at Sephora!

May29

Boxycharm | May 2014

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Do you know how when you are eating peanut M&Ms, and one rolls out of your fingers on its way to your mouth and you try to catch it about a billion times before it plunges to its sad little death in the exact spot where you keep your dirty high heel bottoms for 9 hours everyday?

Well that happened to me today.  It was the most exercise I’ve gotten in quite awhile.

Anyway, here’s my Boxycharm box:

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Kind of liking it.  I will use everything, so that’s a plus.  Let’s review.

The Illume hand creme has such pretty packaging, and that is primarily the only reason why I love it.  Cuz seriously, if you think about it, hand lotion is kind of boring.  One tube lasts for eons and eons.  So unless you’re a habitual lotion user, you will own this tube for 15 years.  They sent me the Thai Lily scent, and it smells pretty good.  Although I saw on their site they also have a coconut mango – I would have loved that scent more.  Food smells get me everytime.  Floral scents come in second place, and then random inanimate object scents (like Desert Oasis or Cool Breeze – because none of that has a smell) are dead last.  In fact, you will never see me in Yankee Candle buying a pack of Morning Dew tealights.  Because what does morning dew smell like?  Nothing.  It smells like nothing.

One thing I wasn’t particularly thrilled to get was the Ferro Cosmetic pink “Fabuki” brush.  Is that a gimmicky name or am I being an asshole?  Well, regardless, someone in the marketing meeting came up with the genius idea to name this pink Kabuki a Fabuki most likely because it is “fabulous” and everyone needs to know immediately.  Okay, yes, I’m being an asshole.

Having said all that, it is very soft and I will find a use for it.  I applied some powder on my face over the weekend and I liked the texture very much.  Probably won’t announce to my friends that I own a “Fabuki” brush, but whatever.

Got a lipstick from Mirabelle, and it is purple.  Okay, technically it’s more of a magenta, but man is it bright.  I wore it to work last week, and I was very self conscious all day.  The color, although not red, might as well be red.  It is super obvious and verging on prostitute-y.  Can’t say I don’t love it, though, but I’ll probably only pull this one out for special events.  However, can’t say I have very many special events occuring in my life.  So either I’ll own this tube for 15 years (along with the hand lotion), or I’m wearing purple lipstick to your baby shower.

Just sayin.

And now for one of those products you know you need but do not enjoy getting as a gift:  nail polish remover.  They’re like the socks-for-Christmas of the makeup world.  I got mine in the form of Lauren B. Beauty nail wipes.  There really isn’t a whole lot to say here.  They remove your nail polish.  Am I missing any other pertinent info?  Let’s see: they wipe away your nail polish, they get rid of your nail polish, you use them to take off your nail polish.  Yep, covered everything.  Moving right along.

Last item in the box are two pouches of hair conditioning treatment cream from Novex.  They sent me the Argan oil version as well as the olive oil one.  I used the Argan pouch a few days ago because I was feeling like my hair needed a little TLC.  The instructions said to leave this on your hair for 25 minutes using a shower cap.  25 minutes?!  That’s a whole lotta lookin ridiculous if you ask me.  But I was a good kid and did as I was told.  Was it worth it?  Wellllllll … it didn’t make my hair fall out or anything, so that’s always a bonus.  Did I have ultra luxurious supermodel wind machine hair?  Not quite.  Still was frizzy as hell once I dried it.  My hair is stupid.  I give up.

Actually, if I would just stop all the shenanigans and go back to my Carol’s Daughter hair mask instead, everything will work itself out.  Cuz that stuff is legit.

I’m done for now.  Except I just remembered I subscribe to approximately a billion boxes, and I forgot one.   So instead of having just 3 more to review, I now have 4.  Not complaining, but this is hard work guys.  Like SO. HARD.   Let’s do a nap.

May27

Birchbox | May 2014

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It’s always rough to go back to work after a 3-day weekend.  It’s hard to not sleep late, wear pajamas, watch reality tv, eat bean dip on the sofa.  But I pulled through and made it somehow.  My perseverence is quite inspiring.

So here is my Birchbox:

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This box was alright.  Nothing mindblowing, but for $10 I suppose I should just hush.  Let’s just say I’ve had better boxes.  Thankfully, though, they’re not sending me tea packets anymore.  If you are having bad month after bad month, go take a peek at your profile and see if there is something on there that isn’t right.  It will definitely help.

Speaking of profiles, I told Birchbox my hair was wavy.  Which is true.  In its natural state, my hair is wavy.  Or lumpy, if you want to get more accurate.  Wavy sounds way more flowing and luxurious than the reality.  In any case, having wavy hair does not mean I keep it wavy.  I straighten the life out of it.  If I didn’t it would be a lumpy frizzy mess and about zero attractive.  However, Birchbox did not know that, so technically I can’t get pissy cuz they sent me a pouch of Miss Jessie’s Quick Curls spiraling creme.  Re-gifted!  Next.

Another sunscreen.  I suppose it is the season for it, but man it’s just so booooring.  This time I got the Supergoop version.  I threw it in my bathroom drawer along with the Hang Ten I got from Ipsy.  At some point I’ll probably use it.  I just don’t go outside for any extended period of time.  Outside is where sweat, humidity, and mosquitos live.  And sometimes there is green lake water, and I’m not doing that either.  I’ve always been that way though, even from childhood.  I remember going camping with my family where I spent an entire afternoon sitting in my dad’s truck reading a book.  That’s not a typo: an entire afternoon.  I am very good company for myself.

Next item is something I will definitely use, the Smashbox Photo Finish Primer.  They come in different colors depending on your skin issue, but I got the clear one.  It has a very silicone-y texture, goes on very smooth.  Feels a little oily at first, but it disappears pretty quick.  And unless it’s some sort of psychological brain trickery, it very well may be holding down my t-zone oil a bit.  Which is very exciting because now that the weather is warm and humid, I’ve traded my dry patches for oil slicks.  And all the lotions and potions I’ve purchased for dry skin has all been rendered moot.  That’s not an expensive annoyance or anything.  Nope, NOT. AT. ALL.

I’ve always wanted to own something from Laqa & Co., and finally my dreams came true.  Received the Lip Lube crayon in the color Coral.  Description says it’s a sheer lip balm that will fill in your unsightly lines.  Well, if that’s the case, then mine is broken.  In fact, if my lips aren’t positively exfoliated to the nth degree, this lip balm will put a big o’ spotlight right on it.  All my scraggly lip bits on full display.  No thank you.  But I wanted to give it a fair shot today, so I scrubbed my lips last night before bed, and things felt pretty nice this morning.  Applied the lip lube, and I no more than walked out of my bathroom and got into my car when I noticed my lip lube color had already worn away.  I mean sure, it’s sheer, but good lord.  Needless to say, I’m probably not going to be using this much.  However, most people on Birchbox seem to like this thing, so apparently I’m an idiot.

Last product in the box is a body balm by Perlier.  I always get nervous around body butters.  I’ve had good ones like Josie Maran and bad ones like that one Petit Vour sent me that had the texture of glue.  I took a bath last night, and instead of using what I’d been using for the past few weeks, thought I’d take a risk and give this one a shot.  And luckily, it was nice!  Was not sticky, absorbed pretty quick, and had a sweet almond scent that wasn’t delicious or anything, but it certainly wasn’t gross.  I will continue to use this sample, which makes me pretty happy.

We’re rolling now people.  Only 4 box reviews to go and 4 days to do it in.  I’m just gonna go ahead and toot my own horn now, mmm k?

May25

Sample Society | May 2014

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I got you a gift. Something you’ve always wanted.

No, not that. The other thing you’ve always wanted. A Sample Society box review! Who’s your favorite blogger in all the land? Me, that’s who. Takin’ care of you and stuff.

Here’s the goods:

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This is an okay box this month. I don’t love it but I will use 80% of what they sent me. As far as beauty boxes go, that’s considered a success I think.

First item is the Juice Beauty CC Cream. I don’t get too excited about a CC cream sample unless you’re amazing like the It Cosmetics one. This one is not that amazing. I finally got around to putting it on today and it’s just okay. It has a weird smell. And it’s kind of thick. My face feels a little sticky right now. Plus you can still see my freckles. But apart from all that, two thumbs up. Here’s my face: -__-

A warning to anyone who might use the Borghese Gel Delicato makeup remover: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT put it in your eye. Cuz I did the first time I used it and gave myself conjunctivitis, complete with antibiotic drops and steroids. Hooray! On the upside, it removes makeup very very well. On the downside, I didn’t wear eye makeup to work for 4 days straight and my co-workers couldn’t recognize me. I showed everyone my morning face, y’all, and it was scarring for life.

Next product is one I’m very excited to try. It’s an exfoliant by Sonya Dakar called Flash Facial. It has the trifecta: works its magic in 60 seconds (instant gratification, my favorite thing), Gwyneth Paltrow loves it (celebrity endorsement), and the full size is $95 (expensive, therefore amazing, presumably). I will be using this as soon as I’m done with the Blue Plasma exfoliant I’m working on and I’ll report back.

Got an SPF cream by Dermalogica called Dynamic Skin Recovery. It’s a daily moisturizer with SPF 50 in it, so it sounds great. I will be using this next week. My only concern is the description calls it medium-weight and emollient. Hoping it’s not too thick cuz guess how much time I have in the morning to wait around for my SPF to sink in? Zero. ZERO time. So we shall see.

Last item in the box is a Murad T Zone Pure Refining serum. I’m happy to get this cuz my t-zone has been getting oily lately, and I’m hoping this serum can put a stop to that nonsense. And also my pores are like moon craters, so I’d like the serum to fix that as well please. In fact, let’s just switch the whole face out ok? Like for a 25-year-old one. Supermodel, preferably. Thanks.

We’re done! Short and sweet. No worries, friends. There’s oodles and oodles more reviews in store. See you tomorrow!

May23

Lip Factory | May 2014

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The fun never ends people.  Another beauty box review starting now.  Just what you always wanted.  (It is.  Trust me.)

Lip Factory is usually a pretty good box.  Sometimes there’s a poo or two, but generally I like everything I get.  However, this May box is the best I’ve ever received.  Take a look:

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Say whaaaaaa?!?!  I know.  I love it all.  Let’s begin.

I own a gorgeous lipgloss from Medusa’s Makeup, and now I own a pretty eyeshadow.  It’s a very good day.  They sent me a pretty pinkish/red color and at first you may be like, pinkish/red?, but seriously it’s like a lovely pop of color for your outer 1/3 and lower lashline.  Well, this is where I put it at least.  You can do whatever.  It’s not super flashy, so it’s definitely wearable.  I mean, I wore this to work along with a matte lime green on my inner 2/3 and I looked like a spring bouquet come to life.  I’m not gonna lie:  I was purty.  You can see the look on Instagram if you’d like.  (You’d like).

Next great thing is this lovely coral boxed blush from Me Me Me.  It kind of reminds me of the Coralista one by Benefit, but I swatched them both and the Coralista is lighter.  I haven’t officially worn the Me Me Me, but I plan to this weekend.  It’s so beautiful in the box, you almost hate to use it.  Almost.  I haven’t quite reached that status yet, buying makeup for display purposes only.  I’m not saying it’s out of the question or anything.  I just need to increase my annual wages by about triple and then I’m all set.  So, in about 80 years or so. Maybe.

I love the makeup offerings by Teeeze.  Lip Factory is the only box that has ever sent me anything by this company, but I now officially own 5 items and they are all fantastic.  This time I got sent the Golden Glow lipgloss in the shade Roaming Mauve.  It is glorious!  Sheer, but you can still see the color, and the golden sparkle is very apparent and so shiny and lovely.  I can’t even explain properly how pretty this lipgloss is (as evident by the blabbering sentence right before this one).  You’re just going to have to trust me when I say if you come across this lipgloss, do not even think about it.  Buy it.  Immediately and like stat.

I got a lipstick by Pari Beauty, which is a company I’ve never heard of.  The color they sent me was like a coral but with a rose gold mixed in.  I’m trying to figure it out on the website swatches, but none of them look right.  It’s kind of a unique color – I don’t own anything like it at least.  I put it on with black pants, and it didn’t go well, so it’s definitely more for brown pants.  I hope you understand what I mean by that.  All my color coordinating is based off my pants.  Is that weird?  Probably.

Last item in the box is a set of nail wraps by NCLA.  I’ve gotten these before and I really like them.  They are so easy to apply and requires zero drying time because they are stickers.  Whoever invented these things are genius.  I don’t know about you, but I find it incredibly hard to sit still after painting my nails.  In fact, I did my toes the other day and behaved quite well for what I considered a very long time, but probably it was only about 5 minutes.  Slid my toes under my blanket, and that was the end of that scenario.  In my defense, it was cold.  Pulled my foot and out and reviewed the damage.  It was sort of imprinted with blanket pelt.  But you know what?  My toes are so far down there, anyone who notices is obviously in a very inappropriate position and should be ashamed of theirselves.  Case closed.  Toe = not fixed, but who’s looking?  NOBODY.  That’s who.

Til tomorrow lovies!

May22

Ipsy | May 2014

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Hi friends.  Hope you’re ready for a beauty box review today.  I have 8 of them left for the month of May and if I am diligent I can finish them all before the 31st.  That’s my goal.  So we’ll see.

Anyway, here’s what I got in my Ipsy bag:

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It’s a mediocre bag.  Well, the bag itself is very adorable.  I love spring and I love green.  I’ll probably end up keeping it.  But the stuff that’s in it isn’t my first pick.  Sometimes I wish I could curate my own bag.  Just give the list of products to choose from, and I’ll take care of the rest.  I know that Beauty Army does that, but their samples are crap.

I’m never happy.

Anyway, let’s start with the Avene Thermal Spring Water.  Back when I first started getting beauty boxes, Birchbox sent me this product, and I promptly tossed it.  I mean, a can of water, really?  But now that I am slightly more versed in the world of makeup and skincare, I know what I can use this for.  If you don’t know, here’s the list:  after shaving, after removing makeup, on sunburns, after surgery, after sports, during travel, diaper rash or redness of the face.  And it’s bottled in France directly from the source, so it’s completely pure.  Sounds fancy right?  Well, I haven’t used it yet so I’m on the fence about if it’s still just a can of water.  But we’ll see.  I plan to use it as a toner after I cleanse my face and before serum/moisturizer.  I may also take it with me when I do hard labor outside in the 100-degree heat.

Are you laughing?  I am.  I never do hard labor.  I have princess hands.

Next product is the Balanced Guru No Frizz Oil for hair.  I’ve used this a couple of times already, and it does alright.  It’s supposed to take away the frizz in your hair, which I suppose it does for the most part.  I’m not wowed, if you can’t tell.  I just have so many hair oils, like eons and eons worth, that getting a product like this just puts me right to sleep.  I’ll use it but it will be more dutiful than pleasureable.

Speaking of sleeping, how about a tube of Hang Ten SPF 50?  So. Boring.  I know it’s a necessary item to own, but it’s zero fun.  It’s not anything special like my Cotz or Coola.  It’s the plain, classic sunscreen that was forced upon you as a child by your mom (never your dad), enduring a torturous rubdown of arms, legs, and Erlack!, face, while all your friends were splashing unprotectedly in the creek without you.  It’s that kind.  Pass.

One product I wasn’t sure I wanted but now kind of glad I own is the Boo-Boo Cover Up.  I believe it’s marketed primarily as a concealer for scratches, bruises and the like.  But it works great under the eye to cover dark circles.  After all, dark circles are virtually big ugly bruises.  I’ve been using it all week and so far so good.

Last item is an eyeshadow duo from Pacifica.  There were two colors that Ipsy was sending out – a gold/pink and a white/purple.  I was hoping for the purple one because I have only a billion gold varieties, and thankfully that’s what I got.  Wore it the other day, and I will say it is much more pigmented in the pan than on the eyelid.  I built up the color as much as I could, and got a pretty good look out of it, but it did take a little effort.  You know I don’t have time for effort in the mornings.  I spend 30 minutes on my eyeshadow already as it is.  Any longer, and I may as well just call in sick.  So this eyeshadow may be set aside for weekends only.

Alright, I’m finished.  Seven more boxes to review, nine days to do it in.  Can I make it?  We shall see.  Have a good evening!

May20

New Beauty Test Tube | May 2014

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Came back from vacation and I had FIVE beauty boxes waiting for me – four of them shoved into my mailbox.  How the mailman was able to achieve that feat is beyond me because getting them out of my mailbox about dislocated my shoulder.  But completely worth it.  Because BEAUTY BOXES.  A lot of them.

However, I am severely behind on reviews this month.  I’ve been so busy for some reason.  Can’t I just do nothing for the rest of my life please?  I hate errands and housework.  Only want couches, pajamas and nappy time.  Please and thank you.

So here is what came in my New Beauty Test Tube:

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This is always my favorite one because there’s tons of stuff in the box.  And most of the time I will use every single thing.  But let’s start with something I probably won’t use and go from there, shall we?  It’s the TanTowel.  I’m sure those of you who know me be thinking I’m insane not to want to use this product.  But it’s not that I don’t want to use it, it’s that I’m so incredibly lazy that I can’t even be bothered.  Yes I have white legs.  Yes they scare small children.  But I don’t want to consciously be thinking about pre-tanning exfoliation, applying the towel to my body in a careful and streak-free manner, taking the time to air dry before touching anything of value.  And then stress for the next five hours in fear I’ve botched the whole thing and my 8th grade orange, streaky field trip legs will come back to haunt me.  It’s too much anxiety.

Things get better, though.  I’ve always wanted to try a Mally shadow stick, and I finally got one.  They sent me the Taupe shade, which I think is perfect for me.  I like to start out safe before venturing out into something more daring like purple or green.  I wore this to the zoo on Mother’s Day, which naturally was 125 degrees (or 80, but who can tell?), but you’d never know it by looking at my eyelids.  No creasing, no smudging.  Just pretty.  I may try out some more colors now that Mally is being sold inside Ulta.

Remember a few months ago when Birchbox sent me a sample of the Jergens BB Body Cream and I gave it to my mom because it was the least exciting sample I could part with?  Well, I got another one.  I’ve decided I’m okay with this repeat (because I make up exceptions to my own rules; we’ve discussed this).  I’ve been hearing a lot of raves on this product, and I felt out of the loop since I had given it away.  I hate feeling out of the loop!  Ninety-five percent of what I own is loop based.  Serious – you write a book and it wins some kind of literary award, I instantly want to read it.  I don’t care if it’s a 976-page-long doorstop about the Prussian War, if somebody said it’s amazing, I. MUST. SEE.  And my brain won’t leave me alone about it.  So I do what I’m told.  I’m such a good girl.

Got two little tubes of Revision Intellishade tinted moisturizer – one normal and one matte.  I wore the matte one on the aforementioned day at the zoo.  And despite the heat, the sweat, and my daughter constantly spraying me in the face with one of those mister fans, my face still looked pretty good. In short, it’s magic makeup. And it won a New Beauty award.  If that’s not enough persuasion, you may want to consult someone about your mental illness.  It is dire.

The little jar of Briogeo Don’t Despair, Repair hair mask was cuter than it was effective.  It was a decent conditioner, but I didn’t think it did anything special.  My Carol’s Daughter is so much better than this in smell, strengthening, softness.  Luckily, it was a 2-time-use product for me, so I am done with it.  Kaput!  Goodbye.

Now for some shampoo.  Or should I say “shampoo” … Received a can of cleansing conditioner by Macadamia called Flawless.  It’s a shampoo and conditioner rolled into one that has zero sudsing effect whatsoever.  It’s like washing your hair with lotion.  It’s scary as hell.  Raise your hand if you need suds.  I do, I just do!  Suds means soap, and soap means clean.  However, once I settle myself down, it does actually clean your hair.  I pump two huge dollops (can’t help myself; trying to create suds out of a sudsless product) and smear it all through my hair.   I go through the motion of shampooing, no suds (sad face), then rinse.  So I will finish this product without fear.  But I will not repurchase.  I feel like it doesn’t do a better job than normal shampoo, and I prefer normal shampoo.  I need soap bubbles floating in my bath water.  I need to see the fruits of my labors.  I know very well it is psychological brain trickery, but I don’t care.  I also can’t eat green ketchup.  Sue me.

Look at that little teeny tiny tube of Yu-Be skin cream.  Why, it’s just a baby!  This is one of those all-purpose skin creams that you can use pretty much anywhere on your body.  I gave it to my husband so he can put it on his feet, particularly on his heels where they are very dry and cracky.  He did not like it one bit.  Said I’m messing with what he refers to as his “working man’s feet.”  I refer to them as BLECH.  However, because the tube is so tiny there’s only a two time supply, so I will have to live with his heels scratching the satin on my bedspread for nigh on eternity.

Last product in the box is a Birchbox repeat.  Got the Camille Beckman glycerine hand therapy in Midnight Monarch.  Luckily, I love this stuff.  After my Birchbox sample, I bought a full-size tube and I use it almost every night right before bed.  So I brought this smaller tube to work with me, and I use it several times a day.  I smell like a 15th century Turkish harem.  I am delicious.

Okay, that’s all.  I have a billion other boxes to go love and appreciate, so I’ll see you next time.

May15

Blush Mystery Beauty Box | May 2014

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I’ve been getting beauty boxes so long, I’m starting to get repeats more often.  Sometimes it’s fine if it’s a really nice moisturizer or a serum that I loved.  But other times when it’s gray nail polish or beige lipgloss, I immediately want to take a nap.  If we’re doing repeats, don’t send boring stuff.  Please.

Here’s my Blush box, repeats and all:

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The first item isn’t technically a repeat, although I’ve gotten three of these things in different versions.  It’s a Bioxidea hand treatment.  At first I was kind of okay with it – it contains a pair of gloves filled with serum that you wear for 30 minutes that’s supposed to transform your hands into miracles of nature.  Sounds alright.  But then I don’t really have bad or damaged hands at this point in my life.  I mean, I have crepey knuckle skin but that’s not a skin condition.  So I’ve decided I’ll give it to mom instead.  Not that she has a skin condition, but she is older and will probably appreciate it more than me.  Or at least she better, cuz it’s valued at $18.

Next repeat is a true repeat.  It’s the Miracle Skin Transformer Face which is like a tinted moisturizer.  I got a sample of this back in the fall – from Blush, oddly enough, so not only is it a repeat, but it’s from the same box.  Who’s in charge of the spreadsheet cuz we need to talk.

Having said all that, I do like the product.  A little goes a very long way, so the sample tube lasted me eons.  The texture is a cream to powder finish and feels very nice on the skin.  But I’ve moved on to other things, and I don’t want to sample this again.

But then!  A girl on my Instagram told me there several of her friends that got expired tubes.  I checked mine, and it expired two months ago.  Ew.  No thank you.  I’m not sure what Blush is going to do; I have a ticket open with them as we speak.  I’m thinking a gift card would be nice but I’m almost 97.8967576% certain I’ll get another (fresh) tube of Miracle Skin Transformer.  Here’s my face:  -__-

The featured product in the box this month is a blush duo by Glo Minerals.  The shade I got was Terra Cotta which had a pinkish peach shade on one side and a nudey shade on the other.  I swirled them together and created a custom color, and it turned out pretty nice.  That’s probably how I’ll do it from now on because each side of the duo is small and getting a blush brush in there might be kind of hard.  Unless you apply blush with a tiny brush, and if you do, I question your motives.

And now for another repeat – the pur-lisse Hydra Balance moisturizer.  I just got this from Boxycharm like last month, and I am currently, actively using it.  Plus, Blush had sent me the pur-lisse moisturizer with sunscreen back in the fall as well.  So not only is this a repeat, but it’s a current repeat AND a semi box repeat.  It’s a trifecta repeat.  How rare is that?  Hopefully very rare because I can’t take much more of these shenanigans.

On the plus side, it’s a nice light moisturizer.  I use it in the mornings and it sinks in pretty quick.  It also has a value of $55 which is more than the cost of the beauty box.  Technically, according to etiquette books, I should shut the ef up.

Not big on cream eyeshadows, receiving the Laura Gellar Cool Lids was not a thrill.  And then getting a silver color, albeit not a beige one, was even less exciting.  But I’m going to figure out a way to enjoy it nonetheless.  I was wearing a dark pink eyeshadow over the weekend, and as a random side, about 12 hours later I dabbed a little of this silver in the center of my lid.  It blended pretty well, and highlighted my eyeball in a not-weird way.  So there might be some hope for it.  I’ll play around a bit more before I decide to keep it for life.

Last product, and possibly the best one, is this facial oil from Peter Thomas Roth called Oilless Oil.  It’s 100% purified squalane if that means anything to you rocket scientists out there.  Apparently it’s an oil without the greasy oil feel.  Or maybe it’s not an oil, but acts like an oil?  I dunno.  It’s squalane.  There, is that better?

No.

What I do know is that you apply one drop to your face as your moisturizer because they say it is very rich, and if you need more to only add one drop at a time.  You can also apply it to your hair, cuticles and elbows, which I probably won’t because that’s too much trouble to me.  However, at the rate of one drop at a time, I could be using this bottle for the next 15 years.  I’m actually excited about trying it, so I might get to it pretty soon.

That’s it.  Box is over.  But don’t worry, there’s more boxes upcoming.  I have two others I’ve already gotten, and four have shipped this week.  I’m going out of town for the weekend, so you may not hear from me until Monday.  Just FYI, in case you worry about me.

Have a great day everyone!

May14

Tales From the Mothership: A very special episode of Buying Stuff

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About a month or so ago, I swear I was just minding my own business.  Walking through the mall, glancing in store windows, sipping an Orange Julius, getting my wedding ring cleaned.  Then I spotted it.  Across the foyer inside the JCPenney, the sign shone like a beacon in the night.  Brilliant and dazzling.  Magnetic.  Calling me home.

It was a Sephora under construction.  Right there amid the Petite clothing section.  My heart stopped.  I’m sorry, whaaaaa?!?!  When did this happen and why has no one told me about it?  I felt as if I’d stumbled across an oasis in the desert.  I seriously had to control my legs from sprinting across the tiled floor.  Cuz an out of shape, almost 40-year-old woman running without any supportive girdle-like garments is not a scene for public viewing.  It hurts everyone’s eyes, trust me.

The doors were covered in a Visqueen plastic sheet, but they didn’t install it very well cuz I could totally see inside.  All I had to do was peel back the sheet where it was attached with screws, bolts and super glue, and voila!  Instant peepshow.  All my favorites were in there.  NARS, Makeup Forever, Becca, Bite … I was dying.  Literally dying.

Opening day was a month away.  Do you know how long a month is?  Like 15 years or something.  It’s ridiculous.  I tried to exercise patience, but we’re talking about the opening of a Sephora not a dentist’s office.  You can imagine how hard it was.  In fact, I peeked behind the Visqueen at least 12 more times.  Also got on the escalator a once, twice or 18 separate occasions so I could glance over the top.  Since it’s a roofless store, that makes perfect sense.  Otherwise, I’d look like a crazy person.

Finally the day arrived.  Walking through those doors felt like taking your first breath or feeling the sun on your face after a thousand years of winter.  I spent an extraordinary two hours just browsing the front of the store.  That’s not an exaggeration.  Sales ladies kept checking on me because I was there so long, reminding me there was a whole other half I hadn’t even looked at yet.  Oh, I was quite aware, trust me.  I just didn’t want to miss out on anything so I was taking extra special mental notes.

And when I tell you I was fawned over, I was freaking fawned over.  I got a full foundation application, free samples made for me, they told me they loved me.  Everybody was just so happy and excited in there.  For a second I’m thinking, Willy Wonka’s in here somewhere isn’t he?  I’m going to turn around and Willy Wonka will just be standing there handing out golden tickets.  He runs the chocolate factory AND Sephora.  And why wouldn’t he?  That place is magical.

So here is my loot in all it’s beautiful, radiant glory.  A couple of pieces were mailed, but it all came from Sephora:

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The Caudalie Polyphenol serum is one of those free gifts with purchase.  It’s a month supply of anti-wrinkle and vitamin C goodness.  And it comes with a dropper to make it super scientific and fancy.  I haven’t used it yet because I am working on another serum sample right now, but it’s coming up next.  I’ve loved every Caudalie product I’ve used so far, so I’m sure this will be no exception.

Picked up a Bite Beauty lipstick in the shade Shiraz which is like a brownish-plum color. Not very springy but I didn’t want red, hot pink, coral or nude … so what is left? This one. And I like it. The color suits me, but the texture of the lipstick is probably the best I’ve ever felt. Doesn’t dry on your lips, which is my lipstick pet peeve. I recommend var var mucho.

While I was getting my foundation did, the sales lady asked me what my favorite moisturizer was, and I looked at her like she was cray. Obviously she has no idea how many different moisturizers I use, so much that I couldn’t even answer this question properly. I stammered, mostly. Then she gave up on me and picked out her favorite to apply on my face – Ole Henriksen’s Nurture Me. And of course it felt amazing, smelled amazing, was amazing. So I own it now. But you knew that’s how this story would end.  I’m nothing if not predictable.

The foundation she applied was the Kat Von D Lock-It Tattoo. I had been curious about this for months. It’s a full coverage matte foundation and I really wanted to see how I’d look without pores, freckles or splotches of any kind. Lemme just say I looked okay. I wasn’t in love or anything. But didn’t hate it either. So naturally I bought it cuz that’s just how bad my mental illness is.

One lipgloss I knew I had to have the moment I saw it was the Buxom Full-On Lip Polish in the shade Trixie. It’s this beautiful golden pink and it reminds me of summer. Looks very fresh and youthful on the lips, and if there’s anything I wanna pretend to be, it’s almost always fresh and youthful.

Got another lipstick, and kind of stepped out of my comfort zone with the Too Faced Melted in Melted Peony. This is a pink, not hot pink but verging on Barbie pink. It’s surprisingly pretty. It’s very opaque and bold, which I love, although the longer it wears on your lips, the chalkier it becomes. That part is a bummer, but if you just keep reapplying and everything will be okay.  You might not get anything else done on your to-do list, but at least your lips will look lovely.

I bought the most ridiculous mascara on the planet. I read on some site that Dior Diorshow Blackout was the best mascara for short, sparse lashes. Well, I perked up immediately. Anything to help my hopeless eyelash situation, I instantly need. Lemme tell you, this mascara is thick. Like pudding. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But it is thick. And you gotta be super careful when applying or you’re gonna get some crazy spider leg lashes. However, this mascara gives me the best length and volume of any other mascara I own regardless of anything else. So you take the bad with the good and deal with it. Cuz it’s mostly good. It’ll be my special occasion mascara.

I wanted to play around with some pretty spring eyeliner colors so I picked up the Stila smudge stick in the Periwinkle shade. I wore this over the weekend and it’s so pretty. I paired it with some champagne eyeshadow so it really stood out. I feel like I wanna get some other colors now. They have a turquoise and an emerald that are doing their very best at tempting me.

Last item in the picture is a lip balm by Tokyomilk in the Coco Noir scent. Has a blend of rum, cocoa and cherry and it smells very exotic and masculine. It’s hard to describe the scent, but even harder to describe the texture because I’ve never felt anything else quite like it. Don’t know if I love it cuz it’s just so different. I don’t hate it though, in fact I like it a lot. But is it love? I’m not thinking so. In other words, we can make out but we’re not soul mates.  Moving on.

The below item is one I ordered online and it’s var var beautiful:

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See!  Oh my gawd.  It’s the Dolce & Gabbana eyeshadow quad in the shade Elegance.  If this doesn’t scream Spring! to you, then you need your eyes checked.  It’s glorious.  And even better in person.  I can’t even believe I own this because it’s just so lovely.  I wanna walk around with my eyelids shut all day so others can enjoy it as well.  If anyone wants to help me make that happen (i.e., as human seeing-eye dog), let me know.  Thanks.

Oh, wait.  There’s more!  I did make a second trip to Sephora only a mere few days later.  And picked up these little goodies:

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I am a little slow on the bandwagon, but in my defense I’ve only been buying makeup since September.  But I finally decided to get the Benefit Coralista blush.  This color is so pretty!  Looks very natural on the cheeks.  I would wear it everyday if I didn’t have 23 other blushes giving me the stink eye.  So gotta be fair and spread the love.  But next time I’m wearing brown clothes, this blush is MINE.

Picked up the Bite Beauty Whipped Cherry Lip Scrub.  Let me preface this by saying this is not a very good lip scrub.  But if you like the smell of cherries and big into soft, gentle textures, this is a great product.  Sephora gave me a sample of this during my first trip.  Had I not used a sample first, I would’ve bought this thinking it was going to get rid of all my peeling, dry lip problems – and I would’ve been disappointed.  But this feels very nice going on the lips, even though the exfoliating beads are few and far between.  I’m not even sure what is the point in calling it a scrub because it wouldn’t blow eraser crumbs off a sheet of paper much less remove dead skin off your lips.  However, I like the way it feels and the smell is heavenly so naturally I’m spending $18 on a product that does not do what it claims but still like anyway.  Again, mental illness.

Last in the batch is the Kat Von D Autograph eyeliner.  I wanted this because I’m in search of an eyeliner that won’t disappear from my inner rim.  I’ve tried lots, and the Sumita brand is the closest I’ve gotten so far.  But I was told the Kat Von D would be a good one, and it was only $10 so I felt as if either way, I’ve saved money.  Well, I must have super wet eyeballs or just bad juju because this thing does not work for me at all.  Within an hour, the eyeliner had already started to wear off even though it is waterproof.  Sad face.  Still on my mission, I guess.

I’ve saved the best for last, y’all!  I just want everyone to know I’ve made a success of my life.  Mom, you can rest now; your job is done.  Whatever else happens, no one can take this away from me:

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Highest level at Sephora now.  I’ve made it!  This is like an Academy Award or something.  I haven’t been this excited since I got my gold card at Starbucks – which I flash at every given opportunity.  Royalty at the cash register people; step aside!  So I imagine this card will be pulled out of my wallet frequently, and maybe not even just at Sephora.  I might “accidentally” drop it while in line at Walmart, or maybe try to pay with it at Home Depot – oops, sorry, wrong card, I’m so silly.  I mean, I did a lot to earn this thing so I would like a little time to blatantly enjoy it.  Thanks.

So that’s it.  Hope everyone is still awake and excited to go out and buy some stuff!  I will be back tomorrow for some box reviews.  But for now I’m going to go put my wrists in ice water cuz I feel carpal tunnel setting in.  Have a great day!

May8

Buying Stuff: Episode 13

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Oh look, someone went shopping.  Someone needs the internet taken away.  Someone needs an intervention.

Not me, but someone, probably.

Picked up this pretty little Josie Maran kit:

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I’ll admit, I was tempted primarily because of the floral packaging.  I was not enticed much by buying a box full of argan oil.  However, since it’s here, we’ll make the most of it.  There is a hair oil, which I will use on my ends as I’ve been doing for almost a year now; a cheek and lip tint, which is a pretty pinkish coral; a whipped body butter in the Vanilla Apricot scent, which I haven’t smelled yet, but I can only imagine it is kittens with angel wings floating on clouds; a cleansing oil, which has been used and it works pretty good breaking down makeup but the smell could use some assistance; and their claim-to-fame product, argan oil, which I’ve also used a couple times and was just okay with.

See what packaging does to you?  You buy things you don’t really want or need.  Because I really didn’t want more oil stuff.  I have plenty to last the rest of my life.  But since someone put this in a kit and boxed it up all pretty-like, I immediately MUST HAVE!  In fact, it becomes quite a one-track-mind situation and I won’t rest until I have it in my hot little hands.

Having said that, I do think the cheek color looked nice on me and I will absolutely get use out of it. And the body butter too.  So was it all for naught?  No.  Purchase = justified.  Next!

Whoever came up with the Kohl’s Cash promo deserves a reward, because it is genius.  My hubby and I bought some luggage a few weeks ago (like responsible grown-ups) which earned us $60 in Kohl’s Cash.  They might as well have told me I won the frickin’ lottery, as much as that excited me.  Sixty dollars?!  Oh, the mind was turning already.

Well, apparently, my husband assumed half of that was his because we’re in the store and he’s gone off to shop.  I’m sorry, what?  Since when does he go shopping?  Since Kohl’s gave us $60 for free, that’s when.  I’m trying very hard to let it go, since technically it’s only fair (according to etiquette books; I looked it up), but there was all this emotional turmoil happening and I was on the verge of poking somebody’s eye out.  I mean, I wouldn’t, but I was on the verge.  The very very verge.

Do you know how hard it is to limit yourself to $30?  What am I going to buy for $30?  Even Jesus couldn’t turn all the fish into bread for $30 (Was that a thing? I don’t know what I’m talking about.)  But here’s my best effort:

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This is the theBalm Shady Lady palette.  Pretty neutral purples, grays and browns.  I now own every theBalm palette they are currently selling, so I feel like I’ve completed a collection or something.  Which is a time to celebrate (by sending gift cards) if you ask me.  This palette came with a sample tube of the Put a Lid On It eyeshadow primer.  I used this over the weekend and I like the texture very much.

At this point, my purchase has totalled $40.  I honestly don’t know what hubby is going to do with the $20 I’ve left him.

Next thing I picked up is this eyeshadow duo by Simply Vera Wang:

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This is duo #409 and is a matte rose with a coppery rose metallic.  They are really pretty, but honestly, they looked better in the pan.  I paired it with a cool brown crease color (Bobbi Brown matte shadow in “Toast”), but it looked all muddled together.  I’m going to try again though, do a gray or a purple in the crease for a better contrast.  Maybe do a black on the outer V for further contrast.  I’m very into contrast if you can’t tell.

So now we’re up $20 more dollars, and my purchases officially total $60.  I have no idea what the hubby is going to buy with no money left.

Remember about a week ago when I said I was trying to ignore myself from thinking about purchasing the Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua foundation?  Look how awesome that turned out:

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Well!  I’m very happy right now and that’s all that matters.  I’ve been wearing this foundation all week, and I’m just in love right now.  It’s so pretty, the color is a good match, and it’s also Chanel.  As in Chanel.  I’m an extremely shallow person.

I’ve bought yet another kit of travel skincare to take with me on my trip to Chicago next weekend.  At this rate, I’m going to need another carry-on.

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This is the 29 Cosmetics kit that I got at Target.  It includes a cleanser, serum, day cream, night cream and three toner pads.  I wanted this kit primarily because I have no travel-friendly toner – all mine are over the 3oz maximum.  So naturally, I had to buy an entire kit of stuff.  This makes perfect, logical sense to me.  Don’t even try to argue.

Last batch of goodies is this haul from Beauty.com:

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I got an email from them saying they have free sample jars of the cult classic By Terry Baume de Rose lip balm, and that they’d send me one if I buy $25 worth of stuff.  Well, number one – call your product a “cult classic” and my cat ears perk up immediately.  Number two – that lip balm is $60 in it’s full-size form and I’m almost certain I’d never buy it because it’s freaking lip balm for $60.  And number three – I don’t own anything from By Terry.  Okay, done!  I’ll sign up.

So you can see in the picture my itty bitty baby jar of lip balm.  Isn’t that the preciousest?  I’ve used it a couple times, and the texture of the balm is very soft and lovely.  Definitely a rose smell.  Not hint of rose, essence of rose, or aura of rose.  It’s ROSE.  If you don’t like that smell, don’t buy this.  I feel it’s very nourishing to my lips though.  I’m testing it out (in a very scientific manner) to see if it will keep my lips from peeling every single day.  If it does, I don’t care if it’s $60, I’m buying the full size because that right there would be a dadgum miracle.

Now for what I bought in order to get the free sample is the prettiest packaged thing I’ve ever gotten.  It’s a skincare duo by Le Couvent des Minimes, also in a rose theme.  I got the micellar water (fancy name for toner) and the moisturizer.  Do I need this?  Is the sky blue?  Don’t ask stupid questions.

Well that’s all for now.  Thanks for hanging out with me once again.  I do have another batch of goodies to share, but that’s for another day.  I also have 4 boxes waiting on my porch right now, and I can’t concentrate for shit.  Have a great evening everybody!