Urgh.  So late with my empties post.  I’ve had a heck of time keeping up with my beauty box loot this month, and I wanted to finish all those reviews before I did my empties review, and yada yada yada.  It’s so hard being a blogger you guys!  Just. So. Hard.

Anyway.  Welcome to March 8 and the very late but very important Empties Review.  Let’s begin.

Some hair stuff.  Most of it came in my February beauty boxes, so here is PROOF I use all the things I pay for instead of hoarding it like a crazy hoarding hoarder.

Birchbox had the pleasure of sending me the Toni & Guy Nourish shampoo and conditioner for damaged hair.  Although I wasn’t super excited about getting this, I will say kudos to them for sending me the right formula at least.  Because while I may appear to have the kind of long, luxurious hair a Breck girl would punch you in the throat over, it does need a little anti-frizz slash splitend-y mendy.  So this stuff does a nice job of making others jealous.  And honestly, isn’t that what life is all about?

The leave-in conditioner from Sexy Hair was not my fave.  Although it could be because I was fresh off a bottle of 12 Benefits, and nothing is better than that stuff.  The Sexy Hair one had a more watery consistency, while the 12 Benefits felt moisturizing when I smoothed it through my hair.  However, the Sexy Hair one didn’t do anything bad to my hair, so you could say I’m being a bit of a spoiled brat and I should move right along.

I’m super bored talking about shampoo and conditioner, so let’s just say the Pantene Advanced Keratin Repair stuff was fine, but I wasn’t super bowled over enough to go out and purchase a year’s supply or anything.  However, I probably wouldn’t do that for any product no matter how much I loved it.  But you get my point, surely?

Finished a can of my most favorite dry shampoo in the entire universe.  I actually did a review of the Batiste and you can read it here if you’d like (you’d like).

Last hair thingy is a can of Dove dry shampoo.  If I hadn’t already tried and fell in love with the Batiste, this Dove one would be my BFF.  I really did like it, alllll the way to the bottom of the can.  It’s slightly cheaper than the Batiste, but the packaging is not as cute.  I don’t know why this matters; it just does.

Okay, now for some bath and body stuff:

That little pot of Camille Beckman Glycerine Hand Therapy in Midnight Monarch is gold, people.  Gold.  The most luxurious hand cream.  And the smell.  The SMELL.  It’s so warm and exotic.  I imagine the smell can only be duplicated in a Turkish harem in the year 1506.  That’s very specific, but I can’t think of any other way.

The Balance Me body wash was boring and annoying.  I didn’t think it smelled particularly wonderful, for one.  And for two, there was no pump or squeezy thing, so you had to let it ooze slowwwwwwwwwllllllyyyyyyyyy out of the bottle which took lightyears.  Who got time for that?  Nobody.  Least of all me, who wants to relax in a tub, not spend all my time holding a body wash bottle upside down.  Now, I don’t know if the full-size product is sold in this horrible packaging or not, but I’m so over it that I don’t even care to check.

Last thing is a tub of body butter from Moroccanoil.  I had never used body butter before trying this sample so there was nothing to compare it to.  However, I really did like how soft my skin felt after using it.  Much more soft than a traditional lotion would yield.  Sadly, I will never use it again because the normal price is $52.  I may spend that much (or more) on eyeshadow or blush, but never ever on lotion.  I make my own rules.  We’ve discussed this before.

Next up, everybody’s favorite category:  Makeup Removers!

I liked the Lumene stuff. It’s the kind you have to shake before using, which is fine by me. I think that type works better anyway. Much less effort required. And you know about me and effort. Not best friends.

The packet of e.l.f. cleansing wipes were great. They cost me 3 whole dollars and worked just as well or better than some of the others I’ve tried. Had just the right amount of soap in them and took off the majority of my makeup without much effort. Again, what have we learned about effort today? Mmmmmhuh. That’s right.

And now, moisturizers:

That jar of Lumene Firming Day Cream is full to the brim. I used it for maybe 3 or 4 days then couldn’t take it anymore. The smell, you guys! It was so terrible. I tried to stick it out, but I just couldn’t hang. I’m sorry. I failed.

Well! It made my tummy hurt.

Next item is the Clean & Clear Morning Burst gel moisturizer. This was great. It was cooling and smelled like cucumber melon. Absorbed rather quickly, and then my face felt really soft. I would definitely buy this again. You know, after I use up the other 15 billion moisturizers I already own. (An exaggeration, yes, but only slight.)

Last thing is the tiny jar of Atopalm. I opened the jar and noticed there was hardly anything in there. I mean, I know it’s a sample and all, but sheesh. Well, after using it the first time I realized why there wasn’t much in there. It’s super thick. I mean, suuuuuper thick, and a little goes a long way. It took some time to absorb into my skin because it was so goopy. Can’t say I hated it but I wouldn’t buy it again cuz I don’t like moisturizer that thick. I mean, I had to wash my hands after applying it. And that = effort. No likey.

Are we almost done?

No. Here’s some facial cleansers:

This tube of StriVectin Instant Retexturizing Scrub claimed to perfect your skin instantly, hence the name. Did it? Ehhhh. I dunno. It was fine, exfoliated nicely, but I didn’t feel it replaced my 39-year-old face with a 25-year-old face or anything. I mean, if you’re gonna swear to bejeebus about doing something miraculous not within 8 to 12 weeks, but instantly, well then? Because I believe in hype, every time and all the time. I’m the skin care world’s best customer.

There should be a prize involved with that, certainly?

Can I just say how much I loved the Liz Earle Hot Cloth Cleanser? I don’t know why. It was just a normal creamy cleanser. But it came with a couple of muslin cloths, which kicked up its fancy points, and made me feel as if by using it I was doing something unique, rare, and extra special. It is also an award winner like 100 times over. Which proves my theory that I will buy, and love, anything with an award winner sticker on it.

I’m not persuaded very easily, as you can see.

And I also loved the Korres foaming cream cleanser. It was nice and creamy, and was a pleasure to use. Is that weird? I can’t think of any other way to describe it other than I liked physically using it. Okay, yes that’s weird. Sorry.

Last one is the LaRocca exfoliating cream cleanser. Now, it looks like it’s not completely empty, and I guess it’s really not. But I had a heck of a time trying to get the product out of the bottle because, AGAIN, no pump or squeezy thing. So I got out what I thought was the end, but now seeing the photo I realize it wasn’t. Blah.

Aside from that, it had some exfoliating bits that were kind of sharp so I had to rub my face extra gentle. It definitely exfoliated, it’s made out of gold, and my face felt pretty smooth afterwards. Oh, and it was made with wind power, whatever that is. And it has gold in it, did I mention that?

And now, the final category, serums. But also the largest category. We gonna be here a bit.

Got this little one time use packet thing from AFA. So do I love the exfoliating gel? Beats me. I used it one time. When will these companies learn? Do I have to be CEO of everything?

Then I got this serum from Murad called Rapid Collagen Infusion. It had a nice texture which is important to me. It also claimed to reduce the appearance of fine lines in 2 hours. Not sure if it really did that, but mostly because I went to sleep before the two hour mark was up. I’d like to think it did though. Because I don’t like my daydreams crushed.

I was really interested in the Apothederm Bright Skin serum, because who doesn’t want bright skin? However, the pump on the vial didn’t work properly so after one use I had to trash it. Boooo.

I purchased this full size Boots No 7 Protect & Perfect serum without knowing anything about it. Thankfully it worked out. This serum was pretty decent. It also won a Good Housekeeping award. I could stop explaining right there and that should be reason enough to buy it. The texture was verging on silicone-y but not super smooth. It had a bit of “catch” in it when being applied. But it made applying moisturizer that much better.

Do I make any sense? Did anyone get my “catch” reference? No? Okay, next.

This little tube of skin refinish from M2 scared me a little. You weren’t allowed to use it everyday so I thought for sure it was going to burn my face off. It didn’t but it was still no fun to apply. It was super sticky, as if I rubbed straight up honey all over my face. And it dried kind of tight and shiny, like I left a peel-off mask on my face by accident. Once moisturizer was applied everything went back to normal. But it was touch and go there for a bit.

Would I repurchase? Ummmmmm. Not sure. It’s $45 for one thing. But the before and after pics on the website are impressive. And I do enjoy a really dramatic before and after. So maybe.

I purchased the full size of this Peter Thomas Roth retinal fusion alternative because it was 70% off on Beauty.com. But then I freaked myself out thinking why is this $85 serum on sale for $24? What’s wrong with it? It’s going to burn my face off, isn’t it?

Well it didn’t. It was rather nice actually. Smelled a little like cinnamon although I don’t know why. And it went on smoothly and absorbed nicely. It had moisturizer in it so I could actually skip a step in the morning. And anything that can reduce my 2 hour morning routine even by a couple of minutes makes me pretty happy.

So the product is still on sale, and I’m thinking just make the price $24 then if you’re gonna put it on sale for 3 months. Again, who should be CEO? Me.

Last product – yes, we are at the end of this monstrous post – is actually a moisturizer, not a serum. I screwed up. I’m sorry.

But it’s the Wake Up Call by Goldfaden MD. In a nutshell, you apply it at night and in the morning you have a new face. I mean, I didn’t. But you might.

The end, everybody! You can go out and celebrate now. Unless you’re sleeping or comatose. I know, it was a long post, verging on boring. Maybe I shouldn’t use up so many products during the month. Maybe I should just become a hoarder like a proper hoarding hoarder and then we wouldn’t be doing this every month.

But thank you for reading anyway.