Birchbox | February 2014


Guess what time it is?

I’m sorry, it’s just a box review. So whatever that thing is that you thought of that is way more exciting than what this thing is … I’m sorry.

But not sorry. It’s my damn blog.


Birchbox was first this month, which was odd. Normally it’s about 4th. I don’t know why I keep track of these things. I’m weird, I know it. Moving on.

Here’s the goods:


First, the no likeys. You know how you get 5 products? Well two of those products done got used up on a shampoo and conditioner duo. Which should have been counted as one item. Because you can’t really have one without the other. I mean, honestly people! I swear, I could run my own business with logic like that.

Yes, I’m being a whiny, complaining baby. It’s a $10 box. Shut up, Brain.

The shampoo/conditioner culprit is a Toni & Guy damaged hair one. I used it tonight. What can you say about it after one use? Not much. Seemed alright. But the sample came in a bottle with no pump or squeeze top so getting the thick liquid out of it takes a bit of effort. And how do we feel about effort in the bathtub? That’s right. FAIL.

So I told Birchbox to stop sending me tea packets. Well, I didn’t get tea packets, but I got something almost as bad. Two packets of 32 Oral Care breath crystals. Whyyyyyeeeeee? I want beauty products, not a pouch of pop rocks. Hmmmphf.

Again, the box is $10. I’m really trying to behave.

Next up. A boring ole spritzer of perfume. I wish I was a perfume person. I’m just not. Even on my best night do I not wear perfume. It’s just not something I think of. I do own actual bottles, however. Okay, two bottles. Elizabeth Arden’s Green Tea, which I’ve proudly displayed in the back of my hall closet for nine years. And a honeysuckle smelling one from Victoria’s Secret that has this cute little hot pink squeeze bulb on it, which makes for adorable decoration on my sink next to the toothbrush cup.

So yes, not a fan of perfume. Imagine my surprise and sheer joy when I saw a tiny sample of Joan Vass L’eau de Cristal in my box. My face looked like someone was telling me a super long story about that time when they did that thing, and I promptly took a nap.

In the perfume’s defense, it did not smell bad. But that’s all I have to say about that.

Last item, and perhaps the saving grace of the whole deal, was this tube of mascara from 100% Pure. It’s made out of fruit so it smells like a medley of berries. But then I also used it the other day, and it lengthens my lashes pretty good as well. So I’m happy.

About time, right? Cuz this post has been one long rant of bummer.

On to the next box! Keep ’em coming.

4 responses »

  1. Haha, that was funny, I like your opening line. Or lines. Whatever. Great review and I will check out some more of your posts. I’m glad someone else hates getting tea and breathmints in their box!


    • Thanks for stopping by and making me feel less bratty. I knew I couldn’t be the only one that didn’t want tea or breath mints. I got gum once, too, and I’m like … really?!


      • You’re welcome! I whined on Twitter after my second box of tea in a row and Birchbox was like, you know you can’t opt out of tea, right? Email us we’d love to hear from you! And I thought no, you probably wouldn’t love to hear me whine about tea. Gum, lmao, thats ridiculous. I would’ve loved to overhear that meeting.. “we need one more product on the list for this months box!” “screw it, just write down gum and lets go home.” They even sent me tea flavored mints once… combining both of the things they like to send. Those were awful, I still have about four hundred. I love Birchbox but sometimes I’m just like, whatttt?


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