I sat in jelly while wearing my robe. So I might have to wash it now but I’m still deciding. It’s being actively considered and that’s the best I can do. Cuz then what will I wear? Pants, like a crazy person? Ugh. What has happened to my life.
However, I do have a new robe coming. Hubby bought me one for Valentine’s Day cuz either I’ve guilted him properly into buying me gifts, or else he understands I have a laundry dilemma and he literally can’t see me wearing this dirty pink robe anymore. Regardless of which, he bought one and I will have it in a mere 4 to 6 weeks.
Four to six weeks?! In case you can’t math well, that is an extremely very long time, like eons with light years and eternities on top. Is that even a thing to have to wait that long for a robe? I mean, is it being handcrafted by monks in Italy or something? Is it in the midst of a papal blessing? Perhaps the Queen of England is doing embroidery on it by a fountain in the Square? If the answer is no to even one of those questions, then …
Dadgummmmit! He bought it from one of those Chinese wholesale sites, I just know it. Where you spend like 10 bucks and they send you your stuff at some point before you die. Tracking is extra. CRAP. I may be sitting on this jelly stain for the rest of my life then. I mean, it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other, but when pizza delivery gets here, they probably expect me in a clean robe, minimum. OMG, laundry is lurking, I feel it. And the hives. Where’s Leonard DiCaprio when you need him?
(Seriously, WHERE IS HE?)
While we wait, let’s talk polish! I have the new Pretty & Polished Spring 2017 Collection to review for you today. Get excited people cuz you’re about to spend some money! Weeeee! Take a look:
Told ya. You’re not making it out of this blog without one of these, at least. Although why you’re not getting six of them defies all logic. Rocket scientists are working overtime making charts and whatnot, trying to figure you out. It’s best to just hand over your wallet so we can all go home. Pajamas for everyone! It’s the right thing to do.
Also, there’s a discount code waiting for you at the bottom. Best blogger ever? (YES.)
First up is I Love it When You Call Me Big Poppy:
See, look how it’s starting already. Not even a full sentence and we’re already dying. How will we ever make it to the end of this blog? Superhuman displays of willpower and a big ole Starbucks, is my guess.
Colors like this always get me. They’re cheerful, bright, and full of sunshine. If you’re not wearing this polish and smiling to yourself with your eyes closed, then I am var var concerned about your brain. It’s pure happiness in a bottle, guys. You don’t have a poppy, red/orange base with gold holographic glitter and pink flakies, and somehow NOT be made of happiness. Again, the rocket scientists made a chart. It’s mathematically proven. Probably.
Check her out under the lamps:
Even better! Want, want and NEED. That’s your new motto.
No words. BRB.
Next is Perennial Advisory:
I literally had to stop myself from uploading 87 different pics of this one. Y’all know how I get around thermals. Capturing that perfect transition shot is an anxiety attack waiting to happen. And with your hand going in and out of the freezer to the lightbox and back, the appearance of normality has a shelf life of about 1.2 seconds. You’re a crazy person, is what you are. A crazy person with her hand stuck in a glass of ice water.
Imagine that crazy, magnified by a billion, during a hotel room swatch session. I took this polish with me on a weekend getaway, unawares it was thermal. I was already in pajamas with the robe and the slippers, looking sexy like you’d expect. Polishing and smiling, polishing and smiling, and dadgummit! THERMAL. And no fridge. No ice water. But plenty of anxiety, which is the only way this scenario could end up.
So if you saw a girl wearing snowflake pajama pants and no bra walking the halls in the Oklahoma City Renaissance holding an empty ice bucket with one hand up the ice chute, well guess who is the most ridiculous person on the planet? I’m not gonna tell you cuz you already know.
Here’s a crap ton of photos:
When in its warm state, this polish is a gorgeous golden peach. There’s also gold and purple holo glitters in there, which gives off such a beautiful shimmery effect.
Transition shot from hot to cold:
It blends so well, you almost can’t tell. This is a very fast color changer as well. It was mad dash chaos trying to get this photographed. In a hotel bathroom no less.
Here it is when completely cooled:
What a pretty rosy pink! Reminds me of tulips or something. If you love thermals, this is definitely a good one. Perfect for the season.
One more for good measure:
In the basket it goes!
Now here’s Lav Me, Lav Me Not:
Where my purple lovers at, cuz this one has your name written allll over it. Plus, it’s a dusty creme, so how lucky are you right now? (Very.) I love the dusty creme formula; the little black specks are unique to Pretty & Polished and one of the best things ever in existence. Two coats almost consistently across the board. Self-levels perfectly as if someone put some science in it. If you haven’t tried them yet, well let me convince you further.
Prepare for drool:
I mean, COME ON. How you’re able to walk away now is beyond me. Don’t make me grab the basket of kitties. Seriously, don’t do it.
Next up is Don’t Be a Pansy:
Okay. You want spring, you got spring. Here it is, in bottle form. For real, we all just passed out just now.
Now FOCUS. This one has a delicious creamy white base and it’s no joke loaded with purple, pink and gold glitters. The mix is very dainty and sweet and I lub it lots. Two coats, and you’re out the door, doing stuff. Perfect for you people who wear pants and socialize like a proper human. If you’re me, it’s two coats and a nap. But then again, who’s surprised? Damn near nobody. You’ve read this blog before.
Good gracious, I can’t with this one. It’s simply magical. Please tell me you see it too.
More macros, more lolling tongues:
Who else is suuuuuper unattractive right about now? All the mouth that is hanging open over here … Ugh. At this point, my brain has simply stopped holding it closed. It straight up shrugged its shoulders and quit. I’m locking the door in case hubby comes in and divorces me. I suggest you do the same.
Here’s Pretty in Pink:
Another dusty creme! Squeeeeee! This time she’s a beautiful pastel pink, and every bit as luscious as the purple one. Plus, it’s the perfect base for some awesome spring nail art. I see florals and ribbons, some butterflies or polka dots, Easter eggs. Of course seeing them and doing them is two different things. Ideas in my head are never as good on my nails. As soon as I become a Russian nail blogger, though, you’ll be the first to know.
A ridiculous display of pretty:
Lastly, my favorite, Storm:
DONE. Someone wheel me over a couch to lay on cuz I seriously can’t be upright anymore. Bring snacks and one of those cute boys holding a leaf fan. Maybe a tiara, if you’re not busy. Cuz if I’m forced to be lounge-y, I need to look cute while doing it. The drool bucket cannot be the focus of this scenario.
Multi chromes are my weakness. My drug. I see one and you might as well not even be in the room, as much attention as you’re getting right now. This is it, guys. This is the one. On all the surfaces she goes, cuz literally what choice is there now? You can’t be blue and green and purple and red and shifty and shimmery and a two coat dreamboat, and somehow expect me to pretend none of that is true. I mean, when you ask for a non-fat, no-whip Starbucks but accidentally get full-fat, does that mean it doesn’t have any calories simply because you ordered it that way? Well, OF COURSE IT DOES. But I think you see my point. In other words, I want a Starbucks.
Last macros to convince you how much you’re buying this collection:
Bye, bye money! In the best, most glorious way possible, that is.
The round up:
This collection officially launched a few hours ago, so there’s still time to be first in line. Go now cuz there is no logical reason for waiting. Trust me, I checked. Here’s the deets:
Full collection $48
Since you’re getting them all, this next bit of news is moot but I’m telling you anyway cuz I don’t know why.
Single bottles range:
Dusty cremes $7.50
Thermal and the multi-chrome $9
Your prize for reading all the way to the bottom? A very gracious THANK YOU and a discount code. Use dianna15 to get 15% off your order. Whyyyyyy, that’s practically free, and we love free things! (Oh, yes we do.) Click here to shop.