Tag Archives: bite beauty

Buying Stuff: Skincare Edition

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It’s been a while since my last Buying Stuff post, but don’t let that fool you.  There’s been an extraordinary amount of buying stuff happening behind the scenes.  Like an obscene amount.  Well, how else am I going to achieve my lifelong goal of owning all the things?  Plus, you try walking away when companies sell things in cute little kits for Christmas.  It’s nigh on impossible.  I mean, I never really want a body lotion, but stick it in a basket with the matching body wash, spritzer and a loofah and immediately there’s nothing else I want more than that dadgum body lotion.

In other disastrous marketing trick news, please stop putting Award Winning stickers or the word “Limited Edition” on your products.  The latter creates a panic inside of me like no other.  If I feel I’m about to miss out on something that will never ever exist in humankind again, it’s only natural I must own that product right now this very second.  And if you dare put one item on the shelf and pretend it’s the very last one in the entire world, I am helpless to the point of nothing else matters.  Hence, Buying Stuff was born.

 

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Speaking of kits, picked up this Korres Beauty Shots mask collection for no reason other than what’s already been explained.  Do I need all these masks?  Is the sky blue?  Don’t ask stupid questions.

I have not used any of these masks, therefore there is really no point to posting this picture here for you.  I suppose if you want proof of my insanity, then I’d say your job is done for the day and you can go get your pajamas back on.  I bought this because of the kit situation, but also because it is a kit of masks. I loooooove masks.  And fruit smells.  I’d pick a fruit smell over a flower smell about 98.98675% of the time, regardless of benefit.  This goes to show you how good I am at reviewing skin care and what level of professionalism I have, up to this point, achieved.  I can sense you are impressed.

And then I went and bought this thing because it won an Allure magazine award:

 

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It’s the Dr. Brandt Glow retinol eye cream and I’ve actually been using it for the past four months.  It’s the eye cream that won’t die, seriously, cuz to this day it weighs exactly the same as when I first bought it.  Pretty sure it’s replicating itself every morning.  Full size price is $55, but that’s okay because it will last the rest of your life.

First of all, the consistency is nice.  It’s a lightweight cream that looks like pink pearl.  It has some ruby crystal complex which, if science is correct, makes white things turn pink.  It has a shimmer about it, but once it’s on your eye, you don’t notice it.  But it does lend a bit of a glow.  Not crazy Kim Kardashian glow, but a smidge.  In fact, once you put concealer or foundation on top of it, it pretty much disappears.  What I’m trying to say is, do not be afraid.

I use less than a pea-sized amount and blend under my eye.  It sinks in pretty fast, which is nice.  I have noticed my under eye wrinkles (er, fine lines) do look somewhat diminished.  There is retinol in it, but I don’t think there is a lot of it because it hasn’t caused any irritation whatsoever and I use this stuff every morning.  As for the reason it won an Allure magazine award, I have no idea.  But it did, and I’m sorry, what is your question?

Here’s this bastard:

 

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Nothing against the Bite Beauty Agave lip mask, but hope you don’t have arthritis or anything cuz this is the worst packaging of any tube of any kind I’ve ever seen.  Good luck squeezing any product out, unless you have the biceps of Hercules, that is.  It’s seriously like giving birth except the exit hole never gets bigger.  Can you imagine that?  I might have gone too far, but at least you get my point.

As for the lip balm itself, it’s very good.  Extremely thick and sits right on top of your lips in a slightly uncomfortable fashion.  But then you go to sleep completely unawares and wake up nicely moisturized.  It has an odd smell like raw cookie dough that I don’t enjoy but other people may be okay with it.  It’s basically the best lip balm I’ve used to counteract my horrid scraggly lip skin, but if they don’t fix the packaging soon I may have a carpal tunnel medical emergency on my hands.  Literally.

Side note:  this is not for anyone with OCD.  The tube is made of soft metal, so when you squeeze the life out of it to get your pea-sized drop of product, you are left with this hideous dent right in the middle.  So you try and fix it by smoothing it out, pushing product up from the bottom of the tube to fill in the middle again.  But not one to leave well enough alone, you decide maybe if you roll the tube up from the bottom (a la toothpaste tube style), you can perhaps create a nice, neat little package of lip balm to sit prettily on your bedside table instead of one that looks like a hobo just used it.  Then you realize by doing so, your tube has busted a seam and is now properly exposing its inner contents to the poisonous air, rendering this terrifically expensive lip balm useless and moot.  I mean, that’s what happened to me.  Normal people will be just fine.

 

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There is a skin care craze a’brewin’ and it’s in the form of exfoliating powder.  Not one to be left out of the loop, I picked up the Nude Detox Brightening Fizzy Powder Wash to see what all the fuss was about.  If you think for one second I ignored the word “fizzy”, you haven’t been reading this blog right.  It’s the primary reason I chose this one.  My brain wouldn’t leave me alone about it.  Fizzy just sounds like goodhearted, childlike fun.  Like blowing bubbles, sidewalk chalk and the Ice Cream Man.  Who wouldn’t enjoy that?  People with skewed priorities maybe, like workaholics or idiots.

To use this, pour about a teaspoon of powder into wet hands.  Add a bit of water and rub your hands together to create a paste.  Wait for the fizzy.  And then keep waiting.  And then finally wait freaking forever cuz the damn thing does not fizz.  Yes, it exfoliates very gently.  Yes, it will foam up with soap bubbles when more water is added to your face.  But fizz it does not.  I don’t know what I expected – perhaps the sound of Pop Rocks crackling away inside an open mouth?  Yes, that’s exactly what I expected.

Regardless, my face was very clean and felt extremely soft afterwards.  Mildly tight but nothing uncomfortable.  The smell was less than desirable, though, unless you like the scent of a milky baby neck.  Would it kill someone to toss some flowers in the batch, freshen things up a little?  Do I need to be CEO of yet another company?

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After running out of conditioner samples, I decided to purchase something that was actually intended to be used for shaving.  Someone on YouTube did a review on the Lush D’Fluff shaving soap, and because I am easily persuaded, I purchased it online about 2.5 seconds later.  I got the small version so I could try it out before deciding it was Holy Grail Status.  Which turned out to be a good thing because this product is not for me.  It has a soap consistency, which is so much more drying than my preferred cream or lotion.  Plus if this smells like strawberry (as indicated right there in English on the front of the package), then my entire life has been a lie.

Other than those two things, which are pretty major if you ask me (and you did; that’s why you’re here), it will work as intended.  Just not very good/fun/nice.  Unless you enjoy the feeling of dry legs, I’d steer clear.  Of course, my legs are very dry to begin with, and sometimes even after I shave them I still feel like they need shaved.  You might say the lower half of my body just doesn’t cooperate well.  Hair grows by the microsecond, legs tan the least and slowest, and ankles are in dire need of liposuction.  In other words, none of that has anything to do with Lush D’Fluff shaving soap.

 

 

Got a couple of Tatcha samples to try out – the Polished Rice Enzyme Powder and Indigo Soothing Silk body butter.  Again, the popularity of exfoliating powders made me do it.  This particular one is made from rice and it smells, not surprisingly, like rice.  So it isn’t particularly luxurious.  However, it is a very nice cleanser and I kind of liked it even better than the Nude one.  I found it pretty gentle on the skin, although if you’re a rough washer, maybe you’d disagree.  In addition to rice, it also has crushed pearl in it, so at this point I’ve stopped listening to anything else.  There’s pearl in it.  Gimme.

Magical properties include: addressing fine lines, uneven skin tone, hyperpigmentation and breakouts.  Polishes your skin to a jewel-like luster.  I don’t know about you, but those people at Tatcha got me feeling all warm and liquidy inside.  Talking like that.  Lord, are you hot and sweaty?  I’m hot and sweaty.

The other item, the body butter, was lovely as well.  I checked to make sure and can officially confirm there is liquid silk in there.  Ugggggghhhhh.  I can barely sit up straight to type this.

Other good things about the body butter:  it’s truly a blue lotion.  How about the novelty of that?!  It’s made with indigo, which is anti-inflammatory so if you suffer from dermatitis or similar skin conditions, you might like this.  It also turns your skin blue – well, for like a second, but still.  I can describe this body butter as luxurious and rich with the utmost confidence.  I don’t think anyone would argue my point.  It’s an absolute texture-dream.

Sadly, though, the smell was just okay.  Wasn’t anything floral that I recognized.  Definitely not fruity.  I don’t actually know what indigo is – is that a plant or some kind of fabric?  Regardless, maybe it smells like indigo.  And if so, I do not like indigo.

Look at this thing:

 

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Picked up this Kaplan MD lip mask and lip balm kit from Sephora.  Look at that tiny spatula!  I’ve since broken it, but it was definitely born cute.  Not sure what this product honestly does.  I was hoping for a cure-all to the neverending saga that is my chapped lips.  But it’s pretty much the same as everything else I’ve tried – nice for the moment, but we’re back to square one the very next day.

The mask is ultra tingly.  The first time I used it, my lips actually went numb.  Most likely I applied too much and kept it on too long.  The box says 3-5 minutes, then tissue off and apply the balm.  I was reading some reviews, and a lot of people were talking about how they use this right before a big event to plump their lips.  I didn’t notice any plumping effect, but we’ve already determined I don’t read directions very well.  The balm is super nice though.  It’s a medium-thick oil and very soothing.  Doesn’t taste good, however, so don’t get it in your mouth.  Unless you have time to get up every five minutes to spit in the sink.

Bottom line: it’s a decent product.  Not a miracle worker, but I like to use it every now and then.  Pretty certain if I didn’t have a fan blowing in my face for 8 hours every night, I wouldn’t have a lip saga to begin with.  So I can’t blame the product necessarily for not curing my issue.

That’s all for now.  Time for YouTube and alcohol.  Var var busy, clearly.

Buying Stuff: Episode 19

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Well I’m about ready for the weekend, aren’t you? I know if I didn’t work I couldn’t afford to buy stuff, so I should appreciate my Monday through Friday. But you guys … I just really love pajamas. What can I say?

Lookie, I bought stuff:

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I fell in love with the mint green color of the Smashbox Always Sharp 3D liner. It’s just so springy, summery, warm weathery. I couldn’t walk away from this liner even if I wanted to. Plus, it sharpens itself every time you remove the cap. Genius! I have since bought the black liner as well, and while the color isn’t ultra black – I mean it is but it isn’t, kind of blurry black – okay, that’s not a color and makes no sense – but I’m not disappointed cuz it cuts down my eyeliner time by at least 10 minutes per eye. That’s not a typo. Me and eyeliner: we are not best friends.

Then I bought this Make Up For Ever Lab Shine lipgloss in the shade M10 Morello Cherry. I’ll just be honest – I did not really need this. I saw the color and was temporarily blinded by its brilliance. So I buy it and spend the next several hours in the throes of Buyer’s Remorse cuz I don’t know how to walk away from shiny things. I could’ve taken it back but that requires effort of which I have none to give. However, it is a really lovely color, it sparkles prettily, and I will use it probably more this fall when I wear darker clothing. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

One thing I did need – okay, want – is the Bite Beauty lipstick in the shade Cava. I was looking for a nude, but everything I’ve ever tried makes my lips disappear right into my face. So I spent about half an hour in Sephora trying on several shades and finally settled on Cava, which is a lilac beige. Just saying the word lilac beige is enough to make you wanna go out and buy it, amiright? Sounds so pretty. And while I wasn’t 100% sure in the store, now that I brought it home and have been wearing it, you might say I’m a wee bit in love. Plus the Bite formula is unbeatable. Serious, if you haven’t tried on a Bite lipstick yet, you may wanna consult your physician cuz there may be something wrong with your brain.

Got my hands on a tiny, free sample of the new Benefit They’re Real Push-Up liner. After all the hype swirling about this product, I had to try it out for myself. All its fancy claims of making it easier to apply liner and whatnot. Tempting me with miracles and such.

I followed the directions by only clicking twice so the product that is dispensed isn’t too much. Okay, so far so good. I applied it to my lash line just like normal and it seemed to do alright. I had to keep clicking up product to finish the entire eye, but it did work and it was easier. I think the trick is to not keep clicking because once the tip is gooped up, it does not apply well. Unless you are into a patchy mess, then by all means click away. However, a week or so later I went to use it again and it did not apply well. It skipped all over my lid and portions of it dried and crumbled right off. So I don’t know now. We might break up. I’m don’t think I’m feeling it anymore. Maybe one more date, and if there’s any misbehaving going on, I’m gonna have to see other people.

Here’s yet another successful shopping trip:

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I decided I was going to make my morning routine even longer and start washing my face with a cleansing cloth every day. My mentality has always been I wash my face at night, why would it be dirty the next morning? I’m sure there’s some science in that statement somewhere, but who’s to know.

But my OCD gets to me every time, and I start obsessing over the fact there may be bacteria growing on my face while I sleep, so this is how the story of the Ole Henriksen pore refining cleansing cloths was born.

These cloths are great. They have a rough, exfoliating side and a smooth side and the scent is a cooling eucalyptus. If you aren’t awake when you’re using these, you will be shortly. They feel very nice on the face, fresh, cool, tingly. I like them a lot. Only problem is the price – $15 for 30. Soooo … not sure if I’ll repurchase. I would like to but if it comes down to expensive wipes or expensive makeup, makeup wins every time.

Cashed in 100 Sephora points and got a little sample of the Make Up For Ever HD foundation primer. I’ve been using this for a few days and it has a very light texture that absorbs very fast into the skin. I love it for that fact alone. But it is just a lotion, not a silky velvety finish that some may prefer. And don’t even ask me if it makes your makeup last longer cuz I have no idea.

I am nothing if not professional.

The other day I went into Sephora where they were celebrating Benefit Day and I got to spin the prize wheel. It was definitely exciting on that day. A prize wheel?! Oooohkay! Well I landed on the middle between a free sample or a free winged liner application. And because my husband was with me I chose the free sample cuz it was “quicker” and we had “errands to run”. Hmmmphf.

Well turns out, I wanted the free sample anyway. Because I already owned the push up liner, I grabbed the Stay Flawless foundation primer. It comes in stick form, and the Sephora lady said to not overdo it and to trust the product is doing its job. I immediately got scared, cuz what if I do overdo it? What happens to my face? Will there be a falling off scenario impending?

Please tell me others have used this successfully. I applied it on my face, but it’s very dry so I wasn’t even sure I had it on at all. The instructions say to immediately apply foundation and blend the two together right on your face. I did all that. Nothing bad happened, but nothing at all happened either. So, did I err too far on the side of caution and not apply enough? I dunno. I’m gonna have to fiddle with it I guess.

Bought two of the best eyeliners I’ve ever used. If you like black black black and super duper creamy deliciousness, then go ahead and put these L’oreal Silkissime liners in your basket. Go on. I’ll wait.

These simply glliiiiiide across your eyeball. No skipping. No tugging. They hold up pretty well in the waterline too. They don’t remain solid there, but perform better than the majority of my eyeliners do. In fact, I only have one other one (Sumita brand) that works as good. If there’s one drawback, I’d say it gets nubby awfully fast. Probably due to its creaminess. I’m not even gonna pretend that’s a big deal though, cuz honestly I love these liners.

Next product – well, you can just blame YouTube. Someone was washing their makeup brushes with the Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap and said it worked great. Luckily this is one of the cheaper products I’ve been influenced to buy. Got the lavender scent, and man is it smelly. I mean, like lavender, but very strong lavender. It does get the brushes squeaky clean; however, on my more denser brushes I had to rinse them three separate times in order to get all the soap out. So perhaps I need to tweak my method a little bit since it literally took 48 hours for my Sigma F86 brush to fully dry cuz I had to keep rinsing it over and over. Who got time for that? Nobody.

While shopping for the Dr. Bronner’s soap, there was a little Pacifica lip butter display provoking me with its jewel toned packaging, and well, as established earlier in this post, I can’t walk away from pretty packaging. Picked out the darkest shade they had, a deep burgundy called Blissed Out. Don’t be frightened though – it goes on very sheer. The smell is heavenly, the texture is very creamy and moisturizing, and the color has a nice subtlety to it for those days when you don’t want lipstick but still want color. I liked it a lot. Probably one of my better lip butter decisions.

Last item is a complete random afterthought. I went into Bath & Body Works to pick up one hand sanitizer and I walked out with 5 of them, plus two candles, a bath pouf, and this coconut smelling Cooling Gel Lotion. Did I need this? Is the sky blue? Don’t ask stupid questions.

The texture of this lotion is ultra light, cool, and creamy. The smell is not hardcore coconut, but a blend of citrus and coconut that is very refreshing. It’s nice to put on right before bed because you don’t get that heavy lotion feeling and the scent is not overpowering by any means. I know summer is (sadly) just about over, but I’m alright using this all year round. It’s good stuff.

I finally got off the Birchbox waitlist for this thing:

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This Zoya nail polish remover purchase makes no sense for the girl who hates nail polish. I know. I am my own oxymoron. But haven’t you ever wanted to own something just cuz it seemed like it might be fun to play with? Like a barcode scanner or a shrink wrapper? Or in this case, a pump-top dispenser. You flip open the lid, take your cotton ball and press it up and down over the top of it and that’s it. You can do it one-handed even. How’s that for barely making an effort? Also, it doesn’t smell as bad as other removers AND it’s the best at tackling glitter polish. Plus, it’s award-winning. If you’re not convinced yet, you can’t read this blog.

Just kidding. But you’re wrong, that’s all I’m saying.

Then I got this other thing from Birchbox cuz I had credits and wanted to apply it towards something fancy:

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It’s the Skin & Co Truffle Therapy serum. I bought this off of one person’s recommendation so hoping it’s wonderful. I love serums and want to try them all, and for whatever reason this one appealed to me. The truffle in here is mushroom not chocolate (just an FYI), but it doesn’t stink like that other mushroom cream I used last month (see previous Empties post). The scent is reminiscent of coconut, but I know it’s not coconut. The texture is also lotiony but very very light and absorbs almost immediately. This is a very good thing cuz I feel the benefits of this serum would best be appreciated in the a.m. than p.m. (antioxidants, etc), and I have about zero minutes to waste in the morning. The only issue so far is the $75 price tag. If I didn’t have Birchbox credits, I doubt I would’ve bought this.

Last bits below:

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Gotta love the Beauty To Go bin at Sephora. They recently added a travel size of the Dr. Brandt Pores No More primer, and lawd knows how much I needed it. My pores are huge you guys. It was practically a medical necessity.

This stuff feels amazing going on. Powdery and silky soft. If you are a texture person, you need to go ahead and put it in your basket. It will bring you joy. But most importantly, does is mask your pores? Wellllll … if your pores are pinpricks, then probably. The echo-y caverns that I have, however, get blurred out but by no means disappear. It helps though, so at this point in my pore erasing journey, I’ll accept.

If you’re in the market for a new matte lip cream but don’t know what to buy, here’s where you need to start paying attention. The Sephora Luster Mattes are AH. MA. ZING. Ohmygod, I’m not even joking. They are luscious, creamy, pigmented and beautiful. They are matte, yes, but not a harsh, dry looking matte like you may have experienced before. And as you wear them, they stay pretty creamy for awhile before they start to dry, and even at that dry point, the color still looks pretty good. I bought the color Fig which is a very pretty mauve and I’m in complete and utter love. I want more of these, and I’m not even gonna feel guilty about it. Plus it’s my month long birthday celebration. Have I mentioned that? Wellll, it is.

Last item is the Benefit High Brow brow lifting pencil. Bought this on a whim cuz that’s how I buy most of the stuff I get from Sephora. But it seemed like it might be useful. The pencil is a pearly white color, and you draw it all along your brow (underneath) and blend in. This will highlight that area and make your eyes appear more vibrant, alert and lifted. Well what’s not to love there? I’ve used this several times and I think it gives a really pretty cleaned up look. I’ve incorporated it into my morning routine because the 17 other steps I’ve got going on isn’t quite long enough.

This was the longest haul post that ever lived. I’m so sorry to make you read all this, because certainly you’re still reading? Good night, friends. More tomorrow!

Buying Stuff: Episode 15

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Beauty boxes are rolling in as we speak.  I’m going to use more of the products before I do any reviews.  Because I am a professional, and that is how I run this bloggin business.

To tide you over, I have a teeny haul to share.  I went to Sephora under the guise of needing a free mask sample.  And while I did get one (GlamGlow Supermud, to be exact), a few other products mysteriously, miraculously found their way into my basket.  They are these:

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I’ve been rather impressed with my tiny sample of the Urban Decay All-Nighter setting spray.  And then I discovered they have an oily skin version called De-Slick.  I’m been having some issues in the t-zone area, which I am not liking one bit.  Using my setting powder, then spritzing the spray has been helping somewhat.  Just imagine what a specified oily skin spray could do!  I mean, I don’t know because I haven’t used it yet, but just IMAGINE.

I’m not saying I have a shopping problem or anything, I’m simply telling you I bought the Cover|FX Mattifying Primer on the Sephora website, then after work that day I went into the Sephora store and bought the Cover|FX Mattifying Primer.  Somehow, in the short span between leaving work and arriving at the mall, I had forgotten what I’d purchased.  No judging allowed.  This is a friendly, safe environment.

But in my defense, I really wanted to try this primer.  I’m desperate to rid my skin of an oily t-zone.  I used it once last weekend and it did pretty good.  I did not have to blot, where usually I will at least once if not twice during a workday.  So that’s rather successful if you ask me.  As soon as I finish the Napoleon Perdis primer I’m currently using, I will get back to the Cover|FX.  And then of course, I will return my extra tube and apply that $16 towards something else.  Because a refund is out of the question.

Shopping problem?  No.  Not at all.

Someone on YouTube said the Bite Beauty Lush Lip Tints were amazing.  Hearing the word ‘amazing’ immediately makes my cat ears stand up straight.  I love amazing things.  I live for amazing.  So naturally I had to have this, and rightnownotlater.  Decided to go for the darkest shade they have, Blackcurrant, because tints are very sheer and I prefer color.  And man, was that the best decision ever.  It’s a purple-y plum, but very natural looking.  It shows up on your lips, so it’s obvious you’re wearing a dark color, but it’s not dark.  Do you get what I’m saying?  It’s like going goth, but not making a full commitment.

Oh but wait, there’s more!  The formula on these is TO. DIE. FOR.  I can’t even explain it properly.  It just feels good to wear them.  Like a hug, but lips only.  Comforting, soft, gentle, hydrating and lovely.  And if that doesn’t get your attention, there is Resveratrol in the center, and that’s an antioxidant found in red wine.  Red wine!  I don’t even know what that means, but they said red wine and now nothing else matters.

Last item in the haul is a sample jar of the Perricone MD Photo Plasma day cream.  I took a peek of the insides, and I’m not gonna lie when I say the primary reason for purchasing this was because it looked like a delicious strawberry mousse.  Second primary reason is because it was in those Beauty-To-Go bins right by the register and I was in line for a minute too long.  However, that’s all beside the point.

I used this on Sunday, and while it looks very light and airy in the jar, it doesn’t apply that way.  It smooths out just fine, but it dries kind of sticky, and then it takes forever for it to absorb completely.  Other reviews are back and forth on this product’s greatness.  Some feel exactly like me (the RIGHT answer), and some feel this is the most brilliant thing they’ve ever used (clearly wrong).  I dunno.  Kind of wish I could take it back, but I threw out the box because I never expected not to like it.  I mean, STRAWBERRY MOUSSE!  It should have been just like strawberry mousse.

On a positive note, when my skin gets drier in the winter time, this product might actually work better.  So since I’m forced to hold onto it, that’s the new plan.  Then I will report back in an Empties post to keep you all informed.  Again, I am a professional and this is how I do things.

As for that sample of the GlamGlow mask – you know, the reason for going into Sephora in the first place – let me tell you a story.  I had one of those horrible under the skin pimples right on my chin, red, sore and angry.  I was looking for something that would draw out the gunk, to try to heal the zit faster.  Sephora lady directs me to the GlamGlow display and points out the SuperMud Clearing Treatment.  Full size is $69, which I knew already, but she offered up a sample and I gratefully accepted.  Fast forward two days, and my pimple is gone.  As in, magically disappeared off my face.  Normally this kind of pimple sticks around for at least a week, where I proceed to press around on it, play with it, squeeze and pick at it.  But not this time.  This time I got it, and I got it good.  Needless to say, there’s a GlamGlow in my shopping cart in the very near future.

One more teeny haul:

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More Makeup Geek eyeshadows!  I have a 27-slot Z-Palette that only has 5 slots filled, so naturally I can’t go around looking like that.  Adding these 5 makes my total 10, and that is math and now you’re officially prepared to live life.

Shades I got (from top to bottom) are Cosmopolitan (rose gold), Beaches and Cream (matte browbone shade), Pop Culture (iridescent lavender), Mermaid (teal with gold shimmer), and Rockstar (silver with purple iridescence).  I really like the eyeshadows.  They’re blendable, which is my #1 important eyeshadow factor.  If you can’t blend out, then I don’t want you.  Even if you are the perfect shade of Heaven.  Unless that is sacrilegious, and in that case I’ll take a hundred.

Enough talky.  More later.

Tales From the Mothership: A very special episode of Buying Stuff

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About a month or so ago, I swear I was just minding my own business.  Walking through the mall, glancing in store windows, sipping an Orange Julius, getting my wedding ring cleaned.  Then I spotted it.  Across the foyer inside the JCPenney, the sign shone like a beacon in the night.  Brilliant and dazzling.  Magnetic.  Calling me home.

It was a Sephora under construction.  Right there amid the Petite clothing section.  My heart stopped.  I’m sorry, whaaaaa?!?!  When did this happen and why has no one told me about it?  I felt as if I’d stumbled across an oasis in the desert.  I seriously had to control my legs from sprinting across the tiled floor.  Cuz an out of shape, almost 40-year-old woman running without any supportive girdle-like garments is not a scene for public viewing.  It hurts everyone’s eyes, trust me.

The doors were covered in a Visqueen plastic sheet, but they didn’t install it very well cuz I could totally see inside.  All I had to do was peel back the sheet where it was attached with screws, bolts and super glue, and voila!  Instant peepshow.  All my favorites were in there.  NARS, Makeup Forever, Becca, Bite … I was dying.  Literally dying.

Opening day was a month away.  Do you know how long a month is?  Like 15 years or something.  It’s ridiculous.  I tried to exercise patience, but we’re talking about the opening of a Sephora not a dentist’s office.  You can imagine how hard it was.  In fact, I peeked behind the Visqueen at least 12 more times.  Also got on the escalator a once, twice or 18 separate occasions so I could glance over the top.  Since it’s a roofless store, that makes perfect sense.  Otherwise, I’d look like a crazy person.

Finally the day arrived.  Walking through those doors felt like taking your first breath or feeling the sun on your face after a thousand years of winter.  I spent an extraordinary two hours just browsing the front of the store.  That’s not an exaggeration.  Sales ladies kept checking on me because I was there so long, reminding me there was a whole other half I hadn’t even looked at yet.  Oh, I was quite aware, trust me.  I just didn’t want to miss out on anything so I was taking extra special mental notes.

And when I tell you I was fawned over, I was freaking fawned over.  I got a full foundation application, free samples made for me, they told me they loved me.  Everybody was just so happy and excited in there.  For a second I’m thinking, Willy Wonka’s in here somewhere isn’t he?  I’m going to turn around and Willy Wonka will just be standing there handing out golden tickets.  He runs the chocolate factory AND Sephora.  And why wouldn’t he?  That place is magical.

So here is my loot in all it’s beautiful, radiant glory.  A couple of pieces were mailed, but it all came from Sephora:

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The Caudalie Polyphenol serum is one of those free gifts with purchase.  It’s a month supply of anti-wrinkle and vitamin C goodness.  And it comes with a dropper to make it super scientific and fancy.  I haven’t used it yet because I am working on another serum sample right now, but it’s coming up next.  I’ve loved every Caudalie product I’ve used so far, so I’m sure this will be no exception.

Picked up a Bite Beauty lipstick in the shade Shiraz which is like a brownish-plum color. Not very springy but I didn’t want red, hot pink, coral or nude … so what is left? This one. And I like it. The color suits me, but the texture of the lipstick is probably the best I’ve ever felt. Doesn’t dry on your lips, which is my lipstick pet peeve. I recommend var var mucho.

While I was getting my foundation did, the sales lady asked me what my favorite moisturizer was, and I looked at her like she was cray. Obviously she has no idea how many different moisturizers I use, so much that I couldn’t even answer this question properly. I stammered, mostly. Then she gave up on me and picked out her favorite to apply on my face – Ole Henriksen’s Nurture Me. And of course it felt amazing, smelled amazing, was amazing. So I own it now. But you knew that’s how this story would end.  I’m nothing if not predictable.

The foundation she applied was the Kat Von D Lock-It Tattoo. I had been curious about this for months. It’s a full coverage matte foundation and I really wanted to see how I’d look without pores, freckles or splotches of any kind. Lemme just say I looked okay. I wasn’t in love or anything. But didn’t hate it either. So naturally I bought it cuz that’s just how bad my mental illness is.

One lipgloss I knew I had to have the moment I saw it was the Buxom Full-On Lip Polish in the shade Trixie. It’s this beautiful golden pink and it reminds me of summer. Looks very fresh and youthful on the lips, and if there’s anything I wanna pretend to be, it’s almost always fresh and youthful.

Got another lipstick, and kind of stepped out of my comfort zone with the Too Faced Melted in Melted Peony. This is a pink, not hot pink but verging on Barbie pink. It’s surprisingly pretty. It’s very opaque and bold, which I love, although the longer it wears on your lips, the chalkier it becomes. That part is a bummer, but if you just keep reapplying and everything will be okay.  You might not get anything else done on your to-do list, but at least your lips will look lovely.

I bought the most ridiculous mascara on the planet. I read on some site that Dior Diorshow Blackout was the best mascara for short, sparse lashes. Well, I perked up immediately. Anything to help my hopeless eyelash situation, I instantly need. Lemme tell you, this mascara is thick. Like pudding. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But it is thick. And you gotta be super careful when applying or you’re gonna get some crazy spider leg lashes. However, this mascara gives me the best length and volume of any other mascara I own regardless of anything else. So you take the bad with the good and deal with it. Cuz it’s mostly good. It’ll be my special occasion mascara.

I wanted to play around with some pretty spring eyeliner colors so I picked up the Stila smudge stick in the Periwinkle shade. I wore this over the weekend and it’s so pretty. I paired it with some champagne eyeshadow so it really stood out. I feel like I wanna get some other colors now. They have a turquoise and an emerald that are doing their very best at tempting me.

Last item in the picture is a lip balm by Tokyomilk in the Coco Noir scent. Has a blend of rum, cocoa and cherry and it smells very exotic and masculine. It’s hard to describe the scent, but even harder to describe the texture because I’ve never felt anything else quite like it. Don’t know if I love it cuz it’s just so different. I don’t hate it though, in fact I like it a lot. But is it love? I’m not thinking so. In other words, we can make out but we’re not soul mates.  Moving on.

The below item is one I ordered online and it’s var var beautiful:

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See!  Oh my gawd.  It’s the Dolce & Gabbana eyeshadow quad in the shade Elegance.  If this doesn’t scream Spring! to you, then you need your eyes checked.  It’s glorious.  And even better in person.  I can’t even believe I own this because it’s just so lovely.  I wanna walk around with my eyelids shut all day so others can enjoy it as well.  If anyone wants to help me make that happen (i.e., as human seeing-eye dog), let me know.  Thanks.

Oh, wait.  There’s more!  I did make a second trip to Sephora only a mere few days later.  And picked up these little goodies:

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I am a little slow on the bandwagon, but in my defense I’ve only been buying makeup since September.  But I finally decided to get the Benefit Coralista blush.  This color is so pretty!  Looks very natural on the cheeks.  I would wear it everyday if I didn’t have 23 other blushes giving me the stink eye.  So gotta be fair and spread the love.  But next time I’m wearing brown clothes, this blush is MINE.

Picked up the Bite Beauty Whipped Cherry Lip Scrub.  Let me preface this by saying this is not a very good lip scrub.  But if you like the smell of cherries and big into soft, gentle textures, this is a great product.  Sephora gave me a sample of this during my first trip.  Had I not used a sample first, I would’ve bought this thinking it was going to get rid of all my peeling, dry lip problems – and I would’ve been disappointed.  But this feels very nice going on the lips, even though the exfoliating beads are few and far between.  I’m not even sure what is the point in calling it a scrub because it wouldn’t blow eraser crumbs off a sheet of paper much less remove dead skin off your lips.  However, I like the way it feels and the smell is heavenly so naturally I’m spending $18 on a product that does not do what it claims but still like anyway.  Again, mental illness.

Last in the batch is the Kat Von D Autograph eyeliner.  I wanted this because I’m in search of an eyeliner that won’t disappear from my inner rim.  I’ve tried lots, and the Sumita brand is the closest I’ve gotten so far.  But I was told the Kat Von D would be a good one, and it was only $10 so I felt as if either way, I’ve saved money.  Well, I must have super wet eyeballs or just bad juju because this thing does not work for me at all.  Within an hour, the eyeliner had already started to wear off even though it is waterproof.  Sad face.  Still on my mission, I guess.

I’ve saved the best for last, y’all!  I just want everyone to know I’ve made a success of my life.  Mom, you can rest now; your job is done.  Whatever else happens, no one can take this away from me:

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Highest level at Sephora now.  I’ve made it!  This is like an Academy Award or something.  I haven’t been this excited since I got my gold card at Starbucks – which I flash at every given opportunity.  Royalty at the cash register people; step aside!  So I imagine this card will be pulled out of my wallet frequently, and maybe not even just at Sephora.  I might “accidentally” drop it while in line at Walmart, or maybe try to pay with it at Home Depot – oops, sorry, wrong card, I’m so silly.  I mean, I did a lot to earn this thing so I would like a little time to blatantly enjoy it.  Thanks.

So that’s it.  Hope everyone is still awake and excited to go out and buy some stuff!  I will be back tomorrow for some box reviews.  But for now I’m going to go put my wrists in ice water cuz I feel carpal tunnel setting in.  Have a great day!