You know you have a problem when it’s only 29 days into the new year and you’re already halfway through to qualifying for VIB Rouge for 2016.  I saw this today – right after I clicked the “submit order” button – and was like whaaaa?!  Part of me was ashamed, but then the other 99% of me was like HECK YES.

Here’s my Sample Society:

We got six products in the box instead of five this time, but Sample Society has since issued a statement that said they were so excited for February’s inclusion of the StriVectin Intensive Illuminating Serum that they accidentally put it in the January box.  In other words, we are getting this serum two months in a row now.  Well, hope it’s good then.

I do like those keywords like “intensive” and “illuminating” though.  Anything that claims to brighten my skin, even my tone and replace my old face for a new one is instantly my new best friend.  Those are the things I look for in a serum.  I want the skin of a 14-year-old.  I want all my splotches and old pimple scars to kindly get the hell out.  If I can look at myself bare faced and not cringe and say dirty words, then you can guarantee I’m buying 57 boxes of the product that caused it.

I’m not one for bars of soap, but this Erno Lazslo Sea Mud cleansing bar is a cult favorite among famous people, and because I am extremely shallow and easily swayed by such ridiculous facts, I am now looking forward to using it.  Here are some other reasons you will want to buy this:

1)  It’s formulated from dead sea mud derived from the Jordan River.  Ummmm, hello?  Jesus was baptized in the Jordan River.  The end.

2)  If you need a second reason, I will pray for your soul.  Because JESUS.  In the JORDAN RIVER.

It is kind of a funny little thing though, cuz there are some very specific instructions to using this product.  On a wet face, you apply the bar directly to your skin and massage all over.  Then set the bar aside and continue to massage your face with your fingertips.  And then you MUST splash your face with water 30 exact times.  Not 27, not 32, but 30 dadgum times or it doesn’t count and you have to start all over.  Well you don’t, but I do believe they are serious about the 30 times.  The problem with this splashing technique is that it never results in the same way as tv-commercial-splashing.  If anyone out there manages this without flooding your own bathroom, please let me know.

If you’ve been reading my blog, you are quite aware I have a zero-level love affair with nail polish.  However, if boxes insist on sending me nail polish, it better be Zoya and it better be a cool, unique color like this mint green called Tiana.  I love this shade!  It speaks of spring and warmer days ahead.  It’s a happy color, and I always want to surround myself with happy colors.  Plus the Zoya brand is such an easy, effortless nail polish to wear.  Their color range is outstanding.  If you can’t find one to call your very own, I’d be surprised and very worried at how color blind you must be.

Okay, this Philip B light weight deep conditioning crème rinse says it makes hair crazy shiny and that it’s suitable for fine hair.  I agree that those with fine hair would definitely benefit from this conditioner because it is so light weight it feels like absolute nothing on the hair.  I applied a quarter size amount to my ends, and this product disappeared into oblivion and almost made me think I imagined the whole thing.  Now, this may or may not be what you like in a conditioner.  I am of the may-not category.  I need to feel the conditioner slathered on thick and creamy.  Make me really believe it’s working, you know?  It may not work worth a shit, but at least make me think it does.  A lot can be said for psychological brain trickery.  That’s how I justify pricey skin care.

I ended up squeezing out the entire sample tube in an effort to get that luxurious, creamy effect.  And it just didn’t happen.  So I rinsed it out and moved on with my life.  As for the shiny hair claim, this stuff is chock full of healthy oils, most notably Jojoba which is best known for creating a lovely shine.  Lots of people say it does just that, but I paid absolutely no attention once my hair was dry.  I could’ve had shiny hair for Jesus, but sadly my mind was elsewhere.  However, even if it does do a good job on the shine, I won’t buy it cuz it’s not thick enough for me.

I got a Revlon Photoready Eye Art eyeshadow thingy in the shade Peach Prism.  I would never ever buy this on my own because it is a cream shadow on one end and a glitter on the other.  Two things I don’t ever get excited about.  However, for the sake of this review and I suppose to sate my curiosity (which wasn’t at peak level by any means), I tried it out.  The cream eyeshadow is very metallic, and although Allure Magazine said one swipe will give you a wash of color and two swipes will be opaque, I found this particular color pretty hardcore.  I did one swipe and I looked like a Vegas billboard for eyelids.

The glitter side was clear with lots of peach sparkles in it.  I put it on my inner corner, and it dried like cement.  Not necessarily the most flattering, but probably not too noticeable unless you’re invading my personal space.  In which case, you get a hi-yaaa! to the throat complete with side kick and spitlets and then my glitter cement is the least of your problems.

Just kidding.  I’d probably just say sorry and then go wash my face.

So, bottom line is that I can see where lots of people would enjoy these.  The applicators are very handy and create zero mess unless it’s on purpose.  I’m not a fan of this genre in general, so I’ve stored it away in the Train Case of Forgotten Makeup where it’ll make nice with my hoard of loose eyeshadows and red lipsticks.

Last product in the box is the Philosophy Renewed Hope in a Jar moisturizer.  I had the previous version of the Hope in a Jar and I did not like it that much.  I can’t remember exactly why, only that I threw it away before finishing the sample tube.  But this new one is … ahhhhh! … so lovely.  It has this delicious looking sheen to it that almost makes you wanna eat it. It’s very lightweight and sinks in super fast, then afterwards your face feels like silk. I was reading Allure’s review and they mention how it took them a long time to rub it in, and all I can do is look at them funny. I did not have this experience so I can only assume they are WRONG.

If that is not enough persuasion for you to go on and purchase this product, let me tell you one more thing: it’s called a “whipped” moisturizer. Whipped. That’s like cupcake topping or the middle of an Oreo. If you’re somehow able to walk away after hearing all that, you need to take your show on the road cuz willpower that strong is downright inspirational.

Time’s up. I have a var bar busy night ahead of me. YouTube videos. Ice cream. And Candy Crush ain’t gonna play itself, now is it? More tomorrow friends!