I sat in jelly while wearing my robe. So I might have to wash it now but I’m still deciding. It’s being actively considered and that’s the best I can do. Cuz then what will I wear? Pants, like a crazy person?  Ugh. What has happened to my life.

However, I do have a new robe coming.  Hubby bought me one for Valentine’s Day cuz either I’ve guilted him properly into buying me gifts, or else he understands I have a laundry dilemma and he literally can’t see me wearing this dirty pink robe anymore. Regardless of which, he bought one and I will have it in a mere 4 to 6 weeks.

Four to six weeks?!  In case you can’t math well, that is an extremely very long time, like eons with light years and eternities on top.  Is that even a thing to have to wait that long for a robe?  I mean, is it being handcrafted by monks in Italy or something?  Is it in the midst of a papal blessing?  Perhaps the Queen of England is doing embroidery on it by a fountain in the Square?  If the answer is no to even one of those questions, then …

Dadgummmmit!  He bought it from one of those Chinese wholesale sites, I just know it.  Where you spend like 10 bucks and they send you your stuff at some point before you die.  Tracking is extra.  CRAP.  I may be sitting on this jelly stain for the rest of my life then.  I mean, it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other, but when pizza delivery gets here, they probably expect me in a clean robe, minimum.  OMG, laundry is lurking, I feel it.  And the hives.  Where’s Leonard DiCaprio when you need him?

(Seriously, WHERE IS HE?)

While we wait, let’s talk polish!  I have the new Pretty & Polished Spring 2017 Collection to review for you today.  Get excited people cuz you’re about to spend some money!  Weeeee!  Take a look:

Told ya.  You’re not making it out of this blog without one of these, at least.  Although why you’re not getting six of them defies all logic.  Rocket scientists are working overtime making charts and whatnot, trying to figure you out.  It’s best to just hand over your wallet so we can all go home.  Pajamas for everyone!  It’s the right thing to do.

Also, there’s a discount code waiting for you at the bottom.  Best blogger ever?  (YES.)

First up is I Love it When You Call Me Big Poppy:

See, look how it’s starting already.  Not even a full sentence and we’re already dying.  How will we ever make it to the end of this blog?  Superhuman displays of willpower and a big ole Starbucks, is my guess.

Colors like this always get me.  They’re cheerful, bright, and full of sunshine.  If you’re not wearing this polish and smiling to yourself with your eyes closed, then I am var var concerned about your brain.  It’s pure happiness in a bottle, guys.  You don’t have a poppy, red/orange base with gold holographic glitter and pink flakies, and somehow NOT be made of happiness.  Again, the rocket scientists made a chart.  It’s mathematically proven.  Probably.

Check her out under the lamps:

Even better!  Want, want and NEED.  That’s your new motto.

Macro time!

No words.  BRB.

Next is Perennial Advisory:

I literally had to stop myself from uploading 87 different pics of this one.  Y’all know how I get around thermals.  Capturing that perfect transition shot is an anxiety attack waiting to happen.  And with your hand going in and out of the freezer to the lightbox and back, the appearance of normality has a shelf life of about 1.2 seconds.  You’re a crazy person, is what you are.  A crazy person with her hand stuck in a glass of ice water.

Imagine that crazy, magnified by a billion, during a hotel room swatch session.  I took this polish with me on a weekend getaway, unawares it was thermal.  I was already in pajamas with the robe and the slippers, looking sexy like you’d expect.  Polishing and smiling, polishing and smiling, and dadgummit!  THERMAL.  And no fridge.  No ice water.  But plenty of anxiety, which is the only way this scenario could end up.

So if you saw a girl wearing snowflake pajama pants and no bra walking the halls in the Oklahoma City Renaissance holding an empty ice bucket with one hand up the ice chute, well guess who is the most ridiculous person on the planet?  I’m not gonna tell you cuz you already know.

Here’s a crap ton of photos:

When in its warm state, this polish is a gorgeous golden peach.  There’s also gold and purple holo glitters in there, which gives off such a beautiful shimmery effect.

Transition shot from hot to cold:

It blends so well, you almost can’t tell.  This is a very fast color changer as well.  It was mad dash chaos trying to get this photographed. In a hotel bathroom no less.

Here it is when completely cooled:

What a pretty rosy pink! Reminds me of tulips or something. If you love thermals, this is definitely a good one. Perfect for the season.

One more for good measure:

In the basket it goes! 

Now here’s Lav Me, Lav Me Not:

Where my purple lovers at, cuz this one has your name written allll over it.  Plus, it’s a dusty creme, so how lucky are you right now? (Very.)  I love the dusty creme formula; the little black specks are unique to Pretty & Polished and one of the best things ever in existence.  Two coats almost consistently across the board.  Self-levels perfectly as if someone put some science in it.   If you haven’t tried them yet, well let me convince you further.

Prepare for drool:

I mean, COME ON.  How you’re able to walk away now is beyond me.  Don’t make me grab the basket of kitties.  Seriously, don’t do it.

Next up is Don’t Be a Pansy:

Okay.  You want spring, you got spring.  Here it is, in bottle form.  For real, we all just passed out just now.

Now FOCUS.  This one has a delicious creamy white base and it’s no joke loaded with purple, pink and gold glitters.  The mix is very dainty and sweet and I lub it lots.  Two coats, and you’re out the door, doing stuff.  Perfect for you people who wear pants and socialize like a proper human.  If you’re me, it’s two coats and a nap.  But then again, who’s surprised?  Damn near nobody.  You’ve read this blog before.

Good gracious, I can’t with this one.  It’s simply magical.  Please tell me you see it too.

More macros, more lolling tongues:

Who else is suuuuuper unattractive right about now?  All the mouth that is hanging open over here …  Ugh.  At this point, my brain has simply stopped holding it closed.  It straight up shrugged its shoulders and quit.  I’m locking the door in case hubby comes in and divorces me.  I suggest you do the same.

Here’s Pretty in Pink:

Another dusty creme!  Squeeeeee!  This time she’s a beautiful pastel pink, and every bit as luscious as the purple one.  Plus, it’s the perfect base for some awesome spring nail art.  I see florals and ribbons, some butterflies or polka dots, Easter eggs.  Of course seeing them and doing them is two different things.  Ideas in my head are never as good on my nails.   As soon as I become a Russian nail blogger, though, you’ll be the first to know.

A ridiculous display of pretty:

Lastly, my favorite, Storm:

DONE.  Someone wheel me over a couch to lay on cuz I seriously can’t be upright anymore.  Bring snacks and one of those cute boys holding a leaf fan.  Maybe a tiara, if you’re not busy.  Cuz if I’m forced to be lounge-y, I need to look cute while doing it.  The drool bucket cannot be the focus of this scenario.

Multi chromes are my weakness. My drug. I see one and you might as well not even be in the room, as much attention as you’re getting right now. This is it, guys. This is the one. On all the surfaces she goes, cuz literally what choice is there now? You can’t be blue and green and purple and red and shifty and shimmery and a two coat dreamboat, and somehow expect me to pretend none of that is true. I mean, when you ask for a non-fat, no-whip Starbucks but accidentally get full-fat, does that mean it doesn’t have any calories simply because you ordered it that way? Well, OF COURSE IT DOES. But I think you see my point. In other words, I want a Starbucks.

Last macros to convince you how much you’re buying this collection:

Bye, bye money!  In the best, most glorious way possible, that is.

The round up:

This collection officially launched a few hours ago, so there’s still time to be first in line.  Go now cuz there is no logical reason for waiting.  Trust me, I checked.  Here’s the deets:

Full collection $48

Since you’re getting them all, this next bit of news is moot but I’m telling you anyway cuz I don’t know why.

Single bottles range:

Dusty cremes $7.50

Glitters $8.50

Thermal and the multi-chrome $9

Your prize for reading all the way to the bottom?  A very gracious THANK YOU and a discount code.  Use dianna15 to get 15% off your order.  Whyyyyyy, that’s practically free, and we love free things!  (Oh, yes we do.)  Click here to shop.

Later, loves!

Welcome to 2017, where I just spent a fruitless four hours in bed waiting for Starbucks to just appear in my hand. It never did so I was forced to drive to Starbucks in my pajamas instead. 2017 isn’t that much different than 2016 now is it?

So anyone make any New Year resolutions?  I typically don’t – or at least I don’t with any real intention of following through – but this year I’m gonna try.  Here are a few I came up with:

1)  Stop wearing clothes picked straight from the laundry basket.  Hang them up in the closet like a civilized person.  This will be hard cuz once I carry the basket into the bedroom, my brain suddenly stops remembering what’s next.  It might be a medical condition, I dunno.

2)  Stop eating so many sweets.  I may succeed at this one cuz it’s mostly Funyuns that are the problem.  But I’m not giving up Funyuns because I love myself too much.

3)  Clean the cat box more than twice a week.  I’m only doing this one cuz I’m grossed out by my husband’s gag sounds as he walks in the laundry room.  They might be overly dramatic gag sounds in an effort to make a point, in which case I might fail at this resolution out of spite.

4)  Try to strike a balance between doing nails and having a life.  Not necessarily a social life cuz PANTS and all that, but more like sitting next to my husband on the couch every once in a while.  And possibly not going to bed at 2am on a work night.

Tell me in the comments what your goals are for 2017.  Maybe you are going to catch up on all my blog posts that you’ve missed since 2013.  In that case, by all means, proceed.  After all, it’s your happiness I love about you the most. 

For now, there’s NAIL POLISH.  The perfect way to start out a brand new year, I think!  Chelsea at Pretty & Polished has come out with a spectacular 6-piece collection inspired by Iconic Video Games – and you don’t need to know your Marios from your Zeldas to appreciate them.  Check out the most cheerful lineup EVER:

I wasn’t even exaggerating.  These colors are so bright and playful and they have me downright giddy with excitement.  For real, when the swatch pack arrived and I unwrapped each bottle, it was smile, drool, die, repeat.  You’re gonna definitely want these.  And there’s a discount code too – but you gotta read all the way to the bottom to get it.

Lessss go then.  Here’s Samus it Ever Was:

If you are a gamer, you may have already guessed this polish is based off the game Metroid.  It’s been around since 1986 and has one of the first kick ass female lead characters, which is the inspiration for this polish.  She’s a feisty one, as all kick ass females tend to be.  Or like me, when someone tries to tell me to put clothes on and go do stuff.  I will cut you if you force me to go outside.

This one has a bright red jelly base packed with gold hex glitters and color shifting flakes.  I think it’s absolutely jaw-dropping gorgoeus.  The glitters literally float in this three dimensional heaven.  I swear, I’d eat it if I knew it wouldn’t kill me.  Or if it was socially acceptable.

Macros to die for:

Tell me you didn’t think about licking your screen for a second.  You did, you know it.

Next up is If Hyruled the World:

This polish is based off the legendary character, Link, from the game Legend of Zelda.  Now, I know this game.  I used to play it with my brother back in the good old days when I had nothing more to worry about than if I’d die in my sleep cuz I ate the one piece of Oreo that didn’t get fully crushed in my Cookies ‘N Cream ice cream (aka, poison).  Ahhhh, 1986:  my proudest year.

This one has a medium green base packed with golden flakes and golden holo glitters.  And because it is green, I was instantly in love.  But it’s also so spectacularly beautiful, it practically glows.  Are you drooling yet?  Cuz you should be.

Some macro porn:

Gracious, that’s pretty.  

Now here’s Our Plumber is in Another Castle:

Immediately, I knew this polish was an ode to Super Mario Brothers.  This truly is the beginning of the Gamer era, is it not? How many of us spent summers and weekends and countless nights after homework (presumably) trying to rescue Princess Toadstool from the clutches of the evil Bowser?  It was the one game I was good at.  I’d go back to 1985 just so I could play it once more.   Then come right back before I get in trouble for watching that boy pee on the playground again.  That was not a good day.

So this one has a slightly off-white base packed with blue and red glitters.  I thought it did have a touch of pink in the base, but it could just be how it looks against my see-through skin tone.  This was a surprisingly excellent two-coater.  Leveled out nicely with no glitter issues whatsoever.  And it’s just a fun polish.  The perfect tribute to an awesome game.

Next up is Who’s That Mysterious Stranger?:

This polish is based off Chelsea’s favorite game series, Fallout, and the colors here match the popular Vault Boy character.  I’ve never heard of Fallout – or Vault Boy for that matter – but I’m feeling like maybe I need to check it out.  I love role-playing and simulation games.  I mean, you know darn well I was THE best Roller Coaster Tycoon.  And spending $85 to decorate my pretend bakery – totally necessary.  Although let that last part be a secret between me and you.  Not sure hubby would quite understand the need for new carpeting and wallpaper in a bakery that doesn’t exist.  Us gamers get it, though, don’t we?  Or shall I say, YOU gamers and ME, just an obsessive weirdo.

I’m totally loving the bright blue cream base on this one.  Like a robin’s egg, which reminds me of spring, which reminds me of happiness.  It’s filled with these yellow and blue glitters and the tiniest bit of sparkle that was hidden to me until I did a macro.  Two easy coats, glitters that played nice.  Basically you want this cuz how could you not?

Sparkle down below:

Now here’s Dragonborn to be Wild:

Based off the game Skyrim, this polish is inspired by the main character, Dragonborn.  In doing research, I have discovered there is not much I know about gaming.  I think this one might be about trying to kill a dragon, and the screenshots I’ve found look super cool.  But it’s probably best I moved on cuz I can get sucked in (and dollars-deep) pretty quick.  I mean, I started playing Panda Pop on my phone about a week ago and now I’ve downloaded like 18 other similar games because I have no self control.  One game, Toy Blast, says it’s appropriate for 4 years old and up, and I don’t understand that because it took like $29 to get past one of the levels.

In other words:  SEND HELP.

So this particular polish is a thermal, and the top photo shows it in it’s warmest state, a lovely mid-toned grey.  As it starts to cool – or if you’ve had your hand stuck in a glass of ice water, like I did – you get this transition to a dark grey:

Another shot with no transition, just full-on cold state:

It’s packed with tiny micro glitters, and the fact this thermal is an ombré of the same color family makes me love it the best.  It just blends so nicely.

Progression shot:

Clearly, I spent 19 years taking these photos.  Thermals are not the easiest to swatch or photograph when you have a touch of the OCD.  Getting that “perfect” shot is never quite perfect enough.  Hopefully I’ve done a decent enough job, though, and that someone is on their way with snacks and a massage.

Last polish in the collection is called Yoshi Flys Me Away:

Awwww, Yoshi!  Mario’s best bud.  I’m loving that this one was added to the collection, especially because of customer feedback.  He is much loved, and GREEN, which makes for a perfect polish.  Apparently, Yoshi has been around for quite a while – 1990 to be exact – and became an instant favorite of mine primarily because Mario and Luigi could ride on him instead of having to walk everywhere, a predicament that resonates down to my soul.  I mean, if there’s a riding option, it’s always my first choice.  Well, maybe after the couch-laying option and the napping option.  But definitely ahead of the walking option.  The walking option can walk itself right back where it came from.  Hell.  Or purgatory.  Or wherever it is people who make extra loud food noises with their mouth hang out.  Blech.

So this sweet little green is a light neon base with a medium dose of neon green and dark green glitters.  You hear that ding, ding, ding?  That’s your happy meter going off.

This macro gives me allll kinds of smiley feelings:

The round up:

For real, you guys – you gotta get this collection.  Chelsea always does such a wonderful job with everything she creates, but there is just something about this bunch that gives me so much joy.  The color palette is the opposite of dreary and heavy and we all need a little pick-me-up, right?  Here’s the deets:

Full collection:  $48

Dragonborn and Hyruled, single polish:  $9

The rest, single polish:  $8.50

BUT WAIT.  A bonus ending!  In addition to the Iconic Video Games Collection, we have a new addition to the dusty creme line releasing as well.

Here’s I’m Kale-ing It With This Color:

Oh my god, another GREEN.  This girl is in heaven, for sure!

Inspired by the new Pantone Color of the Year, Greenery, we’ve got what Chelsea describes as a muted lime green with (of course) those delicious little dusty particles unique to Pretty & Polished.  I can’t get enough of them!  They’re all consistent in formula – creamy, self-leveling, two coats.  If you haven’t purchased any before, remedy that stat.  Get this one for sure because I said so, but then go ahead and add a few more to the cart.  I promise* you’ll be so glad you did.

DISCLAIMER:  On the off chance you are not glad, you cannot sue me.  There is simply something wrong with you.  This macro is proof:

PERFECTION.  And it can be yours for the ridiculous (practically free) low price of $7.50.

Your reward for reading all the way to the bottom – a coupon code!  Use dianna15 to get 15% off your order of anything in the store.  ANYTHING.  So go crazy.  Click here to shop.  And this is your ending for reals this time.  

Happy New Year!  Later, loves!

Who’s ready to go get punched in the face by an old lady trying to snag the last RCA television that’s on sale for a dollar?  Not me! Although I’m sure some of you are completely fine with that cuz Black Friday is your rite of passage and you have no problem crawling out of bed at 3am to go stand at the door to Toys R Us for nigh on eternity.

This is why online shopping was invented, people. Stay home and shop from the comfort of your pajamas. If you wanna get up at 3am, get up at 3am. But why get in your car and go stand amongst the crazies if you don’t have to?

Clearly, Black Friday gives me anxiety. Too many people, all up in my business. Trapped in a sea of a thousand shopping carts all trying to go down the same aisle. Arms everywhere. No thank you. Gimme an iPad, a credit card (preferably my husband’s) and a Starbucks, and I’m the happiest of all things happy.

Let’s prepare this thing properly, shall we?Pretty & Polished has an ENTIRE week full of shopping opportunities. Starts today, right now, so here’s what you need to know:

🍁Monday 11/21 (that’s now, to be clear) – Free domestic shipping with orders over $10 using code: FreeShip

🍁Tuesday 11/22 – 20% off plus free mani melt using code: Tuesday20

🍁Wednesday 11/23 – Beauty Boxes 15% off using code: Box15

🍁Thursday 11/24 (Thanksgiving) – Free polish with orders over $10; no code needed; swatches of the polish is below

🍁Friday 11/25 (Black Friday) – 35% off sitewide (doesn’t include Boxes) using code: BlackFriday2016

🍁In addition, if you’re international (where you shop like the civilized people God intended), your code is Int20 and you get 20% off Monday thru Thursday and 35% off Friday with code: BlackFriday2016

Basically, there is absolutely no reason why you’re not shopping every single day this week. Everything is practically free and you deserve it because I said so.

As for the free polish you get for shopping on Thanksgiving, she is called Exclusively Yours, and here’s 17 billion photos:

Give or take a few billion. But I wanted you to see all the loveliness in all the scenarios you could imagine.  Indoors, outdoors, and while walking around holding your LED lamp – as us nail ladies are prone to do.

Two coats of a beautiful raspberry pink, and chock full of a ridiculous amount of glitter and sparkle.  It’s super pretty!

And that’s it. Your guide to Black Friday begins and ends here. Now how easy (and elbow jab-free) was that?!  Ahhhh, pajamas never felt so good. 

To order, click here. 

Later, loves!

I have two cats, and they are both a couple of ding dongs.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my fur babies.  One of them, Chloe, I’ve had for almost 17 years.  She’s an old lady, a bit crochety, and sleeps 25 hours a day, but she’s such a little sweetie.  And Oliver, my 6 year old, still has those cute little kitten qualities that made me scoop him up in the first place.

But don’t let ANY of that fool you.  You hear about other people’s cats, the ones that kill snakes out in the backyard or save a family of five from a burning house.  You know, hero cats.  Also known as, NOT MY CATS.  No, unfortunately I get one that likes to eat grass, then throw it up on my rug.  And Chloe, the old one, likes to bring me little turds and put them in my bed – while I am in it, sleeping.

THEN, to top it all off, neither one of them will let me pick them up and carry them around the house on my hip.    Seriously, who wouldn’t want this?  If anyone would like to volunteer to move me about from room to room, that’d be great, cuz THAT sounds like an amazing time.  The least amount of effort on my part is ideal.

Plus, would it kill them to play dress up with me, to at least one time put on a pair of pantyhose so I can post a pic on Instagram?  Forget about it.  And the only time I get a kiss is when I stick my hand in their face while they’re bathing and they lick me on accident.  

I’m traumatized by their lack of love.  I need nail polish.

Good thing I have the Pretty & Polished Winter 2016 Collection to make me happy: 

That’s a lot of polish!  Twelve of them to be exact.  There’s crellies and glitters, dusty cremes and multi-chromes.  And ALL, fabulous.  So go get yourself a little snack or have a Starbucks handy (minimum), and find a comfy place to sit – cuz this one’s gonna take a minute.  And who wants to go to work today anyway?

First up is Blue Balls:

The 12-year-old boy inside of me is just laughing, laughing, laughing.  And the 42-year-old in me is rolling my eyes at myself, and now I’m almost certain this is how crazy starts.  Let’s move on, shall we?

I stinkin’ love this!  The base is a really delicate light blue crelly, and it’s loaded with blue dot glitters of all sizes and shades.  It is so much prettier than I expected it would be.  I mean, it’s lovely in the bottle, but on the nail?  Heart eyes times a billion.  Definitely one of my faves in the collection.

I did three thin coats here, and the glitter payoff is crazy good.  No fishing (i.e., no effort) allowed.  My favorite!

Macro time:

Now you want this.  I’ve already decided.

Next is Spike My Cider:

Well, hello good lookin’!  Only two polishes in, and already I’m a big pile of goo.  This is the one that made me email Chelsea, the creator and mastermind behind Pretty & Polished, to ask her WHAT. IS. THIS. VOODOO?  My mouth hung open right out of the gate with this one.  Quite possibly drooled a bit (but in a ladylike way, to be clear).

At first glance, this polish appears to be gold, but while it does have some golden qualities, it’s actually a light brown holographic packed with holographic brown glitter.  Who knew how gorgeous brown could be?  Suck it, blondies.

This had excellent coverage as well.  I did one coat and could easily have been done.  But one coaters are no fun for me (cuz I am not a normal person), so photo shows two coats.  Dries dull, so add top coat.

Aaaack!  My eyes!  This collection is already ridiculous.

Now, Shameless Sugarplum:

I guarantee you have absolutely NOTHING in your stash that’s anywhere close to a dupe of this polish.  Go on, check.  (Told ya.)  That is what I love about Pretty & Polished – there is always something so incredibly unique and different available.  This right here is that.

Base is a light pink crelly with a soft gold and pink shimmer packed with blue, pink and purple glitters.  It’s one of those polishes that made it entirely too dangerous to be driving a car, what with all the not looking at the road and everything.  So, at minimum, you have an excuse to stay home from work today.  Pajamas for everyone!

Coverage here is two regular coats.  Glitter load is heavy but application is pretty smooth.  I think you’ll really like it.

You see that shimmer?  And that cat hair?  Macro = success!

Heres That’s Just Plum Dandy:

Where my purple lovers at?  This one is for you!  What a delicious deep plum, amirite?  Aside from the  polish smear I left on the tip of my pinky, this swatch is pretty much perfection.

Look at her under the lights, though: 

Glorious!  This is one of Pretty & Polished’s Dusty Cremes, a very unique creme formula you can only find at P&P.  If you’ve never used a Dusty Creme, you must fix that stat.  Ultra smooth and creamy, mostly two coats (but occasionally three), and self-leveling.  They are a dream to work with.  Again, an effortless polish for the lazy ones like me.

The only issue I had was trying to photograph the dusties.  I couldn’t capture them.  The polish is pretty dark, so there isn’t much contrast between the two.  And I take pics with my iPhone, which isn’t the most amazing set up ever made.  I mean, I bought a lightbox and two LED lamps – that’s about as far as my swatch budget will go.  However, anytime someone wants to buy me a Nikon, I will accept your gracious gift.  Just putting that out there in case y’all weren’t sure.

Next up is the gorgeous Sleighing It!:

Oooooooh!  What is this one?!  Chelsea made a multi-chrome and I’m just beside myself with giddiness.  I love polishes that shift in color between angles.  They’re just so fun to look at.  Very distracting, though.  Driving is difficult, working is difficult, picking things up with your hands is difficult.  Who else models holding a coffee cup with a spectacular mani?  Or does an obsessive amount of pointing at things?  Or just sticks your fingers in people’s faces in general?  Look at mah nails!

The weird ones, that’s who.  So sorry.

Okay, this one would make carrying around an LED lamp all day totally worth it.  Look how beautiful she is under the lights!  You get this stunning red to orange shift and a bit of holo, and OMG I can’t concentrate on anything else.  For real, I’m done.  Goodbye.

Okay, just seven more polishes THEN I’m done.

Here is Rocks in My Snowballs:

Doesn’t this one look exactly like dirty snow?  Chelsea nailed it!  It’s snow after 18,000 cars plow through it.  It’s nightmare snow.  Basically, anti-snow.

In case you didn’t catch that, I am not a fan of snow.  Back when I was a kid, snow meant happy things, like snowmen and no school.  But now as an adult, snow gets you NOTHING.  Work cancelled because of snow?  NOPE.  Chance of getting stuck in a hideous, hardened dirty snow rut?  A billion percent.

I’m getting hives.  Let’s move on.

This polish – despite its dirty snow connotations – is super fun.  It has a white crelly base loaded (and I mean, LOADED) with black, white and grey glitters.  Formula is a little thick, but I did two careful, thin coats and then dabbed on a coat in specific areas that needed a touch-up.  If you have trouble with the thickness, add about 10 drops of nail polish thinner (NOT acetone, you savages!) and shake it up to thin it out a bit.  Works brilliantly.

I added two layers of top coat to smooth it out as much as possible.  The longer I wore this one, the more I really enjoyed it.  I had it on all day at work, and I’ll admit to a couple times where I was typing like a supermodel.  What does that mean?  I dunno.  But you nail girls get it.

Next up is Throw Some Glitter on It!:

Bling bling!  This one is for festive party nails, for sure.  One of these days when I manage to get out of pajamas, I’ll put on this mani again and socialize cuz it’s the perfect polish for it.  It’s made for a Little Black Dress and a glass of champagne.

Under the lamps:

I can’t even begin to decipher what’s going on in there.  Full coverage glitter bomb, I know for sure.  There’s definitely pink and orange glitters.  And blue.  Purple.  Maybe a few flakies.  I did three thin coats here, but if you sponged on your second coat, that might be all you’d need.

Macro porn!

Fun, right?  (Very.)

Next we have the Obligatory Christmas Polish:

The last crelly in the lot.  It is straight up Christmas time.  Red and green glitter with gold holo sparkle in a white base.  I’ll definitely be doing some holiday nail art with this one.  And it may be “obligatory” but I think it’s pretty special, regardless.

The crelly formula on this one is absolutely amazing.  Usually white crellies can be difficult cuz they are too milky and require manipulation to cover uneven spots.   But this one is your new best friend.  Two coats and DONE.  It’s a real live Christmas miracle!

You want it, oh yes you do.

Another multi-chrome.  Here’s Brisky Business:

Excuse me, what now?  Did all my dreams just come true?  OMG, this.  Excuse me, I need a minute …

Okay, that picture didn’t help much either.  Are you dying, cuz I am.  What a stunner!  I literally have no words.  ZERO words.  Maybe I should just stop now before I turn into a bumbling idiot.  This polish makes my mouth hang open and odd throat noises come out.  Uhhhhhhnnnnnnnnn.  (See?!)

If you can’t tell, this one is my favorite.  A dark blue to purple dream boat.  Color shifting flakies.  Heaven in a bottle.  The end.

Two coats of ectasy.  How will you ever be the same again?

Focus now.  Next is I Need a Taupe-ical Vacation: 

I DO need a taupe-ical vacation!  Or a vacation period.  I know I just went on one, but that is beside the point.  Do you think it is easy to get up every day, go to work, then come home and put on pajamas and have your husband make you dinner while you polish your nails for four hours all while trying to cram in 16 episodes of The Walking Dead and then leave time to lay on the couch doing nothing for a while?

See.  Vacation = justified.

Another dusty creme, a lovely soft taupe.  You can definitely see those dusty specks in this one.  And to make it even better –  (Well, better for you.  I am the crazy one, remember?) – it was almost a one coater!  Excellent coverage and super smooth.  What else could you want or need (aside from the vacation, that is)?

Last multi-chrome of the collection and I’m so so sad.  This is Yule Thank Me Later:

Chelsea did such an amazing job with these.  If you’re into pretty polishes, this one has your name written alllll over it.  (For real, I checked.)  And anyone who likes mermaid nails, well, here ya go:  your perfect base.  If you’re not quite convinced, what is wrong with your eyes?!, but also here is a shot under the lights in case you just prefer to be thorough:

Okay, all good?  Good.  I see no logical reason you’re not buying this.  It’s got blue, it’s got green, with golden shimmer and a flakie explosion.  Case closed, people.  Put it in your basket.

If you’re taking notes, I did two coats plus one layer of top coat on this one.  Nice formula.  Happiness-inducing.

And now we’re at the end.  Here is the last polish in the collection, a fun glitter topper called I Busted My Glass:

I put this over black so you could see all the colors in this topper.  There’s bars and shards of different sizes, both metallic and holographic.  Little baby hexes too.  Now, I’m no expert on swatching toppers, but I think this turned out pretty good.  (Toot, toot!)  You could show this off on top of any color base and it would look amazing.  There are no rules.

Sparkly!  That’s what I love about it – the way the glitters reflect the light.  I don’t normally buy glitter toppers cuz they make me nervous (I know, what kind of problem is this?), but application here was easy. You get lots of glitter on the brush and they were very easy to spread around.  If toppers are your thing, this is one of the best.

The round up:

I was impressed by this entire colletion.  Definitely some winter pretties, but also lots of glitz and glam for holiday parties and get-togethers.  I can’t think of any better collection Chelsea could have done.  It’s perfection.  And you want it.  Just so you’re clear.

If you purchase the whole set, cost is $90 and you get free shipping.  If you’re only able to snag a few singles, the dusty cremes are $7.50, the multi-chromes are $9, and the rest are $8.50 each.  These will be available tomorrow, November 14 – so write yourself a little Post-It.  You do not want to miss out!

DON’T FORGET: Get 15% off your order using code dianna15

Click here to order.  Do it!  And thank you thank you thank you for reading this post all the way to the very bottom.  Internet high fives for you.  You may continue to read this blog.

Later, loves!

It took a total of 30 seconds after the Walking Dead season 7 premiere before someone on Facebook ruined it for everyone.  Don’t they know I’m only on season 5 right now?!  And that I somehow have to watch the next 32 episodes trying to unknow what I know.  Ugh.  People are assholes.

I’ve been trying to catch up.  I’ve got nine weeks worth of US Weeklys just sitting on the counter, neglected.  I’m still not reading the last 150 pages in that book I started reading 20 months ago.  I haven’t watched Dancing with the Stars AT ALL.  I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m really terrible at balancing my life.

Granted, my husband and I have made great progress on The Walking Dead.  We went from episode 1 to episode 50-something in the course of two months.  And this all truly surprises me because if you’d told me back in August I’d be loving a show about zombies right now, I’d swear you’d got your facts wrong.  Cuz there’s zero comedy in it.  No one is drinking coffee in Central Perk.  AND, Leonardo DiCaprio is nowhere to be seen.

I’m also the girl who went from never polishing her nails to owning over 800 bottles in less than a year.  So what do I know?

I’ve got more Pretty & Polish beauties to share with you!  The month of November is Pretty & Polished’s 5th anniversary, and to celebrate, Chelsea has come out with one anniversary exclusive polish and an awesome Throwback Collection.

Let’s start with the collection:

Oh, how intrigued you are!  This Throwback Collection is a revamp of four of their original polishes from back in the day.  They come in their original bottles and labels but with the updated and improved formula you know and love.  Also, they’re only $6.50 each.  Whaaaat?! I know; practically free.

First one is Mannequin Hands:

So elegant!  If we’re gonna do a light-colored polish, it’s gotta be one like this.  It has to be soft and dainty and remind you of peaches and cream.  Or mannequin hands, except my mannequin has the hands of someone with a water retention problem, and therefore you’d better take the peaches instead.

The base on this one is a very pale pinky peach. A light smattering of peach and pale pink glitters. Goes on opaque in about three thin coats.

I’m surprised how much I loved it.  In the bottle it was definitely very pretty, but on the nail, it’s so much lovelier than expected.  It’s the best kind of surprise.  Well, after Leonardo DiCaprio in pajamas holding Starbucks in my living room, that is.

Macros:

Next up is this purple jawbreaker of a polish called Tart:

How fun is this?  It’s like the colors of a birthday party or something. Or the pair of floral corduroy pants I wore in the 7th grade.

OMG, best throwback collection ever.  Now if someone could make a polish inspired by black clunky shoes and a pair of Hammer pants, you’ll know everything there is to know about my life.

Base here is a medium lavender with fun confetti glitters of different sizes and colors and a tiny dusting of sparkling flakes.  I did two thin coats plus a dabbed on coat to make sure I got the glitters where I wanted them.  Excellent glitter payoff though – no fishing required!

More macros cuz I know you love them! (Right? Right.)

Next, we have this awesome black and white glitter topper called Valentino:

It’s hard to swatch a topper.  I agonized over the best way to showcase it for you.  So naturally, I did all the things.  When in doubt, go overboard.  That’s basically the motto for everything I do in life.  You don’t end up with 17 sizes of crochet hooks and a duffle bag full of back issues of Penny Press puzzle books for nothing.  Well, until you sell them all at a garage sale that is.

So this first shot is my attempt at a full coverage something or other.  I sponged on about three coats on three of my fingers with a one pass deal over a grey polish on my pinky:

Next shot shows the same pinky and full coverage ring finger, but just two brushed on coats over naked nails on the other two:

Lastly, here are two brushed coats over a grey polish on all my nails:

In case you were wondering, all this took AGES.  I don’t put much effort in anything, so this is a var var big deal.  If I expended this much energy on everything else in my life, I’d most likely be president of the universe by now.

And now, some macros:

I like this topper; it’s very chic.  Kind of a formal tuxedo type of feel.  It would look so cool on top of a hot pink, or even a neon.  Ooooh, like a yellow neon!  OMG, I just invented the best mani ever.  Pretty sure someone needs to send me a Visa gift card then.

Finally, here’s Day Trippin’:

I saved the best one for last.  Holy moly, look at it!  I’m not real good at thermals, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off this little lady.   It was a dangerous situation on the way to the grocery store.  Well, according to my husband, that is, who was sitting in the passenger seat holding onto the Oh Shit handle and pumping on his imaginary brakes.

He’s so rude.  But did you die?!  No you did not.

Here’s a shot of Day Trippin’ in it’s warm state:

So shiny and glossy!  I’d be perfectly okay if this polish stayed this way forever.  Which is a good thing, cuz my nails stay warm most of the time anyway.  With the exception of Monday thru Friday from 8:30 to 5:30 when I’m sitting in the meat locker that others refer to as my office.

Here are a few transition photos:

Oh my god, are we done?!

No.  Here are a couple more pics:

Clearly I had trouble making a decision.  I just wanted to make sure you were absolutely certain how much you love this polish.  Lots and lots.  You’re buying this in about 2.5 seconds.

In addition to the Throwback Collection, Chelsea has also made a commemorative 5 year anniversary polish called I Got 5 On It.  She’s super pretty:

Dark polish!  Yes, ma’am.  This polish makes me so incredibly happy.  A maroon brown with tones of purple and a lot of fuchsia flash.  There is nothing NOT to love in here.

Under the lamps, it’s a killer:

The holo!  The shine!  And that perfect cuticle line!  Sometimes having OCD pays off just a little.  And then other times it’s annoying , especially when you’re trying to go to bed, but first you have to check all the doors, physically touch the locks because although you can clearly see they’re locked, it could just be a figment of your imagination (you never know!), and then open the door that leads to the garage to make sure the garage door is shut although when you shut it a mere four or so hours before, you said out loud to yourself to REMEMBER THIS DOOR IS SHUT but somehow that is a moot point at 1 in the morning.

Was that a run on sentence?  Probably.

But back to the polish.  Let’s end with some spectacular macros:

Gah!  In love.

The round up:

Both the Throwback Collection and the 5th anniversary polish debuts today – right now in fact because I’ve got this blogging thing down to a science.  Here’s the scoop:

Throwback Collection – pre-sale will run from November 1 through November 14, with shipping to begin on November 15.  Each polish is $6.50.

5th anniversary polish – available to ship now!  Cost is $9.

Lastly, don’t forget to use my coupon code (dianna15) to get 15% off your order (excludes beauty boxes).  Now aren’t you glad you read all the way to the end?  (You are.)

Later, loves!

Hubby goes on a business trip, and suddenly I forget how to do life.  I’m not even going to lie and pretend I’m some 21st century woman, independent and single and proud of it.  I mean, sure, I can be a feminist when it comes to certain things, but honestly, I like having someone to share my burdens with and do things for me when I’m too lazy to do them myself.

For real, cuz who’s gonna give me a sponge bath in bed when I forget to rinse the soap off my back from the night before?  And how does the granola bar get from the cabinet to my purse in the mornings if my husband isn’t home?  These are real life issues, people.  You think voting for a new president is hard – just try being me for four days while my husband is out of town.

I’m virtually directionless.

So I’ve tried to be productive while he’s been gone.  Granted, I’m getting zero coffee made for me every morning, but I’m functioning (somehow) nonetheless.  Proud to say I did a sink full of dishes without being asked 14 times.  I did two loads of my own laundry instead of just going out and buying new underwear like a normal person.  AND, I had the foresight to ask hubby to make me a casserole I could eat for four days straight, so I’ve successfully combatted starvation.  I’m feeling very 21st century right about now.

Gimme a couple days; I’ll be back to normal soon.  Let’s talk polish!

I received the Pretty & Polished All Holos Eve trio to show off.  Three awesome holographics just in time for Halloween:

Told ya.

First one up is this most amazing purple called Hail to the Queen, Baby!

I love the way it looks inside the lightbox without any holographic sparkling.  You can see the truest version of the color, which is a very lovely shade.  But I know how much y’all love your holos, so I took a shot under the lamps just for you:

Bling bling!  And then one outside just for funsies:

This polish was an awesome two coater.  Very smooth application.  I mean, pretty much perfect in every way.  Would make an awesome base for some really cool Halloween nail art.  Of which I have none to show you.  I did not plan that out very well.

Have I mentioned I can’t function properly when hubby is out of town?  Enjoy this macro anyway …

And of course, Halloween wouldn’t be Halloween without an ultra black holo.  Here is She’ll Tear Your Soul Apart:

Someone’s sexy!  Don’t you just love that gloss?  So shiny.  Always looks so nice on my pale, pale hands.  And my chubby fingers.  Black is slimming, and no doubt I’m about 2.7 seconds away from HAND MODEL! with this manicure.

Under the lamps, it’s even better:

And then an outside shot for good measure:

You must be thoroughly convinced by now.  But just in case, here’s the macro:

Two coats on this one as well.  Almost a one coat.  Maybe even could have been for some people.  But I always do two coats out of habit and pure therapeutic enjoyment.  Polishing relaxes me.  When I get a one coater, it’s almost a sad thing.  However, I’m also the weirdo who won’t eat the deformed M&M because it’s probably poison.  So don’t mind me – I’m just strange.  Do one coat; revel in your normalcy.

Finally, my favorite:  The Night She Came Home

She’s ORANGE!  I loooooove orange.  Especially orange in the fall.  It makes me so happy just to look at it.  I swoon!  Do you have colors that do that to you?  All fall colors get me weak in the knees.  Green is my all time, year round favorite, but when fall gets a hold of it, someone needs to push me around in a little buggy or something because I can no longer handle myself.  Aside from all that, though, fall is too close to winter so I no likee.

But back to this orange – it’s kind of a jelly consistency and has these amazing black flecks in it.  Look at her under the lamps:

You see?!  I live for polishes like this.  I’d paint this all over my body if there wasn’t an HR Department really close to my office.  Pretty sure the handbook mentions a dress code that does not include full body glitter.

Hmmpfh.

Here’s an outside shot:

I’m literally losing concentration here.  I’ve been voodooed.  If you need one reason to purchase this trio, this orange polish is IT.  It’s mesmerizing.

Uhhhhnnnnnnn.

Also, there may be a fair amount of drool happening.  I look like a mess.  Good thing hubby’s not here.  Even he might have to disagree when I yell STILL SEXY, THOUGH! with slobber hanging out of my mouth.  And he’s seen me let the fat out of my pants after pasta countless of times, and still managed to stay married to me.

The round up:

That took 17 hours to put together.  Don’t look too close.  Just step back from your computer and admire from afar.

Head on over to the Pretty & Polished site and place your order for this trio.  DO EEEEEET.  Except not until October 1 cuz they’re not available yet.  These will be on sale all the way until October 31, so you have a month to get your priorities straight, but no sense in procrastinating is my motto.

Just kidding.  Procrastinating + Me = BEST FRANS.

Also, I have a discount code you can use on your order!  What more evidence of a wise decision do you need?!  Works for anything in the store.  Put in code dianna15 and get 15% off.  Then follow me on Instagram because this friendship is reciprocal whether you like it or not.

Later, loves!

You know I’ve always said:  if you’re gonna be obsessed, be obsessed properly.   Don’t just have a hobby and do it halfway.  I mean, if you’re gonna call yourself a crocheter, you better own ALL the yarn.  Know what I mean?  This is most likely the logic that got me swimming in 800-plus bottles of nail polish.  In my defense, nail polish never goes bad.  Yes, it might get goopy.  Or thermal changing powers may fade.  But it doesn’t turn to poison and that right there is reason enough.

The fact I crocheted a blanket made for one teeny tiny extremely skinny person is beside the point.  I still owned all the yarn.  Anybody need a potholder?  I have like 17,000.

But back to polish!  I recently received the Pretty & Polished Fall 2016 Collection to swatch for you, and believe me when I tell you – you’ll want every single one of them.  There’s 10 polishes to love and drool over, so I suggest you clear your schedule and get in your pjs.  Have some Doritos handy while you’re at it (and maybe a Kit Kat for safety’s sake).  We might be here for a while.

First up is Dark Magic – a dark grey creme with holographic glitter and metallic purple hexes:

Did you just die?  Cuz I sure did.  It’s heavenly!  Top photo was taken under direct lighting and the second one was in the lightbox so you can really see those glitters. I did two thin coats for full coverage and two layers of top coat since it dried pretty textured and dull.  But you do what you want.  I’m not the boss of you.

Just kidding!  I am.

Guess who remembered to wrap her tips?!

Next is this mustard yellow love of my life called Fuzzy Sweater:

I am drawn to colors like this as if Leonardo DiCaprio himself was at the end of it.  They’re comfy and cozy and wrap my heart with a hug.  Definitely a perfect fall polish.  Look at those color shifting flakies!  And then just for funsies, I matted it for you:

Kinda cool, right?  Again, I did two coats for full coverage and it was soooooo smooth.  It was hard to put down.  I could’ve easily went to Polish Mountain with this baby.

Macro porn!

Next is Taupe Me Off and Leaf!, a pretty taupe creme filled with brown, gold, silver and copper glitters.  I don’t know about you, but these look like chocolate chip cookies:

Well, it’s a stretch, but you get my drift.  Maybe because the taupe creme reminds me of chocolate milk.  Or maybe those dark brown glitters look l i  k klldghlk …

Who wants cookies?  I want cookies.  Dammit, why aren’t there cookies in this house?!

So I did two regular coats here and one dabbed coat just to fill in any spots that I felt looked too naked.  The glitter payoff is unreal and I had to do very minimal maneuvering.  No fishing either – those glitter babies were everywhere.  Really effortless, which is what I like.  I mean, I wear pajamas to Starbucks so there’s no way in hell I’m fiddling with a bunch of glitter placement.

Ahhhh, so dreamy … But seriously, though:  coooookies …

Okay, so this one might be my favorite:

It’s called I Done Plum Had It! and it’s STUNNING.  Well, I mean, clearly.  Look.  At.  It.  Ugh.  Whoever paired up purple and copper was a billion percent correct.  They are the OG Peanut Butter and Jelly.  Top photo is under direct lights so you can see the glow of those flakies, but the second photo in the lightbox really shows ’em off.  Another excellent fall polish.  In case you didn’t know already:  YOU NEED.

And of course, this blog wouldn’t be proper without one shittily focused macro:

Still pretty though.  Tips = wrapped.  So not a complete fail.  And in case you’re curious (you are), this could easily be a one-and-a-half coater (whatever that is) if you aren’t too picky.  Coverage was excellent.

A fall collection wouldn’t be a fall collection without an orange.  Here’s Patch under the lamps:

Uhhhhhnnnnnnnn.  That’s the sound my brain makes when it can’t think of words.  I love green; it’s my favorite.  But orange!  Orange is right up there.  Plus, this isn’t any ordinary orange, it’s a dusty creme orange.  I love Pretty & Polished’s Dusty Creme line.  Those dark speckles are something you never knew you needed.

Here’s a shot in the lightbox:

Wanna see those specks up close?

Ahhhhh, who just wrapped you up in a big warm blanket and handed you a bunch of kitties?  Cuz this polish is legit happiness.

And now, the amazing Heavy Metal:

This photo was taken under the lightbox and you can really see all the glitz and glamour.  The base is silver and it’s chock full of silver, gold and copper metallic glitters.  There’s also a small sprinkle of flakies, which are good little hide-and-seekers, although I did get a couple on my nails.  And it was so easy to apply.  Two coats of not-goopy perfection!

Very reflective under direct lighting:

Looks like foil!  This would be a perfect going-out polish, you know, for people who go and “do stuff.”  Assuming that includes a The Walking Dead marathon, which is how I prefer to “do” my “stuff.”  Of course, this comes from the girl who gets excited over her new Fruit of the Loom Breathable underwear.  I may not be the best source of info.

Prettiest macro award goes to:

My eyes!  My eyes!

Now for a thermal polish.  I give you Fall in Love a Latte:

This is its warm state, a creamy off white.  Loving this fun glitter mix!  There’s a couple shades of pink, an orange, a turqouise – some of the brighter fall colors.  Consistency was thinner than all the other polishes, but it was very easy to apply.  No streaks!

Here’s the cool state:

Those damn cookies are back.  With sprinkles.  Ugh.

Here’s an excellent warm to cool transition photo that only took 217 tries to get:

Photographing thermals make me nervous.  You know much time I spend trying to get my fingers and nails cold enough to change colors?  Light years, at the minimum.  But I do it for my nailie friends because without you all, I’m just a crazy person with her hand in the freezer.

Then we have Riverside Drive, a luscious almost teal-y blue creme with blue, silver and grey flakies:

One of the prettiest blues you’ve ever seen, yes it is.  Again, ultra smooth and opaque in two coats.  Seriously, this collection was made for people like me (i.e., lazy) cuz I could literally get a mani done in less than 20 minutes – and that includes my OCD-caliber cuticle cleanup.  For real, is that not the longest part?  I can spot a wonky cuticle line from a mile away with my eyes closed.  Not that my cuticles aren’t ever wonky, but you best belive nothing else matters until I can get home to fix it.  Sorry, I’ve got a job to get to?  Not today, Satan.

Now look at this macro:

No words.  Moving on.  Here’s Creme de la Creme:

Another dusty creme!  This time it’s a delicious sandy beige shade, and those black speckles really stand out.  I normally don’t wear colors this light because I’m already so pale – and pale is not a good color for me.  It’s not the delicate Irish Rose kind of pale.  It’s more of the IT’S TOO HOT OUTSIDE, I’M GONNA SIT ON THE COUCH AND WEAR A BLANKET WITH THE A/C ON kind of white.  Or the I DON’T LOOK GOOD SWEATY kind.  Maybe a skosh of the INDOOR ACTIVITIES ARE THE BEST ACTIVITIES sort.

Long story short:  I don’t get out much.

Again, two coats of perfection!  I can’t think of any reason why you’re not buying these.

Last but not least, I give you this lilac thermal called Lavendarling and about .000027% of my attempts at photographing:

If you guessed I was sitting on my floor next to the air conditioning vent with my hand in a cup of ice water, having anxiety, you would be correct.  I just wanted to show you the best pictures I could get of this gorgeous color-changer.  The fact I about had a panic attack just shows you the depth of my love.

The below lilac is the warm state, which is how I found it looked on my nail most often.  Once cold, it turns to a deeper purple.  The transition happens quickly and changes quickly back – or at least on me it did.  At one point it was like a race between me and this polish.  I’m pretty sure I won.

And of course, the requisite macro. Look at those precious pink and blue flakes.  And a bit of holo.  It’s a very girly, sweet polish.

The round up:

If you think I went out and bought a mum just to shoot this lovely collage, well how transparent do you think I am?  (Very.)  Enjoy it, cuz this plant has about 5 days until I kill it with my impressive gardening skills.

This entire 10-piece collection is available first at Polish Con in Chicago on September 17 in case you’re going or happen to be wandering past a bunch of crazies hauling shopping bags of nail polish out of a building – go in there!  For all the rest of us who aren’t as lucky, you can snag these beauties on the Pretty & Polished website on September 23.  Thermals are $9, glitters and flakies are $8.50 and dusty crèmes are $7.50.  Full collection will go for $78 and qualify for free shipping.

Thanks for reading this massive post all the way to very end.  You make my spending 18 billion hours on my iPad writing this thing totally and completely worth it.  Internet hugs and kisses for everyone.  Well, just the cute ones.

Later, loves!