It’s Empties time again, otherwise known as YOUR favorite time of the month.  I suppose it would be my favorite time of the month too, if it didn’t take 10 years to write the dang post.  As a matter of fact, those two sentences right there took 5 days.  I’m trying to reprioritize my life.  But Allure magazine keeps sending me a new issue like every month, so it’s difficult to stay on top of things sometimes.  And the DVR won’t just watch itself, ya know?

First up – moisturizers:

Picked up this Ole Henriksen Nurture Me moisturizer, not because I have sensitive skin that needed soothing and coddling.  It’s because it reminded me of a strawberry parfait, and I’m not sure there’s any other way to make your skin care decisions.  It looked delicious.  BOOM! In the basket.

Finally got around to trying it after storing it away for about six or so months.  The plan was to share it with my husband since it was a full size jar, and anything full size always lasts me like 18 years or so.  Well, he took one finger full and decided he DOES NOT like strawberry parfaits and I was left alone to my own devices for the next three months. Blah.  Moisturizer samples just racking up over here while I’m diligently using this entire jar all by myself.

I can see where they’d call it Nurture Me.  It was a very soothing, gentle moisturizer.  Felt ultra cushiony on the skin.  Smelled less like strawberry, more like a cotton candy type scenario, which surprised because I’d swear it was strawberry in the store.  Regardless, still smelled pretty good (not manly at all, obviously), had medium-length drying time, and left my face feeling soft and pampered.  It was nice.  Would I purchase it again?  Probably not.  My attention span is very short.

Another Ole Henriksen moisturizer I tried is the Truth Revealed Super Crème.  It’s a daytime moisturizer, and this one came in a little kit of seven samples.  In even better news, it has the consistency of marshmallow crème!  Please tell me there are other people out there that perked up when I said that?  I can’t be the weird one by myself.  I mean, how else are you supposed to love a moisturizer?  You give it the texture of cupcake frosting or caramel drizzle, that’s how.  And then I will buy it by the basket-full.  It’s basic 5th grade science.

Aside from that, I did like the product.  It felt almost sticky putting it on, but within seconds the stickiness disappears.  Plus, it smells like oranges.  And it sinks in fast.  But perhaps the best part (other than that marshmallow thing) is that it leaves a glowy sheen on your face.  Not sparkly, just glowy.  It’s pretty subtle, especially when you top it with foundation, but you can notice a slight brightening kind of difference.  I would purchase this cream again for sure.

Next is the Paula’s Choice Resist C15 Super Booster vitamin C drops.  You can mix this with your serum or foundation or use it alone, but it helps to get rid of brown spots to even out and brighten your complexion.  In case you weren’t aware, vitamin C is amazing for your skin.  If there’s one thing you can do for it every morning, it would be vitamin C in some form or another.  These drops are a convenient way to get it done – since you can mix them with something, you don’t have to make it an extra step in your routine.  Unless you are like me, and what’s one more step in a 17-step regimen?  Not much difference, I can tell you that.  But for people who actually care about getting to work on time, these drops are handy.

Can I just tell you how much I freaking love the Philosophy Renewed Hope in a Jar?  This is not a scientific-based love since all I had was a sample tube with a week’s worth of product in it.  No, this is texture-based love, which is how I rate pretty much everything anyway.  So smooth, so soft, absorbs super fast.  It was a pure pleasure to apply.  I can’t think of anything more nerdy to say, so yes, it was a pure pleasure.  Lots of people feel the same way, too, so for once my opinion actually makes sense.

Apparently this a reformulated version of the original Hope in a Jar, although they still do sell the original so I’m guessing it’s not meant to replace it.  The description on the Sephora website said it’s an advanced, lightweight, whipped moisturizer … and then I stopped listening after that.  Because WHIPPED.  Lawd, I need it.

And now, serums:

First is the Skin Inc Custom Blended Anti-Aging Serum.  Not sure what was specifically customized since Glossybox did it for me, but this is what the Skin Inc company specializes in.  It’s like a salad bar, where you pick out your own skin concerns (or “ingredients”) and then your perfect serum is born.  Pretty cool concept as it leaves out ingredients you don’t need (like stuff for sensitive skin – since mine isn’t sensitive – or cure for acne) and makes more room for the stuff you do need (like spackling paste to fill in all the wrinkled parts).

The texture of this serum is like a slick water.  Goes on super wet.  However, it evaporates pretty fast which I appreciate.  Time is money in the morning, and I never seem to have enough of both.  My little bottle only gave me enough use for a couple of weeks, but I did like the feel of the serum.  And knowing it was made to address my personal skin care concerns .  I’m open to a new bottle – preferably one with anti-pore, anti-gravity, anti-blotchy, as well as your basic anti-old age.  I just want to replace my old face with a new one.  Is that too much to ask?

Several years ago, I was in New York City and while standing on 5th Avenue, this tiny old woman wearing an ankle length leopard fur coat and furry hat with a feather in it walked past me. And out of the 10 million people walking around that day, she is the only person I managed to see twice in a two hour period.  Had I gotten closer to her, I’m almost certain she would’ve smelled like this Dior One Essential Intense Skin Detoxifying Booster Serum because when I think of old luxury, I think of old ladies in fur coats.  Particularly this one.  I mean, furry hat with a feather in it.  Come on!  If you’re not a billionaire, you wouldn’t wear this, let alone buy it.

Aside from that, this is a very nice serum.  Goes on very smooth; feels ultra fancy.  Consistency is thin, yellowish, and milky.  Face feels pretty soft afterwards.  You can use it as a serum or as a pre-serum serum because it will boost the effects of anything you put on top of it.  This detoxifies your skin, regenerates cells, and boosts luminescence.  And I don’t know about you, but the word luminescence is almost as brainwashing as whipped, soufflé, or sorbet (all of which makes me buy whatever it is – whipped slug trail sorbet?  Sounds delicious.  Yes, please.)  Full size of this stuff – the 1 ounce version – is $100.  Did your dreams just die, cuz mine sure did.

This Paula’s Choice Skin Recovery Super Antioxidant Concentrate is surprisingly so nice.  When I first put it on my finger, it came out like an oil.  I was scared, I’ll admit.  But a pea size amount of this stuff will smooth over your skin like the finest silk.  It feels oily at first, but it sinks in very fast and there is no oily traces left whatsoever.  This serum is meant for dry/very dry skin, but I used it anyway (I’m normal with oily t-zone) because I got it in a box so technically paid for it.  My skin did not reject this.  My oily t-zone did not get worse, although I could see where it would most definitely work best for someone with the appropriate skin type.  I did notice that Paula has a combination/oily version, so I’m definitely interested in trying it out.

Now let’s put on makeup:

I do not understand the mechanics of a setting spray, but I’ve been using them anyway because I like to add as many steps as possible to my morning routine.  This NYX Dewy Finish setting spray is fine.  Pretty inexpensive, so even if you feel it doesn’t add any benefit you didn’t spend a fortune on it.  I’ve been told this stuff settles the powder on your face so you look more healthy – hence the dewy finish.  I don’t want to look powdery, so even though I can’t tell a bit of difference in the appearance of my skin, I’m using it anyway.  I like to think everyone else looks at me and wonders what my secret is.  They probably don’t –  maybe just the opposite – but if I can’t have psychological delusions such as these, how else will NYX sell their product?  I mean, I’m basically saving their company from bankruptcy.  I am a hero.

I only used this theBalm Put a Lid On It eyelid primer because it came as a free sample with an eyeshadow palette.  It lasted light years.  I didn’t like it as much as the Urban Decay Primer Potion, but it still worked.  I have one hooded eye that creases and sweats (oh so attractively), so if I can find a primer that fixes all that, it’s a winner.  Texture is slightly oily as it’s applied, but dries down kind of powdery.  It’s fine.  No thrills, but if someone sends me another tube for free, I’d definitely use it.

I was not a huge fan of the Tarte Timeless Smoothing primer.  It’s silicone-based, which I’m fine with.  It does have that silky feeling on your fingers.  But it just did not spread well for me.  I needed to add tons just to get it go all over.  Or at least it seemed that way.  It blurred my pores somewhat, but it wasn’t anything that wowed me.  My issue could be the jar format – perhaps if it was in a tube, it wouldn’t be as stiff to spread around.  I dunno.  I won’t buy it again, though.

I wanted to love this Revlon Ultimate Suede lipstick in Boho Chic so much.  The color is stunning.  It’s a gorgeous red shimmer but with a matte texture.  Really beautiful.  I put it on right after I bought it, and my immediate thought was SUPERMODEL, which honestly wasn’t that far off from real life.  For me, it was a wearable red.  I don’t know why exactly, but I felt like I could wear it to the grocery store in my pajamas and feel completely normal (except for the pajamas at the grocery store part).  However, not even 15 minutes later after the formula had dried, I looked in the mirror and noticed it went grotesquely patchy.  The color settled in the center and inner rim of my lips and was absolutely hideous.  I applied more (naturally) in case I did it wrong the first time, but no.  It went down the same dark path as before.  What a bummer!  I thought I found my holy grail red.  I have no idea if all the colors are like this, or even if this incident only happened to me, but I’m sad I had to give it away.

Got a little sample of the DHC Velvet Skin Coat primer.  It was alright.  It had the consistency of the inside of an Almond Joy, so that part right there made me kind of love it.  Aside from that, though, it didn’t perform any better than any other primer I’ve ever used.  So I finished the sample, my curiosity sated, and I moved on with my life.  The end.

Okay, this NARS All Day Luminous foundation.  It’s new (and is replacing the NARS Sheer Matte line, per my girl at Sephora), and anytime there is something new I feel it’s my duty as a blogger to buy it and review it.  This would be a tax deduction if someone cares to pay me to continue writing posts.  In the meantime, though, I had Sephora make me a little sample.  None of the colors was my perfect match so I got the closest I could find which was Punjab.  But sadly, it was too yellow.  I have another one, Vallauris, which is for pink undertones so I’ll give that a try.  It may be too dark though.

However, my correct color match isn’t what you care about (is it?) – it’s the foundation itself.  This is a very liquidy, fluid foundation.  It will seriously run all down your arm if you’re not fast enough.  The claims are full coverage with only one drop.  My opinion is maybe two drops, and maybe more like medium coverage.  But my face doesn’t conceal easily, so if you have the skin of a 14-year-old, you will most likely fare better.  And then go sit yourself back down, because nobody likes a winner. Pffft.

The finish is noticeably luminous, not just something that claims to be luminous.  I think it’s very pretty, especially on my old dull face.  It works for all skin tones, which is nice.  I really hope the other color works good for me cuz I want to own this foundation in a most unhealthy way.  In fact, I wouldn’t be past buying the Punjab shade just because I have no real control over myself.  I mean, what’s a little yellow tinge on a pink-toned face in the grand scheme of things?  Aren’t there real issues in this world to be more concerned about – like the socks with sandals epidemic, or camel toe?

Finally, let’s take off our makeup:

But not with the Yes To Cucumbers soothing facial towelettes.  These were no bueno.  Yes, I see that little award winner sticker on there, but for once, it failed me.  I bought this packet to take with me on my trip to LA, which was the only benefit.  Unless you like towelettes that are barely wet and the nauseating smell of cucumbers (but not fresh ones), then you should bypass these too.  Was not a fan.  Not even a tiny bit.

Working my way through my multitude of cleanser samples.  Finished up the derma e Radiant Brightening cleanser and it was just okay.  Nothing in here that really moved me.  It’s a clear gel, smells citrusy, and leaves behind a dry/tight feeling afterward.  Not necessarily a bad thing – since I have combo/oily skin, I could use a little drying out.  But other than that, there isn’t anything special about it that makes me want to buy the full size.  It may be brightening, but I’m not compelled to find out for sure.

One thing I did like was the Jurlique Herbal Recovery eye cream.  This was a medium-thick cream that smoothed on the skin like a dream.  You don’t need much, like less than a pea-size.  Had no noticeable smell – there might’ve been, but not enough for me to really notice.  It was soothing, absorbed quickly, and left behind a nice velvety feel.  The tube lasted eons.  I have the matching serum and night cream to get through as well, which needs to be soon since the package is clearly marked with an July 2015 expiration.  And on August 1, obviously it all turns to poison.

Several months ago, I had a very large and painful zit.  Went into Sephora to find something to make it go away, and the sales girl gave me a sample of the GlamGlow SuperMud Clearing Treatment.  She said I could use it just on the pimple, even though it’s marketed as a full face mask.  Took it home, put it on, and within two days I was pimple free.  At this point, I was beside myself and told everyone I knew as if I had invented the dang thing.  A couple months later I buy this GlamGlow sample kit and took to this mask like it was holy grail and blessed by royalty.  However, this time it didn’t work quite the same.  Not really sure what happened.  Yes, it does a great job of clearing out the pores (as evident by the dots appearing on your nose and chin while the mask dries), but the miracle I was expecting was nowhere to be seen.  Well, boo!

So here is my conclusion then.  This stuff works great at ungunking your pores (shhhh, it’s a word).  It leaves your face feeling very smooth, clean, and renewed.  Maybe it shortens the lifespan of your zit, but maybe it does not.  Maybe your zit was only going to last two days anyway and you attributed the miracle to the wrong thing.  It is a pricey baby – $69 for 1.2 ounces – and if you use it three times a day like their little scientific study suggests, it may not last very long.  BUT.  I would probably buy it again one day.  I’m not above wasting money.  I own 27 foundations that are all about to expire at roughly the same time.

Last thing, although not pictured, are the Sephora cotton pads.  I tried to include a picture of the wrapper, but it was clear plastic and wouldn’t show up very well.  But trust me, I emptied it.  In fact, it’s like my third or maybe fourth empty packet of these pads.  I really like them.  They are the best I’ve used out of the Target brand, Swisspers and White Cotton from Walmart.  You get 70 pads for $4 and if you are a few dollars away from free shipping, go ahead and toss a pack or two of these in your basket.  I haven’t had any issues with them at all.  Shedding is very, very minimal if at all.  I suppose they could shed if you try very hard on purpose.  Like wiping a honey mask off your face with them or something.  But for the most part, they work exceptionally well and I will continue to buy these and only these until someone (perhaps Jesus) invents something else akin to a miracle.

And on that note, we’re done.  How many people are still reading?  Whoever you are, internet high five for you.  Thank you thank you thank you for not making me talk to myself for the past 17 days (while writing this post).  More to come soon .. xoxo!

I know I always say my Empties posts are the longest ever written and that you may suffer from dehydration or bed sores before you ever get to the end of one, but this time I swear it’s true.  I’m warning you now, if you don’t grab some snacks and a squishy pillow to sit on – heck, some diabetic circulation socks wouldn’t hurt either – then what ensues after is completely NOT MY FAULT.  And the fact you are reading this sentence right now means you have accepted all responsibility and we have now entered into a legal, binding agreement.  Success!

Here’s a whole bunch of body stuff that nobody cares about:

I can’t even pretend this is interesting.  It’s hand lotion, a staple item that you use but never talk about.  I mean, when’s the last time you called up your best friend to rave about about a hand lotion?  But I finished it and that is the point of this post.  So would I repurchase the Great Barrier Island Bee Co Hand and Nail Cream in Manuka Honey?  No.  Cuz I used the whole tube and any amount of curiosity I might have had (very very slight) has now been satisfied.  I’d move on to something with more adorable packaging and a better smell.  Not that it had a bad smell, but chocolate it ain’t.

At first, I thought I liked this Figs & Rouge hand cream in Mango Mandarin.  It didn’t smell very citrusy, but it did smell like candy, and I like candy.  But the longer I used it, the more watery the texture became, and then I noticed the candy smell didn’t linger on my hands very long.  It still had a smell, but not a delicious one.  Luckily it was a very small tube; otherwise, I would’ve had to toss it and then feel guilty about it for a billion years.

I took a Kneipp Herbal Bath in Balancing Lavender and man was it strong.  I tried to be all Zen and spa-ish about it, but if you don’t freaking looooooooove lavender, you might wanna think twice.  Because it’s lavender like someone crowned it King of All the Lavender.  Aside from all that, though, the liquid is bright blue but it doesn’t stain your tub which is a perk.  And you do feel sort of girly and frou-frou sitting in your blue lavender spa bath.  That’s nice sometimes.  Sadly, though, I didn’t get so relaxed that I had to be gingerly lifted out of the tub and laid princessly on my bed surrounded by pillows, blankies, and snacks.  How unfortunate for Kneipp that they couldn’t make that a side effect. Boo.

If I had to choose between a body butter or a body lotion, body butter wins every time.  There’s just something luxurious about a body butter that a lotion can’t top.  This Soap & Glory Sugar Crush body butter is officially one of my favorites.  It is a wonderfully rich cream that reminds me of cupcake frosting, which may or may not have 100% to do with my undying love.  It sinks in very fast, leaves no grease behind, and makes for some nice velvety skin.  The issue (for some) is the Sweet Lime scent.  It’s peculiar.  Like, it’s definitely the perfect sugar-to-lime ratio, but your brain has a hard time believing the lime when it’s almost certain it’s expired furniture polish.  So it took some getting used to.  I would definitely buy it again though.  Texture-wise, it’s perfect.

The Ahava Deadsea Water body lotion is pretty boring, but I used it because I technically paid for it.  Can’t really say much about it.  It was a typical lotion consistency and smelled like musky honeysuckle.  I’m not sure that’s a valid description, but that’s the best I can do after having talked about lotion for the past 17 hours.  Can we move on?!

Nope.  Here’s a Bliss body butter in the Grapefruit and Aloe scent.  I wouldn’t say this scored high on the grapefruit scale, unless you count SweeTarts in the grapefruit family.  However, it is the quickest absorbing body butter I think I’ve ever used.  Like I’m literally trying to rub it in and it’s disappearing at the same time.  I’m all for fast absorbing lotions, but sheesh.  Can I enjoy it for more than a millisecond before you take it away?  I know I sound very tough, but y’all know I got the full-size sitting in my Sephora cart as we speak.  It’s a lazy girl’s lotion, and that’s me in a nutshell.  You’ve read my blog, right?

I’m not sure why I kept the tube of Harvey Prince Hello body cream to show you in my Empties as I pretty much told you all you need to know in my original review.  So kindly click here if you care to know that it smells just like perfume, and if you like perfumed lotions then this one is for you.

Let’s take off our makeup:

I’ve been trying several different kinds of makeup wipes, and since it’s not always feasible to pay $15 for the Ole Henriksen ones that I love the most, my best substitute at this point is the Pond’s Original Fresh towelette.  They have this lovely quilt-type design in them so they feel more substantial than a sad little wispy wipe you sometimes get.  They are adequately wet and very gentle.  I’ve already bought two more packs since, and haven’t gotten bored yet.  That’s a hefty big deal because the very nature of a makeup wipe is pretty much boredom.  I mean, how excited do YOU get over makeup wipes?  If you say higher than maybe 18 percent, you probably need more friends.

Tried the Dr. Jart+ Dermaclear Micro Water as an easier-to-find alternative to my newest fave, Bioderma. (Which has since been added to the Beautylish website, so my point is now moot.) And I really liked this. It worked so good in getting off my mascara, like maybe even a skosh better than the Bioderma. The only negative is that it’s double the cost of the Bioderma, so the mere fact it’s only slightly better will keep me from buying the full-size. However, if I have an extra $32 in my pocket and there’s a World Bioderma Crisis in effect, I suppose I’d have no choice.  Life is hard sometimes.

Now whatever you do in terms of makeup wipes, I demand you to walk away from these Klorane ones. Unless you like sad wispy wipes like mentioned above. These were so thin and barely wet, they did virtually nothing on my face. I might’ve gotten a pack that had sat out in the sun for weeks, or maybe they’re just that bad. I dunno. But since I’ve found the Pond’s ones, I’m good with not knowing for sure.  I will say the Klorane has “soothing cornflower” in it, and I don’t know what that is, but that makes me want to buy them.  I’m resisting, but my weakness for adjectives is in full effect.  Just SHUT UP with the word “soothing.”  Also keep your trap shut with “whipped,” “velvet,” and “made in France.”  Ugh.

Hair stuffs:

I tried with the Julien Farel Hydrate Restore shampoo thing, I really did. I used it four different times even though I did not enjoy it from use #1. It’s just such a weird product. In place of your normal shampoo and conditioner, you use this stuff on your dry hair, mix with water and suds up, then rinse. Except I have super long hair and it takes about half the bottle just to apply one coat. And apparently that’s too much. Julien Farel told me himself (well, whoever manages his Instagram, that is), so the next time I applied less and also on wet hair. Didn’t make much difference. This stuff is just too heavy on my fine hair, even though this is a fine hair formula. Are you exhausted yet? Trust me, after four tries, I was dadgum pooped. Made the decision to let it go because after four bad hair days in a row, I was risking an HR violation for distracting hairstyles since no one can look away from a greasy scalp.

Another incident of me including a product in the Empties picture when I’d already reviewed it about 2 weeks prior. It’s the Philip B Deep Conditioning Crème Rinse and my opinion hasn’t changed since I talked about it here. The Cliff Notes version? Eh.

Then there was this Alterna Caviar Omega Nourishing Oil. Two things about this product: it’s ultra syrupy, stringy and messy. You need to lay down some napkins before opening the bottle just to save yourself the clean up time. I almost thought there was something wrong with it – like mine had turned to poison or something. Because that’s immediately where my mind goes since hypochondria is a REAL DISEASE. But my friend’s sample was the same so I suppose it was fine.

Second thing about the product is the poorly constructed sample bottle. The little dropper was so cheaply made, it was zero fun to mess with. This really has nothing at all to do with the efficacy of the product itself, but can’t say it didn’t add to my dislike. As far as how the oil performed on the hair, I applied it to my ends only and it didn’t make too much difference. It was fine, but I wasn’t amazed. It wasn’t enough to make me keep it.

And now for makeup:

I will never ever ever be without a little jar of the MAC Cosmetics Paint Pot in Painterly. I love this stuff so much; it’s the best eye primer I’ve ever used. It covers your ugly red and blue veins and gives your eyelid a lovely velvet matte finish. Plus, the vibrancy of your eyeshadow is amplified times a thousand – I know this is a mathematical fact cuz I didn’t apply it one day in an effort to save time and it was the worst mistake of my life. Even worse than wearing socks with high heels.

How about a useful tip – a rare and beautiful thing in the blog. The Paint Pots come in a variety of shades. I believe they are marketed as cream eyeshadows or bases. But if you wanna do what I do (you do), and your complexion is cool toned, buy Painterly. If you have a warmer, yellower tone, buy Soft Ochre.

But we can’t win them all can we? I got this sample of the MAC Cosmetics False Lashes mascara and I was not a fan. This added virtually zero percent volume to my lashes, despite the fact the length was decent. I mean, if I’m going for a natural eyelash look, I suppose this would be a good one. Or maybe it would look nice on the bottom lashes where you don’t usually load up with mascara anyway. But other than that, it’s a no-go for me. I passed this along to my daughter who’ll use just about anything that’s free.

I’m not sure why the Clinique Almost Lipstick is named Almost Lipstick because it’s more like Definitely a Balm if you want my opinion. I got the color Black Honey, and it’s super dark in the tube. But it’s extremely sheer on the lips, which is fine if that’s what you want. It felt nice and moisturizing, just like a lip balm (see?), and because the color is barely there I’d apply it to my lips after removing all my makeup. But would I buy another one, that is the question? Ummmm, maybe, but probably not.  Just because I don’t normally like sheer colors. It’s a nice product though.

I never really thought there would be much competition between brow gels.  I mean, it’s basically just clear mascara; what else can be said about it?  So I was using this Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Gel without any definitive knowledge that it’s the best there is.  You’ll have to trust me on that unless you feel like hoarding a bunch of brow gel and trying them all out one tube at a time.  But I’ve sampled two other kinds just out of curiosity, but nothing has tamed my brows better than this one.  Sure, you get crunchy eyebrow hair out of the deal, but when’s the last time someone’s ran their fingers through your eyebrow hair?  I’m hoping the answer here is never cuz otherwise I’m totally horrified.  So relax with your crunchy eyebrows – at least they are coifed for Jesus and fab at all times.

One of the very first high-end mascaras I ever purchased was the It Cosmetics Hello Lashes.  It’s well over a year old now, which is why it’s landed in the Empties pile, but I loved it when I used it.  Then I bought about 27 other mascaras and it fell out of constant rotation. The brush is one of those rubber or plastic ones, somewhat big, but the best part is the little ball piece at the end of the brush that gets at your teeny tiny inner corner baby lashes like a damn professional. Gives you nice length, decent volume and no clumps. I’d buy this again without question.

One big mascara fail for me would be the Maybelline Lash Sensational mascara. This is a new one and I was really excited to use it. The brush is pretty unique, sort of flared out on one side like a butterfly wing or something. Supposed to give you super fanned out lashes. And it did a pretty good job of it. But removing it was the most terrible experience. It was goopy and sticky and pulled out like 7 lashes in one go. I don’t have extra lashes just to get rid of like that so I had to say goodbye. I gave it to my daughter because, again, FREE.

I went online to see if anyone else had the same disaster that I had with this mascara, and I found nothing to back me up. Not sure why – did I get a bad one? Or was I having an off day with my makeup removing skills? I could’ve given it another try, but I did not imagine those 7 lost lashes, and all I can say about that is no thank you.

My most favorite eyeliner pen is the Kat Von D Tattoo liner in Trooper. I’m sure I don’t even need to say much about it because you’ve most likely heard raves from a billion other people. It’s just really really good. Super black, fluid and easy to apply. It’s not a matte liquid, but it’s not super glossy either. The brush tip is very flexible, and after months of using it, it didn’t fray on me one bit. I’ve got a couple other eyeliner pens in the stash, but I’m definitely coming back to this one soon.

Next is some miscellaneous skincare:

I bought a little Omorovicza kit, and the Queen of Hungary toning mist was in it. That’s another one of those words that get me, queen. Who doesn’t want to use this now? There’s actual history to this mist as it is modeled after the Queen of Hungary Water, the world’s first recorded perfume formulated for Queen Elisabeth of Hungary in the 14th century. Ughhhhh, COME ON NOW. You had me at queen; now you gotta get all braggy? I mean, I’m gonna buy about 17 bottles at least, but still.

So this mist is a makeup refresher, toner for after your cleanser, and it has innovative skincare in it so you get the benefit of it making your skin better. Nice smell even. It’s good stuff. Full size is $90, so for one, it bygod better be good stuff, and for two, I’m never going to use it again. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted.

Out of all the masks you can use, a peel-off mask is my ultimate favorite. There’s just something about peeling your “skin” off your face that is oddly satisfying. That fact alone makes me love the First Aid Beauty Red Clay mask. And if I could peel the mask off in one big sheet, well, what bigger trophy would be more amazing? That’s right: there isn’t one.

This mask won an Allure Beauty Award in 2014, so if you aren’t convinced to buy this yet, something is clearly wrong with you. It’s a great mask for oily skin people and those with large pores or congested skin. And while I didn’t notice this happening with me, it does claim to give you an instant complexion boost in 20 minutes. I’m probably too critical of my own face to recognize an instant complexion boost. Mostly because I’m 40 and consumed by the fear of wrinkles. Everything else gets lost on me.

Lord, are we done?!

Almost. Finally, some serums:

There really isn’t much to say about this Algenist Retinol Firming and Lifting serum because there’s no way to tell if it works after a week of sampling. Did I appear firmed and lifted? I dunno. No one told me I did, so I suppose not. But if you wanna know the texture and smell, I got you, Boo. Very lightweight. Does not have a flower or fruit smell, but also not stinky. Sinks in very fast but does not leave a 100% smooth finish – only slight. Is that convincing enough to make you wanna buy it? Probably not. But if you came here looking for a scientific analysis, you made a typo on your Google search.

I used the SeaRX Anti-Wrinkling serum (now called Anti-Wrinkle Facial Lift) for a whopping 5 days and here’s my thoughts on it: clear, almost watery; sticky as you’re applying it, then it dries relatively fast; finish is just dry, not silky or smooth. There wasn’t much excitement in using this product. Like, I was totally cool with it being done after five days. It’s hard to explain. I just moved on and never looked back. Sorry bout ya.

One serum I kind of did enjoy was the Ole Henriksen Truth Serum Collagen Booster. I used this every morning as it’s considered a day serum due to its vitamin C properties. It appears to be an oil in the bottle, but it’s not. It’s a slick little liquid that absorbs quickly into the skin, smells very citrusy, and claims to brighten your complexion as well as protect your skin from the environment. I don’t know if it really does either of those things, but the very idea that it does is sometimes enough for me. I’m easily persuaded. It’s why I own 27 mascaras.

I put this It Cosmetics Serum Collagen Veil Primer in the wrong category, even though it is a serum but it’s mostly a pre-foundation primer. Despite that, though, I freaking love this stuff. It has the most beautiful scent and texture. It’s like a silicone gel lotion, but thicker. It spreads so nicely across the skin, and sinks in very quickly. I’d buy this again in a heartbeat. I bought it with an Ulta 50% off coupon, and it was totally worth it. It’s just a feel-good product, almost like aromatherapy or a spa experience. I’m gushing like a girl in love, People! Put it in your basket.

Last product is the Chanel Hydra Beauty serum that I got as a free sample for my birthday. It’s not a bad serum, but it’s got an extremely thin consistency. Sinks in about medium-quick, so I probably wouldn’t ever purchase this on my own. However, it does smell ultra luxurious, like old ladies in fur coats. That’s a bad example. Never mind.

Oh my gawd, you made it to the end. How awesome are you? (Very.) I spent like 5 days writing this, so I’m pretty awesome too. Carpal tunnel is setting in, but I’m a PROFESSIONAL so what do you expect? I mean, if Kevin Durant can have a bum knee AND win an NBA MVP Award, then certainly I’m allowed a wrist cramp? Because blogging and professional basketball is practically the same thing. In terms of skill, that is.

Bye, Loves!