Four years ago today, hubby was late to his own wedding. And the fact I almost married my brother seems sooooo much less alarming in comparison. On April 20, 2013, things weren’t organized well, let’s just say.
Listen, I suppose this is what happens when you buy the cheap package. You get a wedding march that starts playing with zero warning whatsoever; you get a coordinator who shoves your just-finished bouquet in your hands WHILE you are walking down the aisle, and you get a preacher who thinks the brother who is giving you away is actually the man you’re about to pledge your life to. I mean, a little research ahead of time would’ve worked wonders in this scenario. Maybe a note on a napkin about how if the groom is missing up front, it’s probably not time to start a dadgum wedding yet? Like, at the minimum, at least.
Regardless, I’m walking and smiling with all eyes on me. I’m oblivious to the fact my husband isn’t in the room. Although I’m quite aware of the door right over there that leads to a secret underground moonshine tunnel, cuz when you’re having a hillbilly wedding, what else would you expect?
The preacher has a little twinkle in his eye as he begins the ceremony. My brother is looking a skosh awkward, and honestly at this point, I just want cake. There are horrified eyes everywhere. The vibe in the room is less joyous occasion, more train wreck but with candles. And still, I stand there smiling, one of just two people who has no idea what is going on.
Eventually, the preacher figures it out and I’m sent back out of the room so I can re-walk down the aisle and pretend I’m having a never-before-seen magical moment. Completely normal situation – or at least in my life, it is. Cuz if something’s gotta be awkward, the Universe just gives a big swift shove to my back. AND THERE I AM. Most likely with stupid words coming out and high-fiving my way out of the nightmare.
What I’m trying to say is, today is my wedding anniversary. I’ve managed to stay married an entire four years, despite the ridiculous amount of robe on display. I’d say I got pretty lucky, cuz if I’m forced to walk back and forth twice through a room, the only acceptable reason would be if hubby was standing at the end of it. Happy anniversary, my love!
While we all wipe the tears away, let’s talk polish! I have lots of pretty things from Glisten & Glow to show you today, including the gorgeous 5 Boroughs Collection as well as a couple of Polish Con limited releases. Y’all need to get on your focus faces cuz it’s about to get suuuuuuper duper pass-out-y in here. Let’s go!
• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •
First up is the most time crucial, the two Polish Con releases. Take a look:
Oh so pretty! Every single one of you are drooling all over these in the most unattractive way possible. Hope you’ve locked yourself in a room so you can be drool-y in private. Cuz Ugly Ecstasy Face causes divorce if I’m not mistaken.
Here’s A Raisin to Believe:
This one is a dark vampy purple-toned burgundy holographic with added pops of red holo microglitter. It’s a collaboration shade between Glisten & Glow and beauty blogger Nicole with Hello Miss Niki. It’s also going in your shopping cart, just so you know.
Isn’t that one of the prettiest purples you’ve ever saw? Seen? You’ve ever seen? Ugh. One can’t grammar at a time like this.
This polish will be releasing at Polish Con in New York City on April 29 but for all us sad souls who live in the middle of where nothing exciting ever happens, we get to purchase this beauty online on May 5. It will launch at 9pm EST, so make sure you’ve got Post-It notes on all your surfaces.
Some nail art I did:
And I actually kinda love it! Let’s revel in whatever amazing thing is happening right now. Cuz a nail fail is lurking, I feel it.
I used the new Lina Feeling Shapely 09 plate for this design. Plus, I gradient stamped, which means effort was involved, which means naps for everyone!
Next up is NYC is My Jam:
This one is a berry pink holographic loaded with purple and blue holo microglitters and a dusting of silver holo and copper shimmer. Only one batch of this polish is being made and will be sold at Polish Con; however, if there are any leftovers, Jill will put them on the website on May 5.
In other words, we’re all buying tickets to Polish Con cuz sitting around while others stuff their bags full of Glisten & Glow is just for the crazy people.
An actual pretty dang good macro:
The blue glitters got me. They got me good, guys.
More not hideous nail art:
That’s two in a row in case math is hard.
I used the new Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate, and made some girly skulls. Very simple design, but stinkin’ adorable! Toots on the ole horn for me, then.
Also debuting at Polish Con is The 5 Buroughs Collection, a set of 5 beautiful holographic shimmery shades inspired by the five boroughs of New York. Take a look at these:
Did you just die? Cuz I sure did. You’re about to spend some money, I just know it.
First up is Manis in Manhattan:
This one is a dusty purple based mauve holographic with a strong copper shimmer and a dusting of red and silver holo microglitters. Went on in two fabulous, quick coats. Perfect for those who have actual shit to do, unlike me who just lays on couches.
Lolling tongues, up ahead:
Gah! Seriously, we’re never gonna make it to the end of this blog if I keep dying every 15 seconds.
The nail art:
Another one I don’t hate. And I used the Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate again, cuz when I love something, I love it hardcore. In a smothering way, as one tends to do.
Next up is Beatboxing in the Bronx:
This one is an olive green holographic with added pink and blue shimmers and a dusting of gold flakies and gold holo microglitters. Naturally, this is my favorite cuz wherever there is green, there is me trying to reattach my jaw to my face.
We are no longer upright:
Told ya. Those shimmers are legit gorgeous. I want this all over my body, except I won’t, cuz SOCIETY. The judgy eyes are everywhere.
More effort was made here:
Hope there’s a Starbucks coming cuz the sheer amount of nail art happening right now is downright inspirational. Send Leonardo, too, just in case.
Used the Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate for the billionth time. More gradient stamping using pink and gold, a little play off those shimmers. It’s as if I thought this one through or something. Or maybe the old me isn’t even here right now. Perhaps I’ve been kidnapped cuz that seems more logical.
Here’s Quick Step in Queens:
This one is a medium grey creme-based holographic loaded with blue shimmers and a very light dusting of gold flakies. I love shades like this cuz they always look so good against my pale skin tone. Anything to make the fingers appear less sausage-y. And in case of random hand modeling scenarios, 27 backup bottles is a super good idea.
You can see the goodies much better here:
Proof I occasionally make cute things:
This might be my favorite one! Plus, every bit of this is Glisten & Glow products – cuz Jill’s cremes double as stamping polishes. I’ve used Little Black Dress and ATV in Aruba (the pink) for this design, plus that dadgum Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate again. Honestly, why obsess if you can’t do it properly?
Next is Brunch in Brooklyn:
This one is a light pink holographic with light pink holo microglitters and a dusting of blue and gold shimmers. How precious is this shade? So elegant and dainty. It simply begs for a tiny cappucino or like, tea with the Queen, as happens to all of us from time to time.
An insane display of pretty:
Figured this one needed 18 pounds of jewelry:
I gave up after only four pieces. I’m not good at goals, let’s just say.
I’m not even going to tell you which plate I used cuz I’m certain you already know. After typing out Lina Make Your Mark 04 plate about 18,000 times, not much else can be expected out of me, anyway.
This one is a nude holographic loaded with copper, bronze and gold shimmers with a light dusting of silver holo microglitters. If you like lots of extra holo effect, you’ll definitely want this one. I can’t think of one decent reason why not. Perhaps you have no eyes, or you have a black soul. But after that, NOTHING.
Let’s seal the deal:
DONE. In the cart, they go!
Here’s some super simple nail art:
Used a different plate, the Lina Feeling Shapely 09 on this one, which means I just ended this blog with a big ole exclamation point. How’s that for Best Bogger Ever? And in that case, I’ll take kudos and accolades and a Visa gift card, you know, if y’all not busy.
The round up:
This collection will be available at Polish Con in New York City on April 29, then will be re-released online on May 5 at 9pm EST. Be sure to get your hands on them, so setting 17 alarms at the minimum sounds right. Click here for shopping, then sit back, relax, and stalk the mailman. Cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you.
• SUPER DUPER PRESS SAMPLES •