Tales From the Mothership: A very special episode of Buying Stuff

Standard

About a month or so ago, I swear I was just minding my own business.  Walking through the mall, glancing in store windows, sipping an Orange Julius, getting my wedding ring cleaned.  Then I spotted it.  Across the foyer inside the JCPenney, the sign shone like a beacon in the night.  Brilliant and dazzling.  Magnetic.  Calling me home.

It was a Sephora under construction.  Right there amid the Petite clothing section.  My heart stopped.  I’m sorry, whaaaaa?!?!  When did this happen and why has no one told me about it?  I felt as if I’d stumbled across an oasis in the desert.  I seriously had to control my legs from sprinting across the tiled floor.  Cuz an out of shape, almost 40-year-old woman running without any supportive girdle-like garments is not a scene for public viewing.  It hurts everyone’s eyes, trust me.

The doors were covered in a Visqueen plastic sheet, but they didn’t install it very well cuz I could totally see inside.  All I had to do was peel back the sheet where it was attached with screws, bolts and super glue, and voila!  Instant peepshow.  All my favorites were in there.  NARS, Makeup Forever, Becca, Bite … I was dying.  Literally dying.

Opening day was a month away.  Do you know how long a month is?  Like 15 years or something.  It’s ridiculous.  I tried to exercise patience, but we’re talking about the opening of a Sephora not a dentist’s office.  You can imagine how hard it was.  In fact, I peeked behind the Visqueen at least 12 more times.  Also got on the escalator a once, twice or 18 separate occasions so I could glance over the top.  Since it’s a roofless store, that makes perfect sense.  Otherwise, I’d look like a crazy person.

Finally the day arrived.  Walking through those doors felt like taking your first breath or feeling the sun on your face after a thousand years of winter.  I spent an extraordinary two hours just browsing the front of the store.  That’s not an exaggeration.  Sales ladies kept checking on me because I was there so long, reminding me there was a whole other half I hadn’t even looked at yet.  Oh, I was quite aware, trust me.  I just didn’t want to miss out on anything so I was taking extra special mental notes.

And when I tell you I was fawned over, I was freaking fawned over.  I got a full foundation application, free samples made for me, they told me they loved me.  Everybody was just so happy and excited in there.  For a second I’m thinking, Willy Wonka’s in here somewhere isn’t he?  I’m going to turn around and Willy Wonka will just be standing there handing out golden tickets.  He runs the chocolate factory AND Sephora.  And why wouldn’t he?  That place is magical.

So here is my loot in all it’s beautiful, radiant glory.  A couple of pieces were mailed, but it all came from Sephora:

20140512-171412.jpg

The Caudalie Polyphenol serum is one of those free gifts with purchase.  It’s a month supply of anti-wrinkle and vitamin C goodness.  And it comes with a dropper to make it super scientific and fancy.  I haven’t used it yet because I am working on another serum sample right now, but it’s coming up next.  I’ve loved every Caudalie product I’ve used so far, so I’m sure this will be no exception.

Picked up a Bite Beauty lipstick in the shade Shiraz which is like a brownish-plum color. Not very springy but I didn’t want red, hot pink, coral or nude … so what is left? This one. And I like it. The color suits me, but the texture of the lipstick is probably the best I’ve ever felt. Doesn’t dry on your lips, which is my lipstick pet peeve. I recommend var var mucho.

While I was getting my foundation did, the sales lady asked me what my favorite moisturizer was, and I looked at her like she was cray. Obviously she has no idea how many different moisturizers I use, so much that I couldn’t even answer this question properly. I stammered, mostly. Then she gave up on me and picked out her favorite to apply on my face – Ole Henriksen’s Nurture Me. And of course it felt amazing, smelled amazing, was amazing. So I own it now. But you knew that’s how this story would end.  I’m nothing if not predictable.

The foundation she applied was the Kat Von D Lock-It Tattoo. I had been curious about this for months. It’s a full coverage matte foundation and I really wanted to see how I’d look without pores, freckles or splotches of any kind. Lemme just say I looked okay. I wasn’t in love or anything. But didn’t hate it either. So naturally I bought it cuz that’s just how bad my mental illness is.

One lipgloss I knew I had to have the moment I saw it was the Buxom Full-On Lip Polish in the shade Trixie. It’s this beautiful golden pink and it reminds me of summer. Looks very fresh and youthful on the lips, and if there’s anything I wanna pretend to be, it’s almost always fresh and youthful.

Got another lipstick, and kind of stepped out of my comfort zone with the Too Faced Melted in Melted Peony. This is a pink, not hot pink but verging on Barbie pink. It’s surprisingly pretty. It’s very opaque and bold, which I love, although the longer it wears on your lips, the chalkier it becomes. That part is a bummer, but if you just keep reapplying and everything will be okay.  You might not get anything else done on your to-do list, but at least your lips will look lovely.

I bought the most ridiculous mascara on the planet. I read on some site that Dior Diorshow Blackout was the best mascara for short, sparse lashes. Well, I perked up immediately. Anything to help my hopeless eyelash situation, I instantly need. Lemme tell you, this mascara is thick. Like pudding. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But it is thick. And you gotta be super careful when applying or you’re gonna get some crazy spider leg lashes. However, this mascara gives me the best length and volume of any other mascara I own regardless of anything else. So you take the bad with the good and deal with it. Cuz it’s mostly good. It’ll be my special occasion mascara.

I wanted to play around with some pretty spring eyeliner colors so I picked up the Stila smudge stick in the Periwinkle shade. I wore this over the weekend and it’s so pretty. I paired it with some champagne eyeshadow so it really stood out. I feel like I wanna get some other colors now. They have a turquoise and an emerald that are doing their very best at tempting me.

Last item in the picture is a lip balm by Tokyomilk in the Coco Noir scent. Has a blend of rum, cocoa and cherry and it smells very exotic and masculine. It’s hard to describe the scent, but even harder to describe the texture because I’ve never felt anything else quite like it. Don’t know if I love it cuz it’s just so different. I don’t hate it though, in fact I like it a lot. But is it love? I’m not thinking so. In other words, we can make out but we’re not soul mates.  Moving on.

The below item is one I ordered online and it’s var var beautiful:

20140513-215042.jpg

See!  Oh my gawd.  It’s the Dolce & Gabbana eyeshadow quad in the shade Elegance.  If this doesn’t scream Spring! to you, then you need your eyes checked.  It’s glorious.  And even better in person.  I can’t even believe I own this because it’s just so lovely.  I wanna walk around with my eyelids shut all day so others can enjoy it as well.  If anyone wants to help me make that happen (i.e., as human seeing-eye dog), let me know.  Thanks.

Oh, wait.  There’s more!  I did make a second trip to Sephora only a mere few days later.  And picked up these little goodies:

20140513-215051.jpg

I am a little slow on the bandwagon, but in my defense I’ve only been buying makeup since September.  But I finally decided to get the Benefit Coralista blush.  This color is so pretty!  Looks very natural on the cheeks.  I would wear it everyday if I didn’t have 23 other blushes giving me the stink eye.  So gotta be fair and spread the love.  But next time I’m wearing brown clothes, this blush is MINE.

Picked up the Bite Beauty Whipped Cherry Lip Scrub.  Let me preface this by saying this is not a very good lip scrub.  But if you like the smell of cherries and big into soft, gentle textures, this is a great product.  Sephora gave me a sample of this during my first trip.  Had I not used a sample first, I would’ve bought this thinking it was going to get rid of all my peeling, dry lip problems – and I would’ve been disappointed.  But this feels very nice going on the lips, even though the exfoliating beads are few and far between.  I’m not even sure what is the point in calling it a scrub because it wouldn’t blow eraser crumbs off a sheet of paper much less remove dead skin off your lips.  However, I like the way it feels and the smell is heavenly so naturally I’m spending $18 on a product that does not do what it claims but still like anyway.  Again, mental illness.

Last in the batch is the Kat Von D Autograph eyeliner.  I wanted this because I’m in search of an eyeliner that won’t disappear from my inner rim.  I’ve tried lots, and the Sumita brand is the closest I’ve gotten so far.  But I was told the Kat Von D would be a good one, and it was only $10 so I felt as if either way, I’ve saved money.  Well, I must have super wet eyeballs or just bad juju because this thing does not work for me at all.  Within an hour, the eyeliner had already started to wear off even though it is waterproof.  Sad face.  Still on my mission, I guess.

I’ve saved the best for last, y’all!  I just want everyone to know I’ve made a success of my life.  Mom, you can rest now; your job is done.  Whatever else happens, no one can take this away from me:

20140513-215058.jpg

Highest level at Sephora now.  I’ve made it!  This is like an Academy Award or something.  I haven’t been this excited since I got my gold card at Starbucks – which I flash at every given opportunity.  Royalty at the cash register people; step aside!  So I imagine this card will be pulled out of my wallet frequently, and maybe not even just at Sephora.  I might “accidentally” drop it while in line at Walmart, or maybe try to pay with it at Home Depot – oops, sorry, wrong card, I’m so silly.  I mean, I did a lot to earn this thing so I would like a little time to blatantly enjoy it.  Thanks.

So that’s it.  Hope everyone is still awake and excited to go out and buy some stuff!  I will be back tomorrow for some box reviews.  But for now I’m going to go put my wrists in ice water cuz I feel carpal tunnel setting in.  Have a great day!

Advertisements

2 responses »

  1. Nice job on the VIP card! You could make an instagram series of your card in random places doing fabulous things. Looks like you had an excellent haul. I made the mistake of clicking the Ole Henricksen link and now I totally want that. Can I also just say that I misread the color of your Too Faced lipstick as “melted pony” which sounds far less appealing but made me laugh. Incidentally I know what melted pony looks like due to an unfortunate placement of plastic horses and candles on my Cinderella birthday cake as a child. Not a good look for anyone! Then again, why would you melt peonies either?

    Like

    • I should do that on Instagram – it would be like a Flat Stanley thing! (Also, don’t click on any of my links. They are dangerous territory!)

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s