Birchbox | February 2015


I’m stressed.  After my trip to LA and a very disastrous weekend drive to St. Louis (in snow, 5 hours, with a 4 year old), my husband and I have approximately 57 hours of TV shows stored on the DVR that need to GO AWAY.  Does anyone else feel claustrophobic when this happens?  Does anyone else get a perverse sense of accomplishment when the DVR is clean and tidy?  No, just me?  Figures.

What I’m trying to say is, while I had every intention of putting up my final two February box reviews prior to the end of February (as expected), you can blame this scheduling fiasco on DirecTV and the fact a DVR actually exists.  Dang you, Technology!  What happened to the good old days when I tried to tape a week’s worth of All My Children and Regis & Kelly on two rotating VHS tapes, get them all confused on which tape has which newest episode, and then finally say FECK IT and stop watching television altogether because my OCD had hit its breaking point?

Did you get the hives just now, cuz I sure did.  Here’s my Birchbox:


Got this Juice Beauty Blemish Clearing Cleanser, which lately I’ve been needing.  My face was looking pretty good about a week ago, until my left cheek started a riot right in the middle of Disneyland.  Like literally I had zero zits walking in and one zit walking out.  Whyyyyyeeeee?  Where is your loyalty?!  I wash you, moisturize you, pamper the ever-lovin’ shit out of you, and this is how I am repaid.  Left Cheek:  we are no longer friends.

Anyway, it’s clearing up pretty good now, but it’s the second time in that exact same spot within the past month that I got a pimple.  What are the odds of that?  There may be a scientific mathematical ratio equation in there somewhere, considering how much face I have.  So as soon as I finish up my current cleanser, I’ll go ahead and give this one a go.  See if it helps me not break out.  Cuz if there’s one thing that ruins a flawless, supermodel-type complexion, it’s a dadgum zit.  I’m 40.  It’s time to stop it.

Then there is the Gilchrist & Soames Spa Therapy Sea Wrack body wash.  First of all, to get the obvious question out of the way, what is Sea Wrack?  I looked it up for the sake of this blog, and sometimes I think I should just be less professional.  Cuz sea wrack is detached seaweed that is thrown up by the sea, and which is often used to make manure, or in this case, a soap that you rub all over your body.  There are two terrible things in that sentence; if you have to guess what they are, well I admire your knack for ignoring unpleasantries.  I, on the other hand, am on the verge of a panic attack.

But despite all that and strangely enough, this body wash smells so wonderful.  It reminds me of a chlorine swimming pool, but in more of a beachy way.  And it suds up like a champ.  I liked it a lot and quite possibly want a full size of it.  We just won’t mention that poop thing ever never again.

Next is a theBalm Read My Lips lip gloss in the color Bam!  There isn’t a whole lot I can say here other than it’s a typical lip gloss.  Pretty nude pink shade.  Not sticky.  Doesn’t stink.  It’s not a holy grail product, though.  If I lost it in an airport, I wouldn’t cause a TSA nightmare-inducing scenario.  (Unlike my near-miss with the Marc Jacobs one I left on the conveyor belt in Las Vegas and realized at the very last minute, right before some stranger almost put it in their pocket – I’ll karate chop you in throat over that; I highly DO. NOT. RECOMMEND.)

Totally in love with the BeautyBlender I got as I have been meaning to get myself a backup.  I love using a BeautyBlender to apply foundation.  I don’t use it all the time because I feel it needs to be cleaned like almost constantly, but it does give a nice effect on the skin.  Airbrushed and flawless, or as flawless as I can get with a giant red angry zit on my left cheek.  But in any case, if you’ve never tried a BeautyBlender before, I approve so go ahead and put it in your basket.  I am the boss of you.  We’ve been over this.

It did come with a little disc of cleanser, which I have not used yet.  Just looks like a bar of soap or something.  A little messy as it does not come with a covered soap dish, which I don’t understand.  Who uses bar soap all willy nilly like that?  (Crazy people.)  But it’s specially made to be used with the BeautyBlender so I imagine it should spiff it up rather nicely.  We’ll see.  I’ll use it even if I have to wrap it up in Saran Wrap afterwards like a damn hobo.

Last but not least is this packet of BeeKind conditioner.  What is missing, you ask? Why, its shampoo packet buddy of course!  What is the point of sending just the conditioner?  Seriously, who does this benefit?  Certainly not my hair since I’ll never even use it up there.  Looks like Birchbox sent me shaving cream then, cuz that’s all lonely conditioner packets are good for – shaving my legs.  It’s actually a pretty good deal.  At this point, I rarely buy real shaving cream cuz of all the conditioner leftovers I own.  That’s called SAVING MONEY, and anytime saving money is involved, there’s a Sephora haul not too far away.

So here we are at the end of yet another post.  Thank you so much for putting up with me and making it all the way to the bottom like a true friend.  Y’all are the best, I swear.  Have a great rest of your day and I’ll be back again (hopefully) tomorrow with my last February review – in March, but until there’s a Blog Police, I do what I want.  Toodles!

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