Apr16

Buying Stuff: Episode 11

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I’m starting to think I’m in need of an intervention. I buy a lot of stuff. It’s getting ridiculous. Well, not for me, but for my husband. His stink eye is getting tired.

I, on the other hand, am having the time of my life. It’s fun to own all the things. But I can’t rule out the possibility of an intervention. I got my eyes peeled for a large gathering of my family appearing out of nowhere. In fact, I’m getting very suspicious about Easter.

Anyway. Look what I got!

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It’s a Hautelook haul, y’all. That site is so evil. Tempting me with half off prices and stuff. If you gonna flaunt all that in my face I can’t be blamed for what ensues. I think it’s written in the intervention guidelines somewhere.

I picked up these four lovely little things from the TheBalm event last month. I love TheBalm so much. First off, the packaging is super adorable. But then the products are pretty nice too. So it’s a winning situation whatever way you look at it.

First thing I got is the Balms Away eye makeup remover. I just wanted to try something other than a liquid remover. And to be honest, I prefer liquid. Despite that though, this balm works pretty good. It’s just yucky having black mascara smeared Dalmatian-style all over your eye while you’re trying to remove it. But it does remove it, which I suppose is the point.

Next, I picked up the Schwing liquid eyeliner. I used to use liquid eyeliner in brush form like this, but switched to the pen form as I felt it was easier. But I figured I’d try Schwing to see if I could still master the brush. Annnnnnnd … I can’t. It’s not like riding a bike; I forgot utterly and disastrously. I remember the good ole days when it took like 5 seconds to swipe this stuff on. Not anymore, friends. Good thing I have 1.5 hours set aside in the morning. Otherwise: tragedy ensues.

I love TheBalm’s eyeshadow palettes. They are cute as pie. I own four of them now. I think the shadows are nice quality, pigmented and easy to blend. This palette is the Balm Jovi one, and the colors are very wearable. I’ve been using it all week and it’s safe to say we’s best friends. Yes, I said we’s. It’s that serious.

Plus, not only does it have lovely eyeshadows, but it includes a very pretty blush, a champagne highlighter and two lip glosses. It’s practically all you need in life.

Just kidding. You need wayyyyyy more than that. At least I do, hence the intervention.

Last item I got was the Dandelion Brightening Moisturizer. I haven’t used this yet as you know I keep buying moisturizers that may never see the light of day. But I’m trying very hard to make a dent. I do have an entire line of TheBalm skincare so if there’s ever an excuse to move this one to the front of the line, this be it.

Ok, I’m done for tonight. I have more hauls and boxes coming up so GET. EXCITED. Why, you ask? Is this your first day here? Cuz I am the boss of you, that’s why.

Good night!

Apr14

Sample Society | April 2014

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Sorry I was MIA over the weekend.  The post office delivered one of my packages to someone else (no clue who) so I was pouting for three days.  Luckily it was just a $10 phone case, not a beauty item, so if it never shows up in my mailbox I suppose I’ll live.   I won’t like it, but I’ll live.  If it was makeup or skin care, however, the world has ended.

As you’d expect.

Anyway, my Sample Society box came in last week and it’s sooooo much better than the previous one.  Lookie here:

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I posted this picture on Instagram and confused a few people.  The items in the back are props only, I repeat, PROPS ONLY.  I was trying to take a more flattering and colorful photo, and I suppose I failed.  That’s what happens when trying to do stuff while in the bathtub, as I have violated my own rule that states only lazy things happen in there.  A brief bout of ADD, that’s my only excuse.

So let’s get started.  First things first, I got a little jar of Clark’s Botanicals Deep Moisture Mask.  Oh how I love masks.  I wish I could do a mask every night, but probably my face would fall right off or something.  This one is supposed to revitalize stressed, dry complexions.  Has antioxidants in it as well, which is always a good thing.  I haven’t used it yet because as you know I have a very large cache of masks waiting in the wings.  But I’m very excited to start.  Also, the full-size is $72 – which means absolutely nothing to me whatsoever.  Certainly not that expensive is better or more fancy or anything as shallow as that.

La la la la la la …

I’m a horrible person.  I know.

Next little jar is the H20+ Aquafirm+ Micro-Collagen Moisturizer.  This one fights fine lines and loss of firmness with collagen-boosting moisture.  But most impressive is it contains marine microspheres and sea nutrient barrier.  What is all that?!  I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I want it. But full-size is only $50 so I don’t want it as much as the other one.

Just kidding. (Kind of.)

The flowered tin would be a cute little travel candle by Illume.  I got the scent Anemone, which is a nice citrusy-and-something-else scent.  I’m not opposed to candles if they smell good.  And by good I mean smells like food.  I don’t want a candle that smells like warm laundry, a pine tree, or something called Ocean Escape because that’s not a thing.  I want food ones, forever and always.  Chocolate, coconut, apple strudel.  If you send me a candle that smells like Winter Wonderland or Crisp Country Air, I delete.  Just like that.  No looking back.

I’m getting worked up.  On to the next thing.

Got a really pretty blue eyeliner pencil by Butter London.  This is a nice, creamy liner that goes on smooth and smudges out easily.  I wore it on my bottom waterline last week, and it was a nice contrast to my brown eyes.  I don’t really know what else to say about it until I wear it on my top eyelid to see how it fares.  At this point, it’s just an eyeliner.

Last item are these japanese blotting papers from Tatcha.  I don’t have much of a necessity for these, as I don’t tend to get very oily.  However, they are adorable and adorable trumps necessity about 97.947604% of the time.  Just ask my daughter who once brought home a live baby chicken and I let her keep it without blinking an eye for a second.

That’s it, y’all.  Short and sweet.  I usually like to sample the products a bit before doing a review, so I apologize for basically a very useless and uninformative post.  Entertaining, yes.  But definitely, absolutely useless.  Maybe next time.  I do have a large haul to discuss because SOMEBODY keeps sending me 20% off coupons. SOMEBODY doesn’t realize what they’ve done.

Ulta, I’m talking to you.

Apr10

Buying Stuff: Episode 10

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I would say I need to quit buying stuff, but we all know that will never, ever happen.  Buying stuff is the gas that keeps me going.  If I can’t look forward to opening my mailbox in the evening, then what is the point of life?  I ask you:  what is the point?

So here’s a few things that came in my Sephora box:

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In yet another attempt to own all the things, I have added a couple new ones to the pile.  First item is the resurfacing mask by Tata Harper.  I hadn’t really heard much about the Tata Harper brand.  But this mask comes in a pretty green jar, and that was enough persuasion for me.  And then upon further research I discovered it won an Elle beauty award.  So at this point, nothing else mattered.  I bought the Tata Harper and it’s simply lovely.

The jar, that is.  I haven’t used the insides.  I have no idea when that will actually take place.  Owning all the things doesn’t necessarily mean using all the things.  Do you need to take a minute to write all this down in your notebook?  I’ll wait.

…

…

Okay, next new brand is the Shiseido foundation in a stick.  Who doesn’t love things on sticks?  Corn dogs, lollipops, deep fried chocolate dipped twinkies.  Those may not come on sticks, but they are delicious!  Anyway.  The foundation.  Back in October, I got color matched at Sephora using their Pantone camera device.  They gave me my color number (1R07) and now I can input this number on Sephora’s website and up pops a myriad of foundations that will match my skin tone perfectly.  No more guessing!  This is ingenious, in my opinion.  If you haven’t done it, GO.

So I ordered this foundation knowing with a 100% certainly it would be my color.  And you know what: it is.  It almost disappears into my skin after swiping it on without even blending.  It’s perfect.  I was nervous because I am a medium skin tone, but the color match was a natural fair ivory.  But I decided to trust the Color IQ system and so glad I did.  Obviously the colors run dark, so FYI for those that need to know.

Let’s talk mascara.  You know how I have about 27 tubes or something like that?  And how I’m always in search of that one mascara to beat all mascaras?  Well, I think I’m getting pretty close with this one.  YSL‘s Babydoll mascara is so amazing y’all.  The brush is small so you can really get down to business.  My lashes get fanned out and lengthened nicely, which is what is always missing with so many of the mascaras I try.  I’m so happy to have this, it’s worth every penny of the $30 I spent on it.  And if my husband’s reading this, I meant $3 not $30.  Silly auto-correct.

And because I don’t ever have enough masks in my life, I picked up the First Aid Beauty red clay peel-off one.  For those with twitching fingers, a peel-off mask is the perfect thing to soothe you.  Nothing is more fun than peeling something off your skin.  Dried glue doesn’t happen as much anymore, and now that I’m older, sunburns – while still 100% satisfying to peel – are not the ideal way to go.  You know, skin cancer and whatnot.  So what is left but a peel-off mask?  And if they happen to rip off my tiny mustache while we’re at it, that’s just bonus points.  In other words, so excited to use this.  One day.  After all my other masks get their turn first.

Sigh.  My life is so hard.

Last item in the picture is something I got off Amazon.  After sampling the tube of Coola sunscreen in my Birchbox and discovering how much I loved it, well what is the natural next step?  This stuff is not cheap, but I did find a tube on Amazon for about $8 cheaper and free shipping so I don’t feel too bad.  Actually, I don’t feel bad at all.  It is sunscreen – a vital and crucial part of life – and therefore a medical necessity.  That = JUSTIFIED.  Any questions?

Next batch of goodies came from Ulta after they sent me a 20% coupon that I did not need.  However, that is irrelevant at all times.  Here’s what I picked up:

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I went in primarily for the Stila liquid eyeliner pen.  I wanted to get a green one.  Why for?  Just cuz.  You know how we girls do.  Actually, I was thinking how I really liked the look of my blue Chella liquid eyeliner, even though its pen tip is the biggest fail known to man.  Someone on Instagram had said Stila had a great pen and in lots of pretty colors.  Well, that’s all you have to say.  I’m on it immediately.  I really impress myself with how quickly I can get things done.  Not housework, but the other stuff.  Well, just makeup stuff.  Everything else is a crapshoot.

Back to the eyeliner.  I picked up the Moss color, which is like a hunter green.  I applied it and it went on so smoothly, was so pigmented, and I didn’t have to do the toilet paper swipe thingy in order to keep the color flowing in the nib.  It was heaven.  My holy grail probably.  No, definitely.  And then, as an added bonus because I wasn’t even checking for this, it didn’t feather out on my inner eye like every single other liquid eyeliner does that I’ve tried.  A miracle!  God wasn’t resting on the 7th day – he was creating the Stila eyeliner and making my life very very happy indeed.

And as if I needed another cream blush in my stash (I did), I picked up a lovely peachy color by Butter London called Honey Pie.  I picked this up on a whim because they had it out on display and I passed by it on accident.  They really shouldn’t put things on end-caps.  Dangerous territory, those end-caps are.  Also, shelves of things near the check-out registers.  Bad, horrible.  Just like window displays, the little set-ups in the front of the store that highlight the specials, all the rows of products lining the walls and filling up the insides, the stuff in the middle and the left and right sides.  All that is bad, horrible, dangerous territory.  If you can somehow float near the ceiling without seeing or touching anything, that might be the only safe thing.

Last thing I got was the Benefit The Big Easy BB Cream.  A spontaneous purchase, as I never intended to buy this as I have plenty other BB creams to tend to.  But the packaging was irresistable, they had them on display (right in the front – see, I told you), and if I ever walk out of Ulta with just two things, something is seriously seriously wrong.  One thing to note is the color range runs a little light.  I would normally get the light-medium shade, but the medium actually worked best.  However, the shades are self-adjusting, so even if I had chosen wrong I still think it would’ve turned out okay.  The finish looked very nice on my skin, like a powder but not flat.  Coverage was light, but probably buildable.  I say probably because I never build my foundations.  If I gotta put two coats of foundation on, I’d never get out of the house in the morning.  It’s best to just get it right the first time.  So, I liked this product a lot.  Dry skin people may not because of the powder finish, but for my oily skin peeps – this one’s got your name on it.

That’s enough for now.  I actually have more haul pics but I feel as if some of you may already be asleep.  We will continue our discussion tomorrow.  Hoorah!

Apr8

Blush Mystery Beauty Box | April 2014

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First box of the month!  Get excited, people.  And then really get excited cuz I know you were faking it the first time.

I know, it’s hard to muster up emotion when all these fabulous things are happening to other people (me).  But seriously, you can subscribe to them too and then we can be excited together.  Plus, if there is one person in the world who can be your biggest cheerleader-slash-enabler, it’s me.  You may be broke, but you got 11 beauty box subscriptions.  I see nothing wrong with that picture.

It’s Blush Mystery Beauty Box time.  Here’s what they sent:

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I will admit that last month was a better month.  But I’m not hugely disappointed.  Let me explain.  Poo-poo #1 is the fact that they sent me a duplicate freebie, and it wasn’t even a very good freebie.  The Elizabeth Arden Untold perfume was in my January or February box, and I had given it away almost immediately.  And now they’ve sent me another one.  I’m being stalked and I no likee.

Poo-poo #2 is a nail polish from Cult Cosmetics in a very unfortunate grey color.  I know I sound like I’m on repeat when I say I don’t prefer nail polish of any kind whatsoever, but the least they could’ve done was send a color fit for the season.  I’d at least use something in lilac or robin egg blue.  I mean, I’d use it like once and then stash it in my drawer for the next 15 years.  But still.

Poo-poo #3 is only a half poo.  Because it is Jonathan Product shampoo for fine/thin hair.  Sounds alright.  But there is no matching conditioner.  Excuse me, what?  How am I supposed to use the shampoo then?  Just apply it on my hair all willy-nilly and hope for the best?  Then I realized I can use it with my Carol’s Daughter hair mask and call it good.  Crisis averted.  Carry on.

They sent two other little freebies (aside from the perfume) that I was fine with, so we’re done with poo-poos.  I got this little leg hair inhibiting towelette by Whish.  First of all, what?  Definitely got my attention.  Apparently, after a shower, spa treatment or yoga session (very specific, mind you), you swipe this all over for a refreshed, cooling feeling that also slows future hair growth.  Huh.  How about that.  I’m almost certain there is no possibility whatsoever that that actually happens.  Someone needs to whip me up some scientific data like stat.

The other freebie is a little packet of toner by Jade Spa.  I was fine with this.  It was actually kind of nice.  Aside from the alarming brown color.  I thought for a split second I got a rotten one.  But it smelled herbally and nice.  Full size is $29.50.

In other words, I’m over it already.  Next.

So I truly love dry shampoo. The whiter the powder, the better. I’m sure it’s mostly psychological brain trickery, but the white powder is clear, concise evidence the dry shampoo is working. Now, I got sent this Oscar Blandi version that has invisible white powder. I’m not sure that’s even a thing, much less be able to handle it properly. Invisible white powder? I’m scared.

Then there is this dual lip liner/lip stick crayon from La Bella Donna. It’s kind of a nifty little thing since it’s an all-in-one and very convenient. And they sent me a nice color at least. Therefore, approved. Also, it costs $27, so even if I hated it I’d probably still love it.

Last item in the box is my favorite hands down. It’s this ridiculously expensive moisturizer from Darphin Paris. I’m not sure who can even afford this stuff other than celebrities or debutantes. It’s a mere $295 drop in the bucket my friends. Hopefully it’s the most horrible moisturizer I’ve ever used cuz I can’t afford to be tempted in this horrifying manner.

Well that is all for today. I have another box arriving tomorrow plus a big o batch of haul stuff to report. Look forward to that, and I’ll see you soon. Night!

Apr5

Buying Stuff: Episode 9

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Lawd. Help me. And stop sending me Ulta 20% off coupons.

I just can’t let a good coupon go to waste though. I even have three Sephora coupons waiting for me, and I’m literally freaking out. My heart tells me to go shopping but my brain gives me the stink eye. Ugh, the struggle.

Alright, let’s just ignore all that business and get started with the haul. Here’s a few things I picked up from Sephora last week:

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The first thing there is a 100 point perk item so it was free. Yay for free, am I right? Kind of was expecting a bit bigger bottle but I’m thinking it might last longer than I’m expecting. It’s the Ole HenriksenTruth Serum. You know how I love my serums. I’d probably buy a tube of slug trail if someone told me it was a serum. Sad, but embarrassingly true.

Anyway this stuff is full of vitamin C and is supposed to smooth out my fine lines and prevent further skin damage. So we will see. I’m excited to use it cuz the B5 gel moisturizer I have says it works very well with vitamin C treatments. I don’t know why, but you tell me it’s so then IT. IS. SO.

Next thing is a travel size tube of Givenchy Noir Couture mascara. It has a really unique wand, but that’s not really why I bought it. I bought it cuz it is Givenchy, and I don’t own any Givenchy, and as you know I need to own all the things.

I know. I’m ridiculous.

But I did use it, and it was nice. Not the most amazing thing I’ve ever owned, but definitely not the worst. It does say if I’d use it everyday for 4 weeks, I could have visibly curled, volumized and lengthened lashes. I’m about 97.37753% certain I’m not using this everyday for 4 weeks. My 15 billion other mascaras won’t let me.

Speaking of other mascaras, next item is the Eyeko Skinny Brush mascara. This stuff is pretty good. The brush is definitely unique but it can make your lashes clumpy if you’re not careful. I recommend only a few passes through the lashes and then moving on with your day. It gives really really nice length so you don’t need to spend light years swiping this on anyway.

Next item is another freebie, one of the samples you always get free with your order. I picked the Peter Thomas Roth Camu Camu Sleeping Mask. You put this on over your moisturizer before bed. In other words, I’ve added yet another step to my nightly skin care routine. I’m up to 18 steps now or something like that. My husband knows when I say I’m going to take my makeup off, he won’t see me for at least 45 minutes. But when I look 40 when I’m 80, who’ll be whining then? He will, but only if he’s blind. And stupid.

Last item is the Hourglass Ambient Lighting Powder in the color Dim Light. This powder is all the rage right now. And whether it works or doesn’t work makes no difference to me. Everyone has it so immediately I need it. Hell if I’m gonna be left out. I’ll see to that!

This was pretty expensive. And if it bathes me in flattering light, I wouldn’t know. I work in an office under a fluorescent tube all day. Nothing penetrates that shit. But the point is owning all the things, and really people, what more do you expect out of me?

Here’s more stuff:

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YouTube is so evil. I would never know this $98 bottle of Perricone MD Blue Plasma existed otherwise. But now that I know, I can’t unknow so look what’s sitting on my bathroom counter. Hmmmphf.

But regardless, Blue Plasma is a daily leave-on exfoliant that’s supposed to replace your old face with a new one. So if that’s gonna cost me $98 so be it.

Last adorable little thing is this Tarte cheek stain in the color Fearless. I loved this. The application is easy and the color looks so natural on the skin. I do not regret for one second buying this off some stranger on eBay who probably touched it all over with his fingers. I mean, it is pretty cute. It’d be hard not to.

That’s it for now, lovies. I have more new things, but at this point it’s really just an everyday normal thing in my life. Chances are, if there’s a day when I don’t have a new thing you need to be very very suspicious. And send gift cards immediately.

Apr3

Empties | March 2014

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It’s that time again: my monthly empties. I’ve gone through my trash and artfully displayed them for all the world to see. Hope you’ve got your snacks ready, cuz you might not get out of your seat for the next 15 hours.

Let us begin. Some body stuff:

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I received that ginormous tub of Nailtiques foot cream in a past Blush box, and it took me nigh on forever to finish it.  I did like it, but I had never really used foot cream before and therefore didn’t have much to compare it to.  But my feet did slide forward and almost out of my open-toed high heels, so that must mean something.  I lotioned away all my grippers, I guess.  If that’s a benefit to someone, please let me know.  Otherwise, it hurts having your big toe and second toe fighting for air time out of the little toe hole in the top of my shoe.  Yes, I said toe hole.  It’s a thing.

And that Buerre body cream.  I really wanted to like it y’all.  I tried so hard.  But the first application was so yucky I just couldn’t take it.  Very, very thick and left my skin super sticky.  I’m not sure what would’ve happened had I given it a chance to absorb because I immediately washed it off my body like stat.  I thought maybe it needed a good stir, to add a little air to the product.  Because it was delivered to me in sub-zero temperatures, I figured perhaps it had solidified a bit and never recovered.  So I took a little plastic spoon and gave it a good stir.  Looked promising.  The texture seemed softer to me, anyway.  Sadly, however, this had no effect on it whatsoever, and I wasted a good 5 minutes stirring this stuff for no dadgum reason.  Blah.

On a side note, no one else on the internet had this same experience.  So either I got a defective one, or they don’t have OCD texture issues.  Serious, if someone else has tried this and loved it, I would like to know.

Some face cleanin’ business:

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I pulled that little sample of Biore charcoal cleanser out of my Allure magazine.  Normally, I couldn’t give two flips about these kinds of samples, but I was kind of curious.  It also had a $2 coupon attached.  (Bribery.)  Anyway, I cleaned my face with this stuff, and loved it.  I have no idea if it cleared my pores out or anything, but there is a cooling sensation it provides that got me addicted immediately.  So I bought the full-size.  I mean, of course.  Can’t let a good coupon go to waste.  And also: ADDICTED.

That Bioxidea sheet mask thingie was ridiculous.  If you’ll recall, I received two in two different beauty boxes.  They are uber expensive, like $20 for one.  So leave it to me to apply the first one upside down and ruin everything.  Serious, I couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t fit, then the jelly like texture of the mask broke apart on me, which I’m sure had nothing to do with me tugging around on it or anything.  Am I in a comedy show or something?  Geez.  Immediately pulled this off and tried again with the other one.  Which is when I discovered my upside-down snafu.  Second one was applied properly, although it didn’t stick to my face very good.  I tried to sit back and relax like the instructions told me to, but I was very much overly concerned by the fact I hated this mask.  I was annoyed at wasting $40 in about 5 minutes.  So if my skin received any benefit whatsoever from this thing, I’ll never know.  Preoccupied by my hate as much as I was.

The little tube of vbeaute Rub Off Exfoliator did it’s job.  It exfoliated.  That’s about all I can say about it.  I won’t even pretend there is something else I can mention.  Moving on.

If you ever get the opportunity to purchase the Lush Mask of Magnaminty, I would say just go for it.  I freakin love this stuff.  First of all, it’s handmade and has an expiration date of about 5 months.  I ordered the small tub because I knew I would never use the large one in 5 months.  The smell is divine (if you like mint), it’s cooling and it’s creamy.  Spreads really well.  The only negative would be once it dries, the chunks on your face are kind of annoying to remove.  But if you can persevere, it’s worth it.  If you like a smooth face, that is.  If you don’t, then maybe you have more issues than just removing a face mask.  Just saying.

I have makeup remover thingies:

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Boring topic so I’ll do this quick.  The Almay remover was good.  It’s the oil/water combo remover that you have to shake to activate, but I actually prefer this style cuz it does the job better than the other kind.  Other than that, it’s makeup remover.  What else can you say about it?

I really like the Clinique Take the Day Off Cleansing Milk.  I didn’t even know cleansing milk was a thing until this.  But now that I know, I’ll never be without a cleansing milk.  It just helps break down the makeup before you get down to actually cleaning it off.  To some, it may seem like a redundant step.  But for me, if my nighttime routine doesn’t include about 17 products, I feel naked.  Right now, I’m trying a Caudalie one, but I will go back to the Clinique at some point.

The DHC Deep Cleansing Oil was alright.  It did melt off my mascara pretty good.  But towards the end of the bottle I was ready to stop using it.  I just don’t like cleansing my face with oil.  Nothing is wrong with it; it’s just my preference.  But apparently this product is one of DHC’s best sellers.  So somebody loves it.  Just not me.

And now – hair bits:

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I love me some dry shampoo, y’all!  This Klorane one was really great.  Worked like a dream all the way to the bottom of the can.  I would purchase this again in a heartbeat if there was a worldwide shortage of Batiste.

I got the little sample of the John Freida Frizz Ease flat iron spray in an Influenster box.  I know I’ve never talked about Influenster before, but they are not a subscription service.  I signed up back in the fall, and at some point they sent me a couple of free product boxes to review.  But the boxes aren’t a guaranteed thing – I may never get a box again, who knows?  Anyway.  I did like the spray.  I felt like it helped somewhat to make my hair straighter when I flat ironed it the next morning.  Or maybe it just took some of the frizz away, I dunno.  However, I did not finish the spray because I got an onslaught of hair products last month and needed to get to them.  And because I didn’t pay for the Frizz Ease in any way whatsoever, it was the first to go.  My reasoning only makes sense to me.  Sorry.

Did that paragraph just bore you?  Cuz it bored me.

Last thing is the hair thickener by Nioxin.  I got this in my very first Glossybox and used it for the past 7 months.  As you can see, it’s not quite gone, but I’m going to be honest with you.  I was tired of messing with it.  Seven months is a long time to be using something that I didn’t even know worked or not.  I would spray this along my hairline because that’s where my hair looked the most thin.  And frankly, it still looks about the same.  Granted, I only used this stuff twice a week because there ain’t nothing in the world that’ll make me wash my hair more often than that.  Except for maybe some Sephora gift cards.  But if not that, then NOTHING.

My favorite topic.  Serums galore:

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I’ve come to the conclusion I need to take better pictures.  Or else companies need to make better, camera-friendly packages.  Can you tell what the purple thing or the orange thing is?  No.  So good thing I’m about to tell you.

First item, though, is the little mesh bag of pH Advantage PM Vitamin Triple Complex.  This serum was awesome.  Made my skin feel so silky.  Absorbed really quickly too.  Loved it.  I had 4 sample packets and they lasted me over a month.  Nice way to stretch out the one-time-use pouch thing.  Other CEOs: take note!

The purple bottle is the Tarte Maracuja Oil.  This lasted for a very long time, even though the sample bottle was so small.  I applied a couple of drops all over my face before bed, and I woke up with some very smooth, soft skin.  There are some other scientific-y bits on this as well that you can read all about on their website.  I’m tired.  I feel carpal tunnel approaching very soon.

See that little red vial?  That’s the Phyto-C Velvet Gel, and I got this in my Ipsy bag not too long ago.  I loved it so much after my first application that I proceeded to buy two other Ipsy members’ samples they did not want off eBay.  Probably should have just bought the full-size but didn’t feel like spending $64.  I’m on my last vial currently, and I will admit to being over it now.  It’s still a nice, silky serum (in gel form), but I’m ready to move on to something new.  This is why I hardly ever buy full-size stuff.  My attention span barely exists.  My brain does this odd ADD thing where I bounce from one great big thing to another in the time it takes to type out this entire sentence.  You have no idea how much editing I do to my posts before I click submit.  Otherwise, it’s a run-on-sentence lover’s paradise in here.

The orange tube is the MD Solar Sciences tinted SPF creme.  I did enjoy this very much.  It was a nice other option to my holy grail SPF, Cotz.  There wasn’t much product in the tube so I didn’t use this for more than a few days, but if you’re big on texture, you’ll love this.  If you also like spending over $30 on your SPF, you’ll love this even more.  Sadly, I would rather not, so it was a fun ride while it lasted.  All four days of it.

(Also, this is not a serum so do not ask why I included it in this group.  Again, my reasonings only make sense to me.)

As for that tube of CellCeuticals Extreme Defense Anti-Cell Damlgjj l;j khgszj k …

Oh my god, never mind.  Just click the link.  Anyway.  I had to use this serum in the daytime, as that is what it’s made for.  I do not normally do this as serums need to have time to sink in before applying anything on top of it.  Guess how much extra time I have in the morning?  That’s right.  So I had to completely rearrange my routine in the morning so I could accommodate this extra step.  And it just wasn’t worth it.  I’m sure it does all sorts of lovely things to your skin, but I can barely brush my teeth with my eyes open, much less spend an exhorbitant amount of time waiting for a serum to sink in.  Moving right along.

Last item is the Rejuve MD Face serum.  This was a gel that applied kind of wet, then sort of dried tacky and not really all that pleasant.  Again, I’m big on texture, and quite honestly is the main reason for me loving a product.  You can ignore primarily 97.95769% of my reviews if you don’t understand and appreciate the love of texture.  Because I have no other scientific opinions of anything, ever.  If you ask me if this product, or any other product, actually worked, I will look at you with big blank eyes.

God.  Are we done yet?

No. Here’s some  moisturizers:

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I’m not going to say much on the Caudalie moisturizing sorbet because I just talked about it in my Birchbox review last week.  However, for those not in the know (Who are you? And why haven’t you been reading my blog?), I really liked this stuff.  Not necessarily because it has “sorbet” in the title.  But maybe a little bit.

The StriVectin eye cream was pretty nice.  I actually think after using it for a month it did help with the fine lines under my eyes.  Now, don’t freak out or anything … I said I think.  It could be some of that psychological brain trickery instead.  You know how it is.  We probably wouldn’t buy near as much stuff if we somehow hadn’t been tricked into thinking it’s working when clearly it wasn’t.  But New Beauty magazine gave it an award for best eye cream, so I’m just gonna leave it at that.

I just finished this bottle of Malin + Goetz moisturizer.  It was okay.  Nothing that made me wanna go out and buy a lifetime supply or anything.  And the packaging is the most boring thing ever.  Looks like I picked it up from the Dollar Tree.  On the plus side, it moisturized just fine.  Took a bit to absorb, but by the time I went to bed my skin felt pretty soft.  So it wasn’t horrid, and had the packaging been less generic looking, I probably would have liked it better.  Shallow?  Probably.

Now I did enjoy the Korres face cream.  It’s made from Greek yogurt, so yes it had a weird smell.  They probably should have thrown a handful of flowers in the batch, but I’m not CEO.  I’m not CEO of anything.  Although I have the best, most practical ideas that ever existed.  Why am I not CEO of something?  Seriously, why?

Last piece is the Vichy Aqualia Thermal Rich Cream.  This stuff was super nice.  Smelled very luxurious and pricey, although full-size is only $31.  (Did you hear that?  I’ve become immune. Only $31?  Why, that’s practically free!)  It was definitely rich, creamy and moisturizing.  It could be a tad perfume-y for sensitive people, but it won a Good Housekeeping award, which means I’d put up with just about anything.  Rash or no rash – it won an award, people.

Next category:  Hygiene, or otherwise known as, TMI:

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I’m only going to include this product one time.  You are going to have to trust me when I say I’ve been using it for over 20 years and I will continue to use it until I’m too old to work the lid.  It’s the Summer’s Eve Cleansing Wash.  You know, soap for your hoohah.  I won’t use anything else.  I mean, I may use the Equate generic alternative, but I won’t use regular soap down there.  Why?  Cuz it burns and itches, that’s why.  Gah, making me talk all about it and stuff.  Next.

The BeeKind shower gel looks like it still has soap in it.  It does.  But getting it out of the bottle required a lot of effort and squinting my eyes so the soap spit wouldn’t fly at me.  Yes, the last half-inch wouldn’t come out properly so I gave up. That’s okay though; I mean, shower gel isn’t that exciting anyway.  This one, however, smelled like lemons and was very nice.  Now I’m using something that smells like grapefruit, and I’ve completely forgotten about the BeeKind until just this second.  Shower gels and/or body washes don’t leave that much of an impression on me.

A product that didn’t use to leave an impression on me, but now does is shaving cream.  If you ever feel like spending $20 on shaving cream, spend it on Whish.  This stuff is yummy!  I got the blueberry scent, and it smells so much better than those metal aerosol cans of Strawberry Kiwi or Tropical Island or whatever the flip they’re called.  The texture is creamy, but not poofy.  Yes, poofy is my scientific term for what you get out of a Gillette can.  Well?!  What would you call it?  Anyway, it’s a beautiful pearl color also, so it’s visually as well as nasally pleasing.  Highly recommend.  I bought a second one, this time in the lemongrass scent, and it’s not as strong as the blueberry.  But I still love it.

Finally, we’ve reached the end.  Makeup stuffs:

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The Urban Decay Naked Skin Pressed Powder was a nice accompaniment to my Naked foundation.  I got the color Medium Light, and it was a nice match for my skin.  I used this for several months before hitting pan so it lasted for quite a while.  I would have repurchased it, but I decided to try the loose powder version instead.

Last item of this ridiculously long post is the Cargo liquid liner.  This was a big, fat poo.  I bought it off Hautelook at a nicely discounted price at least.  It just did not work at all.  The tip was so very dry.  I tried everything I could do to get it to work, but to no avail.  It took light years to line just one eye because I had to keep going over it multiple times.  I don’t know if my product was old (the website has different packaging now) or what, but either it had no juice or improper juice flow – one of the two.  Then I just said efffffff it and moved on like no sweat.  Life is too short to waste it on shitty eyeliner.

That should be on a sign somewhere.  I claim it in case someone produces it and makes millions.  You heard it here first; you are all my witnesses.

The end.  I sleepy now.

Apr2

Beauty DNA | March 2014

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Remember that time where I subscribed to a box that was good for only three months, and then the three months passed and the subscription ended?  Well, I consoled myself with this:

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This beautiful thing came from my new subscription to Beauty DNA.  Beauty DNA is different from my other boxes because they only send you one full-size item.  But the program is completely customizeable – I filled out a very in-depth profile and told them exactly what I wanted and didn’t want out of their three categories (skin, hair, and body).  So when I say they guarantee never to send me cellulite cream, they won’t.  Because who wants cellulite cream?  Or stretch mark cream?  Or any other cream to remind oneself of how unattractive their thighs are?  No thank you.  I pass.

Anyway, my first item is the Ahava Dead Sea Osmoter Concentrate serum.  Normal cost is $60 so I’m thrilled to have this.  I love serums.  They are one of my favorite things to own in the skin care realm.  In fact, if I could just buy serums and facial masks every day of my life, I would be the happiest girl in all the land.  That ain’t no joke.  If you saw my face when I opened the box, you would’ve thought there was a million dollars in there.  There wasn’t, obviously, but it was pretty dang close.

First of all, this serum has the most amazing texture.  It absorbs so quickly into my skin and leaves behind the silkiest, smoothest feeling.  That right there is worth the $60 I didn’t pay for it.  And then of course there is some scientific hoo hah that it claims to do, but I have yet to see that.  Only been using it for less than a week, so I suppose I’ll wait.  If it is successful, I will have smoother, more luminous and youthful skin in four weeks.

Looking forward to what they’ll send me next month.  It won’t be skin care because they alternate categories, so it’ll either be hair or body.  And hopefully it’s not something I already own because you know how much shit I buy.  In fact, there’s another haul post coming up soon.

On a side note, I dropped my phone into my (used) toilet yesterday, so you’re lucky this post is even happening.  After all the screaming, distressing, and sheer overreacting (and anti-bacteria-ing), I’m just plain exhausted.

See ya tomorrow.

Apr1

Glossybox | March 2014

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Happy April everybody!  My favorite month of the year because the grass gets green, flowers bloom and temperatures get warmer.  To celebrate, I’m going to review a box I received during the month of March.  (I tried to squeeze ’em all in, I swear I did.)

Glossybox was actually early this time, as opposed to last month’s which was shipped out at the very very end of February.  I don’t actually care that much, but I know a lot of other customers were complaining.  All I know is that I receive this box about every 30 days, so technically, it’s not late to me.

But I digress.  Back to the point of this post.  The box:

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First things first, the box smelled.  I mean, literally smelled.  Like old man cologne.  The kind that appears in bars or swingers clubs.  Shoooo weeee!  Alas, it was just this bar of soap by Alex and Ani.  Blech.  Delete.  It immediately went into my husband’s shower.  He can smell like an old man swinger all he wants, but for me, no thank you.

As a bonus, Alex and Ani also included one of their gold bracelet thingies.  Again, not my style, but my daughter loved it.

Received yet another tube of Alterna Bamboo Plumping Strand Expand cream.  I’m selling this on eBay as we speak, so rush out and get it please.  I’ll hold my review on this until someone buys this dadgum thing and gets it out of my house.

…

…

Fine.  I did not like this stuff that much.  It leaves a horrid tacky residue in your hair that feels dirty and gross.  Granted, I probably used too much, but whatever.  In my defense, they do not give a specific dosage on the tube, just squeeze it out and apply it all over.  This is why I need clear, concise direction, people.  Leave me to my own devices and look what happens.  I had to wash my hair three times that week.  The earth done tipped sideways over that, my friends.  I have used it a couple more times since; I purposefully applied nothing bigger than dime-size, and it fared much better.  However, I don’t feel it gave my hair any extra volume.  So, AGAIN, I’ve now applied less than I should because, AGAIN, there are no specific instructions on the tube.  I’m afraid to go quarter-size because I refuse to wash my hair more than I have to.  Gah!  This stuff stresses me out.

In other words, go buy my sample on eBay.  Thanks.

Okay, nail polish.  It won’t escape me, even though I leave the door open.  Go!  Shoo!  Be free!  Nope.  At least this time around, the Nails Inc version they sent was in a super teeny bottle.  And I did use it, and it was quite a pretty color (Brook Street, if you must know) that was reminiscent of a super warm spring day.  But I just don’t prefer nail polish.  I have too much as it is.  Plus, I just got the spoiler for April’s box, and guess what it is?  Nail polish.  I’m swimming in a sea of nail polish.  Scratch that:  I’m drowning.  I swim in mascara seas, or eyeshadow seas.  Practically swan dive into facial mask seas.  But nail polish seas?  Drowning, always and forever drowing.

Got this tube of lip exfoliator from the German company être belle.  It’s housed in a chapstick tube, which I find very convenient.  I’ve only used it once, and the exfoliating bits were very gentle.  I think I’ll probably like it after using it more often.  My lips peel all the time.  I have been using the Popcorn Lip Scrub from Lush, which does a decent job, but still my lips peel.  Prior to that, I was using the Tarte version, which was also nice, but my lips continued to peel.  So if this one makes my lips not peel, that’d be great.  I’ll keep you posted.

Last product in the box – and my absolute favorite – is this Sisley Paris Black Rose Cream mask.  I cannot wait to use this precious little thing.  Full-size is $158.  Hope I don’t love it!  (Haha.)  Very pricey for skin care, I think we’d all agree.  But because I subscribe to beauty boxes, I can own smaller versions of these expensive things and that makes me very happy indeed.  Because I do own it.  I own a tube of Sisley Paris Black Rose Cream mask.  Who can tell me I don’t?  It is mine, it exists in my hot little hands.  I’m fancy, and that’s that.

So there ya have it.  Wasn’t the best box with a 2 out of 5 ratio, but by the sheer fabulousness of the mask, it does bump it up a few cool points.  Looking forward to next month.  Hopefully (aside from the nail polish), I will love the whole thing.

Mar31

Petit Vour | March 2014

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One of my favorite box companies is Petit Vour.  Why, you ask?  I love the majority of what they send.  There is always something unique that other boxes don’t carry.  Plus, for those that enjoy this type of thing, they are vegan.  So you get good stuff that you can feel good about.  Points all around for Petit Vour!

My March box, people:

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I said Petit Vour is one of my favorite boxes, not that they are immune to the one-time-use packet epidemic.  However, because one of them is a LAFACE body lotion, and body lotions are mostly boring, I’m okay with it.  I did use it, and it was fine.  I suppose if you have a full-size and can use this lotion on a daily basis, it is apt to firm and tighten your skin.  I don’t have patience for that business because I like firming and toning incidents to happen immediately.  But, if you enjoy waiting around for miracle, then maybe give this one a try.

Got another pack of NCLA nail wraps.  I kind of like these things.  They are super easy to put on, and the best part – I can do all my OCD/ADD activities immediately after applying without fear of messing up my nail polish.  Very handy for my lifestyle.  Most of the time I’m on the couch laying about.  Until I give myself a manicure.  Then like magic, I’m var var busy and need to touch all the things including my itching eye,  Dorito crumbs on the rug, and the underwear up my butt (suddenly; very strange).  In other words, nail wraps solve a heap of problems, and who doesn’t love that?  (Crazy people.)

The envelope in the picture is from California Naturel and it includes three one-time-use packets of their skin care line.  I sampled it.  I have no opinion.  I used it one time, that’s why.  We’ve been through this.

Moving on.

Received yet another kind of hair oil, this time in the form of I.C.O.N. India Oil.  I’m digging the small bottle this time because as I mentioned in my Birchbox review the other day, I have a lot of hair oils right now.  If I get sent a full-size or a super deluxe-size sample, it may take about 15 years to get through it.  And I don’t have time for that.  I barely have time to pick Dorito crumbs off my rug.  (Unless I just paint my nails – then there’s time!  Per usual.)  But this one smells very spicy, Indian-style.  Sort of calming.

Last product in the box is a mood serum from Lotus Wei.  I got the Quiet Mind version, which is supposed to be relaxing, calming (there’s that word again), peaceful, focusing – you know, all the things you strive to be but can’t because you are alive and human.  I apply one drop of this oil on my face right before bed and it smells very nice.  Kind of citrusy but a little more exotic than that.  Anyway, this is a rather unique product and one I probably would never have bought myself, so I’m thankful to Petit Vour for curating it for me.  If it balances my state of mind, I’m all for it.  Because it’s very tiring being me sometimes.  Checking door locks 15 times before bed ain’t no party, lemme just say.

The end.  If you haven’t subscribed to Petit Vour, then consider this your friendly nudge.  It’s one of the cheaper ones, if that helps nudge you even further.  I think you’ll like it, which is your final nudge.  So go now.  Subscribe.  I am the boss of you.

Mar30

Ipsy | March 2014

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Let’s get right down to it. Here’s what’s inside my Ipsy box. Do you notice anything weird?

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Yes, that’s right. Four products instead of five. I’m not sure if Ipsy thought I wouldn’t notice, but I notice everything. It’s the joys of OCD, people. Do not mess with me.

Aside from that, it’s a decent box. All makeup, which is nice. However, my unfavorite:

I have nothing against NYX. In fact, I love them the most as far as drugstore brands go. But this eyeshadow trio they sent me made me about take a nap right in front of it. It’s brown. Nothing but brown. The most boring trio of all trios in all the land. I mean, they had to have known I already own more brown eyeshadow as if I invented the dang thing. In an effort of fairness, I used it once, confirmed it’s boringness, then gave it to my daughter because she loves anything that’s free.

Now for stuff I do like. This Pixi Flawless Beauty Primer. Not that this one is anything special, I just enjoy primers. The texture of it is nice. It does have a little sparkle to it in direct sunlight so that might bother some people. But I work in a windowless office with zero purposeful or accidental sunlight contact so I’m okay with it.

This Chella liquid eyeliner pen is in a beautiful indigo blue and I absolutely love it. Problem with it is it dries out during the act of applying so it takes forever to put on. One pass across the eyelid and it’s patchy and sticky. So you wipe the nib on a tissue to sort of reactivate it, try again, and barely anything. So you are stuck in a swipe/wipe cycle that seems never ending, but you can’t stop cuz you’ve already started and you can’t walk around with half a blue eyelid all day. It’s a big o pain in the ass. But hang in there cuz it’s really quite pretty in the end.

Last item in the box is a mini Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lipstick in the color Get Ready. This is my favorite item. The color is a beautiful warm pink. The smell is delicious. I would buy a full size of this lipstick in an instant. And I don’t even love buying lipstick. So see? Amazing.

We’re done. Short and sweet. Hopefully next month there will be 5 items in the box to review. I’m not needy or demanding or anything. I’m just saying there by god better be 5 items in the box. That is all. Good day, sir.