I’ll just have you know the fact I took my friend makeup shopping last night and she bought everything I told her to and spent multiples of $100 is completely not my fault.

The fact I am an amazing beauty advisor, however, is 100% all mine. I’m sure someone needs to be paying me for this.

Here’s my Birchbox:

How do I get off this Harvey Prince perfume train? This is the 3rd scent I’ve gotten, and I’m so over it right now I’m practically in pajamas with covers up to chin and sleeping mask activated. Good night, Harvey Prince. I’m taking a nap now.

For those curious, the scent is Imperial Gardenia and it smells nice. Like gardenias, so that makes sense. I would wear this if I wore perfume. But I don’t, so I won’t. Regifted! Moving on.

And for more nap time pleasure, here is a Naobay body lotion. I am so bored right now I can barely type.

Must …

persevere …

This smells like lemons. Goes on light and absorbs quickly. But it isn’t anything special in terms of being different from the trillion other lotions in existence. It is 98% natural and protects against the environment if that means anything to you. It claims to firm skin tissue as well, but I’m sure that involves psychological brain trickery at the very least.

And since we’re on such a roll, let’s do one more product that makes my face go like this: -__-

It’s the Number 4 Super Comb Prep & Protect leave-in conditioner. While this isn’t the worst thing to receive it certainly doesn’t make me giddy and/or a slobbering idiot. I used it, and will finish it, and it acts just like you’d expect it to. But the full size is a ridiculous $32 and I’m like you made of gold or something? No, you ain’t special. Certainly not $32 worth of special.

I feel like I’m being extra rude today. Let me throw out a disclaimer by saying these are my opinions only. The products themselves are not big o boos. They will solve an issue, be it dry skin, tangled hair, or the desire to smell like a bouquet of lovely flowers. But my excitement meter for these things are verging on a negative number. That’s all. No wet noodles please.

Let’s end on a high note, shall we? I am so happy I got the Real Chemistry Luminous 3-Minute Peel. I’ve been loving my Peter Thomas Roth Peeling Gel, and this product is similar. There’s just something oddly satisfying about your dead skin balling up and falling into the sink. Plus, it’s so easy to use. You just apply and rub in circular motions until all the product has worn away. Then rinse. You aren’t left with tiny micro beads that you’ll find stuck to your face for the next 3 days. It’s the best kind of exfoliation. And this will get your skin the softest it’s ever felt. I challenge you not to agree. And if you don’t, then you’re wrong. Simple as that.

Last item is a pretty little lip stain by Cynthia Rowley. Birchbox had actually emailed me a few weeks ago to ask which shade I wanted. I thought that was a nice touch, and hopefully they will continue to do this. I chose a pink nude called Sugar and it is the perfect color for me. And these lip stains are not drying at all. They went on wet and after an hour I was still able to feel the creaminess of the product on my lips. The staining power, however, wasn’t miraculous or anything. Although I switch up my lip color so much during the day, I’m not even mad about it. But just FYI for those that care. Also it’s a Birchbox exclusive.

That’s all I got, boo boos. I have lots more to say for another day. Get excited.