You wanna be depressed? Here’s my Boxycharm:

Seriously, what is this? All my favorite un-favorites having a reunion? I mean, we got nail polish, a 6th tube of the same dadgum moisturizer, loose eyeshadow … I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but this box is NO. BUENO.

But to be fair, I am reviewing it anyway cuz I know not everyone dislikes the same things I do. Also, I am a professional and that’s how I take care of business.

First two items are from Bellapierre. The lip liner is fine, although I got the cinnamon color which matches all the other cinnamon colored lip liners I’ve been sent recently. I don’t use lip liners that often although I really should. My old lady lips may not be able to survive without it now.

The other item is a loose eyeshadow. I do not use this. Especially cuz I got the bubble gum pink shade. Nothing says I’m twelve! quite like pale pink glitter. Granted, I know some of y’all can pull this off, but not me. I would look like I tried too hard to be cool and failed miserably. I already can’t draw a straight eyeliner line in under 20 minutes (per eye) – I don’t need to make a fool of myself further. Regifted!

Next.

This product is someone’s idea of a very not-funny joke. Presenting my billionth tube of Pur-Lisse moisturizer. Boo. Hiss. I’m not even kidding how annoyed I am. I suppose it’s the hazard of subscribing to 11 boxes, but still. Granted, I did use one previous tube of this and there’s nothing wrong with it. I liked it just fine. It was light, absorbed quickly, which is a mandatory thing considering I don’t have time to wait around in the morning. But I lose interest in things pretty quickly after spending over a month on one product. I’ve moved on, Pur-Lisse, why can’t you?

Annnnnnnd then, a salt in the wound sort of situation has now commenced. Nail polish. I’m seriously going back to bed, you guys. How many red polishes can one person own? The answer is ONE and then you are done for the rest of your life. So I have regifted this Lauren B Beauty one to a very deserving friend where it will be free to run and play and be happy forever. I mean, literally forever. Nail polish does not die.

Last product in the box, and THE ONLY THING I actually like is this lipstick from Appeal Cosmetics. I got a nude pink called Mock-Up, and it goes very well with my skin tone. In fact, the website says it goes perfect with every skin tone so that’s good news. I’ve been getting into nude lipsticks lately, but having a struggle finding one that doesn’t wash me out so I’m very happy to have this.

Needless to say, I have done the grown up thing and canceled my Boxycharm subscription. I didn’t want to continue to spend money on a box that more often than not leaves me cranky. I can’t spend $20 just for the excitement of opening up a box. Well, I can but that’s a var var stupid idea.

So I’ve now subscribed to Vegan Cuts and we’re gonna get that a try. Plus it’s $2 cheaper. Saving money. That’s what I’m all about.

Sorta.

I’ve received half of my boxes. It’s halfway through the month. I’ve written one review so far. Pretty sure there’s a math equation in there for all you geniuses out there. If so, I’m almost certain the answer is I’M BEHIND ONCE AGAIN. Well, pffft.

Here’s my Boxycharm goods:

I’m var var happy this month!  Even though there is an un-favorite in the box, the good far outweighs the bad.  And even the bad isn’t that bad.  I mean, I don’t love it as a genre, but it’s the best one they could’ve sent so I’m alright with it.  What am I going on about?  The suspense, the suspense!

I’ll start with the good stuff.  First item is the Revlon Bold Lacquer mascara.  Y’all know I love me some mascara.  I’ll just go ahead and throw out the fact that I’m a bit of a snob when it comes to purchasing mascara. I don’t get excited about anything drugstore.  I’m not saying there isn’t any amazing drugstore mascaras, so hold onto your wet noodles please.  I just enjoy collecting high end mascara.  It’s my thing.  So getting this Revlon mascara wasn’t the most exciting thing to ever happen, but it’s always fun to try things I know I’d never buy for myself.

The brush is nice and fluffy so it coated my lashes pretty good.  I wouldn’t say it was spectacular or anything, but it’s hard to make me happy when it comes to my eyelashes.  As you all know (if you’ve been reading my blog, and if you haven’t, something is clearly wrong with you), my eyelashes are teeny tiny in their natural state.  It takes a lot of doing for a mascara to work on me.  So no hard feelings, Revlon.  I is who I is.

I got two products from Tarina Tarantino which is an actual, true exciting thing.  I didn’t own anything from this brand, but now I do, so life = succeeded right about now, and I can get back into my pajamas and do nothing forever.

Well, sounds good anyway.

I haven’t tried the Eye Dream Hyperliner eyeliner yet, but I will at some point this week.  I got a pretty blue color, which is fine but I do already have like 3 or 4 other royal blue eyeliners.  That part sucks a little, as I saw on their website they have several other color choices.  I could use a pretty copper or a vibrant green.  Or I could just zip my lip and be grateful this isn’t a perfume sample, which we all know how much I do not love.

The other one is the Eye Dream Hyperlight highlighter.  This is a brush-style universal highlighter in a really pretty pinky peach.  I’ve used this twice so far, and I do like it.  It does help cover up my dark circles.  Not completely, mind you, because I’ve yet to experience that miracle, but it does the best it can.  Which at this point is all I can really hope for.  Can’t say I will use it every single day because that’s adding an extra step to my already 27-step morning process, but it’ll probably be thrown in the weekend batch.

Also, for you girls that have deep skin tones, I was reading a review on the Tarina Tarantino website that said it is an honest to God universal shade for ALL skin tones.  I have not seen this claim in person with my eyes, but just wanted to FYI you anyway.

Got another Tarte cheek stain in a really beautiful pink color called Blushing Bride.  Luckily that is not the shade I already own, which tends to be my luck nowadays.  I like these cheek stains; they’re pretty easy to apply.  I dab my Real Techniques stippling brush over the top of the stain then tap and swirl on my cheeks like a professional.  And then, BAM!  Supermodel.  I highly recommend these to everyone, especially if you are a beginner cream blush user.

Last product in the box is the poo.  Although it’s not a real bad poo.  It’s nail polish, which most of the time I do not want.  However, when they send me a pretty season-appropriate color, I can accept it but with only half a smile.  I mean, it’s still nail polish, and I still do not love.  Anyway.  Got the StrangeBeautiful duo in a pale gold and a blue grey.  These looked so beautiful in their little bottles, especially the blue grey.

I’ve been holding onto this spa gift card my daughter got me for my birthday last year, and when I say hold onto, I mean forgot about.  I was feeling like a total horrible mother cuz everytime my daughter got in my car she’d see the gift card sitting in the cubby hole and she’d give me that look.  That cubby hole is storage for those things you mean to get to later.  Like a coupon for a bucket of soda for 99 cents.  My granddaughter’s pacifier that she spit out onto the dirty floorboard.  And a dentist appointment card from 2012.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love or appreciate the gift card, it’s that I’m a really horrible appointment maker.  I reminded myself countless times these past 10 months to call the spa, call the spa.  And then I never would call the spa.  I went to bed on Friday night with the thought I’d finally call the spa on Saturday to see if they had any spots available for a mani and pedi.  Not a spot in the future, but a spot that day.  Again, not an appointment maker.  Procrastinator, very much so.

Luckily, the spa had time to see me, and at the very last second I had the notion to bring my new blue grey polish with me for them to use.  And while the toe picture is up on Instagram, here is the finger picture in all it’s lovely glory:

See, that’s just pretty.  Even an anti-nail polish person like me can appreciate this.  Of course, this may be the only time I’ll ever wear it, but that’s beside the point.

Great, great box this month, Boxycharm.  This may be the best one they’ve ever sent.  I love it when that happens, don’t you?  Subscription = justified.  I may proceed with life.

Do you know how when you are eating peanut M&Ms, and one rolls out of your fingers on its way to your mouth and you try to catch it about a billion times before it plunges to its sad little death in the exact spot where you keep your dirty high heel bottoms for 9 hours everyday?

Well that happened to me today.  It was the most exercise I’ve gotten in quite awhile.

Anyway, here’s my Boxycharm box:

Kind of liking it.  I will use everything, so that’s a plus.  Let’s review.

The Illume hand creme has such pretty packaging, and that is primarily the only reason why I love it.  Cuz seriously, if you think about it, hand lotion is kind of boring.  One tube lasts for eons and eons.  So unless you’re a habitual lotion user, you will own this tube for 15 years.  They sent me the Thai Lily scent, and it smells pretty good.  Although I saw on their site they also have a coconut mango – I would have loved that scent more.  Food smells get me everytime.  Floral scents come in second place, and then random inanimate object scents (like Desert Oasis or Cool Breeze – because none of that has a smell) are dead last.  In fact, you will never see me in Yankee Candle buying a pack of Morning Dew tealights.  Because what does morning dew smell like?  Nothing.  It smells like nothing.

One thing I wasn’t particularly thrilled to get was the Ferro Cosmetic pink “Fabuki” brush.  Is that a gimmicky name or am I being an asshole?  Well, regardless, someone in the marketing meeting came up with the genius idea to name this pink Kabuki a Fabuki most likely because it is “fabulous” and everyone needs to know immediately.  Okay, yes, I’m being an asshole.

Having said all that, it is very soft and I will find a use for it.  I applied some powder on my face over the weekend and I liked the texture very much.  Probably won’t announce to my friends that I own a “Fabuki” brush, but whatever.

Got a lipstick from Mirabelle, and it is purple.  Okay, technically it’s more of a magenta, but man is it bright.  I wore it to work last week, and I was very self conscious all day.  The color, although not red, might as well be red.  It is super obvious and verging on prostitute-y.  Can’t say I don’t love it, though, but I’ll probably only pull this one out for special events.  However, can’t say I have very many special events occuring in my life.  So either I’ll own this tube for 15 years (along with the hand lotion), or I’m wearing purple lipstick to your baby shower.

Just sayin.

And now for one of those products you know you need but do not enjoy getting as a gift:  nail polish remover.  They’re like the socks-for-Christmas of the makeup world.  I got mine in the form of Lauren B. Beauty nail wipes.  There really isn’t a whole lot to say here.  They remove your nail polish.  Am I missing any other pertinent info?  Let’s see: they wipe away your nail polish, they get rid of your nail polish, you use them to take off your nail polish.  Yep, covered everything.  Moving right along.

Last item in the box are two pouches of hair conditioning treatment cream from Novex.  They sent me the Argan oil version as well as the olive oil one.  I used the Argan pouch a few days ago because I was feeling like my hair needed a little TLC.  The instructions said to leave this on your hair for 25 minutes using a shower cap.  25 minutes?!  That’s a whole lotta lookin ridiculous if you ask me.  But I was a good kid and did as I was told.  Was it worth it?  Wellllllll … it didn’t make my hair fall out or anything, so that’s always a bonus.  Did I have ultra luxurious supermodel wind machine hair?  Not quite.  Still was frizzy as hell once I dried it.  My hair is stupid.  I give up.

Actually, if I would just stop all the shenanigans and go back to my Carol’s Daughter hair mask instead, everything will work itself out.  Cuz that stuff is legit.

I’m done for now.  Except I just remembered I subscribe to approximately a billion boxes, and I forgot one.   So instead of having just 3 more to review, I now have 4.  Not complaining, but this is hard work guys.  Like SO. HARD.   Let’s do a nap.

Oh, Boxycharm.  One month they’re up, the next month they’re down.  And sometimes they’re smack dab in the middle like now.  You properly on the edge of your seat with anticipation?  Yes?  Then we shall begin:

So I got this very large bottle of Coolway Glow Finishing Oil that I will most likely never use.  Hooray!  I dunno, I just never get too excited about hair styling products since I never have time in the morning to do anything other than comb my hair.  Seriously, I wash it in the evening, straighten it the next morning and then just comb it for 3 days until it’s time to wash it again.

I may be the laziest person on the planet.

Granted there is nothing to using this product other than pumping out a dime-size dollop and smoothing it through your hair.  I could easily bring it to work with me and do it at my desk because it literally takes about 1% effort.  So because of that statistic, and that statistic alone, I am keeping it.

Next I got this liquid lipstick from Ofra in a super bright pink color.  I’m kind of not interested because I don’t really like bright pink lipstick.  And also it smells like it’s trying to be cake, but they didn’t quite make it so instead it smells just weird.  I may sound a skosh nitpicky, but I feel so strongly about it that I actually took the time to look up how to spell skosh. When I could’ve just said any other normal word such as bit, or tad, or even itty bitty.  You know it’s serious business when I do extra work like that.

On a positive note, the tube claims it will last 5 hours despite drinking and eating.  If that’s important to you.

And then I got an even less interesting item in the form of a nail polish from Bellapierre.  Ehhhhhhh. Delete.  However, I must give them credit for sending me a color that’s named Cotton Candy instead of what I’ve been getting recently (not named Gloomy Shitty Day, but could’ve been).  Gray just isn’t a spring color to me.  Pink is.  But I already own a Butter London pink polish, so this Bellapierre one is redundant to me.

Remember yesterday when I told you I got an onslaught of eyeliners in my boxes this month.  That ain’t no lie.  Got this ModelCo one with a built in sharpener.  If you’re counting, you are my OCD twin and I love you.  Also, you’d know that it’s my fourth, not counting the two boxes I haven’t reviewed yet which would make it six.  Plus I have two more boxes that haven’t even gotten here yet, so there could be eight for all I know.  That’s enough eyeliner to trace the eyes of all the little babies in China.  Ridiculous.

Sounds like I hated this box, but I didn’t really.  Especially not after receiving the last product, the beautiful, gorgeous peach bellini blush by ModelCo.  It is stunning!  I had such lovely visions of wearing this blush, my cheeks delicate and summery, like an milkmaid or a princess.  Wind is probably flowing through my hair.  Maybe I’m sitting in a lush green field making daisy crowns.  Or I quite possibly could be lying in a hammock daydreaming.  Or on the back of a white stallion splashing through the shoreline of the Irish side of the Atlantic.  Perhaps I’m yodeling down a mountain in Austria.  Wait, that’s Maria von Trapp.

Well, whatever the case may be, I’m definitely 20 pounds thinner.

But then someone (i.e., me) knocked the blush off the arm of the couch and it went spiralling to it’s tragic, hideous death.  Blush, disintegrated into a thousand billion pieces.  Not even the rubbing alcohol trick could have put this thing back together.  It simply no longer lived.  And that’s the end of that.

Now that my daydreams have been crushed (literally), I’m going to go sob in a corner somewhere.  I’m trying to get another one, but it comes from Australia and the shipping is almost as much as the item itself.  And no one is selling it on eBay.  So it’s proving to be a struggle.  I’m working on it though, so hopefully I can report back with good news very soon.

Bye friends!

Well, you can’t win ’em all.

Last month was my very first, and highly impressive, Boxycharm box. It replaced my always disappointing Beauty Box 5. But this month’s box was a bit of a let down. Still better than Beauty Box 5, mind you, so I’m not on the brink of giving up or anything. I’m just saying.

I’m rambling. Shut up, Brain.

Anyway, here’s what came in the box:

First things first, that nail polish. It’s two colors from StrangeBeautiful. The pink one is called Bandaid, and if they didn’t nail that one on the head. It’s the color of an actual bandaid. Not the pink of your dreams, lemme just say. Aside from that, it’s nail polish and that makes me bored.

I got two eye products from Bellapierre that I’m also not keen on. First of all, I do not like loose shadows. Yes, the colors are pretty, shimmery and lovely. But I am old and don’t need glitter of any sort on my eyeballs. And the loose factor is such a pain. It already takes half an hour just to put on my eyeshadow every morning. I don’t need to add the mess of a loose powder into the mix. Too much work for me at 6:30 in the morning. Or any time of the day for that matter.

My daughter, on the other hand, is thrilled. She is the lone recipient of my loose powder shimmer shadow trove. Lucky girl to have such a giving mom as me. Now where’s my two-armed hug? That’s right. It’s not a bribe or anything in case you were thinking that.

Okay, it’s a bribe.

Well! I can count the times she’s hugged me with both arms on two arms. Seriously, she gives me buddy hugs. So if slipping her a little loose powder eyeshadow gift every once in a while in order to get proper mama lovin’, well, it’s my lot in life, and I’ve accepted it.

Moving right along.

The other eye product is an eyelid base, which claims to transform shimmer shades into a matte. And I don’t know much about that since I gave all my shimmer shadows away (see above), but it did make a nice eyelid primer. I used it today, and so far, no creasing. And I always crease. My old lady hanging eye skin gets me every time.

So I guess you could say this product wasn’t quite the bust that the others were. But I’m still not beside myself with love, let’s make that clear.

I do not know why this even exists in the world, but ModelCo submitted this party proof cream lipstick in the absolute perfect Barbie pink shade that no one ever in all eternity should ever ever use. I put it on fully aware it would be a mistake. Oh lawd. Delete. In the trash you go.

Last product is a moisturizer from Pur-Lisse. While not opposed, it is a super full sized tube which I will most likely own for 15 years. But it’s value is $55. So safe to say, it’s the best thing in the box. Is that shallow? Probably.

Hopefully next month will be a better box. I’m gonna cross my fingers starting right now. Good night everybody!

Remember not too long ago when I opened my Beauty Box 5 and it was the most disappointed of all the disappointments?  So I prompty canceled, which left a sad little hole in my wallet?  And the only remedy I could muster was to buy another beauty box?

Funny how my brain works.

You are looking at my very first Boxycharm box:

Well.  Safe to say I make some pretty dang good decisions sometimes.  I love this box (well, this month anyway; next month is a crapshoot).  It is lightyears better than all my Beauty Box 5 boxes put together.  That’s a lot of love people, if you’re counting.

However.  It wouldn’t be a proper beauty box without at least one zinger.  Those dang Eyelashi eyelashes from my Lip Factory box are haunting me.  I got them again in this box.  Whyyyyyyyyeeeeee does my life hate me?  Lashes, go away.

To make it all better, Boxycharm sent a bottle of NARS nail polish.  Okay, nail polish.  You know I’m not a huge fan.  BUT.  It’s NARS, and that’s fancy.  And I make my own exceptions to my own rules, which we’ve discussed before.  You should probably keep a notebook on all this.  You know, like a reference guide.  All my ex-boyfriends have one.

There are two Mirabella products – an eyeliner and a lip pencil.  While it’s true I have a billion black eyeliners, I don’t love them all.  So getting yet another black eyeliner isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  I’ve been using this particular one for about a week now, and it does the job just fine.  Not amazing, as it disappears from my waterline rather quickly, but none of my eyeliners pass the waterline test, not even the waterproof ones.

The lip pencil is a very bright corally pink.  Goes on pretty smooth, has a nice smell.  I’ve worn it once, and decided I’d keep it.  Other than that, there really isn’t much else to say about it.  OH! The name of this product is La La Lips Velvet Lip Pencil if that helps entice you a bit.  I’ll admit I was moved a little.  Because seriously, velvvvvvvet.  I challenge you not to produce a mild facial tic when hearing the word velvet.  If your eyes don’t squint, blink or spasm in the slightest, clearly you are a robot.

Last product in the bunch is this darling little blush by Pandora’s Box.  Even though the bright Barbie doll pink shade I got isn’t one I would normally buy for myself, I couldn’t resist the adorable packaging.  Sometimes that is the only reason to buy something.  It’s just the way of the world.  Or the one I live in at least.

So long story short, I’m pleased with my first Boxycharm box.  I’m ready for my next one like yesterday.  Good thing March is here so the influx of new boxes can commence.  I’m ready and waiting.