Monthly Archives: July 2014

Lip Factory | July 2014


Last day of the month in case you didn’t know.

I am nothing if not helpful. And best blogger in all the land.

Here’s my Lip Factory:


Woah, that’s a lot of stuff! And I’m happy with EVERYTHING. This is like having the best day ever combined with winning the Power Ball combined with living inside a Sephora. I don’t even have to explain that further cuz I know y’all is going Gurrrrrl, I know.

First up are these two lip glosses from Beauty Addicts. Got a pink one and a gold one. If I had to pick my least favorite thing in the box, it would be these, simply cuz they’re just your basic lip gloss. Not bad products by any means though. The applicator is a brush which I feel amps up the fancy a notch. Also they are not sticky. My granddaughter has confiscated the gold one because for some reason at the tender age of 3 she has already cultivated a love for makeup. I have no idea how this has happened. Nope, no idea at all.

But I suppose I love these lip glosses more than I love this Ofra lip liner. Although, I did at least get a good color (baby doll pink) instead of the nude/spice/cinnamon shades I’ve been getting recently. The liner went rather well with a couple of lip products I already own, so it won’t go to waste at least. It’s not super showy uppy (shhhh, it’s a word) on my lips though. That’s the only negative thing I have to say about this lip liner. And everything else I have to say is super boring.

Next up is this really awesome lip paint by J. Cat Beauty. The application of this is very similar to the OCC Lip Tar because you need barely a pin drop. I swear, I will own this tube for the rest of my life. And because the retail price is only $4.99, that makes it practically free. I got a really pretty pink color that’s very wearable (i.e., not neon) called Blabberwocky. I’m not sure what a Blabberwocky is, but it’s obviously this color. And this color is fab.

Then there was this lip balm. I am always sort of like okeydokey about lip balm cuz usually it’s pretty boring. But once I tried the Eco Lips Eco Tints, I was like hello, honey. I feel an addiction coming on. If you like a slight peppermint tingle, soft texture, and a pretty luminous tint (mine is Rose Quartz), then you need to put this in your shopping cart. Plus it’s only $4.50 and that’s guilt free shopping, which is always allowed. Granted you probably have to order 15 of them to qualify for free shipping, but that’s beside the point.

Received a pretty summery teal green eyeshadow from Pari Beauty. This is a fairly pigmented shadow and it looks pretty good against my brown eyes. It seems matte to me, but online it says it’s a frost. I’m not sure if that’s a typo or rather I’ve not known what a true frost eyeshadow is my entire life, but the shade Eco-Friendly (#70) has almost no shimmer in it whatsoever. If that’s the definition of frost, so be it. What I do know is that it’s a nice eyeshadow. That’s not up for discussion.

Last two items are from Palladio. First one is the Brow Fix wax pencil. I like the idea of this pencil, although I may need a little training class. I tried though, I tried real hard. See, I ran this pencil through my brows, and I could feel that product was transferred. Okay, so far so good. Then I did a little spoolie brush to shape my brows to perfection. Seems alright. I went about my day thinking I had the most gloriously coifed brows in all the land – until I caught a glimpse in the mirror where my left arch was hanging straight down onto my eye skin. I’m sorry, this was not in your description. Delete delete delete.

Needless to say I’m gonna have to play around with my technique. At this point, nothing keeps my eyebrow hairs under control quite like my Anastasia Brow Gel. But I do love options, so it’d be nice if I can figure this thing out.

Last Palladio item is their Shadow & Liner Crayon in the shade Champagne. The description says it’s a soft gel formula that eliminates the need to tug or pull at the eye. Well, again, unless that’s not completely true, then I need a training class because this did not effortlessly glide across my eyeball. However, the shimmery shade was very pretty and provided a nice base for another shadow I layered on top. And if I heated this up in the microwave first it would probably apply just like butter.

Kids, please do not heat up your eyeshadow crayons in the microwave.

All in all, this box was awesome. Got lots of goodies which all will be used and appreciated. Looking forward to the next box. But then again, I’m in a constant state of that. That is why I subscribe to 11 boxes. We’ve been over this.


Petit Vour | July 2014


The end of the month is looming. And exactly one month from today I turn 40 years old. That’s 4 decades of life if you need help counting. Eek! I’m getting old, you guys. I’m scared.

Here’s my Petit Vour:


I know most beauty boxes say 4-5 products are included, but when you get just the 4, doesn’t it look like something is missing? So yes, this should be a short review. Maybe that’s a good thing since I’m forever in a state of behindedness.

First thing is this loose shimmer eyeshadow from Modern Minerals in the color Lola. Lola is a beautiful peachy coppery color. I mean so beautiful that despite my nap-inducing excitement for loose eyeshadows, I decided to keep this one. I wore it on Sunday and it’s stunning. Like crazy pretty. I applied it wet so it went on metallic but I blended it a little so it wouldn’t be too flashy. Turned out so nice I was like heyyyyy, supermodel. Then I looked around real quick to make sure no one heard me. Unless you’re Vogue, please just look away.

Perhaps the most bizarre thing I’ve gotten in quite awhile (cuz the poo drops that Blush sent several months back wins hands-down for life), is this all natural deodorant from Schmidt’s. Now, the deodorant itself isn’t bizarre necessarily, but it comes in a jar which you have to dig out with your fingers. I don’t want to touch deodorant with my fingers. Touching deodorant is almost as icky as picking macaroni and cheese out of shag carpet, which I did once in a dream and it was super gross.

That was weird. I’m sorry.

However, if you can get past that then you get the double sensory pleasure of rubbing this into your own armpits. And cuz my armpits are prickly about 2 minutes after I shave them, it’s an even greater joy. But despite the ickiness of application, this stuff smelled like limes and kept me from stinking all day. And there’s nothing poisonous in it, which is a bonus if you ask me. I may even consider repurchasing – and cross my fingers they send a tiny spatula.

I got a facial oil from Pelle Beauty and I’m okay with it. It’s a pretty small sample but I’m sure it’ll last me for weeks. I was looking on the website, and noticed there are some very specific instructions for use. You need to make sure your clean skin is VERY DAMP when applying. I don’t know if that helps with absorption or what, but since they said this you better dadgum believe this is EXACTLY what I’ll do. I don’t mess around with directions as I don’t want my face to fall off cuz I applied it wrong. However, it’s unclear if you’re supposed to use a moisturizer afterwards or not. So if you’ve been reading this blog for awhile you already know I’ve sent an email to the company for further explanation. Yes, I’m annoying.

Last product is a big o boo. Not the brand LVX, just the nail polish genre. Plus I don’t need another pale pink polish. Had they sent me a really cool lavender, maybe I would’ve kept it. But since they didn’t, it now lives with my friend in her house. Don’t worry – she will care for like a proper mommy.

Welp, I’m done for the day. Pajama time is getting closer as we speak. Bye!

Glossybox | July 2014


Really trying to squeeze all these reviews in before July 31. I suppose I make it really hard for myself when I subscribe to 11 of them. Do you see the sacrifices I make for my people? DO. YOU. SEE?

I am nothing if not professional.

Here’s my Glossybox:


Pretty good this month! I’ll use everything so that’s a success if you ask me. Let’s begin.

First item is a body cream from Mitchell and Peach. I have never heard of this brand but they are English and by default, adorable. I am not a huge lover of lotion but I do use it daily after bathing. This one has a slightly odd scent of honey and cocoa – not to be confused with CHOCOLATE – so it doesn’t smell as heavenly as you might expect. It may grow on me, though. I mean, it doesn’t stink or anything. It’s not a mushroom lotion, thank God.

Then I got this weird little hair toner from Philip B. I say weird because I’ve never seen a product like this – it restores the pH balance in your hair as well as detangles and controls frizz. Well, that sounds normal and all, but it’s made with apple cider vinegar. Whaaaaaa?!. I know. And then I used it and I was like yep, definitely apple cider vinegar. A little smelly, but kind of in an addictive way. Where the more you smell it the more you sorta like it. Which is good because the vinegar is unmistakeable although the website tries to convince you it smells like botanicals. Bwahahahaha.


Regardless, I like this stuff and I might even repurchase, which says a lot cuz I don’t get moved very often by hair thingies.

There’s just something about the name Malin + Goetz that gets me excited. Maybe it’s the use of the plus-sign in their name. Or maybe I’m just a weirdo. Whatever the case may be, I was happy to see the little mojito lip balm. I used it immediately because I couldn’t contain my curiosity. This stuff is like a thick oil instead of a solid balm. Has a minty feeling to it but smells kind of citrusy. Is that a mojito? I don’t even know. I probably need to drink more alcohol so I can do reviews properly.

Anyway, this stuff is very soothing on the lips and lasts for a suuuuuper long time. I went to bed and it was still there the next morning, albeit a stickier version. This is the only lip balm that’s done that, so maybe it might cure my chronic peeling lip skin? I’m on a mission to find out.

There’s a little baby tube of GlamGlow in here! Got the youth mud tingle version and I’ve used it before. I did like this, although it burned my face off for about 30 seconds. Let’s just say tingle is a horribly inappropriate word. However, afterwards my face was as smooth as a velvet pillow. So half a minute of searing, torturous pain? Totally worth it. It’s also won beauty awards and famous people use it. My two favorite things. In other words = winner.

Last item in the box is the most intriguing. It is an anti aging serum by Skin Inc, and the picture I took does it no justice whatsoever. It’s a clear gel looking solution with floating tiny beads in it. Or to be completely scientific, they’re seaweed capsules. It literally looks like it came from the future, and I can’t wait to use it. It’s a custom blend of two of their serums, and it’s supposed to soothe and hydrate the skin. And if you judge books by their cover like I do, then this stuff would be a New York Times best seller.

Alrighty, that’s all for today. Three boxes to go, two days left. A fail, but only slight.

Boxycharm | July 2014


You wanna be depressed? Here’s my Boxycharm:


Seriously, what is this? All my favorite un-favorites having a reunion? I mean, we got nail polish, a 6th tube of the same dadgum moisturizer, loose eyeshadow … I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but this box is NO. BUENO.

But to be fair, I am reviewing it anyway cuz I know not everyone dislikes the same things I do. Also, I am a professional and that’s how I take care of business.

First two items are from Bellapierre. The lip liner is fine, although I got the cinnamon color which matches all the other cinnamon colored lip liners I’ve been sent recently. I don’t use lip liners that often although I really should. My old lady lips may not be able to survive without it now.

The other item is a loose eyeshadow. I do not use this. Especially cuz I got the bubble gum pink shade. Nothing says I’m twelve! quite like pale pink glitter. Granted, I know some of y’all can pull this off, but not me. I would look like I tried too hard to be cool and failed miserably. I already can’t draw a straight eyeliner line in under 20 minutes (per eye) – I don’t need to make a fool of myself further. Regifted!


This product is someone’s idea of a very not-funny joke. Presenting my billionth tube of Pur-Lisse moisturizer. Boo. Hiss. I’m not even kidding how annoyed I am. I suppose it’s the hazard of subscribing to 11 boxes, but still. Granted, I did use one previous tube of this and there’s nothing wrong with it. I liked it just fine. It was light, absorbed quickly, which is a mandatory thing considering I don’t have time to wait around in the morning. But I lose interest in things pretty quickly after spending over a month on one product. I’ve moved on, Pur-Lisse, why can’t you?

Annnnnnnd then, a salt in the wound sort of situation has now commenced. Nail polish. I’m seriously going back to bed, you guys. How many red polishes can one person own? The answer is ONE and then you are done for the rest of your life. So I have regifted this Lauren B Beauty one to a very deserving friend where it will be free to run and play and be happy forever. I mean, literally forever. Nail polish does not die.

Last product in the box, and THE ONLY THING I actually like is this lipstick from Appeal Cosmetics. I got a nude pink called Mock-Up, and it goes very well with my skin tone. In fact, the website says it goes perfect with every skin tone so that’s good news. I’ve been getting into nude lipsticks lately, but having a struggle finding one that doesn’t wash me out so I’m very happy to have this.

Needless to say, I have done the grown up thing and canceled my Boxycharm subscription. I didn’t want to continue to spend money on a box that more often than not leaves me cranky. I can’t spend $20 just for the excitement of opening up a box. Well, I can but that’s a var var stupid idea.

So I’ve now subscribed to Vegan Cuts and we’re gonna get that a try. Plus it’s $2 cheaper. Saving money. That’s what I’m all about.


Sample Society | July 2014


It’s Friday, everybody!  We are at the end of the work week.  Does this excite you as much as it does me?  Am I the biggest dork in all the land?  Probably.  But if you’re not excited it’s Friday, I am concerned about your mental health.

Here’s my Sample Society in a photo of exceptional quality:


Sample Society has been relaunched with the start of this box.  Other than the color of the actual box, I’m not sure what that means.  Hopefully better products with an even balance of makeup and skincare. However, there was a dadgum perfume sample in there, so it doesn’t bode well.  We shall see.

Let’s go ahead and get the perfume out of the way.  It is Aqua Universalis from Maison Francis Kurkdjian, and the first thing I did was go who, what?  I’ve never heard of him/that, but it’s pricey as shit so it must be luxury.  Wish I cared.  But for those curious, the scent is bergamot and lemon, Lily of the Valley, orange and musky wood.  Smells just like all the other perfumes I’ve gotten in my boxes lately, because I don’t even bother to differentiate them.  Do. Not. Want.


And to make it even better, I got my other un-favorite – a bottle of nail polish.  Serious, whhhhyyyyyeeee does my life hate me?!  It’s Butter London in the shade Champers, which is actually quite pretty, so I suppose I’ll go ahead and keep it, but it barely squeaked by and not without my fair share of pouting.  Has anyone ever actually finished a bottle of nail polish?  I sure haven’t.  I’m pretty sure there are billions of half empty bottles just filling up landfills all willy nilly and polluting the Earth with their noxious fumes.  I’m about 97.96686% certain I’m saving the planet by not liking nail polish.  And that should make me Queen, at the very least.

Okay, now that I’ve finally depressed everyone to tears, how about some good news?  Got this hair mask from Fekkai that I really  like.  It’s their PrX Reparatives mask, and it worked pretty good.  Granted, I still love my Carol’s Daughter the most but I will use and finish the Fekkai one and enjoy the results.  The smell was very clean, and the texture was about medium-thick and creamy.  After I dried my hair, I could tell it looked smoother and less frizzy.  Not every product I try does this, so kudos to Mr. Fekkai.  Probably won’t repurchase though because that’s how devoted I am to Carol’s Daughter.  That had a skosh of lezzie in it, but you know what I mean.

Next up is the L’oreal ColourRiche Extraordinaire lip colour in the shade Coral Encore.  This is a very pretty color and super shiny.  The card in the box says this is supposed to smell like cotton candy, but mine didn’t.  In fact, it didn’t smell like any kind of candy.  So either someone’s idea of cotton candy is drastically skewed, or my lipstick is broken.  Either way, though, I do like this product.  It is kind of sticky; it collects at the inner edge of my lips in a not-so-attactive kind of way.  But it’s not so horrid as to keep me from using it.  The applicator on this thing is ultra bendy, like it’s on its last leg or something.  However, it’s soft and not bothersome or anything.  I’ll keep it.

Last product is the grand finale:  Laura Mercier Matte Baked Highlighter.  I love Laura Mercier’s products.  I could’ve hated everything else in this box, but the inclusive of Laura-Mercier-anything would have saved its life.  I have really been enjoying this highlighter.  But it is NOT matte.  I don’t even know why they called it that.   No, it’s not overly shimmery; yes, it looks very natural and fresh on the skin; but no, it is not matte by any definition of the word.  So that is a little misleading.  Regardless, though, I love it and will use it til I hit pan in about 15 years.  I don’t use highlighter that often.  That’s my own problem.

Aaack.  We’re at the end.  Time to get into pajamas and enjoy the weekend.  I have a couple of boxes waiting for me when I get home as well, which means I now have a total of 5 boxes left to review this month.  Annnnnd, it’s July 25.  I’m a really good blogger with horrible time management issues.

But adorable.  So all is forgiven.  Weeeee!

Ipsy | July 2014


I am reading a book right now about a broken vagina.

Just wanted to tell you that.  Here’s my Ipsy:


You know, I’m kind of looking forward to the fall boxes.  Because I don’t think I can take another sunscreen/suntan lotion.  Do these people not know me?  I don’t go outside unless someone pushes me.  And I mean literally pushes me, like out the door and then locks it.  Otherwise, I’m the girl sitting on the couch in pajamas watching Orange is the New Black.

So that is why this Hang Ten tanning oil is immediately regifted.  What is the point of SPF 8 anyway?  Might as well be melted butter.  At least for my skin anyway.  I’m super pale. From like the knees down, it’s beyond ridiculous.  My dad had the same problem.  Looked decent up top, but put on a pair of shorts and Erlack!  Everyone’s blind.

Another product that is probably useful, but not for the intention labeled on the tube is this Lavilin Jojoba Gel Cream.  You apply this cooling cream after strenuous activity.  I stared at it for a second, and then laughed and laughed and laughed.  Unless walking from my cubicle to the copy machine is considered strenuous activity, it’s a high possibility I will never use this cream.  Except I’ve decided I’ll use it after bathing as a moisturizer.  Certainly my skin won’t fall off if I use as un-directed?

At this point, I’m getting very very sleepy. Looked at this little bottle of lip and cheek stain by Elizabeth Mott (called Tints & Sass complete with what I imagine to be Jazz Hands!), and immediately crawled into bed. I dunno, y’all. I already have a Benefit and TheBalm one that both do the exact same thing as this and I never ever use them. The stain is very bright fuchsia on my lips, and it’s annoying as hell to put liquid blush on my cheeks. But in fairness, I gave it one shot this weekend to wow me, instantly went nope, delete and tossed this thing in my regift pile. Neeeeeext.

Bare Minerals has came out with these new little cream eyeshadows, which as you know I don’t enjoy hardly at all. However, I love Bare Minerals so wanted to keep an open mind in case it turned my life around or something. I’m not sure what color I got because I couldn’t find it labeled anywhere, but it was like a medium taupe. I applied it on my old lady eyes, and because it was matte, it didn’t make me look ridiculous. Then I put a satin taupe eyeshadow on top, and it really made the color stand out. I liked it a lot, more than any other cream eyeshadow I’ve ever tried. Now I’m not gonna go nutso and buy a whole bunch of em, but I’m considering getting a skin tone one at the very least. I wouldn’t be surprised if something like that exact scenario happened this weekend. Nope. Wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Last product in the box is the lifesaver of a mediocre haul. Everyone in the world owns a tube of the Benefit They’re Real mascara. Even I owned this about 2 years ago when I wandered into Ulta and asked for the best mascara to help my itty bitty lashes. But I recall not caring for the mascara at all. Didn’t feel like it did much for me, or at least not as far as my expectations went. And removing it was a nightmare. However, that was before I really started to get into makeup, and Ulta was just another store in the mall. Might as well have been a Foot Locker for as much excitement it evoked in me. Plus, I didn’t know how to apply mascara in a way that made any sense.

Fast forward to now and all the things I’ve learned. I spent a minimum of 10 minutes carefully and meticulously sweeping, wiggling from root to tip, and blinking my lashes over the mascara wand. This is my new tried-and-true method; it works miracles on me. And man, was it glorious. They’re Real truly is a great mascara and does exactly as it says – now since I can apply it properly. And removing it didn’t seem as difficult as it had before. Granted, two years ago I never washed off my makeup so the mascara probably cured itself to my lashes. Well. Live and learn.

Headed to bed to read more of my book. If you’re curious, it’s called The Camera My Mother Gave Me by Susanna Kaysen and it’s a true story about a broken vagina. No. That’s not a typo.

Night night!

New Beauty Test Tube | July 2014


Oh my gawd, it’s Friday. I’ve waited for this day since this past Sunday. I really love my weekends. Like if I could go from Sunday straight to Friday, that would be my ideal week situation.

Here’s my New Beauty Test Tube:


I always enjoy getting this box. Everything in it is always a surprise, and there’s lots of stuff. It’s not always all great stuff, but I love surprises nonetheless.

First thing I got was a leave-in conditioner from BioSilk. It’s for color treated hair, which I don’t have. I know I can still use it because it won’t make my hair revolt in a falling-out sort of way, but I’m gonna regift it to my mom who does indeed have color treated hair and would appreciate it more than me. Although I did use it and I liked how soft it made my hair feel. But I am nothing if not unselfish. I may not have a Bachelor’s Degree like my little sister, but I have free beauty products and that’s pretty much the same thing.

Oh look, my favorite. It’s a one-time use packet. Luckily the product, GrandeFace Lift, is an instant gratification anti-aging fluid that erases fine lines, wrinkles and pores within two minutes. Does that scare anybody else? I know I’m all about instant results, but how does it manage all that so quickly? I haven’t decided if I want to use it or pass it along to my mother who is not afraid of anything. I mean, she runs half marathons without peeing her pants, certainly she can handle a little voodoo upon her face.

Got a teeny tiny jar of Ole Henriksen eye gel. I’m very excited to use this because just looking at it makes me happy. It’s a blue gel that reminds me of that aloe vera stuff you put on after your sunburn, and that stuff feels ahhhmazing. So I have high hopes this eye gel feels much the same. And I’m not very interested in being disappointed. Thanks.

I’m not a huge fan of CC cream because it doesn’t offer enough coverage for my splotchy skin. But this Lumene one is very very good. I wore it all last weekend, and my face looked so smooth and the tone so even, I could’ve been a different person. It’s done exactly what a CC cream (color correcting) is supposed to do. I love it when products do that. Also, it’s cheap. Like $15. I love that too.

Received an eye base/primer thing from Laura Geller. They sent me the color Mauve Majesty and it couldn’t be more perfect. I have been trying (and failing) to apply light pink eyeshadow to my lids, but the color never stays. About 2 hours after applying, it looks like I forgot to put on eyeshadow. And once you’re at work, there ain’t nothing you can do about it except go home sick.

This stuff puts a very subtle mauve color on the lid, and it really helped in keeping whatever eyeshadow I put on top as colorful as possible. So I’ve decided that even though I’m not a fan of cream eyeshadows, I will keep this one cuz it serves an actual purpose for me. Hoorah!

If I ever decide it’s time to drink my coffee out of a straw, I will use this Smileactives teeth whitening pen. I will admit my teeth are not as white as I’d like. So it’s probably a good idea just to get on with it and use this whitening pen as directed for up to 4 times a day. I suppose drinking coffee out of a straw is a small price to pay for a dazzling smile. I’ve gotta do some more research cuz the instructions on the website doesn’t say a word about whether you brush your teeth first.

And then I opened the box and there was whitening gel everywhere, so nevermind. Coffee for everyone!

Got another cleanser to add to my long line of cleansers standing along my bathtub. This one is the Algenist Gentle Rejuvenating Cleanser. I’m so excited to get this cuz I have wanted to try something by Algenist for awhile. Was gonna buy a facial mask for $59, but this sample tube of cleanser will do for now. Don’t ever let my husband tell you I’m not saving money, cuz as you can see by this example that is simply NOT. TRUE.

I haven’t used this yet so obviously I can’t tell you anything further about it. I’m the best product reviewer ever.

Don’t judge.

Last item in the box is a drugstore shampoo and conditioner by Dove. Granted, it’s part of their advanced series but they sell it at Walmart which impresses me about zero percent. However, it’s still something usable so I don’t hate the fact I got it. I’m just not moved beyond words or anything. In fact, I’m so not moved beyond words, I’ve officially bored myself just talking about it. Would it kill someone to send me some Carol’s Daughter shampoo? I mean, come on. If I wanted Dove shampoo, I’d buy it myself. I mean, my husband would buy it for me, but that’s pretty much the same thing.

Okay, lovelies. We are done for the day. Thanks for stopping by. Please come back for more fun stuff. Bye!