May5

Empties | April 2014

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Is it just me or has this year flown by super fast?  We are in the 5th month already, people!  What is happening to time?  Someone’s got their finger on the fast forward button or something and they need to STOP IT.

Okay, it’s empties time again.  Go take your potty break and grab a bag of Doritos – the whole bag – cuz we gonna be here for awhile.  In fact, whatever you had planned today, go ahead and cancel.

Let’s get started.  Here’s the first batch:

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If you like the smell of fruit, specifically grapefruit, you will love this Gud Red Ruby Groovy body wash.  It is a tropical vacation in a bottle and makes you have delicious skin.  I also have the matching body lotion, and the two together are a powerhouse.  I just love fruit smelling soaps and lotions.  That is all I ever want, in case someone is thinking about getting me a gift set.  I am not interested in anything in Ocean Breeze or Cotton T-Shirt scent.  Fruit (or chocolate) all the way.

Which is why I also loved this body lotion by Ahava in pineapple peach.  The scent was quite delicate; not overpowering which was kind of nice.  It absorbed pretty quick as well.  I would buy this again if I didn’t already have 93 other body lotions stashed under my sink.

Then there is the En Root volumizing shampoo by theBalm.  It has a matching conditioner, but of course I would finish the shampoo first and render the conditioner virtually useless.  Does that happen to you?  Annoying, right?  Anyway, was this shampoo volumizing?  Wellll, not like in a super obvious way.  Like I didn’t use it and then suddenly I had supermodel, wind machine, riding on a horse in the surf sort of hair.  But I didn’t hate it either.

How about some face cleaners:

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This Alba Botanica face cleaner smelled so good.  Straight up pineapple, like the best realistic pineapple smell you can imagine.  But I will say I did not like the formula.  Now that I’ve been trying so many face cleansers, I know what I prefer, and this loose gel consistency is not it.  Many times I pumped this stuff into my hand only for it to slide right off my palm and plop into the bath water.  So I won’t repurchase, even though this certainly wasn’t a bad product.  I’m just really really really hard to please.  Sorry, not sorry.

Finished up the little travel size bottle of Koh Gen Do Cleansing Spa Water.  I did really like this.  Thought it was very effective in removing mascara.  However, waterproof mascara is the devil and this product did nothing to help alleviate that.  Unless you just like rubbing your eyelashes off in one fail swoop.  But for basic mascara, this is your man.  It has a nice refreshing feel to it, like spa water presumably.  I would totally repurchase this.

I wish I could tell you more about the Nia24 face scrub other than the fact that I used it, it exfoliated, and then I moved on.  Because there is actually a lot of science involved in this product.  It probably does something really fancy to your skin that a lot of times gets lost on me.  But then again, I had a sample tube with about 5 uses in it, so what can really go on in 5 uses?  Not an instant miracle, I’ll tell you that much.

Now for eyes:

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So I went to the Macy’s counter to pick up the Clinique dark circle corrector because it had won an Allure beauty award for being amazing.  When I get there, the lady proceeds to tell me it’s an ongoing treatment serum not an instant dark circle perfector, and I pretended I knew that already, and bought it anyway.  Dangit!  About got caught looking stupid, but I saved myself at the last second didn’t I?  Unfortunately, I had really hoped for an instant satisfaction sort of situation so I was slightly disappointed.  I used this for about 2 months or so before I got bored and started using something else.  Did I notice a difference in those 2 months?  Hell if I know.  I only know one speed:  instant.  Everything after that gets ignored.

How not to like an eye cream – have a watery consistency that you can tap into your orbital bone for days. Enter Perricone MD High Potency Eye Lift and tap your ever-lovin’ life away.  Seriously, I think I grew extra gray hairs while waiting for this stuff to disappear into my skin.  Okay, slight exaggeration, but I don’t have time for all that tapping nonsense when my nighttime regimen is 17 steps.  I prefer thicker, sturdier eye creams.  Like the StriVectin one, or that Glytone one that seemed to replicate itself every time I thought I was nearing the bottom.  Those were actual creams, and I loved them.

I threw away makeup.  I’m not ashamed:

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First of all, the ybf lipgloss was really pretty and had a delicious watermelon scent.  But isn’t that the teeniest sample you’ve ever seen?  Didn’t last very long, and then the brush inside might’ve been too short to reach the bottom.  So there’s probably oodles of product left in the tube, but I have zero energy left to try.

Massive fail alert.  Did anyone who received the Chella indigo liquid liner in their Ipsy bag have the same problem as me?  The nib dried up during the actual act of applying the liner.  I had to continually wipe it on toilet paper to try to reactivate the color, but it became more trouble than it was worth.  Such a shame though.  The indigo color was really pretty.

Received this Grande Lash MD mascara in my New Beauty Test Tube, and I decided I don’t want it.  The sample was really tiny and the formula was looser than I like for a mascara.  It gave me anxiety thinking about putting this on my eyeballs.  So I took matters into my own hands and threw it away like I’m the boss of me.

I had a little eye issue a couple weeks ago.  One eye was pinky-red then the other went pinky-red.  Don’t know if it was just allergies or if I had an actual contagious thing.  But I had to throw away the Clinique High Impact mascara just in case.  It had wet eye juice contamination, so I figured that was the proper and most grown-up thing to do.  Luckily it was just a sample tube that I didn’t even pay for instead of my $45 Charlotte Tilbury one.  Because I’ll just be honest:  I’ll risk a pink-eye epidemic before I even thing about throwing away a Charlotte Tilbury.

Last item is the L’Oreal Magic Lumi primer.  I finished off the entire tube, and it was a nicely textured primer.  Went on smooth, wasn’t greasy.  Absorbed quickly.  However, the whole point of this primer is that it has illumination in it, and using it is supposed to impart some sort of mystical glow about your face.  Even the primer itself has a lovely white pearly color.  But it didn’t transmit one bit on my skin.  I looked as normal and drab as ever.  So I don’t know if it’s just me or maybe I’m just too picky, but I won’t repurchase.

Gawd, are we done?  Almost.  Here’s moisturizer-y type thingies:

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Back to the Nia24 stuff, this time in the form of their Skin Strengthening Complex.  I wasn’t sure what this was, so I had to do a little research.  Turns out, it’s just moisturizer.  Could’ve helped by listing that on the tube and saving me some time, but apparently I’m not in charge.  Anyway, this had an amazing consistency that made me look forward to moisturizing at the end of the day.  How dorky am I?  Very.

You may or may not recall how much I loved the Coola sunscreen that I got in my Birchbox.  So much so that it about usurped my love for the Cotz suncreen.  Well, immediately following this very tiny tube, I went and purchased a full size of this stuff.  I am so excited to use it because the satiny texture of it is to die for.  Except my Cotz tube is proving to be quite the value for the money because I’ve been religiously applying this for the past 6 months, and I’ve just now reached the halfway point.  See you in about a year, Coola!  Hmmphf.

And the pointless product of the year award goes to Renu Lip & Eye Active Lift.  I received this in my Glossybox, and I was not the least bit excited.  But I used it anyway because it physically hurts to waste something like this.  I applied it to the lines around my mouth (per instructions) which was supposed to give a nice plumping effect.  I did this every single day for over a month – it was the sample that would not die – and my mouth lines not one time looked any different than they have my entire life since I got old enough to have mouth lines.

On a side note, the Renu won a British beauty award of some kind.  Obviously something is very wrong with me, because they wouldn’t give an award to a product that doesn’t work.  And now I’m forced to have Juvederm injections because of it.  Drat.

I feel we should end on a high note, so pay very close attention to these final two products.  The Sisley Paris Black Rose Cream Mask is super luxurious, elegant, and everything you’d expect a mask from France to be.  Had a lovely rose smell although not overwhelming at all.  However, I’m not sure I used the product right because it was so creamy and soft, I felt like the “mask” was nothing more than moisturizer that I ended up rinsing off in 15 minutes.  Perhaps I was supposed to leave it on, even though the instructions said to wipe off the excess.  Maybe rinsing with water isn’t what they meant by “wiping”, and I wasted all the good work this mask was supposed to do.  I’ll never know for sure now because the full size is $158, and I will never ever ever buy it.

(Insert sad, pathetic face.)

But if I could go back in time, I would apply the product, leave on for 15 minutes, then wipe off the excess with a tissue.  And then of course feel very highfalutin for the next 3 days.  Oui oui!

Last item is one I’ve already reviewed before, but I finished another tube.  It’s the REN Hydra-Calm Global Protection day cream.  It’s a moisturizer with this lovely velvety texture that I challenge anyone not to get addicted to.  Like it goes on as a normal moisturizer, but as it sinks into your skin it turns into silky satiny softness and actually stops you in your tracks like, whaaaaaa?  But then again, I’m heavy into texture so maybe it is just me that does that.  Either way, I still think you’d love it.

Okay, carpal tunnel is setting in so I gotta go.  Hope you enjoyed this post.  And that you aren’t fast asleep right now.  Catch you all tomorrow for more fun stuff.  See ya!

May4

Beauty DNA | April 2014

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How about a short and sweet review for your Sunday? It’s really nice out today and I feel I should sit outside and enjoy it for a bit. I’ll admit I tend to be a little hermit-y on weekends. In fact, it’s 6pm right now and I’m still wearing my pajamas.

Well! That’s what Sundays are for, pretty sure. Rest, relaxation, and periodically wearing pants.

So here is what I got in my Beauty DNA box this month:

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It’s a hair mask from Lea Journo. I was so excited to get this. I already have a hair mask that I honestly love (the Carol’s Daughter with monoi oil), but I’m always eager to try new stuff. Hence the hoarding mass I’ve collected and deposited in both our bathrooms. Just marking my territory. No big deal.

I absolutely love Beauty DNA. This is an amazing subscription service. It cost $25 and you get one full size product. The profile you fill out is so detailed that there is no way in hell you’re getting something you don’t want. If you do, you filled out your profile wrong, and shame on you.

They alternate categories each month so you’ll get either a hair, body or skincare product and then the cycle repeats. I’ve gotten two boxes – skin and hair – so next month will be body. And whatever they send, I know it will be my brand new favorite.

But back to the Lea Journo hair mask. You can use this twice a week which is perfect because that’s how many times I wash my hair. Meant to be? I think so. In comparison to the Carol’s Daughter, it doesn’t smell as good but it still smells good.

I used it on my hair tonight and it was very creamy. My hair feels very soft, and hopefully in the morning I won’t have to work as hard. Maybe I won’t have to do anything but a quick comb-through. Wouldn’t that be a dream? Unfortunately, I don’t have the proper texture of hair to not have to flatiron. Unless lumpy frizzy hair is the look I’m going for.

I’m looking forward to what’s next up for Beauty DNA. I enjoy this box so much. I have a feeling after I end up canceling every box I subscribe to (hypothetical situation, of course) I will still keep Beauty DNA around. They are legit, people.

You may go sign up now.

May3

Glossybox | April 2014

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It’s Saturday night, my OKC Thunder just won, and I’ve got a belly full of pizza. What more do I need in life?

Makeup. And skincare. Always always always. Then after that, Im pretty much set.

Here’s my Glossybox:

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Can we say big fat poo? I was so superly disappointed in the box this month. I’m not excited about one item, and I don’t even know what one item even is. Let me explain.

That tall stick thing is an eyeshadow sealer by LASplash. A what now? Eyeshadow sealer. Mmmm k. I guess it’s like a glue of some kind to hold your loose glitter and shimmer shadows to your eyeball. Did you just fall asleep cuz I sure did. I will never use this. Delete. Moving on.

Next boo is this Aqua Spa body creme. You can buy this at Walmart. If I really wanted it, I’d go buy it myself. The whole point of subscribing to beauty boxes (other than opening Christmas presents eleven times a month) is receiving brands that are not easy to get, or brands I’ve never heard of. Not brands that I could buy while shopping in my pajamas on a late night emergency tampon run.

On a positive note, this is the best thing in the box. Yes, it’s all downhill from here.

Speaking of brands available at Walmart, I got a body wash from Caldrea that I swear to you I almost bought at Target the day before. Luckily, I opted for a different body wash or else what would be the point of this one?

I did actually use this so it isn’t going to waste. Although they sent me the tea olive lime scent which does not transport me to a tropical island in any way whatsoever. Gah! Would it kill you to put coconut in everything please?! Do I need to be CEO to get things done around here? Apparently so.

How many times have I received a Bellapierre item in one of my boxes? I can’t even tell you. I just feel like I get something from them at least once a month, mostly in the form of mineral shadows. Snoring! Well this time they sent lipgloss, which at first I was like another gold lipgloss? But then I shut my yap long enough to use it and it’s really lovely. It’s like a gold with some coppery rose in it. Purty! And not sticky either, which is nice.

Last product in the box is this horrid white nail polish by Ciate. Yes, they sent me white nail polish and it looks exactly as if I’ve been transported back to 7th grade when all the girls would paint their nails with Whiteout. Want proof? Here ya go:

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Straight up Whiteout. Do you know how many colors this stuff comes in? I don’t know, but there are 13 pages of it on their website. Thirteen pages of colors, and I got the white one. My life hates me.

They do have a white chocolate nail polish remover that intrigues me very much. But that’s beside the point.

The point is I’m very tired now. More tomorrow. Good night friends!

May2

Petit Vour | April 2014

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I’m trying very hard to get caught up on my box reviews because guess what’s on their way to me right now? May boxes. I’m inundated. It’s so hard to be me, you guys. So. Hard.

Here’s Petit Vour:

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This box has never failed to impress me. I’m usually very in love with it. They aren’t perfect – none of them are – but they’re pretty dang close.

Favorite item in the box is the eyeshadow quad by Lily Lolo. What kind of name is Lily Lolo? I don’t know, but it kind of makes me want to buy everything they make.

Yes I’m that kind of person. Clever names suck me in every time. If you name your business something interesting, my cat ears perk up immediately. But if you use your initials and call yourself A&B’s Makeup or something similar, that is NOT interesting. Not even for a second.

Now that that’s cleared up, how about we segue into an item that is also not interesting. Perfume. Here’s my face when it saw that big ole poo: -__-

See? Snoozefest. But if you’re curious, it’s called Yogini by Harvey Prince and it didn’t stink very much. That’s high praise coming from me.

Now for some better stuff, I got a skin elixir moisturizer oil thing from Jane Scrivner. I haven’t used a moisturizer that is like a facial oil before so I’m actually intrigued. It says it absorbs easily, and that’s my main concern. We shall see. I’ll keep you posted.

Last item in the box is a cream cleanser from Kimberly Parry. I am sort of indifferent about this item because it’s not as creamy as I think it should be. And if I think it should be, it should be. Well! Creamy does not mean not creamy does it? Or even semi-creamy? No, it does not. I win. Let’s all agree.

Having said all that, it does a fine job of cleaning. I put on a sample of Kat Von D super duper full coverage foundation last night (at Sephora, my new home) and this cleanser got every last drop of it off like a champ. So while not particularly creamy like lotion as you might expect, it’s still pretty good.

More box fun and haul items coming up this weekend. Oh and my April empties. But first I gotta scoop cat poop and do two-nights-ago’s dishes. See, told you being me was hard.

May1

Lip Factory | April 2014

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No better way to celebrate May 1st by reviewing a box I got in April. Yes, I’m behind. No hate, just love. Thanks.

Here’s my Lip Factory box:

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I’m about 1/2 and 1/2 about this box. Maybe 3/4 and 1/4, because I do not like most of the items. I feel rude when I say that, but I’m not in charge of what goes in the boxes. Unfortunately.

First thing is a good one. I own several of these NYX butter lip glosses. Thankfully they sent me a color I didn’t already have and it’s also not atrocious (like orange orange or clear). So I’m happy about receiving this.

I am not head over heels for the Ofra lipstick. I do not hate, it’s more of a ho hum pigs bum situation. They sent me the color #107 which is a bright raspberry pink. And I have so many lipsticks in this shade that adding another one was a major could-care-less event. In fact, I need to sigh again right now because I bored myself just typing all this out. Next.

Be A Bombshell sent me a purple eyeshadow crayon. For my old crepey eyelids. Mmmmm, NO. I’ve never gotten into cream eyeshadows, and I sure as hell ain’t starting with a purple one. Unless big bruised eyeball is the look I’m going for.

But then I got another Be A Bombshell item and this one I just love! It’s the single pan eyeshadow in a beautiful teal color. I wore this the other day and – I’ll just be honest with you – I stared at myself virtually all day. I went out of my way, took alternate diagonal, crisscross-y routes just to look in a mirror. I was addicted to myself. Don’t judge. I looked fabulous.

But the excitement couldn’t last all day because I got a brown pencil eyeliner from Jesse’s Girl that I could buy at Dollar Tree from here to eternity. I haven’t tried it so I suppose I shouldn’t be so hateful. There are a lot of nice products out there for $1.99 – Jordana is the first brand that comes to mind. Or Milani. So perhaps Jesse’s Girl is just as good. I’ll let you know.

Last product in the box is a big fat DELETE. Unless I’m in the mood to wear dark gray nail polish, or nail polish in general, this item gets immediately re-gifted. Sorry, Color Club. You could’ve at least been lavender or pastel green or something more cheerful. It is spring after all.

So this box wasn’t the best. I’m usually pretty happy with Lip Factory but not this time. Surely they’ll bounce back next month, and we can put this hideous incident behind us.

On a positive note, Sephora opened up inside my JCPenney and I’m headed there tonight! So excite! If you don’t hear from me for a few days, I’m probably still there buying all the things. No need to send out a search crew. I’m already home.

Apr29

Buying Stuff: Episode 12

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This constant state of buying stuff just has to stop. It’s overtaking my life. I wake up and buy stuff; go to bed and dream about buying stuff. It’s becoming a tragic, unending problem.

Juuuuuust kidding! My husband wrote that. (Kidding again, although he could’ve.)

I have a big haul for you today. I’m not sure if I’ll separate it out into two parts or not. Depends on how long the first part takes. You may be asleep at that point so…

First things first, here’s a pic:

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Got the Too Faced A La Mode eyeshadow palette. These colors are stunning! Not the trio of beiges but all the other colors. Just lovely. And surprisingly I like the magenta and navy best. Does not make you look like you have tuberculosis, despite what you’d think hot pink eyeshadow would do. Love.

I bought the little travel size of the Mario Badescu cleanser because I’m going on a little trip to Chicago next month and needed something small to fit in my bag. And also cuz I didn’t own any Mario Badescu. I probably could’ve gotten away with something from the Dollar Tree, but that’s just plain nuts. Why do that when you can buy something more expensive? My motto, in case you didn’t know.

I have already tried the cleanser because my curiosity couldn’t stand it. And it’s suuuuuper nice! The texture is so soft, it feels more like you’re moisturizing than cleaning. Approved! Put it on your shopping list.

Do not even ask me what I was thinking when I purchased the Queen Helene Mud Pack Masque. But it was $3.99 and pushed me over the free shipping barrier. You know you do that too. I have a lot of redundant pots of lip balm because of it. As if by spending $4 to save on a $5 shipping charge makes perfect sense. (It does. It’s psychological brain trickery.)

However, I love skincare so I’ll definitely use the mask. Oh, I’m sorry, I mean masque. Also, I know it’s made of mud, but if it looks like chocolate pudding, I’m not complaining.

I’ve been kinda diggin’ Essence makeup lately. They are a pretty cheap brand but they have lovely blushes and eyeshadows. Wanted to try the I Love Extreme Crazy Volume mascara cuz YouTube told me to. (Happens a lot.) Oh my goodness. This mascara is awesome. Makes my tiny baby lashes look so long and noticeable. I highly recommend especially if you have nonexistent lashes like me. It’s so funny that a $3 mascara can work just as good as my $40 Charlotte Tilbury one. But it can. Don’t tell my husband.

Wanted to try the Real Techniques version of the BeautyBlender sponge. I love love love my BeautyBlender. But wanted to see if I can get just as nice results from a cheaper dupe. So I’ve used it for the past week, and it does a pretty good job. Blends my foundation out nicely. I’d say it’s not necessarily a dupe but it does just as good as the BeautyBlender. And with the $14 you save you can buy something else. (Yes, you can – I did the math.)

Last item is a serum primer by It Cosmetics called No. 50. I bought this primarily because it was $28 off. That’s not a typo. So at this point it didn’t matter what it was, it was virtually free. Thankfully, however, it’s a nice, silky soft primer that is supposed to reduce pore size and fine lines and brighten skin in a mere 10 days. It claims to be “baby skin in a bottle” which is quite a clever catch phrase cuz if the discount price didn’t sell you, achieving baby skin definitely would.

And then I had a 10% off coupon for Sephora which I could not let go to waste. So I bought this:

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Do you own anything by Jurlique? I didn’t, which is reason #1 why I do now. This little trio is the Herbal Recovery Anti-Aging kit that includes night cream, eye cream and a serum. Have I used it yet? No. But I own it and that’s all that matters.

We are not done. I bought another little skincare kit from Ole Henriksen:

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I’m not even certain how all this happens anymore. It’s like my hand has a mind all it’s own, pointing and clicking and whatnot. It moves independent from my body. I could totally be zoning out reading a book or taking a nap, but my right arm is stuck out shopping on it’s own free will. It would be quite magical if it wasn’t so expensive.

This kit include seven sample sizes of an eye gel, foaming cleanser, truth serum, night gel, walnut complexion scrub, sheer transformation moisturizer and a super creme moisturizer. So I got an entire day and night ritual that would probably last for a month or so. Maybe longer on some of the products. I’m very excited to start using some of this stuff. One day. After all the other stuff gets used.

In other words, I’ll get back to you in about 15 years.

Here’s a small batch of goodies:

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I had some Birchbox points I wanted to cash in so thought I’d buy an expensive mascara in an effort to make it less expensive although still expensive. Picked up the Chantecaille Faux Cils mascara. According to their website, their formula works better than false lashes. So I’m sold! Who doesn’t want that? (Crazy people.). I’ve used it a few times, and it really is a nice mascara. No clumps, great length. Is it worth the $42 price tag? Well it took my tiny straight sad little lashes and transformed them into butterfly wings. So you be the judge.

Needed yet another travel size product to take with me on my Chicago trip next month, this time in the form of a toner. Saw the Caudalie Beauty Elixir and I figured I’d give it a try. The reviews are pretty good. In fact someone on Instagram told me it changed their skin completely. I’m really excited now. I want new skin too! I spritzed a little already and it has this tingly sensation that I can probably get super addicted to. But I put it away to save for my trip. My gestures of willpower are simply amazing. Ok, in all seriousness, they really truly are. I’m super human.

Last item in the haul – yes, we’ve made it to the end – is this lipstick from Rouge Bunny Rouge. I know, Rouge Bunny what? They are a Russian company; even the packaging had some Russian writing on it. I felt so cosmopolitan. I was like, Vogue! I’m here.

Anyway. The lipstick is in one of their best selling colors called Nothing Unknown. It’s a nude rose with mauve pearlescent and is so very beautiful. It sparkles so lovely in the sunlight. I think it might be my favorite lipstick. It’s sheer though, so beware if that’s not your thing.

Okay, that’s it. In case you weren’t aware, I did the entire haul instead of splitting it in two parts. It took me 13 hours to write this post, just so you know the sacrifice I made for my people. Hope you enjoyed it after all that effort.

Good night!

Apr27

Birchbox | April 2014

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I’ve been sitting here thinking about purchasing the Chanel Vitalumiere Aqua foundation, and I’m trying very hard to ignore myself. Figured it would be a fine time to do a blog.

Got my Birchbox recently. Here’s the stats:

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Oh look, another black eyeliner. I’ve hit the motherlode this month. This one is from Cynthia Rowley. And I’ve never owned anything by Cynthia Rowley. So in my effort to own all the things, I’m completely fine with this item. I used it several times last week on my upper lid and it is very black, smooth and stays put all day. Approved! Put it on your shopping list.

The little envelope thingie is a collection of body and face scrubs and facial oil by Nyakio. I was so excited to get this. It’s their coffee scent, and anything that smells like coffee I am immediately interested. I love coffee. I mean, I really really love it. I put pants on today and drove to Starbucks in the middle of a tornado warning because I love it that much. Probably not the best idea in terms of common sense, but I never said I had common sense. But I do love coffee! As we have established.

What was my point? I dunno.

I got the cutest little cheek and lip stain sample from theBalm. The full size has six colors, but the sample is just one color and mine is in the shade Pie. I have applied this as a cream blush, and it’s very pretty. The packaging is adorable so even if you aren’t a fan of cream blush or feel like using it as a lip tint, you can buy it cuz it has half naked men on the inside. Hooray!

Got another little can of Klorane dry shampoo. Normally I don’t like repeats but this is a good one so I’ll allow. I already claim Batiste as my holy grail dry shampoo, so there’s really no reason to spend an extra $10 for the Klorane one unless you just want to. Do what makes you happy. If that means forgoing electric bill for a new bottle of Chanel foundation so be it.

Last product in the box is a granola bar from Kind. I was sort of okay with it because for one, it’s not tea, and for two, I don’t hate granola. But then I saw they sent me the maple pumpkin seed flavor, and I about took a nap. Whyyyyyyyeeeee? Doesn’t any of this organic stuff come in chocolate? Do I need to be CEO of yet another company?

I decided to take the Kind bar to work with me as a mid-afternoon snack because when 3pm rolls around, I’ll pretty much eat anything. And in their defense, it was actually pretty tasty. Fiiiiiine. I’ll be good now.

All in all this was a pretty good box. Granted, I would’ve preferred a beauty product instead of the granola, but apparently I’m not in charge of the box contents. Which is a tragic shame in my opinion.

About to take off my makeup and do a little skincare therapy. Best part of the night. See ya tomorrow!

Apr23

Boxycharm | April 2014

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Oh, Boxycharm.  One month they’re up, the next month they’re down.  And sometimes they’re smack dab in the middle like now.  You properly on the edge of your seat with anticipation?  Yes?  Then we shall begin:

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So I got this very large bottle of Coolway Glow Finishing Oil that I will most likely never use.  Hooray!  I dunno, I just never get too excited about hair styling products since I never have time in the morning to do anything other than comb my hair.  Seriously, I wash it in the evening, straighten it the next morning and then just comb it for 3 days until it’s time to wash it again.

I may be the laziest person on the planet.

Granted there is nothing to using this product other than pumping out a dime-size dollop and smoothing it through your hair.  I could easily bring it to work with me and do it at my desk because it literally takes about 1% effort.  So because of that statistic, and that statistic alone, I am keeping it.

Next I got this liquid lipstick from Ofra in a super bright pink color.  I’m kind of not interested because I don’t really like bright pink lipstick.  And also it smells like it’s trying to be cake, but they didn’t quite make it so instead it smells just weird.  I may sound a skosh nitpicky, but I feel so strongly about it that I actually took the time to look up how to spell skosh. When I could’ve just said any other normal word such as bit, or tad, or even itty bitty.  You know it’s serious business when I do extra work like that.

On a positive note, the tube claims it will last 5 hours despite drinking and eating.  If that’s important to you.

And then I got an even less interesting item in the form of a nail polish from Bellapierre.  Ehhhhhhh. Delete.  However, I must give them credit for sending me a color that’s named Cotton Candy instead of what I’ve been getting recently (not named Gloomy Shitty Day, but could’ve been).  Gray just isn’t a spring color to me.  Pink is.  But I already own a Butter London pink polish, so this Bellapierre one is redundant to me.

Remember yesterday when I told you I got an onslaught of eyeliners in my boxes this month.  That ain’t no lie.  Got this ModelCo one with a built in sharpener.  If you’re counting, you are my OCD twin and I love you.  Also, you’d know that it’s my fourth, not counting the two boxes I haven’t reviewed yet which would make it six.  Plus I have two more boxes that haven’t even gotten here yet, so there could be eight for all I know.  That’s enough eyeliner to trace the eyes of all the little babies in China.  Ridiculous.

Sounds like I hated this box, but I didn’t really.  Especially not after receiving the last product, the beautiful, gorgeous peach bellini blush by ModelCo.  It is stunning!  I had such lovely visions of wearing this blush, my cheeks delicate and summery, like an milkmaid or a princess.  Wind is probably flowing through my hair.  Maybe I’m sitting in a lush green field making daisy crowns.  Or I quite possibly could be lying in a hammock daydreaming.  Or on the back of a white stallion splashing through the shoreline of the Irish side of the Atlantic.  Perhaps I’m yodeling down a mountain in Austria.  Wait, that’s Maria von Trapp.

Well, whatever the case may be, I’m definitely 20 pounds thinner.

But then someone (i.e., me) knocked the blush off the arm of the couch and it went spiralling to it’s tragic, hideous death.  Blush, disintegrated into a thousand billion pieces.  Not even the rubbing alcohol trick could have put this thing back together.  It simply no longer lived.  And that’s the end of that.

Now that my daydreams have been crushed (literally), I’m going to go sob in a corner somewhere.  I’m trying to get another one, but it comes from Australia and the shipping is almost as much as the item itself.  And no one is selling it on eBay.  So it’s proving to be a struggle.  I’m working on it though, so hopefully I can report back with good news very soon.

Bye friends!

Apr22

Ipsy | April 2014

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Guess what?  Another box.

Well, it’s the way we do it at my house.  If there’s a day that goes by that there isn’t a box on my front porch, someone probably stole it.

So here is this month’s Ipsy:

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Not bad.  There’s always a poo poo though.  This time it’s the Dr. Brandt microdermabrasion.  Let me clarify that the product isn’t bad or anything, it’s just I had already received a tube of this several months back in my Birchbox and I’m not in the mood for repeats.  If you’re curious, however, it does exfoliate pretty good. And now you know everything you need to know about this product.  Moving right along.

I’ve always wanted to own something by Cailyn, and now I do – it’s the tinted lip balm in the color Apple Pink.  At first I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it because the color looked beige-y orange in the pot.  But then I applied it and let me just say I heart it so much! It’s actually a nice pastel orange and once I add a little sheer gold lipgloss on top the color turns glorious. And I swear it makes my face skin look more youthful. Yes, I said face skin. It’s a thing.

You won’t even believe what I’m about to say. Get ready for the shock of your life. I got this Demeter perfume roller ball thingie, and it about sent me to sleep because perfume = blah. But I did my do-diligence and gave it a little sniffy anyway. And, I’ll admit … sheepishly … I am in full-fledged cahoots with this perfume. I luuuuuub it! The label says it’s Jasmine scent but it smelled just like honeysuckle to me. And honeysuckle reminds me of the time I made out with a boy in the bushes at daycare when I was 7. First off, it wasn’t a proper make-out so it’s ok. And secondly, they weren’t very good babysitters. They also smoked cigarettes at the lunch table. They’re not in business anymore. (And I turned out just fine. Mostly.)

And since I can never leave well enough alone, I received my 53rd Urban Decay 24/7 eyeliner to add to the collection. I’m not in charge of what gets put in the boxes, obviously (hence microdermabrasion). But this is the Velvet version, whatever that means. I’m not sure it’s any different or better than all the others I own. I put it on my waterline and it didn’t last an hour. But these work really well on the upper lid so I suppose I’ll just do that then.

I bored myself just now. Sorry. Well, in my defense there’s been an onslaught of black eyeliners in my beauty boxes this month. Is there some sort of supply and demand situation happening that I’m unaware of? Cuz honestly, I’m okay. No need to send me your entire stock of eyeliner. I’m set for at least a trillion years.

Last product in the box is a very boring champagne eyeshadow from Elizabeth Mott. Is there anyone left in the world that can say they don’t already own a champagne colored eyeshadow? Nomads, cave women maybe. But normal people? Don’t get me wrong, I’m still gonna use it. It’s pretty. Just slightly redundant. But if anyone wants to send me something turquoise or maybe periwinkle, that’d be great.

Well I’m done now. Gotta go sit in the bathtub for an hour and a half. Enjoy your evening!

Apr17

Love Lula | April 2014

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Let me tell you a little story about the Love Lula box.  I was laying in bed about two in the morning, and I had just canceled my Beauty Box 5 subscription.  I was a little heartbroken, because even though I never really liked the products I got in my Beauty Box 5, I still enjoyed the process of opening the box.  I could have consoled myself with my normal bowl of ice cream, but instead I found Love Lula.  And just like that, my heart was healed.

If anyone tries to tell me my 11 beauty box subscriptions isn’t emotional therapy, I will karate chop them in the throat, complete with a hiiii-yaaaa! and spitlets.

Anwyay.

Before you rush out and get your own Love Lula box, you must know it comes from England.  They do not have a monthly subscription option for U.S. customers (at this time), only a pre-paid three month one.  And once the currency was converted, the monthly charge came out to be roughly $29 per box.  So it’s not necessarily cheap, but I wanted another damn box and thought one coming from jolly ole England might be super fun.

I can convince myself of anything.  I subscribed in about 2.5 seconds.

My March box is out there floating in the ocean somewhere (probably) but my April box showed up about 11 days after they shipped it.  They are in the process of sending out another March box, just so you know.  Customer Service is top notch.  I didn’t catch one hint of annoyance at my 15 emails inquiring about the whereabouts of March.  What happened in real life could have been one major eye roll and angry typing (verging on all caps), but I’ll never know.  Us OCD types can be quite obnoxious, I won’t lie.

Here’s what I got for April:

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I’m not going to pretend all this was worth the $29 I paid, but just staring at that adorable little lip balm package makes it almost worth it.  But first things first – that blasted one-time-use packet.  It’s a Jane Iredale Glow Time BB Cream one.  The envelope it was stuck to said it comes in 6 shades, but the packet doesn’t have a color listed on it so I have no idea what shade it’s in or if it would even come close to matching my skin.  The website says it color-adjusts, so I’ll just hope for the best.  Apparently the texture is what they lovingly describe as “velvet” and that makes my cat ears perk up instantly.  (Cat people will understand what cat ears are.  If you aren’t a cat person, what is wrong with you?)  I’m super big on texture, so anything that claims to be velvet definitely has my attention.

Got a couple samples of Sante shower gel in the lemon and coconut scents.  I’ve used the lemon one already, and it had a nice smell.  But what else can you say about a shower gel?  It performed like a shower gel.  No scrubby bits, just a shower gel.  Hopefully you’re getting my picture because carpal tunnel is about to set in.

As for that super cute package of lip balm, I just about abandoned my entire box and locked myself in the bedroom with just this lip balm.  I’m such a sucker for packaging.  You could be selling slug trail, but if it comes looking like it stepped out of a 19th century European apothecary, you can put all your money on the fact I’m buying it.  Seriously, all your money.  That’s how much packaging means to me.

Now this Figs & Rouge lip balm isn’t from the 19th century, but it is European.  It’s more of a girly chic motif, which also excites me to no end.  Plus, the flavor is Mocha Orange and I’m like whaaaaaaa…??  Let me put this in perspective for you.  You know how at Christmas or Valentines you get a box of assorted chocolates and sometimes there’s a map of flavors but sometimes there’s not.  And when there’s not, you’re eating chocolate all willy nilly, biting into a coconut, a caramel, or one of those truffle things, nodding and making lip-licking noises because you’re so incredibly happy you’re beside yourself with joy (but no manners).  But then you bite into one that’s filled with orange cream and all your daydreams are destroyed in the blink of an eye.  Well, that’s not me, not even close.  I am of the rare minority who would scissor off your pointer finger for a bite of the orange cream ones.

What am I going on about?  I dunno.  I just love the smell of chocolate and orange and this lip balm makes me happy.  The end.

Next item is the black kohl eyeliner from UNE.  They are a French company so instantly I’m interested.  I used this liner the other day, and it is nice and creamy and applied smoothly.  But it is also the third black eyeliner I’d gotten in a beauty box this month so I was kind of like ho hum pigs bum.  I mean, I’ll use it because it came from France and all, but it doesn’t excite me to the point of madness.  That’s all I’m saying.  Moving right along.

Last item in the box is the REN Rosa Centifolia Express Makeup Remover.  At first I was like, yay a new makeup remover because I’m a big fat makeup dork.  I thought it was a liquid; however, instead it’s a cleansing milk.  I don’t like putting lotiony textures on my eyes.  They feel goopy to me, and dangerous.  Because I’ve never wanted to open my eyes and look all around me as if I had never seen any of it before quite like I do when I’m forced to have my eye closed due to a goop/eyeball impending doom scenario.  Why is that exactly?  Am I a 3 year old child?  But for the sake of science I did put this goop on my eyeball.  Did not enjoy, but I survived.

So there you have it, my first Love Lula experience.  One of these days my March box will appear, and then I will have a May box to review as well.  Not sure if I will sign up for another round because $29 and the agony of waiting for my box to sail across the Atlantic Ocean sometimes is just too much to bear.  But we’ll see.  I’m finiky and change my mind a lot (due to the aforementioned 3 year old child disorder).

In the meantime, have a great Thursday.