Tag Archives: empties

Empties | March 2014

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It’s that time again: my monthly empties. I’ve gone through my trash and artfully displayed them for all the world to see. Hope you’ve got your snacks ready, cuz you might not get out of your seat for the next 15 hours.

Let us begin. Some body stuff:

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I received that ginormous tub of Nailtiques foot cream in a past Blush box, and it took me nigh on forever to finish it.  I did like it, but I had never really used foot cream before and therefore didn’t have much to compare it to.  But my feet did slide forward and almost out of my open-toed high heels, so that must mean something.  I lotioned away all my grippers, I guess.  If that’s a benefit to someone, please let me know.  Otherwise, it hurts having your big toe and second toe fighting for air time out of the little toe hole in the top of my shoe.  Yes, I said toe hole.  It’s a thing.

And that Buerre body cream.  I really wanted to like it y’all.  I tried so hard.  But the first application was so yucky I just couldn’t take it.  Very, very thick and left my skin super sticky.  I’m not sure what would’ve happened had I given it a chance to absorb because I immediately washed it off my body like stat.  I thought maybe it needed a good stir, to add a little air to the product.  Because it was delivered to me in sub-zero temperatures, I figured perhaps it had solidified a bit and never recovered.  So I took a little plastic spoon and gave it a good stir.  Looked promising.  The texture seemed softer to me, anyway.  Sadly, however, this had no effect on it whatsoever, and I wasted a good 5 minutes stirring this stuff for no dadgum reason.  Blah.

On a side note, no one else on the internet had this same experience.  So either I got a defective one, or they don’t have OCD texture issues.  Serious, if someone else has tried this and loved it, I would like to know.

Some face cleanin’ business:

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I pulled that little sample of Biore charcoal cleanser out of my Allure magazine.  Normally, I couldn’t give two flips about these kinds of samples, but I was kind of curious.  It also had a $2 coupon attached.  (Bribery.)  Anyway, I cleaned my face with this stuff, and loved it.  I have no idea if it cleared my pores out or anything, but there is a cooling sensation it provides that got me addicted immediately.  So I bought the full-size.  I mean, of course.  Can’t let a good coupon go to waste.  And also: ADDICTED.

That Bioxidea sheet mask thingie was ridiculous.  If you’ll recall, I received two in two different beauty boxes.  They are uber expensive, like $20 for one.  So leave it to me to apply the first one upside down and ruin everything.  Serious, I couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t fit, then the jelly like texture of the mask broke apart on me, which I’m sure had nothing to do with me tugging around on it or anything.  Am I in a comedy show or something?  Geez.  Immediately pulled this off and tried again with the other one.  Which is when I discovered my upside-down snafu.  Second one was applied properly, although it didn’t stick to my face very good.  I tried to sit back and relax like the instructions told me to, but I was very much overly concerned by the fact I hated this mask.  I was annoyed at wasting $40 in about 5 minutes.  So if my skin received any benefit whatsoever from this thing, I’ll never know.  Preoccupied by my hate as much as I was.

The little tube of vbeaute Rub Off Exfoliator did it’s job.  It exfoliated.  That’s about all I can say about it.  I won’t even pretend there is something else I can mention.  Moving on.

If you ever get the opportunity to purchase the Lush Mask of Magnaminty, I would say just go for it.  I freakin love this stuff.  First of all, it’s handmade and has an expiration date of about 5 months.  I ordered the small tub because I knew I would never use the large one in 5 months.  The smell is divine (if you like mint), it’s cooling and it’s creamy.  Spreads really well.  The only negative would be once it dries, the chunks on your face are kind of annoying to remove.  But if you can persevere, it’s worth it.  If you like a smooth face, that is.  If you don’t, then maybe you have more issues than just removing a face mask.  Just saying.

I have makeup remover thingies:

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Boring topic so I’ll do this quick.  The Almay remover was good.  It’s the oil/water combo remover that you have to shake to activate, but I actually prefer this style cuz it does the job better than the other kind.  Other than that, it’s makeup remover.  What else can you say about it?

I really like the Clinique Take the Day Off Cleansing Milk.  I didn’t even know cleansing milk was a thing until this.  But now that I know, I’ll never be without a cleansing milk.  It just helps break down the makeup before you get down to actually cleaning it off.  To some, it may seem like a redundant step.  But for me, if my nighttime routine doesn’t include about 17 products, I feel naked.  Right now, I’m trying a Caudalie one, but I will go back to the Clinique at some point.

The DHC Deep Cleansing Oil was alright.  It did melt off my mascara pretty good.  But towards the end of the bottle I was ready to stop using it.  I just don’t like cleansing my face with oil.  Nothing is wrong with it; it’s just my preference.  But apparently this product is one of DHC’s best sellers.  So somebody loves it.  Just not me.

And now – hair bits:

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I love me some dry shampoo, y’all!  This Klorane one was really great.  Worked like a dream all the way to the bottom of the can.  I would purchase this again in a heartbeat if there was a worldwide shortage of Batiste.

I got the little sample of the John Freida Frizz Ease flat iron spray in an Influenster box.  I know I’ve never talked about Influenster before, but they are not a subscription service.  I signed up back in the fall, and at some point they sent me a couple of free product boxes to review.  But the boxes aren’t a guaranteed thing – I may never get a box again, who knows?  Anyway.  I did like the spray.  I felt like it helped somewhat to make my hair straighter when I flat ironed it the next morning.  Or maybe it just took some of the frizz away, I dunno.  However, I did not finish the spray because I got an onslaught of hair products last month and needed to get to them.  And because I didn’t pay for the Frizz Ease in any way whatsoever, it was the first to go.  My reasoning only makes sense to me.  Sorry.

Did that paragraph just bore you?  Cuz it bored me.

Last thing is the hair thickener by Nioxin.  I got this in my very first Glossybox and used it for the past 7 months.  As you can see, it’s not quite gone, but I’m going to be honest with you.  I was tired of messing with it.  Seven months is a long time to be using something that I didn’t even know worked or not.  I would spray this along my hairline because that’s where my hair looked the most thin.  And frankly, it still looks about the same.  Granted, I only used this stuff twice a week because there ain’t nothing in the world that’ll make me wash my hair more often than that.  Except for maybe some Sephora gift cards.  But if not that, then NOTHING.

My favorite topic.  Serums galore:

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I’ve come to the conclusion I need to take better pictures.  Or else companies need to make better, camera-friendly packages.  Can you tell what the purple thing or the orange thing is?  No.  So good thing I’m about to tell you.

First item, though, is the little mesh bag of pH Advantage PM Vitamin Triple Complex.  This serum was awesome.  Made my skin feel so silky.  Absorbed really quickly too.  Loved it.  I had 4 sample packets and they lasted me over a month.  Nice way to stretch out the one-time-use pouch thing.  Other CEOs: take note!

The purple bottle is the Tarte Maracuja Oil.  This lasted for a very long time, even though the sample bottle was so small.  I applied a couple of drops all over my face before bed, and I woke up with some very smooth, soft skin.  There are some other scientific-y bits on this as well that you can read all about on their website.  I’m tired.  I feel carpal tunnel approaching very soon.

See that little red vial?  That’s the Phyto-C Velvet Gel, and I got this in my Ipsy bag not too long ago.  I loved it so much after my first application that I proceeded to buy two other Ipsy members’ samples they did not want off eBay.  Probably should have just bought the full-size but didn’t feel like spending $64.  I’m on my last vial currently, and I will admit to being over it now.  It’s still a nice, silky serum (in gel form), but I’m ready to move on to something new.  This is why I hardly ever buy full-size stuff.  My attention span barely exists.  My brain does this odd ADD thing where I bounce from one great big thing to another in the time it takes to type out this entire sentence.  You have no idea how much editing I do to my posts before I click submit.  Otherwise, it’s a run-on-sentence lover’s paradise in here.

The orange tube is the MD Solar Sciences tinted SPF creme.  I did enjoy this very much.  It was a nice other option to my holy grail SPF, Cotz.  There wasn’t much product in the tube so I didn’t use this for more than a few days, but if you’re big on texture, you’ll love this.  If you also like spending over $30 on your SPF, you’ll love this even more.  Sadly, I would rather not, so it was a fun ride while it lasted.  All four days of it.

(Also, this is not a serum so do not ask why I included it in this group.  Again, my reasonings only make sense to me.)

As for that tube of CellCeuticals Extreme Defense Anti-Cell Damlgjj l;j khgszj k …

Oh my god, never mind.  Just click the link.  Anyway.  I had to use this serum in the daytime, as that is what it’s made for.  I do not normally do this as serums need to have time to sink in before applying anything on top of it.  Guess how much extra time I have in the morning?  That’s right.  So I had to completely rearrange my routine in the morning so I could accommodate this extra step.  And it just wasn’t worth it.  I’m sure it does all sorts of lovely things to your skin, but I can barely brush my teeth with my eyes open, much less spend an exhorbitant amount of time waiting for a serum to sink in.  Moving right along.

Last item is the Rejuve MD Face serum.  This was a gel that applied kind of wet, then sort of dried tacky and not really all that pleasant.  Again, I’m big on texture, and quite honestly is the main reason for me loving a product.  You can ignore primarily 97.95769% of my reviews if you don’t understand and appreciate the love of texture.  Because I have no other scientific opinions of anything, ever.  If you ask me if this product, or any other product, actually worked, I will look at you with big blank eyes.

God.  Are we done yet?

No. Here’s some  moisturizers:

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I’m not going to say much on the Caudalie moisturizing sorbet because I just talked about it in my Birchbox review last week.  However, for those not in the know (Who are you? And why haven’t you been reading my blog?), I really liked this stuff.  Not necessarily because it has “sorbet” in the title.  But maybe a little bit.

The StriVectin eye cream was pretty nice.  I actually think after using it for a month it did help with the fine lines under my eyes.  Now, don’t freak out or anything … I said I think.  It could be some of that psychological brain trickery instead.  You know how it is.  We probably wouldn’t buy near as much stuff if we somehow hadn’t been tricked into thinking it’s working when clearly it wasn’t.  But New Beauty magazine gave it an award for best eye cream, so I’m just gonna leave it at that.

I just finished this bottle of Malin + Goetz moisturizer.  It was okay.  Nothing that made me wanna go out and buy a lifetime supply or anything.  And the packaging is the most boring thing ever.  Looks like I picked it up from the Dollar Tree.  On the plus side, it moisturized just fine.  Took a bit to absorb, but by the time I went to bed my skin felt pretty soft.  So it wasn’t horrid, and had the packaging been less generic looking, I probably would have liked it better.  Shallow?  Probably.

Now I did enjoy the Korres face cream.  It’s made from Greek yogurt, so yes it had a weird smell.  They probably should have thrown a handful of flowers in the batch, but I’m not CEO.  I’m not CEO of anything.  Although I have the best, most practical ideas that ever existed.  Why am I not CEO of something?  Seriously, why?

Last piece is the Vichy Aqualia Thermal Rich Cream.  This stuff was super nice.  Smelled very luxurious and pricey, although full-size is only $31.  (Did you hear that?  I’ve become immune. Only $31?  Why, that’s practically free!)  It was definitely rich, creamy and moisturizing.  It could be a tad perfume-y for sensitive people, but it won a Good Housekeeping award, which means I’d put up with just about anything.  Rash or no rash – it won an award, people.

Next category:  Hygiene, or otherwise known as, TMI:

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I’m only going to include this product one time.  You are going to have to trust me when I say I’ve been using it for over 20 years and I will continue to use it until I’m too old to work the lid.  It’s the Summer’s Eve Cleansing Wash.  You know, soap for your hoohah.  I won’t use anything else.  I mean, I may use the Equate generic alternative, but I won’t use regular soap down there.  Why?  Cuz it burns and itches, that’s why.  Gah, making me talk all about it and stuff.  Next.

The BeeKind shower gel looks like it still has soap in it.  It does.  But getting it out of the bottle required a lot of effort and squinting my eyes so the soap spit wouldn’t fly at me.  Yes, the last half-inch wouldn’t come out properly so I gave up. That’s okay though; I mean, shower gel isn’t that exciting anyway.  This one, however, smelled like lemons and was very nice.  Now I’m using something that smells like grapefruit, and I’ve completely forgotten about the BeeKind until just this second.  Shower gels and/or body washes don’t leave that much of an impression on me.

A product that didn’t use to leave an impression on me, but now does is shaving cream.  If you ever feel like spending $20 on shaving cream, spend it on Whish.  This stuff is yummy!  I got the blueberry scent, and it smells so much better than those metal aerosol cans of Strawberry Kiwi or Tropical Island or whatever the flip they’re called.  The texture is creamy, but not poofy.  Yes, poofy is my scientific term for what you get out of a Gillette can.  Well?!  What would you call it?  Anyway, it’s a beautiful pearl color also, so it’s visually as well as nasally pleasing.  Highly recommend.  I bought a second one, this time in the lemongrass scent, and it’s not as strong as the blueberry.  But I still love it.

Finally, we’ve reached the end.  Makeup stuffs:

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The Urban Decay Naked Skin Pressed Powder was a nice accompaniment to my Naked foundation.  I got the color Medium Light, and it was a nice match for my skin.  I used this for several months before hitting pan so it lasted for quite a while.  I would have repurchased it, but I decided to try the loose powder version instead.

Last item of this ridiculously long post is the Cargo liquid liner.  This was a big, fat poo.  I bought it off Hautelook at a nicely discounted price at least.  It just did not work at all.  The tip was so very dry.  I tried everything I could do to get it to work, but to no avail.  It took light years to line just one eye because I had to keep going over it multiple times.  I don’t know if my product was old (the website has different packaging now) or what, but either it had no juice or improper juice flow – one of the two.  Then I just said efffffff it and moved on like no sweat.  Life is too short to waste it on shitty eyeliner.

That should be on a sign somewhere.  I claim it in case someone produces it and makes millions.  You heard it here first; you are all my witnesses.

The end.  I sleepy now.

Empties | February 2014

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Urgh.  So late with my empties post.  I’ve had a heck of time keeping up with my beauty box loot this month, and I wanted to finish all those reviews before I did my empties review, and yada yada yada.  It’s so hard being a blogger you guys!  Just. So. Hard.

Anyway.  Welcome to March 8 and the very late but very important Empties Review.  Let’s begin.

Some hair stuff.  Most of it came in my February beauty boxes, so here is PROOF I use all the things I pay for instead of hoarding it like a crazy hoarding hoarder.

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Birchbox had the pleasure of sending me the Toni & Guy Nourish shampoo and conditioner for damaged hair.  Although I wasn’t super excited about getting this, I will say kudos to them for sending me the right formula at least.  Because while I may appear to have the kind of long, luxurious hair a Breck girl would punch you in the throat over, it does need a little anti-frizz slash splitend-y mendy.  So this stuff does a nice job of making others jealous.  And honestly, isn’t that what life is all about?

The leave-in conditioner from Sexy Hair was not my fave.  Although it could be because I was fresh off a bottle of 12 Benefits, and nothing is better than that stuff.  The Sexy Hair one had a more watery consistency, while the 12 Benefits felt moisturizing when I smoothed it through my hair.  However, the Sexy Hair one didn’t do anything bad to my hair, so you could say I’m being a bit of a spoiled brat and I should move right along.

I’m super bored talking about shampoo and conditioner, so let’s just say the Pantene Advanced Keratin Repair stuff was fine, but I wasn’t super bowled over enough to go out and purchase a year’s supply or anything.  However, I probably wouldn’t do that for any product no matter how much I loved it.  But you get my point, surely?

Finished a can of my most favorite dry shampoo in the entire universe.  I actually did a review of the Batiste and you can read it here if you’d like (you’d like).

Last hair thingy is a can of Dove dry shampoo.  If I hadn’t already tried and fell in love with the Batiste, this Dove one would be my BFF.  I really did like it, alllll the way to the bottom of the can.  It’s slightly cheaper than the Batiste, but the packaging is not as cute.  I don’t know why this matters; it just does.

Okay, now for some bath and body stuff:

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That little pot of Camille Beckman Glycerine Hand Therapy in Midnight Monarch is gold, people.  Gold.  The most luxurious hand cream.  And the smell.  The SMELL.  It’s so warm and exotic.  I imagine the smell can only be duplicated in a Turkish harem in the year 1506.  That’s very specific, but I can’t think of any other way.

The Balance Me body wash was boring and annoying.  I didn’t think it smelled particularly wonderful, for one.  And for two, there was no pump or squeezy thing, so you had to let it ooze slowwwwwwwwwllllllyyyyyyyyy out of the bottle which took lightyears.  Who got time for that?  Nobody.  Least of all me, who wants to relax in a tub, not spend all my time holding a body wash bottle upside down.  Now, I don’t know if the full-size product is sold in this horrible packaging or not, but I’m so over it that I don’t even care to check.

Last thing is a tub of body butter from Moroccanoil.  I had never used body butter before trying this sample so there was nothing to compare it to.  However, I really did like how soft my skin felt after using it.  Much more soft than a traditional lotion would yield.  Sadly, I will never use it again because the normal price is $52.  I may spend that much (or more) on eyeshadow or blush, but never ever on lotion.  I make my own rules.  We’ve discussed this before.

Next up, everybody’s favorite category:  Makeup Removers!

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I liked the Lumene stuff. It’s the kind you have to shake before using, which is fine by me. I think that type works better anyway. Much less effort required. And you know about me and effort. Not best friends.

The packet of e.l.f. cleansing wipes were great. They cost me 3 whole dollars and worked just as well or better than some of the others I’ve tried. Had just the right amount of soap in them and took off the majority of my makeup without much effort. Again, what have we learned about effort today? Mmmmmhuh. That’s right.

And now, moisturizers:

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That jar of Lumene Firming Day Cream is full to the brim. I used it for maybe 3 or 4 days then couldn’t take it anymore. The smell, you guys! It was so terrible. I tried to stick it out, but I just couldn’t hang. I’m sorry. I failed.

Well! It made my tummy hurt.

Next item is the Clean & Clear Morning Burst gel moisturizer. This was great. It was cooling and smelled like cucumber melon. Absorbed rather quickly, and then my face felt really soft. I would definitely buy this again. You know, after I use up the other 15 billion moisturizers I already own. (An exaggeration, yes, but only slight.)

Last thing is the tiny jar of Atopalm. I opened the jar and noticed there was hardly anything in there. I mean, I know it’s a sample and all, but sheesh. Well, after using it the first time I realized why there wasn’t much in there. It’s super thick. I mean, suuuuuper thick, and a little goes a long way. It took some time to absorb into my skin because it was so goopy. Can’t say I hated it but I wouldn’t buy it again cuz I don’t like moisturizer that thick. I mean, I had to wash my hands after applying it. And that = effort. No likey.

Are we almost done?

No. Here’s some facial cleansers:

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This tube of StriVectin Instant Retexturizing Scrub claimed to perfect your skin instantly, hence the name. Did it? Ehhhh. I dunno. It was fine, exfoliated nicely, but I didn’t feel it replaced my 39-year-old face with a 25-year-old face or anything. I mean, if you’re gonna swear to bejeebus about doing something miraculous not within 8 to 12 weeks, but instantly, well then? Because I believe in hype, every time and all the time. I’m the skin care world’s best customer.

There should be a prize involved with that, certainly?

Can I just say how much I loved the Liz Earle Hot Cloth Cleanser? I don’t know why. It was just a normal creamy cleanser. But it came with a couple of muslin cloths, which kicked up its fancy points, and made me feel as if by using it I was doing something unique, rare, and extra special. It is also an award winner like 100 times over. Which proves my theory that I will buy, and love, anything with an award winner sticker on it.

I’m not persuaded very easily, as you can see.

And I also loved the Korres foaming cream cleanser. It was nice and creamy, and was a pleasure to use. Is that weird? I can’t think of any other way to describe it other than I liked physically using it. Okay, yes that’s weird. Sorry.

Last one is the LaRocca exfoliating cream cleanser. Now, it looks like it’s not completely empty, and I guess it’s really not. But I had a heck of a time trying to get the product out of the bottle because, AGAIN, no pump or squeezy thing. So I got out what I thought was the end, but now seeing the photo I realize it wasn’t. Blah.

Aside from that, it had some exfoliating bits that were kind of sharp so I had to rub my face extra gentle. It definitely exfoliated, it’s made out of gold, and my face felt pretty smooth afterwards. Oh, and it was made with wind power, whatever that is. And it has gold in it, did I mention that?

And now, the final category, serums. But also the largest category. We gonna be here a bit.

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Got this little one time use packet thing from AFA. So do I love the exfoliating gel? Beats me. I used it one time. When will these companies learn? Do I have to be CEO of everything?

Then I got this serum from Murad called Rapid Collagen Infusion. It had a nice texture which is important to me. It also claimed to reduce the appearance of fine lines in 2 hours. Not sure if it really did that, but mostly because I went to sleep before the two hour mark was up. I’d like to think it did though. Because I don’t like my daydreams crushed.

I was really interested in the Apothederm Bright Skin serum, because who doesn’t want bright skin? However, the pump on the vial didn’t work properly so after one use I had to trash it. Boooo.

I purchased this full size Boots No 7 Protect & Perfect serum without knowing anything about it. Thankfully it worked out. This serum was pretty decent. It also won a Good Housekeeping award. I could stop explaining right there and that should be reason enough to buy it. The texture was verging on silicone-y but not super smooth. It had a bit of “catch” in it when being applied. But it made applying moisturizer that much better.

Do I make any sense? Did anyone get my “catch” reference? No? Okay, next.

This little tube of skin refinish from M2 scared me a little. You weren’t allowed to use it everyday so I thought for sure it was going to burn my face off. It didn’t but it was still no fun to apply. It was super sticky, as if I rubbed straight up honey all over my face. And it dried kind of tight and shiny, like I left a peel-off mask on my face by accident. Once moisturizer was applied everything went back to normal. But it was touch and go there for a bit.

Would I repurchase? Ummmmmm. Not sure. It’s $45 for one thing. But the before and after pics on the website are impressive. And I do enjoy a really dramatic before and after. So maybe.

I purchased the full size of this Peter Thomas Roth retinal fusion alternative because it was 70% off on Beauty.com. But then I freaked myself out thinking why is this $85 serum on sale for $24? What’s wrong with it? It’s going to burn my face off, isn’t it?

Well it didn’t. It was rather nice actually. Smelled a little like cinnamon although I don’t know why. And it went on smoothly and absorbed nicely. It had moisturizer in it so I could actually skip a step in the morning. And anything that can reduce my 2 hour morning routine even by a couple of minutes makes me pretty happy.

So the product is still on sale, and I’m thinking just make the price $24 then if you’re gonna put it on sale for 3 months. Again, who should be CEO? Me.

Last product – yes, we are at the end of this monstrous post – is actually a moisturizer, not a serum. I screwed up. I’m sorry.

But it’s the Wake Up Call by Goldfaden MD. In a nutshell, you apply it at night and in the morning you have a new face. I mean, I didn’t. But you might.

The end, everybody! You can go out and celebrate now. Unless you’re sleeping or comatose. I know, it was a long post, verging on boring. Maybe I shouldn’t use up so many products during the month. Maybe I should just become a hoarder like a proper hoarding hoarder and then we wouldn’t be doing this every month.

But thank you for reading anyway.

Empties | January 2014

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I may hoard makeup like I’m preparing for an apocalypse but here is proof that I actually use, and finish, things I buy.

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This is my collection of empties I’ve stored away during the entire month of January. Yes, I kept my trash under the sink in my bathroom all in the name of science. I’m nothing if not dedicated, people.

First, some hair stuff:

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I got the Ouidad Curl Recovery cleansing oil in one of my beauty boxes back in December. And while I don’t have curly hair, and all my poking around on the internet suggested it was quite popular for African-American hair, I used it anyway.

No, just no. This product was not for me. Granted, it cleaned my hair just fine. But my second day hair was way oilier than normal. Even dry shampoo couldn’t help it much. I did a little experiment to make sure it was the Ouidad that was causing the excess oil (by washing my hair with regular shampoo the next time – quite scientific, I know) and it was most definitely the Ouidad. So I stopped using it about halfway through the bottle. It hurt, but it had to be done.

Next are the Paul Mitchell shampoo and conditioner samples in the Strength formula. I had been using some mediocre product that I felt wasn’t really doing anything special to my hair – but I bought it so was trying to use it anyway, as I am apt to do. Then husband and I went on a quick weekend trip, and the hotel had Paul Mitchell amenities. Ooh la la! Just kidding, it was just a Courtyard Marriott. Anyway.

I felt that my hair did so good that weekend. Like way better than it had for quite some time. So next thing you know, I’m in Ulta buying this stuff. They have several formulas, but I picked the Strength one because I shed so much hair it’s ridiculous. Serious, I could make a new head of hair just by collecting my fall out hair for about a week.

Okay, here’s some body stuff:

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I’ll admit I was feeling a little too big for my britches when I decided to spend $22 on shaving cream. But I just wanted something fancy, you know how it goes. After researching terms like luxury, high-end, and vintage, I finally found the Shaveworks Pearl Soufflé. Doesn’t the name just make you want to rub it all over your body? I mean, pearl soufflé. But maybe that’s just me.

I found a trial size on Amazon so I didn’t end up paying as much, and I was never so excited to shave my legs. However, now all I can really say about it is that it’s a beautiful pearl color. Other than that, it wasn’t anything special. The smell was icky. So I won’t buy this again. Besides, I found something better which I will tell you about one day.

This blog is entertaining AND suspenseful!

The other thing is a body lotion by Body Drench. Not much to report here other than the awesome mango smell. I’d repurchase if I cared that much about body lotion. I don’t. I get sucked in by smells and smells alone. Whatever lotioning benefits it might impart gets lost on me.

Here’s some face cleaning stuff:

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That little bottle of The Aloe Source Jojoba Cleansing Polish is awesome. It was delicate, had a lovely smell and made my skin feel super smooth. I will actually buy this again one day. Cuz whatever jojoba is, I’m in love.

On my very first real trip to Ulta, I picked up those Philosophy facial wipes cuz they were on sale. So these hold a special place in my heart, a sweet reminder of how innocent and naive I used to be, how I knew so little about makeup or skin care, and how far I’ve come since that day. Other than that, though, they are just an overpriced facial wipe. They work, but aren’t amazing, and quite frankly, I get better results from my $3 package of e.l.f. wipes.

See that little tiny tube of Brad Ultra Peel? Yeah, celebrities punch each other in the throat over that. It’s also $175 in its regular size. In other words, I felt super duper fancy for using this but I will never own it ever again in my lifetime. It is an at-home chemical peel kind of thingy. Only really liked it cuz famous people use it. I’m a really sad person.

Next thing is a tube of microdermabrasion from Dr. Brandt. I liked it okay. It had very fine scrubber bits in it so it didn’t irritate my skin like you would expect something that feels like sandpaper to do. I approve.

Last one is a super boring face wash from NeoStrata. It cleaned my face, yes. Left my face feeling very soft, yes. But it did not smell that great. And I accidentally got it in my mouth and discovered it doesn’t taste that great either. I forced myself to finish it.

Here’s some body wash stuff:

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If you like the smell of roses, you will love the Anatomicals You Need a Blooming Shower. I do not. I used it cuz technically I paid for it (via beauty box) but I would never purposefully buy this.

And the H2O+ body wash wasn’t that great either. It smells of sea lotus, whatever that is. I dunno. I just prefer fruity scents I guess.

Then there’s this ginormous tube of body cleanser from Lisa Hoffman Beauty in the Madagascar Orchid scent. It smelled better than the rose one and the sea lotus one, but is was still floral so I was sort of blasé about it. However, it doubled as a bath soak and that was quite pleasant. Still wouldn’t buy it, but I’d recommend it to others.

Lord, are we done?!

No. Here’s some moisturizers:

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I absolutely loved that REN day cream. I can only pinpoint this to a texture issue, as the smell wasn’t the best. Didn’t stink, but didn’t smell like fruit either. But putting this on your face was a dream. At first it was like any basic moisturizer, then it finished with this amazing velvetyness. Not sure if that’s on purpose or how it reacted to my skin only, all I know is I have another sample of this in my stash and I’m so excite.

That little bottle with no label is a facial lotion from Be Natural Organics, I promise you. Got it in my December beauty box from Petit Vour. The label is missing because I had only been using it for maybe a week and then the dispenser stopped working. So I peeled off the label to investigate. Turns out the dispenser was just fine; the bottle was flippin empty already. Gah! I was really enjoying it, too. Ripped away from me before I was ready. That rarely happens. A lot of times I just wanna finish a sample so I can move on to the next sample. So if that tells you anything about how much I loved it, then you’re pretty smart and you can continue to read my blog. Congrats!

One product I was wondering if it would ever end is the Naobay oxygenating cream. I’m not sure what oxygenating cream is, but it sounds like you’d want it. And it’s not a bad product, but to me it was just a regular ole moisturizer that did its regular ole moisturizing thing, and that was it. No fanfare here. I was glad to finish it so I could try something new.

Last but not least (we’ve reached the end people; rejoice!) is some makeup stuff:

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That Be a Bombshell eyeliner marker was dumb. At first I’m thinking, heyyyyy nice! But either there’s not much product inside or else it somehow miraculously dried up with the cap stored on it tightly at all times, but it’s dead to the world now. I tried to eke out as much as I could, but it was like rubbing a dry eraser across my eyelid. No likey. So I’ve given up and moved on.

Lemme tell you how much I love the Benefit That Gal primer. Do you have a few days? No? Okay, short and sweet:

Smells like strawberries. Lovely texture and creaminess. Brightens my dull, boring face. Makes me beautiful. Buy it.

The end.

I was so curious about the Clarins Beauty Flash Balm, I could barely stand myself. I almost considered buying the $45 tube sight unseen because Allure magazine gave it an award. I even emailed Clarins and asked if I could get a free sample (they said no). So I turned to my only other option left to me: eBay. Found a two pack trial size for $8; felt like I’d won the Powerball.

Well that feeling was definitely the most exciting thing about this product. I didn’t notice anything particularly different about my face after using this. I didn’t look extra radiant, glowing, happy, thin … nothing. Maybe I’m too critical of myself and can’t see pretty when it’s quite clearly staring me in my face. I dunno. But what I can say is this: I saved $45, and I’m no longer curious. Win.

Last thing in the batch is this tiny tube of Miracle Skin Transformer Face. It is lovely. Perhaps the best BB cream type of thingy I’ve ever tried. It has this powdery finish, and it truly did smooth out my complexion. And it lasted me such a long time because just the littlest bit of product smeared out so far on your face. Go buy this. Ya know, if you have an extra $48 lying around.

If you have made it down to the very bottom of this ridiculously long post well then you deserve a reward of some kind. Either that or you have had nothing better to do for the past 15 hours. Whichever the case, I thank you. Hope you’ve found this helpful and not annoying in the slightest. I took two days to write this thing, so it was an effort on my part too. I mean, what else was I supposed to do during the Super Bowl?

The things we do for each other. It’s love.