You know I’ve always said:  if you’re gonna be obsessed, be obsessed properly.   Don’t just have a hobby and do it halfway.  I mean, if you’re gonna call yourself a crocheter, you better own ALL the yarn.  Know what I mean?  This is most likely the logic that got me swimming in 800-plus bottles of nail polish.  In my defense, nail polish never goes bad.  Yes, it might get goopy.  Or thermal changing powers may fade.  But it doesn’t turn to poison and that right there is reason enough.

The fact I crocheted a blanket made for one teeny tiny extremely skinny person is beside the point.  I still owned all the yarn.  Anybody need a potholder?  I have like 17,000.

But back to polish!  I recently received the Pretty & Polished Fall 2016 Collection to swatch for you, and believe me when I tell you – you’ll want every single one of them.  There’s 10 polishes to love and drool over, so I suggest you clear your schedule and get in your pjs.  Have some Doritos handy while you’re at it (and maybe a Kit Kat for safety’s sake).  We might be here for a while.

First up is Dark Magic – a dark grey creme with holographic glitter and metallic purple hexes:

Did you just die?  Cuz I sure did.  It’s heavenly!  Top photo was taken under direct lighting and the second one was in the lightbox so you can really see those glitters. I did two thin coats for full coverage and two layers of top coat since it dried pretty textured and dull.  But you do what you want.  I’m not the boss of you.

Just kidding!  I am.

Guess who remembered to wrap her tips?!

Next is this mustard yellow love of my life called Fuzzy Sweater:

I am drawn to colors like this as if Leonardo DiCaprio himself was at the end of it.  They’re comfy and cozy and wrap my heart with a hug.  Definitely a perfect fall polish.  Look at those color shifting flakies!  And then just for funsies, I matted it for you:

Kinda cool, right?  Again, I did two coats for full coverage and it was soooooo smooth.  It was hard to put down.  I could’ve easily went to Polish Mountain with this baby.

Macro porn!

Next is Taupe Me Off and Leaf!, a pretty taupe creme filled with brown, gold, silver and copper glitters.  I don’t know about you, but these look like chocolate chip cookies:

Well, it’s a stretch, but you get my drift.  Maybe because the taupe creme reminds me of chocolate milk.  Or maybe those dark brown glitters look l i  k klldghlk …

Who wants cookies?  I want cookies.  Dammit, why aren’t there cookies in this house?!

So I did two regular coats here and one dabbed coat just to fill in any spots that I felt looked too naked.  The glitter payoff is unreal and I had to do very minimal maneuvering.  No fishing either – those glitter babies were everywhere.  Really effortless, which is what I like.  I mean, I wear pajamas to Starbucks so there’s no way in hell I’m fiddling with a bunch of glitter placement.

Ahhhh, so dreamy … But seriously, though:  coooookies …

Okay, so this one might be my favorite:

It’s called I Done Plum Had It! and it’s STUNNING.  Well, I mean, clearly.  Look.  At.  It.  Ugh.  Whoever paired up purple and copper was a billion percent correct.  They are the OG Peanut Butter and Jelly.  Top photo is under direct lights so you can see the glow of those flakies, but the second photo in the lightbox really shows ’em off.  Another excellent fall polish.  In case you didn’t know already:  YOU NEED.

And of course, this blog wouldn’t be proper without one shittily focused macro:

Still pretty though.  Tips = wrapped.  So not a complete fail.  And in case you’re curious (you are), this could easily be a one-and-a-half coater (whatever that is) if you aren’t too picky.  Coverage was excellent.

A fall collection wouldn’t be a fall collection without an orange.  Here’s Patch under the lamps:

Uhhhhhnnnnnnnn.  That’s the sound my brain makes when it can’t think of words.  I love green; it’s my favorite.  But orange!  Orange is right up there.  Plus, this isn’t any ordinary orange, it’s a dusty creme orange.  I love Pretty & Polished’s Dusty Creme line.  Those dark speckles are something you never knew you needed.

Here’s a shot in the lightbox:

Wanna see those specks up close?

Ahhhhh, who just wrapped you up in a big warm blanket and handed you a bunch of kitties?  Cuz this polish is legit happiness.

And now, the amazing Heavy Metal:

This photo was taken under the lightbox and you can really see all the glitz and glamour.  The base is silver and it’s chock full of silver, gold and copper metallic glitters.  There’s also a small sprinkle of flakies, which are good little hide-and-seekers, although I did get a couple on my nails.  And it was so easy to apply.  Two coats of not-goopy perfection!

Very reflective under direct lighting:

Looks like foil!  This would be a perfect going-out polish, you know, for people who go and “do stuff.”  Assuming that includes a The Walking Dead marathon, which is how I prefer to “do” my “stuff.”  Of course, this comes from the girl who gets excited over her new Fruit of the Loom Breathable underwear.  I may not be the best source of info.

Prettiest macro award goes to:

My eyes!  My eyes!

Now for a thermal polish.  I give you Fall in Love a Latte:

This is its warm state, a creamy off white.  Loving this fun glitter mix!  There’s a couple shades of pink, an orange, a turqouise – some of the brighter fall colors.  Consistency was thinner than all the other polishes, but it was very easy to apply.  No streaks!

Here’s the cool state:

Those damn cookies are back.  With sprinkles.  Ugh.

Here’s an excellent warm to cool transition photo that only took 217 tries to get:

Photographing thermals make me nervous.  You know much time I spend trying to get my fingers and nails cold enough to change colors?  Light years, at the minimum.  But I do it for my nailie friends because without you all, I’m just a crazy person with her hand in the freezer.

Then we have Riverside Drive, a luscious almost teal-y blue creme with blue, silver and grey flakies:

One of the prettiest blues you’ve ever seen, yes it is.  Again, ultra smooth and opaque in two coats.  Seriously, this collection was made for people like me (i.e., lazy) cuz I could literally get a mani done in less than 20 minutes – and that includes my OCD-caliber cuticle cleanup.  For real, is that not the longest part?  I can spot a wonky cuticle line from a mile away with my eyes closed.  Not that my cuticles aren’t ever wonky, but you best belive nothing else matters until I can get home to fix it.  Sorry, I’ve got a job to get to?  Not today, Satan.

Now look at this macro:

No words.  Moving on.  Here’s Creme de la Creme:

Another dusty creme!  This time it’s a delicious sandy beige shade, and those black speckles really stand out.  I normally don’t wear colors this light because I’m already so pale – and pale is not a good color for me.  It’s not the delicate Irish Rose kind of pale.  It’s more of the IT’S TOO HOT OUTSIDE, I’M GONNA SIT ON THE COUCH AND WEAR A BLANKET WITH THE A/C ON kind of white.  Or the I DON’T LOOK GOOD SWEATY kind.  Maybe a skosh of the INDOOR ACTIVITIES ARE THE BEST ACTIVITIES sort.

Long story short:  I don’t get out much.

Again, two coats of perfection!  I can’t think of any reason why you’re not buying these.

Last but not least, I give you this lilac thermal called Lavendarling and about .000027% of my attempts at photographing:

If you guessed I was sitting on my floor next to the air conditioning vent with my hand in a cup of ice water, having anxiety, you would be correct.  I just wanted to show you the best pictures I could get of this gorgeous color-changer.  The fact I about had a panic attack just shows you the depth of my love.

The below lilac is the warm state, which is how I found it looked on my nail most often.  Once cold, it turns to a deeper purple.  The transition happens quickly and changes quickly back – or at least on me it did.  At one point it was like a race between me and this polish.  I’m pretty sure I won.

And of course, the requisite macro. Look at those precious pink and blue flakes.  And a bit of holo.  It’s a very girly, sweet polish.

The round up:

If you think I went out and bought a mum just to shoot this lovely collage, well how transparent do you think I am?  (Very.)  Enjoy it, cuz this plant has about 5 days until I kill it with my impressive gardening skills.

This entire 10-piece collection is available first at Polish Con in Chicago on September 17 in case you’re going or happen to be wandering past a bunch of crazies hauling shopping bags of nail polish out of a building – go in there!  For all the rest of us who aren’t as lucky, you can snag these beauties on the Pretty & Polished website on September 23.  Thermals are $9, glitters and flakies are $8.50 and dusty crèmes are $7.50.  Full collection will go for $78 and qualify for free shipping.

Thanks for reading this massive post all the way to very end.  You make my spending 18 billion hours on my iPad writing this thing totally and completely worth it.  Internet hugs and kisses for everyone.  Well, just the cute ones.

Later, loves!