Staying on task is hard, you guys.  Considering the sheer amount of pajamas happening every evening after work, you’d think I’d manage a to-do list with just two things on it like a dadgum champion.  Instead though, it’s like SQUIRREL!, SHINY QUARTER! and then suddenly I’m head-lolling in the midst of an accidental 8pm nap, mouth agape for extra attractiveness.  Seriously, if time-wasting was a sport, I’d be sooooo freaking skinny by now.

And in other news, I’m still married!  Apparently all this chaos makes me adorable.  Who knew?

Let’s look at pretty things! I received a most amazing trio of polishes from the lovely Karen with Lollipop Posse Lacquer to share with you today.  If you’re in the mood for something dark and gorgeously sexy, get your focus face on cuz it’s serious business up ahead.  Take a look!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

I’ll admit I was expecting something a little more Leonardo-y. But this is okay too.

The Polish Revamped group on Facebook has Lollipop Posse Lacquer on the radar this month and I’m so so excited!  I was gonna say something sexy to describe the customs Karen made for us, but today is not the day for a Rude Husband Laughing-type scenario.  So here’s what Karen has to say instead:

We worked closely with the group admin, Elena, to create an amazing trio of Summer Playlist favorites intended to bring to mind the heat of a summer night … That slow, easy feeling.  Neon lights on wet cement.  Sensuality, and that midnight buzz in the air.

— Karen, Lollipop Posse Lacquer

See?  Just try leaving this blog without spending some money.  It’s nigh on impossible.

First up is Earthcrosser:

It’s two a.m. and it’s quiet again / Where’s my lip gloss? / And the ringing in my ears from playing too loud / I hear the ocean, I hear the crowd …

— Veruca Salt, Earthcrosser

This one is a matte-finish teal crelly that suspends microflakies and green, gold, teal and blue shimmer.  If you’ve never tried Karen’s matte shimmers, well guess who’s about to have a BEST DAY EVER?  (You, to be clear.)  They are some of the best polishes I own.  Perfect, smooth formula, opaque in two coats, ultra matte but with this insane mesmerizing glow.  For real, it’s 18,000 tickets to the Drool Convention with this one, AT MINIMUM.  If there was ever a time to close your eyes and smile to yourself like an idiot, now would be it.  

Oh, the Ugy Ecstasy Face.  It is so dire.

Next up is Passion Fruit:

Listen, seeing you got ritualistic / Cleansin’ my soul of addiction for now / ‘Cause I’m fallin’ apart, yeah / Tension between us just like picket fences / You got issues that I won’t mention for now / ‘Cause we’re fallin’ apart …

— Drake, Passionfruit

Here we have a smokey purple crelly that suspends a blue/green shifting shimmer.  Do you see why I love Karen?  DO YOU SEE?  Everything she does is magical.  The mix in this polish is stunning to the trillionth degree.  There may be some random hand modeling scenarios later with this one, pretty sure. Cuz running your fingers languidly over toasters and clock radios just happens sometimes whether you like it or not.

You want this, oh yes you do.

Lastly, here’s Crave You:

I walked into the room dripping in gold / Yeah, dripping in gold / I walked into the room dripping in gold / Dripping in gold / A wave of heads did turn, or so I’ve been told / Or so I’ve been told / My heart broke when I saw you kept your gaze controlled …

— Flight Facilities, Crave You

This one is a red/magenta based multichrome that suspends large gold flakes and smaller holographic microflakies.  Excuse me while I drool in a thousand buckets.  Cuz hers a pretty lady, that’s why.

In a market where multichromes are everywhere and they all start to sort of seem the same, Karen has managed to make this one completely unique and jaw droppingly beautiful.  I mean, the FLAKIES, guys.  The dadgum flakies!  If this one somehow ends up on all the surfaces (mine AND yours), no one’s surprised.

You need to scroll back up and look at those again, just to aid the convincing.  And if you’re still not sure, I’m var var sad about your brain.  Also, the fence is no place for a lady.  

The round up:

These polishes were made exclusively for the members of the Polished ReVamped group on Facebook.  To snag you some bottles, here’s your to-do list:

Click here to join the group, then click here for shopping – that’s it.  Easily manageable, unless you are me.  I’ve been writing this one sentence for the past 18 minutes cuz the Full House Marathon Distraction Epidemic is legit no joke.

Prices vary depending on the polish.  Earthcrosser and Passion Fruit retail for $9.50 and Crave You (cuz she fancy) retails for $11.    But happiness is PRICELESS, so 27 bottles in your cart, stat.

Okay, get on it boo boos.  This trio is only available until June 30, and then they will be gone forever.  You do not want to be that person on July 1 wondering what has become of your life, i.e., trio-less and sad.  If you have to write 7,856 Post-It Note reminders, so be it. Now is not the time for rational behavior. 

Later, loves!

That dadgum Instagram advertising!  First thing, I’m minding my own business, scrolling and napping with one eye closed.  Next thing I know, I am the proud owner of a pair of shoes that look like gardening clogs and something orthopedic had a baby.  I tried to wear them the other day and be all cool about it, start a new thing maybe, but it felt like any moment I’d be pulled into a diner kitchen to haul some raw chicken around.  ABORT ABORT!  My attempt at high fashion has failed rather miserably.  Which surprises no one, considering how long I ignored that jelly stain on my robe before I was forced to wash the dang thing.

But I used to be quite the fashionista, I swear it.  I mean, a Beastie Boys record around the ponytail doesn’t just happen to everybody, ya know?  Even in the 7th grade, I knew I had the gift.  The fact I did not start a hot new trend exploding throughout the middle school is beside the point.  Cuz later I owned a pair of hammer pants and well, what other proof you need then?

Nowadays, I’m feeling slightly less fashion-y.  Like, if it doesn’t have some Dr. Scholl’s-type padding in it, I’m not much interested. And the more material my underwear can have, the better.  Things need hoisted at this point in my life, let’s just say.  OMG, am I still married?  I don’t even know.

Good thing I’ve got this nail polish thing on lock.  Take a look at these pretty little sausages:

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •

Miss Karen from Lollipop Posse Lacquer sent me some beauties to review for you today.  The business is turning two, and to celebrate, the Terrible Twos Anniversary Trio is coming your way!  Did you just pee a little?  Cuz I sure did.

This trio is inspired by one of Karen’s favorite literary characters: Delirium, from Neil Gaiman’s Sandman graphic novels.  Let’s take a look!

First up is Telephone Ice Cream:

Have you ever spent days and days making up flavors of ice cream that no one’s ever eaten before?  Like chicken and telephone ice cream? … Green mouse ice cream was the worst.  I didn’t like that at all.”

— Delirium

This one is a stark white crème packed full of various sizes of blue and purple shimmer.  It’s slightly sheer at two coats but three coats was pretty close to opaque, and unless you’re walking about with your microscope and a pack of people all up in your business, no one can tell much about the sheerness anyway.  It’s a really pretty, delicate shade; all smooth and creamy.  Shimmer was a bit shy in my photos, but it’s much more evident in real life.

Close up of the goodies:

See, there’s that shimmer!  Drooling has officially commenced.

Next up is One Hundred and Eleven Fish:

It was then that Delirium noticed that she had absentmindedly transformed herself into a hundred and eleven perfect, tiny, multicolored fish.  Each fish sang a different song.  And as she put herself back together again, unable for the moment to remember whether the silver flecks went in the blue eye or the green one, she decided that a dog would be a nice thing to have. And then it occurred to her that there had been a dog around at some point, hadn’t there?  A nice doggie.  And she went off to look for it, trailing occasional fish …

— Neil Gaiman’s The Kindly Ones

This one is a magenta crelly that suspends blue to green shifting simmer and blue/green/purple ultra chrome flakies.  This is the very first UCC flake Lollipop Posse has made available to the public, and so now we need a trillion more cuz that’s how this thing works.  Isn’t it freaking glorious?  I want this on all the surfaces.  Mine AND yours.  

Under the lamps, it’s a Grabby Fingers epidemic:

Brain has officially stopped holding my mouth closed. The Ugly Ecstasy Face is so dire. 

DEAD.  Someone pass the smelling salts, stat.  Cuz the flakies got me.  They got me good, guys.

Lastly, here’s Scathed Enough in Her Time:

Despair:  You cannot seek Destruction and return unscathed.

Desire:  Delirium has.

Despair:  Delirium has been scathed enough in her time.

— Despair and Desire, from Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” graphic novels

This one is a violently violet, blurple leaning linear holographic with a neon blue arc in the holographic flame.  Which is secret polish lingo for GET IT ON YER NAILS.  It’s magnificent.  Seriously, you think she’s just your basic purple holo, but NOT EVEN CLOSE.  Under the lamps, that blue comes out and she a fancy lady, at minimum.

Gah! Who’s still upright? Nope, me neither.

Let’s seal this deal:

If you’re somehow turning your back on all this pretty, I feel sad about your brain. Cuz it’s a blue and purple extravaganza! and I can’t think of anything better. Unless this trio comes with a side of Leonardo, that is. 

The round up:

The Terrible Twos Anniversary Trio will release on May 23 at 8pm EST, which is the exact date of Lollipop Posse’s anniversary.  So if you need an excuse to have a wine cooler on a Tuesday, this here’d be it. 

Trio price is $33.50 with free shipping, plus discounted international shipping for the first 24 hours after launch. Whyyyyyy, that’s a polish emergency if I ever heard one. Get your focus faces on, then. First in line? That’s YOU. 

Single bottle prices are:

Telephone Ice Cream $9.50 / One Hundred and Eleven Fish $12 / Scathed Enough in Her Time $12

You know, in case you’ve misunderstood how much you’re buying all three. 

Click here for shopping!

Later, loves!

• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •