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Cooking is not the same as riding a bicycle: if you don’t do it often, you forget how altogether – and quite SPECTACULARLY if you want my opinion. Let’s just say – completely random example of course – you get married to a chef and pretty quickly get relegated to 1,825 days worth of dish duty cuz of the ONE TIME it took 15 years to cut an onion. And then let’s say that husband goes to work on New Year’s Eve and leaves you alone to fend for yourself (i.e., nightmare scenario) and you decide to make a casserole (with Dorito crumb topping!) cuz we like it effortless ’round here. So far so good, except … wellll, sometimes things ensue (again, LET’S JUST SAY).
1. I’m not saying it took a good half hour to figure out the buttons on the stove or anything, but I’m also NOT not saying it.
2. Once I figured out which knob to turn to heat up the burner in the front (most ideal; again, going for effortless), I threw the ground turkey in the pan and almost accidentally cooked the whole thing with the wax paper backing stuck to it cuz I LITERALLY have no eyes.
3. Thoughts of food poisoning ran through my mind about 7,397 times. It’s amazing how the rudimentary act of browning meat in a skillet turns into some sort of rocket science BULLSHIT after not cooking anything for 5 years.
Bahahaha, somehow this story turned into a first person account and I honestly have no idea how that happened as we all know who’s had her hand stuck in a bag of Doritos over here. NOT THIS LADY! Lalalalalala! Moving on! (The casserole turned out pretty good though. I mean, I’m assuming so anyway.)
OMG, stop talking.
Nearing the end of this Polish Pickup thing, ahead of schedule for some strange reason. But we gotta stay focused or else all this overachieve-y was for naught. Speed blog shall officially commence! Take a look at what Anchor & Heart Lacquer made this month:
Annnnnnd, it’s GREEN. Stop the blog. Toss the polish in the cart. That’s all you need to know.
Fiiiiiine. Other quite possibly more important information below. You know, if that green thing didn’t convince you properly. And in which case, there is something terribly wrong with your brain.
The theme for this month is Crystals & Gemstones and Taryn was inspired by the darker variations of the jade stone. Loving this inspiration photo:
And so naturally, this gorgeous thing happened:
DESCRIPTION: A medium to dark green polish with scattered holo, grey micro flakies, green iridescent microglitter and subtle green shimmer throughout
OPACITY: Two coats plus glossy top coat
Have you ever seen so much green? GAH! So stinkin pretty. Seriously, y’all, if you’re a fan of green, you’re gonna need a bottle of this one plus 27 backup bottles (for SAFETY). If you’re on the fence about green, well I’ve said it before and I’ll say it about 18,000 more times in the blog (prolly): the fence is no place for a lady. Just embrace the green. And then send me a Starbucks of Gratitude cuz I swear, you will never be the same again.
Aside from all that though, this polish is good one. And you need it. Further proof below!
You’re about to spend some money, I can already tell. I can’t imagine any reason why you’re already not in line. Here’s your var var important ordering information:
WHAT: 70-plus indie polish brands and products all coming together for a one-stop shop event; you buy one or all, it’s up to you! Flat $3 shipping no matter what. Combined shipping is offered as well so go ahead and make 42 separate orders; it’s all good (crazy, but good).
WHEN: Friday, January 5 at 11am EST thru Monday, January 8 at 1159pm EST
If you’d rather read the more eloquent version, click here for the FAQs from the PPU website. For extra bonus points, click here to join the Facebook fan group to take part in future Polish Pickup theme nominations, voting and sneak peeks. And then prepare to spend some money cuz it’s a bye bye checkbook-type situation for you.
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