Let’s just go back to being kids. Here’s some good reasons:
1. Other people can drive you places. I mean, honestly, the whole novelty of driving wore off about the second time your mother sent you to the store for bread. After that, driving just became a means to get yourself to places you don’t really wanna go. Like school. Work. Or anywhere else that requires pants.
2. You can walk into a room full of office supplies and not get the hives. Instead of candy or paper dolls, I’d spend my allowance on phone message pads and Post-Its. I’d play office for hours and paper was everywhere. I had envelopes with matching stationary and 65 pen pals I got out of the back of a Tiger Beat magazine. This was my happy place.
Fast forward 30 years, and it’s surprising how much my childhood office is nothing like my real office. Cuz there’s other people there, and they all ask you to do things. Like correctly and on time. Sure, the room is full of office supplies, but sadly it’s not the same thing.
3. Playing dress up with imaginary babies is less creepy when you’re 9. If you need further explanation on this one, I am var var concerned about the state of your brain.
4. Snow days were actually a good thing. Now they’re just an anxiety attack waiting to happen. Cuz just because it snowed doesn’t mean you still don’t have shit to do. Someone’s gotta make the spreadsheets, and most likely it’s me. And chances are there’s no food in the fridge or gas in the car cuz that’s how my life works. This is directly related to reason number one cuz where’s a mom with a car to come pick you up when you need one?
5. Slumber parties. These were the best. Well, except for the one where Stacy and Juanita put mustard between Kathy’s toes because she fell asleep first and I sat over on the stairs and cried. Or the one where my best friend peed in the bed right next to me, and I didn’t realize I was laying in it until the next morning. And the time where I discovered my first cow patty on my friend, Kelly’s, farm and I gleefully hopped from one to the other cuz no one told me it was poop. Besides those three times, though, slumber parties were …
A horrible example. Never mind.
But honestly, being a kid was just so much easier. When being lazy was your default since you literally couldn’t do things on your own. Back when shaving your legs could still be a choice. And you could watch the Miss USA pageant with your mom and a bowl of ice cream and think it was the greatest night you’ve ever had. However, the downside? Wine coolers. Being illegal and whatnot. That’s about it.
Time for nail polish! I have some of the prettiest spring shades you might ever see. Jill from Glisten & Glow sent me her amazing Oh, the Places You’ll Go collection, and basically they’re going in your basket whether you like it or not. Take a look:
Told ya. Who wants to fast forward to April now? I do, I do! Spring is literally where I bring my dead winter self back to life. I’m ready y’all. Like yesterday.
So this collection is inspired by the children’s book, Oh, the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss, and I’m telling you, SPOT ON is an understatement. Jill did her magic and made a perfect tribute to this classic book. Not that we expected anything less. Cuz GLISTEN & GLOW. Duh.
First up is Your Mountain is Waiting:
I mean, COME ON. How will you ever make it to the end of this blog if you’re just gonna go pass out already? Ugh. Best pink ever. Pretty sure.
This one is the color of bubblegum and so ultra creamy. Just the right amount of thickness to go on opaque in two, non-streaky coats. Jill makes some of the best crèmes, I swear. Formula is consistent clear across the board, and I absolutely love that. Cuz why put wonton strips on a Thai salad one time and not the next? WHY TROPICAL SMOOTHIE CAFE, WHY?! You see, consistency is key. You add the wonton strips. Always.
Actual cute nail art:
Pretty simple, but I don’t hate it so toot toot! then. Although I do feel I do this sort of design a lot, with the two stamped nails and the studs. Trying to stop doing that so much, but it’s just so dang easy to stay in your rut. Especially cuz getting out of a rut requires energy, effort and probably pants for all I know – three things I do not like.
For this design, I used the Lina Feeling Shapely 08 plate and some bright pastel blue stamping polish. Also, the shimmer comes from one of the new toppers which I will talk about further down. And the matte top coat. Stay tuned.
Next up is 98 and 3/4 Percent Guaranteed:
One of my absolute favorite colors for spring. There’s just something about periwinkle that makes me sigh with happiness. Did someone just wrap me up in warm blankets and hand me a bunch of kitties? Cuz this polish makes me feel that way.
Again, two coats. No streaks. What is this voodoo, I ask you? This whole scenario is suspiciously perfect.
Not quite as cute nail art:
But it’s not the worst, right?! RIGHT.
I used one of Glisten & Glow’s crème polishes, Wedding Gown White, to stamp this design from the Lina Make Your Mark 03 plate. Added more shimmer top coat plus the new matte top coat. You’re dying to know. Keep reading.
Now here’s Today is Your Day:
It’s true. Today IS your day. Your day to buy a bunch of nail polish you didn’t know you needed. How lucky are you?! (Very.)
This sunshine yellow crème was a huge surprise to me because I totally expected it to wash me out, look garish and gaudy and super unattractive against my obnoxiously pale skin. But it had just enough of a neon quality to it that it did just the opposite. Look how tan I look below:
Just kidding. But it’s not ugly, and that is the point.
Yellow can be hard to manage, but this one is creamy and opaque in (again) two coats, no streaks. It’s the best yellow creme I think I’ve used. Toots for you, Jill!
Nail art that took actual effort:
OMG, I made a thing, an actual nail art thing. I gradiented, guys! I mean, I cheated and used the super simple gradient image from the Lina Make Your Mark 03 plate, but what exactly is your question?
Used all three of the crèmes mentioned so far for the gradient, which also ended up giving me an orange and a purple too once blended. Added the dot image from the same plate plus one of the shimmah effects toppers, and voila. Masterpiece! I’ll take recreations, toots and accolades, you know, if you’re all not busy.
Last of the cremes is this one, Great Balancing Act:
I won’t lie, I kinda want to eat this one. Good gracious, it looks yummy. Plus it’s described as a mimosa orange crème and that sounds like ice cream so technically if I just lick it a little bit that’d be okay.
I’m not crazy, you’re crazy.
Also, for the record, this is my favorite of the bunch. Such a unique orange shade, I own nothing like it, and if it’s weird or different, I want it. Which is how I owned a pair of hammer pants in the first place. And jodhpurs. No self-respecting 7th grader should own a pair of jodhpurs. Except unless you’re me cuz I could never be normal.
My favorite nail art:
I love the contrast between the orange and the periwinkle so much! And the fact these crèmes stamp are expectations = exceeded. They don’t appear like they would since they aren’t super thick like Mundo de Unas, but here is your proof. How much more happy can you be right now? Well, I mean, of course STARBUCKS, but then how much more happy?
Used the Uber Chic Beauty Love & Marriage 01 plate if you’re curious.
In addition to those four glorious cremes, Jill created two “shimmah” effects toppers just for funsies. First one is called Fun to be Done:
Chock full of purple, pink, and red shimmer. It’s glorious! I chose to put this over a black base so you could really see the effect, but the majority of the above nail art uses these toppers, and they all look pretty good on colors too if you ask me. (And you did, cuz then why are you here? The expertise, clearly.)
The matte version looks best, but the top two fingers below are glossy so you can compare. Which is your favorite?
The other “shimmah” is Bang Ups and Hang Ups:
This one has blue and green shimmer, and I think it’s my favorite of the two. Cuz it’s the darkest and has green in it, and of course I’d love all that, have you read this blog before?
Also, run-on sentence. Now is not the time for grammar. Nail polish makes me forget my brain.
Some shots of the Shimmah Effects on top of the cremes with the new matte top coat:
All that is magical. Just so you know.
Now a word on that matte top coat:
Brand new edition to Jill’s core collection, so it’ll be available all the time. It’s made in-house which instantly takes this from a good matte top coat to a great one. Homemade is always better, don’t you think? Well, unless you’re me. My attempts at homemade look like a T-Rex did it with their eyes closed. A hot mess, is what I mean.
So this top coat applies smoothly, dries to a satiny matte finish and doesn’t smear nail art. Dries to the touch in under a minute and is fully dry within five minutes, which is perfect cuz y’all know you’re gonna need that paper clip at the bottom of your purse as soon as your nails are done. Nothing says “suddenly got shit to do” like 10 wet fingernails.
In other words, this matte top coat is perfect.
The round up:
There are several different ways of purchasing these polishes. Although you’re buying everything so I don’t know why this matters. But because I am nothing if not thorough, here you go:
Set of 4 crèmes $28; individual bottles $7.50
Set of 2 shimmah effects toppers $14; individual bottles $8
Entire 6 piece set $45
Matte top coat (again, made in-house; toot toot!) $6.99
These launch on Friday, Feb 24 at 9pm EST so make sure you engage EMERGENCY NAIL POLISH MODE so you don’t miss out. Click here to order and then sit back and wait impatiently. It’s the least you can do.
Last Friday, Jill released this ocean blue dreamboat. Here’s Diving With Mermaids:
Since it’s still available, I wanted to go ahead and mention it. (Again, thorough. Also, BEST BLOGGER EVER.) This polish is a collaboration with Tiffany at @stunnin.nails on Instagram. It’s a gorgeous oceanic blue holo with green shimmer, dusting of silver and red holo micro glitter and touch of King Triton’s gold.
Well, dang. Who feels like doing 18,000 mermaid manis now?
An insane display of holo:
You done died. You did.
I wore this polish to work and a co-worker asked to borrow it, and I tried to play it cool but inside the hives were lurking. Cuz it’s hard to let go of your polish babies, even just for 14 hours. I let my mom borrow a book from me once and it came back to me bloated and warped and with melted dirty snow all over it. So naturally I panicked cuz nobody loves my things the way I love my things. Sometimes unnaturally, but that is beside the point.
And of course there’s a mermaid mani:
Just something simple using the layered scales image from the Uber Chic Beauty Mermaid Life plate. It’s not ridiculously creative, but I still like it anyway.
This one is available now and you can click here to purchase. Also, if you’re one of the lucky ones heading to Polish Con in New York City on April 29, this polish will be there along with Jill and Tiffany, who will be helping out at the table. Price is $10 either way so be sure to get your hands on it.
But back to the Oh, the Places You’ll Go collection. Here’s a recap cuz someone’s already forgotten, I just know it. Available on Friday, February 24 at 9pm EST. You’re buying all 7 of them, so write that down and then do what I say. I promise you’ll thank me. And in that case, I like Starbucks and Visa gift cards. And Leonardo, if he’s handy.
All done! You’ve reached the bottom. It only took 18 years to write this so kudos to both of us. We. Are. Amazing.