My husband suggested an idea for my own nail polish color. He said it shall be called No Pants Sunday, and that it would be a super pale nude or possibly a plain white. With freckles in it. I’m not sure if I should be offended, or pleased he’s speaking the language of my people.
Yes, I’m pale. Yes, I’m also super pale. All of that is true. And it’s not even the Irish Fair Maiden kind of pale. Unless you like the shade of chalk that’s been dipped in yogurt, then I’m not winning any hot bodies contests any time soon.
To be clear, though, it’s mostly my legs that are pale as they never ever see the sun. I am not a leg girl. Unless I’m headed out to the Fat Knee Convention, I keep my legs covered up. The rest of my exposed skin is more of a red, anxiety-flush version of pale. In other words, my husband loves me for my brains.
To protest No Pants Sunday (the polish, not actual no pants on Sunday, of which I am a super huge fan), I give you some gorgeous Glam Polish shades that are the exact opposites of nude.
This is one of their newest collections called the Gobblefunk Shimmers. Five spectacularly blingy shades celebrating the 100th birthday of one of the world’s best storytellers, author Roald Dahl.
Let’s go! First up is Whoopsy-Splunkers:
Okay, stop. Did you just die? Cuz I sure did. What a glowy, gorgeous thing. They look like literal metallic foil on your nails. Glorious.
Here’s a shot taken under the lamps:
Squeeeee! And we’re just getting started, so I’ll be a mushy pool of drool and goo by the end of this blog.
The base on this shade is an indigo blueish purple that’s loaded with crimson color shifting glass fleck shimmer and holo flakes. It’s such a cool mix! Look at it up close:
Formula on this is to die for. Two easy and flawless coats. No effort required. If this polish was a person, it’d be my best friend. We’d be so awesome at pajamas together. Throw in some Netflix and Doritos, and life = succeeded. Effortless, like I said.
Nail art alert!
These polishes make excellent bases for fun nail art. Here, I used some candy swirl vinyls I got from Lanika Vinyls and they are the best of this style I’ve ever used. See those clean lines? That’s not cuz I know what I’m doing, AT ALL, I can promise you that.
Next polish is Phiz-Whizzing:
The camera might’ve freaked out on this one cuz my fingers look so tan and lovely! I mean, see the below picture for sad portrayal of actual life. Ugh.
Ahhhh, there I am! Flushy and fleshy. Did I just break the internet? Probably so.
Phiz-Whizzing is a teal jelly with gold and green color shifting glass fleck shimmer and holo flakes. First pic was taken in the light box and pulls more green, while the second one under the lamps pulls more teal. Either way, I’m in mad, passionate love. It’s the green of my dreams.
Again, two precious coats.
I thought this was the perfect mermaid shade, so of course I did some cute mermaid nails:
Uber Chic Beauty just came out with a mermaid stamping plate, so what excellent timing! However, don’t ask what I was attempting on my ring finger. Clearly, I don’t always know when to stop. Stamp all the things! That’s my motto.
And now, Splitzwiggled:
Good gracious, I’m speechless. How glowy and gorgeous is this? (Very.)
Under the lights, though:
I need at least 17 emojis to properly describe my love for this shade. It looks red in some lights, but it’s actually a magenta jelly full of gold glass fleck shimmer. What the hell is glass fleck shimmer? I dunno, but I want it all over my body.
Is that TMI? Not in this group!
Then I did this wackadoodle nail art:
You see, I was trying to make strawberries laying in a field of green vines. In my head, this looked nothing short of an art piece. But in reality .. meh. Again, a prime example of how NOT to stamp all the things. Someone needs to take away my stamping plates.
Just kidding. I will cut you.
Ready for a jaw drop? Here’s Gloriumptious:
Okay, it’s getting serious now. You’re buying this entire collection. I’ve decided for you.
Has there ever been a more splendid couple than fuchsia and blue? Besides Fritos and bean dip, the answer is NO.
Went a little simpler with my nail art on this one. I bought the entire stamping plate inventory from this new company, Lina Nail Art Supplies, which means two things:
1. Not stamping all the things is proving to be var var hard right now, and
2. Someone needs more responsibilities, like an electric bill or something. Cuz, again, I BOUGHT THEIR ENTIRE INVENTORY. What is wrong with me? In my defense, though, I wanted every last one of them.
So here’s a design using their Make Your Mark 02 plate:
I love the contrast of the blingy fuchsia and the glossy black creme. I made a success of this one! Toot toot!
And lastly, we have Time-Twiddler:
Perhaps the most subdued of the bunch, but definitely not boring. This one might be a manifestation of me in polish form: wearing pajamas, looking all chill, but still awesome AF cuz look at mah nails! Hair might not be combed, but dammit my hands belong in a magazine.
Ooooh, she pretty all glossy like that!
Color here is a deep violet – more royal purple than Whoopsy-Splunkers, the first polish I showed you. And those glass fleck shimmers – purple, this time – are just so perfect. This polish looks like black light. Check it:
See what I mean? This one sets one heckuva mood. Sexy little thing.
Busted out some chevron vinyls that I got from Polished Vino not too long ago, and made this easy design:
Sometimes simple is best.
The round up:
Holy moly, what a fabulous bunch of pretties. Guys, you have to get this collection. Every single one of them. They’re pretty. They’re shiny. They’re smooth and easy. Two coats and done. Why are you still thinking about this?! Get on it, girlfriends!
Well, not til October 28 at 2pm EST that is. On that day, you can buy them here. Shipping to the US is quick and cheap cuz they have a supplier in Michigan just for us! They do ship to some other international locales, which you can check here.
So, what to do between now and October 28 then? Besides watch season 5 AND 6 of The Walking Dead before some asshole ruins season 7 before you ever get there, that is? Scroll my Instagram. Duh.