It was about 2 a.m. and everyone in the house was asleep but me. I could react like any normal person and watch some Three’s Company reruns or old gameshows on GSN. You know, the stuff I couldn’t watch while the husband is awake for fear of the stink eye. But no. It seems like 2 a.m. is only good for browsing Sephora and buying really expensive makeup for no dadgum reason other than to own all the things. And quite honestly, spending money doesn’t seem so harsh in the quiet darkness of night.

But in the morning. Holy hell, what have I done?

Well! In my defense, look how pretty:

These are the beautiful Guerlain Meteorites pearls for the face. I don’t even know what else I can say about these things other than I’ve wanted them for quite awhile, and now they are MINE. But I’m going to be honest with you. Because we’re friends, and I know you won’t judge. Now that I own them, I’m not sure what to do with them. I could use them, yes, but I’m old y’all. Do I really want glitter powder accentuating my fine lines and wrinkles? No. But they were too expensive just to decorate with. Yes, they look lovely sitting on the counter, but that’s money a-wastin’ if they’re just gonna do that. I probably should have thought this through a little bit. Either that, or someone needs to turn off the internet in the middle of the night. (I’m not referring to me physically not getting on the internet. That wouldn’t work anyway since my willpower is all shot to hell. I mean, the CEO of the internet needs to shut it down completely until sunrise. Someone get on that, stat.)

So since I have them, I’m gonna make some use out of them, I guess. I have applied them to my face twice now. And I haven’t really noticed anything too flashy; maybe in bright sunlight there’s a bit of a glitter show, but mostly I look about the same. I need to experiment more with them, I think. They do smell like luxury, though, there’s no doubt about that. And each individual pearl was handcrafted by French artisans. Yes, I said handcrafted by French artisans. Do you see now why I was lured? (Yes.) And can you blame me? (No.) Case closed.

Now, of course I couldn’t stop there. It was, after all still in the middle of the night, and I had plenty more hours of remorseless shopping to pursue. Here’s some more goodies:

Practical. All practical. Not the price, but the use of the product. The price is always disastrous.

Got this makeup remover from Koh Gen Do. Oh, excuse me, I mean cleansing spa water. Just calling it that makes it instantly a billion times more fancy. I believe all makeup removers should have been called cleansing spa water from the very beginning. If so, I probably would’ve washed my face more often when I was younger.

Then I thought I’d try another cleansing milk. I already own the Clinique one and I’m about out. I really really liked it, but wanted to try a different brand just for fun. So I picked up the Caudalie one. Haven’t used it yet, because ironically the minute I think I’m about out of a product, and I frantically order a replacement, the original seems to hold out for another month or so. Figures. The universe is forcing me to hoard. Forcing me. I have about an inch left in the bottle, so hoping I’ll get to the Caudalie next week.

Last thing I got was this body butter from Josie Maran. Now that I’ve finished my Moroccanoil sample, I wanted to try something new. One of my YouTube gurus praised this one a million times over, and sometimes I can only understand the language of praise, and I get all one-track-mind-y until the deed is done. Well, it’s done. I have it in my hot little hands, and I can’t wait to use it. Because, AGAIN, I am trying to finish up this other lotion sample I got from Ahava, and my OCD won’t let me stop. It’s hard being me sometimes. If you can’t tell.

Not pictured is a free little sample tube of eyelash primer from Dior. It goes on white and is supposed to create a miracle upon your lashes. I will say that I used this with one of my mascaras that I did not like as much, and the mascara performed so much better. So if it continues in this vein, you can pretty much guarantee I’m buying the full size when the sample runs out.

I suck so much.

And then I did the most ridiculous something. I bought a product you can’t even get in the United States because some British YouTuber told me to. Gah. Have I no restraint? Here it is:

I don’t know why I’m reviewing this because it’s not even that accessible. But I suppose I wanted you to get a clear understanding of the type of person I am – the type that has lost all sense in things that are sensible. On my quest to own all the things, I found this Charlotte Tilbury Full Fat Lashes mascara on eBay of all places. So technically, someone else lost all their marbles and paid $47 for international shipping, not me. However, this mascara cost me more than any mascara I already own, like almost double. Does that make me just as insane? Probably. Thankfully, the mascara is fantastic and at this point was totally worth it.

That’s all for now. Beauty boxes are making their way to me this week, so stay tuned for those.