Feb15

Sample Society | February 2014

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I’m starting to think my blog is quickly morphing into a beauty box review site. Cuz we’re back at it again with yet another box, and we ain’t even halfway done. Someone needs to give me a utility bill to pay or something, cuz otherwise I’m about 2.5 seconds away from finding another box to subscribe to.

Don’t tell my husband I just said that. Cuz he’ll no doubt find me a utility bill.

Received my Sample Society box the other day and lookie what I got:

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I’m kinda likin’ the box this month. Despite the fact I got three hair dealies, that is. I don’t prefer hair stuff, because there’s just so much stuff I won’t ever use. Like hairspray, root lifter or sea salt spray. I basically wash, dry, flatiron, the end. I spend so much time on makeup in the morning, I can’t deal with a whole hair ritual too.

I’m incredibly lazy. Did I mention that?

However, I’m alright with the Bamboo products they sent. Got two of them: volume spray and a strand thickener. Both of these products are used prior to blow drying, and apparently will give me oodles of poufy hair. Haven’t tested this theory, but I promise I’ll let you know.

The other hair product is a mask from Phyto. I can’t wait to try this. It claims to repair dry, damaged, weakened hair which is exactly what I need. My hair is so hideous when in its natural state. Hoping by using this product I will somehow be able to air dry without risking my prim and proper reputation. Cuz otherwise, I tend to lean towards mental patient escapee hair. Or maybe light socket exploring hair.

Next (non-hair) product is the mineral body lotion from Ahava. I got the pineapple peach one. Smells pretty nice, but not overwhelmingly so, which is a bit of a bummer cuz if you’re gonna smell like tropical fruit, you better bygod commit to it.

All my body lotions smells like tropical fruits, just so you know.

The consistency of this one is a little watery, but it absorbs pretty good so I guess its wateryness is a non issue. Not even sure why I brought it up then. I’d press backspace on that and delete it altogether but I’m really sleepy right now and can’t be bothered.

Moving on.

Last item is this serum from Murad. Do you see on the box where it says it reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles in two hours? Well, I instantly became interested in that little tidbit. Then upon further inspection, I discovered that it won a Good Housekeeping award. And that it cost $78 for a 1-ounce bottle.

In other words, I may not have noticed if my wrinkles went away after two hours, but it’s an award winner and expensive and therefore all claims are immediately justified.

I’m an asshole.

Im sorry. I’m easily persuaded. What else can I say for myself? I just wanna believe so bad that there is a miracle product out there that will undeniably replace my old face for a new one in a mere two hours. Can I please just have my daydreams?

One thing I can say about it that I know is 100% true is that the texture is quite lovely. My face is very soft right now. Just did a wrinkle check however, and sad to report that they are still there. Ah well. Can’t have everything.

That’s it people. You’re free to go.

Feb14

Beauty Box 5 | February 2014

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I’ve gone and done it. It’s practically a Christmas miracle because usually I just tolerate things that make me unhappy. But I’ve finally cut the ties after five months.

I canceled Beauty Box 5.

Whaaaatttttt?! I know. I know. But it had to be done. Let me show you why:

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So there’s a pack of LA Fresh antibacterial wipes in there. And while I’m not opposed to hand sanitizer type thingies, I’m not too enthused about them either. It’s like getting socks for your birthday – you’ll use them but that’s about as far as the excitement goes.

AND THEN! Shampoo and conditioner in a packet. Boooo. This is never gonna happen. It may be John Frieda, and it may be the most luxurious shampoo and conditioner that ever existed of all time. But I wouldn’t know anything about that because their sample came in packet form, and we all know how I feel about those circumstances.

Long story short, I gave this away to my friend at work. A good home, don’t worry.

If you’ve been reading my blog for awhile, you might already know I’m not much of a nail polish person. In fact, it takes a lot of something special in order to keep me from taking a nap right in front of your boring bottles of nail polish. Sorry, it just does. So if you ever hear me raving about a certain polish, you better listen up. It’s a rare bird.

Now, pulling out two cutesy bottles of polish from Rockstar Nails – one a pale pink and the other full of little decorative sprinkles – was, simply put, non-eventful. Despite the precious little bow on the applicator, I was completely not interested. I will never take the time to sprinkle beads on my nails. I barely have enough energy to paint them at all, and even then I have trouble sitting still long enough to let them dry without screwing at least one nail all into oblivion.

Nothing says “got a lot of shit to do” like ten freshly painted fingernails. Happens every dadgum time.

Anyway, gave this away as well.

Last product is actually a really good one. It’s a tube of It’s So Big mascara by Elizabeth Mott. A great mascara for my lashes. Makes them long and fanned out and really nice looking. But since I already own this (got it from Ipsy back in September) I was a little bummed. I don’t enjoy duplicates only because part of the joy of beauty boxes is trying new and different things.

Yes, I gave this away too. I was so over the box, I didn’t even care anymore.

I hate to sound like a whiny brat. The box is $12. What do I expect? A curated masterpiece of luxury goods?

Yes.

I’m sorry! Ipsy is $10 and most of their stuff is great, plus you get a free makeup bag to boot. So it can be done. I can be pleased. Sadly, Beauty Box 5 just doesn’t do it for me. No wet noodles, please. Let’s just agree to disagree, mmmkay?

Canceling hurt a little bit. It felt like I was shoving mail back in the postlady’s face. I love my mail; I would never wanna do that. So I reacted in the only way I possibly could.

I subscribed to Boxycharm. Hooray!

Feb12

Birchbox | February 2014

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Guess what time it is?

I’m sorry, it’s just a box review. So whatever that thing is that you thought of that is way more exciting than what this thing is … I’m sorry.

But not sorry. It’s my damn blog.

Anywho.

Birchbox was first this month, which was odd. Normally it’s about 4th. I don’t know why I keep track of these things. I’m weird, I know it. Moving on.

Here’s the goods:

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First, the no likeys. You know how you get 5 products? Well two of those products done got used up on a shampoo and conditioner duo. Which should have been counted as one item. Because you can’t really have one without the other. I mean, honestly people! I swear, I could run my own business with logic like that.

Yes, I’m being a whiny, complaining baby. It’s a $10 box. Shut up, Brain.

The shampoo/conditioner culprit is a Toni & Guy damaged hair one. I used it tonight. What can you say about it after one use? Not much. Seemed alright. But the sample came in a bottle with no pump or squeeze top so getting the thick liquid out of it takes a bit of effort. And how do we feel about effort in the bathtub? That’s right. FAIL.

So I told Birchbox to stop sending me tea packets. Well, I didn’t get tea packets, but I got something almost as bad. Two packets of 32 Oral Care breath crystals. Whyyyyyeeeeee? I want beauty products, not a pouch of pop rocks. Hmmmphf.

Again, the box is $10. I’m really trying to behave.

Next up. A boring ole spritzer of perfume. I wish I was a perfume person. I’m just not. Even on my best night do I not wear perfume. It’s just not something I think of. I do own actual bottles, however. Okay, two bottles. Elizabeth Arden’s Green Tea, which I’ve proudly displayed in the back of my hall closet for nine years. And a honeysuckle smelling one from Victoria’s Secret that has this cute little hot pink squeeze bulb on it, which makes for adorable decoration on my sink next to the toothbrush cup.

So yes, not a fan of perfume. Imagine my surprise and sheer joy when I saw a tiny sample of Joan Vass L’eau de Cristal in my box. My face looked like someone was telling me a super long story about that time when they did that thing, and I promptly took a nap.

In the perfume’s defense, it did not smell bad. But that’s all I have to say about that.

Last item, and perhaps the saving grace of the whole deal, was this tube of mascara from 100% Pure. It’s made out of fruit so it smells like a medley of berries. But then I also used it the other day, and it lengthens my lashes pretty good as well. So I’m happy.

About time, right? Cuz this post has been one long rant of bummer.

On to the next box! Keep ’em coming.

Feb10

Sigma Makeup Brushes

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Back a few months ago, I sucked at putting on eyeshadow. I mean, I did enough to get by but it was never anything spectacular. Honestly, it was basically a two-color affair. Lid. Highlight. Done. How exciting can that get? Not much, believe me.

Then I started watching tutorials on You Tube, and I got a little cocky.

I made a mistake. I admit. In my defense, those gurus made it look so simple. Add a little shadow in your crease. No big deal! Define your outer V. Easy peasy! Highlight your inner corner. Piece of cake!

I drag out my arsenal of makeup brushes, or rather the single solitary sad lonely one that didn’t even have a brand name on it. It could’ve been a preschooler’s plastic watercolor brush for all I knew, and not even a Crayola one.

My attempts to duplicate the gurus’ techniques was a sad state of affairs to say the least. I couldn’t create a smoky eye to save my life. On the upside, I made a perfect prostitutey eye. So there’s that.

I kept at it, however. Practiced some more. Got a little bit better. Not amazing, mind you, but verging on something in the less-hooker-like category. An improvement, yes.

But it wasn’t enough. I wanted those other eyes. The art pieces. It became my mission.

Enter the Sigma brushes.

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There’s something to be said about nice brushes. They truly do make such a difference. See that first brush, the E30 Pencil brush? Does amazing inner corner work. Also stunning bottom lash lining. And a detailed outer V? Absolutely.

The next three brushes, the E25, E35 and E45 are amazing blending brushes. My crease has never (seriously, never) looked so good.

The E56 Lid Shader is awesome at detailed work. I use it for the outer third of my lid or for precise perfecting of my crease.

And that E05 Eyeliner brush makes gel eyeliner less scary.

Best thing about the whole deal?They’re only $12 each. Yes! Quality brushes at a great price. All my trusty gurus use them. And they have helped out my eyeshadow application by about a billion percent. What’s not to love?

Nothing. There is nothing not to love. Buy these immediately.

The first time, and I mean the very first time I used these brushes, I created something I wasn’t ashamed of. I made art! Granted, it was elementary school art, but more like 5th grade, not 1st grade. Although it still took about 15 hours to get it just right. Well, OCD sucks sometimes. But my point!

My point is that I did it. And that’s a very very good thing.

Feb7

Benefit POREfessional

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I know y’all know what this is.  It’s only been talked about ten billion times by beauty gurus, magazines, experts and nobodies like me.  It’s a product that’s destined for cult classic status, if it’s not officially already there.  It’s a must have, a bestseller, probably an award-winner (or should be).

But for those who hang out under rocks, this is what I’m talking about:

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Benefit’s POREfessional.  Otherwise known as Miracle in a Tube.  First of all, I’ve never bought a full size of this; I’m working on my second sample tube as we speak.  But once that’s gone, I am no doubt, 100% certain I am repurchasing.  How can I not?  It creates a magic-like situation upon my face, and without it I would be a facsimile of a sham of a person with a face.

Let me explain.

I have pores.  Massive, crater-y, sinkhole-y pores.  It is hideous.  I never really noticed them before, back when I hardly used makeup, and could barely manage a half-hearted swipe of powder that was probably 2 shades too light for me anyway.  But now that I stare at my face for at least an hour and 20 minutes every morning (don’t judge; it takes 30 minutes just to do eyeshadow), I’ve been noticing some unseemly incidents and I no likee.  Face skin like the texture of an orange rind.  That’s not even an exaggeration.  Sound lovely?  It is not.

So what does one do to rectify this situation?  Buy all the pore-shrinking, minimizing, blurring, filling, and/or scraping off products in existence.  Then have at it.  Turns out, not much helps.  Not in an instant gratification kind of way, which is the only way I like to do things.  Serious, if you can’t make me beautiful and perfect RIGHT THIS SECOND then I have no use for you.

Received a small tube of the POREfessional in one of the many sample kits I purchased at Ulta.  I’ve been told people apply it as a primer, so that was honestly my intention first time I used it.  The color was nude and quickly disappeared into my skin.  The texture was very silicone-y, like powder or velvet or something equally luxurious and soft.  But the pore-filling power was … eh.  I didn’t think it did much other than maybe some psychological brain trickery.  Sometimes I feel I want a product to work so badly that I almost convince myself it does.  The POREfessional was one of those products.

I stopped using it briefly and kept up my search for that Holy Grail.  Nothing seemed to help.  I was greeted every morning by my gaping pores, who I swear were laughing all the way to the bank.  My face, in return, looked like this:

-_-

Are you feeling sorry for me yet?

About a month ago, I was watching a You Tube video (as I am wont to do), and one of my gurus told me the secret to the POREfessional is to tap the product on your skin instead of smoothing it on like lotion.  Tapping it on will fill in the holes, as smoothing it on merely smears it around haphazardly.  And I do not have time for haphazard when I have a pore emergency, trust me.  So I thought I’d give the POREfessional one more try.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap … and lo and behold.  The clouds parted, the sun came out, and angels began to sing.  It worked.  I present to you, before and after:

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Photo taken no more than 15 seconds apart, no filter, same lighting.  See?  Flat-out miracle.  That’s all I can say about that.

The whole point of my post is to teach  you what I’ve learned.  If you’ve been  having not so much success with the efficacy of the POREfessional, try the tapping thing.  It made a world of difference.  Granted, my pores do not disappear completely, but they are much less pronounced and manageable.  I can handle that.

Who’s laughing now?

Feb4

Glossybox | January 2014

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Remember that time when I told you I subscribed to nine beauty boxes?  Yeah, completely not true.  I subscribe to ten.  TEN.  Is that really necessary, you ask?

Yes.  The answer to that question is always yes.

This is the final box, though.  All ready to review for you just in time for the influx of February boxes that will start arriving next week.  The fun never ends, people.  Don’t worry.

Here’s what I got in my Glossybox this month:

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Purty stuff!  There’s only one thing in there that I’m not too sure about; everything else I will use.  I think that’s a pretty successful box if you ask me.  Glossybox is a nice one.  So sign up immediately.

First things first, the most awesome of all things awesome: the beautyblender.  This is not a dupe, this is the real thing.  And it’s fantastic.  Have you ever used one?  I’ve always wanted one, so several months ago I got an Ulta dupe.  Wasn’t very impressed so I stopped using it.  When I heard we were getting a beautyblender in our Glossybox, I was excited to finally get to try the tried and true.  Sooooo worth buying the original.  My foundation has never looked so flawless and beautiful.  I bounce this thing all over my face … tap tap tap tap tap … and voila! I love magic, don’t you?

Plus, they sent a bonus item – the beautyblender cleaner.  Not sure if this is a necessity or not, cuz regular brush cleaner might work just as well.  However, I’ll take it, please and thank you.  Anytime an item says “bonus” on it, I want it.  Can never be anything but good.

And then I got a little bottle of Balance Me super toning body wash.  The claim on this one is to improve your skin tone.  I don’t really have tone issues on my body, so I may  never know if this really works.  But the smell is decent, and I’ll use it simply because it’s body wash.  The only bummer is that it’s not a pump or a squeeze tube so it’s annoying to get out of the bottle.  And who has time to be annoyed while trying to relax in the bathtub?  Not me.  I have time for lazy, and that’s just about it.  If I get around to shaving my legs, it’s a dadgum miracle.

Next up is a mineral blush from Bellapierre.  I can’t remember what color I got but it only comes in 4 shades.  I haven’t used a mineral blush since 2006 or something so I forgot how much I liked it.  The color was very pretty on my cheeks, made me look as if I’d been sitting in a field full of wildflowers all day with nothing more to do but be innocent and pure.  Just a lovely flush.  I’m excited I got this.  I thought for a second I got another mineral eyeshadow, of which I DO NOT love, so had an episode of bummerocity for about 2.5 seconds.  Glad to see that was all for naught.

Got yet another moisturizer to add to the stack.  This time it’s from Vichy, an Aqualia Thermal Rich cream.  Sounds so fancy, and it should be since it’s made in France or somewhere else super exciting.  And if this matters to you, it won a Good Housekeeping award.  Apparently that’s quite prestigious, so if it doesn’t matter, it should.  I love award winners.  I instantly want it if it’s sitting on a shelf with an award winner sticker on it.  It’s a sad state of affairs sometimes.  There’s a lot of award winners out there, and only two paychecks per month.  So I appreciate Glossybox for sending this to me, saving me the trouble of having to buy it myself.

Last product is the one I’m not sure about.  It’s the Toni & Guy sea salt spray.  Now, I’m sure this is a great product for certain people.  Imagine simply spraying this in your hair, scrunching it around a little, and suddenly you look as if you’ve been frolicking on the beach all day, carefree and stress-free.  I, on the other hand, have difficulty achieving anything remotely looking like beach hair.  In fact, if I was leaning more towards something akin to severe case of bedhead, then I would look perfect.  I’m going to have to play with this a little.  Maybe on the weekend, see if I can create something relatively presentable and effortless.  We’ll see.

Alright y’all, that’s it for January.  Next round of boxes should be filtering in starting next week sometime.  Get excited!

Feb3

Empties | January 2014

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I may hoard makeup like I’m preparing for an apocalypse but here is proof that I actually use, and finish, things I buy.

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This is my collection of empties I’ve stored away during the entire month of January. Yes, I kept my trash under the sink in my bathroom all in the name of science. I’m nothing if not dedicated, people.

First, some hair stuff:

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I got the Ouidad Curl Recovery cleansing oil in one of my beauty boxes back in December. And while I don’t have curly hair, and all my poking around on the internet suggested it was quite popular for African-American hair, I used it anyway.

No, just no. This product was not for me. Granted, it cleaned my hair just fine. But my second day hair was way oilier than normal. Even dry shampoo couldn’t help it much. I did a little experiment to make sure it was the Ouidad that was causing the excess oil (by washing my hair with regular shampoo the next time – quite scientific, I know) and it was most definitely the Ouidad. So I stopped using it about halfway through the bottle. It hurt, but it had to be done.

Next are the Paul Mitchell shampoo and conditioner samples in the Strength formula. I had been using some mediocre product that I felt wasn’t really doing anything special to my hair – but I bought it so was trying to use it anyway, as I am apt to do. Then husband and I went on a quick weekend trip, and the hotel had Paul Mitchell amenities. Ooh la la! Just kidding, it was just a Courtyard Marriott. Anyway.

I felt that my hair did so good that weekend. Like way better than it had for quite some time. So next thing you know, I’m in Ulta buying this stuff. They have several formulas, but I picked the Strength one because I shed so much hair it’s ridiculous. Serious, I could make a new head of hair just by collecting my fall out hair for about a week.

Okay, here’s some body stuff:

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I’ll admit I was feeling a little too big for my britches when I decided to spend $22 on shaving cream. But I just wanted something fancy, you know how it goes. After researching terms like luxury, high-end, and vintage, I finally found the Shaveworks Pearl Soufflé. Doesn’t the name just make you want to rub it all over your body? I mean, pearl soufflé. But maybe that’s just me.

I found a trial size on Amazon so I didn’t end up paying as much, and I was never so excited to shave my legs. However, now all I can really say about it is that it’s a beautiful pearl color. Other than that, it wasn’t anything special. The smell was icky. So I won’t buy this again. Besides, I found something better which I will tell you about one day.

This blog is entertaining AND suspenseful!

The other thing is a body lotion by Body Drench. Not much to report here other than the awesome mango smell. I’d repurchase if I cared that much about body lotion. I don’t. I get sucked in by smells and smells alone. Whatever lotioning benefits it might impart gets lost on me.

Here’s some face cleaning stuff:

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That little bottle of The Aloe Source Jojoba Cleansing Polish is awesome. It was delicate, had a lovely smell and made my skin feel super smooth. I will actually buy this again one day. Cuz whatever jojoba is, I’m in love.

On my very first real trip to Ulta, I picked up those Philosophy facial wipes cuz they were on sale. So these hold a special place in my heart, a sweet reminder of how innocent and naive I used to be, how I knew so little about makeup or skin care, and how far I’ve come since that day. Other than that, though, they are just an overpriced facial wipe. They work, but aren’t amazing, and quite frankly, I get better results from my $3 package of e.l.f. wipes.

See that little tiny tube of Brad Ultra Peel? Yeah, celebrities punch each other in the throat over that. It’s also $175 in its regular size. In other words, I felt super duper fancy for using this but I will never own it ever again in my lifetime. It is an at-home chemical peel kind of thingy. Only really liked it cuz famous people use it. I’m a really sad person.

Next thing is a tube of microdermabrasion from Dr. Brandt. I liked it okay. It had very fine scrubber bits in it so it didn’t irritate my skin like you would expect something that feels like sandpaper to do. I approve.

Last one is a super boring face wash from NeoStrata. It cleaned my face, yes. Left my face feeling very soft, yes. But it did not smell that great. And I accidentally got it in my mouth and discovered it doesn’t taste that great either. I forced myself to finish it.

Here’s some body wash stuff:

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If you like the smell of roses, you will love the Anatomicals You Need a Blooming Shower. I do not. I used it cuz technically I paid for it (via beauty box) but I would never purposefully buy this.

And the H2O+ body wash wasn’t that great either. It smells of sea lotus, whatever that is. I dunno. I just prefer fruity scents I guess.

Then there’s this ginormous tube of body cleanser from Lisa Hoffman Beauty in the Madagascar Orchid scent. It smelled better than the rose one and the sea lotus one, but is was still floral so I was sort of blasé about it. However, it doubled as a bath soak and that was quite pleasant. Still wouldn’t buy it, but I’d recommend it to others.

Lord, are we done?!

No. Here’s some moisturizers:

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I absolutely loved that REN day cream. I can only pinpoint this to a texture issue, as the smell wasn’t the best. Didn’t stink, but didn’t smell like fruit either. But putting this on your face was a dream. At first it was like any basic moisturizer, then it finished with this amazing velvetyness. Not sure if that’s on purpose or how it reacted to my skin only, all I know is I have another sample of this in my stash and I’m so excite.

That little bottle with no label is a facial lotion from Be Natural Organics, I promise you. Got it in my December beauty box from Petit Vour. The label is missing because I had only been using it for maybe a week and then the dispenser stopped working. So I peeled off the label to investigate. Turns out the dispenser was just fine; the bottle was flippin empty already. Gah! I was really enjoying it, too. Ripped away from me before I was ready. That rarely happens. A lot of times I just wanna finish a sample so I can move on to the next sample. So if that tells you anything about how much I loved it, then you’re pretty smart and you can continue to read my blog. Congrats!

One product I was wondering if it would ever end is the Naobay oxygenating cream. I’m not sure what oxygenating cream is, but it sounds like you’d want it. And it’s not a bad product, but to me it was just a regular ole moisturizer that did its regular ole moisturizing thing, and that was it. No fanfare here. I was glad to finish it so I could try something new.

Last but not least (we’ve reached the end people; rejoice!) is some makeup stuff:

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That Be a Bombshell eyeliner marker was dumb. At first I’m thinking, heyyyyy nice! But either there’s not much product inside or else it somehow miraculously dried up with the cap stored on it tightly at all times, but it’s dead to the world now. I tried to eke out as much as I could, but it was like rubbing a dry eraser across my eyelid. No likey. So I’ve given up and moved on.

Lemme tell you how much I love the Benefit That Gal primer. Do you have a few days? No? Okay, short and sweet:

Smells like strawberries. Lovely texture and creaminess. Brightens my dull, boring face. Makes me beautiful. Buy it.

The end.

I was so curious about the Clarins Beauty Flash Balm, I could barely stand myself. I almost considered buying the $45 tube sight unseen because Allure magazine gave it an award. I even emailed Clarins and asked if I could get a free sample (they said no). So I turned to my only other option left to me: eBay. Found a two pack trial size for $8; felt like I’d won the Powerball.

Well that feeling was definitely the most exciting thing about this product. I didn’t notice anything particularly different about my face after using this. I didn’t look extra radiant, glowing, happy, thin … nothing. Maybe I’m too critical of myself and can’t see pretty when it’s quite clearly staring me in my face. I dunno. But what I can say is this: I saved $45, and I’m no longer curious. Win.

Last thing in the batch is this tiny tube of Miracle Skin Transformer Face. It is lovely. Perhaps the best BB cream type of thingy I’ve ever tried. It has this powdery finish, and it truly did smooth out my complexion. And it lasted me such a long time because just the littlest bit of product smeared out so far on your face. Go buy this. Ya know, if you have an extra $48 lying around.

If you have made it down to the very bottom of this ridiculously long post well then you deserve a reward of some kind. Either that or you have had nothing better to do for the past 15 hours. Whichever the case, I thank you. Hope you’ve found this helpful and not annoying in the slightest. I took two days to write this thing, so it was an effort on my part too. I mean, what else was I supposed to do during the Super Bowl?

The things we do for each other. It’s love.

Feb1

Petit Vour | January 2014

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And yet another box. This never ends.

This time around it’s Petit Vour, a vegan, cruelty-free, organic, all good stuff box. I’ve subscribed to this one for about 4 months and I’ve liked most of what I get, although sometimes there’s some stinkers. Like the eight vials of perfume oil that all smelled like dirt and grass. Ew. No thank you.

Happy to report (Cuz you care. YOU DO.), I love everything this month. Here’s the goods:

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The photo is super boring. I need to have a better way of displaying products. I’m sure everyone is tired of seeing my kitchen and bathroom counters. Maybe one day I’ll get me a fancy setup. Black velvet backdrop, or with props like some twigs or a pile of fall leaves. Candlesticks.

I’m not even sure what I’m talking about right now.

Back to the box! I got this lip butter by Ellovi that is really nice. I’m not sure if the term butter makes this any different than any other lip balm, but because it says so, it does. Just thinking it might have butter in it makes me feel as if I’m getting the softest, creamiest, most delicious lip product known to man. Because BUTTER. Plain and simple. It’s basic psychology.

One thing you must know about me is that I loooove mascara. Reason being is that I’m constantly on a lash lengthening mission, on the search for that holy grail perfect product. So getting this Beauty Without Cruelty Ultimate mascara made me very happy indeed. And after trying it out, I can’t say I’ve found the one, sadly, but it’s not bad. It’s got this weird little applicator that tends to make my lashes go clumpy in 2.5 seconds. But it’s not ridiculous clumpy, and it did lengthen somewhat. I’ll keep it in the rotation, but in the meantime, status: Still Searching.

Next in the box is another thing with butter in it. A shea butter body cream by Beurre, that is. Mine came in the vanilla scent, but it’s not overwhelmingly vanilla. In fact, I didn’t even know it was vanilla until I saw it written on the lid. Eh.

Haven’t used it yet as I’m trying to finish up my Moroccanoil body butter I got in an earlier box, but I did stick my finger in it (curiosity, it kills) and discovered the texture was very thick and emollient, seemed like it would melt pretty easily into the skin. Again, haven’t actually tried it so I could be very off-base. It could sit right on top of the body like a greasy butter skin for all I know. So probably shouldn’t try a review then. Moving right along.

Last product is yet another I haven’t tried as it gets in line behind 17 other like-minded items. But it’s a face and body scrub by Bella Pelle. Reading the stats, it claims to make your skin buttery soft – there’s that word – and removes body bumps. Not sure what that is, but body bumps can never be a good thing. Especially bumps in the wrong places. Like on my body.

Hmmphf.

Again, I like all the products in the box this month. I will use everything, which is a nice change. Cuz I seriously had to throw away those perfume oils and it just about killed me.

Onto the next box. Stay tuned!

Jan28

NARS NARSissist Eyeshadow Palette

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Oh, NARS.  What have you done?

Made me spend $79 on an eyeshadow palette, that’s what.

I have never in my life spent that much money on eyeshadow.  Granted, I just started getting into makeup a mere five months ago, therefore never spending any money on any makeup is more like it.  Now, however, I will drop $40 on foundation without a blink, $22 on lipstick with nary an eye twitch.  I’ve been desensitized to high-end makeup prices.  It’s because I want to own all the things.  We’ve discussed this already.

Anyway, saw the NARS NARSissist eyeshadow palette on the internet somewhere, and immediately fell in obsessive stalkerish kind of love.  Look at all these beautiful neutral, smoky colors:

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Gah!  I die.

The colors are not displayed on the palette itself, or even the box it comes in.  So I stole this information off the internet.  Top to bottom, left to right, the names are All About Eve I, Madrague II, Fez, Bali, Coconut Grove, Madrague I, Nepal, Ashes to Ashes, Brousse II, Mekong, Bellissima I, Lhasa, Bad Behavior, Dogon II, and Pandora II.  I’m not ashamed to admit I printed out the names on my label printer and stuck them to the back of my palette.  Big dork, right here, y’all.  Sorry.  (Not sorry.)

I am an obsessive compulsive, anal retentive, perfectionist.  Just putting that out there as a disclaimer for all the weird crap I do in future blog posts.  Cuz there be several.  Guaranteed.  And don’t worry about me destroying the sanctity that is the purity of the NARSissist palette.  The labels are in extremely tidy, kempt rows, evenly distributed and pleasing to the eye.  In fact, I think I’ve actually improved the aesthetic of the whole thing.  Trust me, it’s perfect.

Anyhoo, back to my point.

I received this in the mail over the weekend after an insanely long one week and one day wait.  It was absolute torture, believe me.  So much torture that I even told my husband I was expecting it any day now, and therefore admitting I bought more stuff.  I think we’re still married, so all is well for now.

One thing about this palette is that these shades are not new.  They are all part of the NARS collection, so if you are a die-hard NARS fan, you may already own these either in singles or part of a duo.  The benefit of owning this palette would simply be a nice, neat place to keep these all together (OCDers, rejoice!).  Or, if you are like me and do not own any NARS shadows, you can purchase this kit without reservation and enjoy.

So I’ve been using this palette for the past three days, mostly in the blue/pewter or taupe/purple family, throwing in a matte beige for the crease and deep black for emphasis.  And I swear I’ve been trying very hard to do such a good job but I tell you what, if you want to spend light years blending in your eyeshadow, then you’re in for some fun.  I was quite literally running a big fluffy brush through my outer V for about 20 minutes and still not satisfied.  So I gave up, accepted it for what it was, and moved on.

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Can’t say I’m unhappy with this palette.  I still have several other shades to try which I will get to later this week.  I just feel slightly bummed that my expectations got the best of me.  And that I’ve been extra late for work two days in a row.  If they only knew what was happening in my bathroom in the morning.  Blending, blending, blending, napping, blending, blending, blending … It’s a nightmare.

Maybe I need to practice my eyeshadow skills in general before attempting to use this palette.  I mean, I’m no expert.  Sometimes I attempt those fancy manuevers you see on You Tube only to be left with a prostitutey mess.  I will say after purchasing some proper brushes, I’ve gotten better but still feel I have miles to go.

So take this review with a grain of salt.  I am a beginner, and I might have reached for the stars too soon.  If NARS wants to be a little complicated, then by all means go for it.  Perhaps my definition of complicated is simply from a newbie’s perspective and I should just zip it.  I dunno.  But if you are a master of makeup, and you’ve tried this palette, I am interested in hearing what you think.

Jan27

Lip Factory | January 2014

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These boxes will never end.  As soon as one month wraps up, the next batch of boxes come in.  Not that I’m complaining or anything.  Although my husband is starting to give me stink eye everytime he opens the mailbox.  I can’t even pretend the boxes aren’t for me.  Cuz he knows better. He’s too smart for his own good.

I shoulda married a dumb one.  Damn.

Anyway, Lip Factory came in and here’s what I got:

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A mix of highs and lows, but mostly highs so we’re gonna give this one a thumbs up.  First the lows.  What in sam hell is that one-time use skin care system doing in this box?!  Not knocking 29 Cosmetics or anything, but how am I gonna tell I wanna run out and buy an entire skin care line based on a one-time use?  Although, I will say the blister pack they sent is so much better than a packet.  I like it about one-tenth more because of it.

Next mediocre thing is the One Stick by Be A Bombshell.  I have received one of these already in a past Ipsy bag, and I didn’t like it all that much that time either.  The premise of the One Stick is that it can be used as a cream eyeshadow, blush or lipstick.  I don’t know what it is, though, that makes me not love it.  The Ipsy one was a super frosty pink that reminded me of my early 90s, triangle-shaped hair, big eyeglasses fiasco.  Maybe I’m suffering from a little PTSD, then?  I dunno.  But getting another one, although this time in super hot pink, made me go ew.  I put it in my train case of unused makeup.  It will die there, I’m sure.

Middle of the road thingy was this Electric Lip Slide by Bodyography.  I used it, and it is a super duper pigmented lipstick.  A little goes a long way here, unless you want to look a little hooker-y.  In that case, have at it.  I don’t know the name of the shade I got, but it’s a vibrant raspberry color.  It’s pretty but not a beautiful, can’t live with it kind of deal.  I’ll use it, but it will most likely last me until 2021.  Side note: this is a full-size tube; retail price $19.  That just about covers the entire $22 beauty box fee.  In other words: Go, Math!

My two favorite (and last) products in this box are by a company I’ve never heard of called Teeeze.  They are a Netherlands based company, so by that fact alone, I feel super international and fancy. I received this beautiful purple eyeshadow and matching eyeliner in the cutest, coolest packaging of anything I own.  See:

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Seriously.  I die.

I used both of these the other day at the same time, putting the eyeliner under my lower lashes and smudging it out a la professional makeup artiste.  And it was stunning.  Even my husband, who is brain dead when it comes to makeup and what things (in general) are supposed to look like, said my makeup was pretty.  So sweet.  I will put that in my arsenal of excuses for when I get in trouble in the future.  Cuz it’s bound to happen.  He can’t keep pulling box after box out of the mailbox with a simple stink eye for too much longer.  There’s gotta be a little pressure building underneath all that, surely?

Either that, or I’ve married Jesus.

Anyway.

Hope all is well with you.  Thank you for reading my ramblings.  More soon.