Before you go thinking I’ve got it all under control, lemme just say I about strangled myself trying to remove my bra without taking off my shirt, cuz you don’t get to Lazy, Level EXPERT by going the extra mile.  Although considering how much cardio was accidentally involved, dealing with the shirt might’ve been slightly less sweaty.   And we all know how unattractive I can be when a bit of effort is made.  I don’t sweat like a lady, let’s just say.

Listen, I know it’s not good to be this way.  But when you have a husband who randomly brings you sandwiches, what other choice is there?  Like, who’s getting up to make their own sandwich, when – if you wait long enough – one will just appear in your hand like magic?  Crazy people, that’s who.  Plus, he once told me I was a princess, and I don’t know if this is what he had in mind or not, but I’m just gonna sit here in pajamas for the next 47 years just in case.

It’s no secret I’ve never been one for activities.  You don’t read 72 books over the course of the year by running a dadgum marathon.  And since I refuse to pee my pants in public, looks like aerobics is out of the question.  In fact, the safest thing for me to do is nothing.  Cuz the one time I decide to jump on a trampoline wearing boots, I sprain an ankle and had to shave one leg so I could go get an x-ray.  Ugh.  Effort.  Such a dirty word.

Having said all that, I DO do things.  Have you read this blog before?  I mean, the nails don’t just happen all by themselves.  Just because I’m sitting in a chair for six hours straight wearing a robe and no pants on doesn’t mean I’m not working.  I might be overachieving if you want to be honest about it.  Granted, no laundry or dishes or husbands is getting done, but THAT POINT – well that point is simply moot.

So while we contemplate the importance of an idle life, let’s talk polish!  I have 5 out of 10 polishes from the Glam Polish Technicolor World collection to share with you today.  This collection was inspired by the costumes, set and music from the movie LaLa Land.  They’re all bright, vibrant and super gorgeous.  You like holo and flakies and immeasurable levels of happiness?  Then how lucky are you about to be?  Take a look:

Woah.  Okay, immediately your day just got better.  Cuz you’ve got no business being gloomy while these are in the room.  I mean, GUYS, there’s neon in there!  Bad moods are scientifically impossible at this point.  Complete with 17 charts and graphs and maybe an Excel spreadsheet, to be safe.

First up is Another Day of Sun:

Welp, let’s get the smiling like an idiot part out of the way first, shall we?  Perhaps you need to go off by yourself for a second, lest someone walk in on you while you’ve got your eyes closed, looking stupid.  Seriously, I have to blog in a separate room otherwise hubby be there lurking with the judgy eyes.  Cuz apparently minding his own business is option #2756 on a list of things he’s not doing.   I mean, certainly there’s like 17 different tv programs that needs an emergency click-through, right?  Can he not just hold the remote and look straight ahead like a proper husband?

In other words, keep the sandwiches coming or else what is the point of you?  Seriously though, WHAT IS THE POINT?

So this one is a bright yellow base loaded with pink shimmer, a hint of holo and a splash of fine holo microglitter.  The shimmer is very hard to catch on camera, but in person it’s very evident and is the most addicting thing about this polish.  You gotta this one on your nails, stat.  For real.  DO IT.

A macro EXTRAVAGANZA!

See?  You’re about to spend some money, I can already tell.

Some nail art I did:

Thought I’d take inspiration from that pink shimmer and do some pink gradient stamping. I used the Uber Chic Beauty Yay Spring plate and did a floral pattern for spring. I’m kinda really diggin it, which is quite a departure from the nail fails I’m normally doing.  Hooray for a brief moment of mojo!

Next is It’s a One Woman Show:

Alright, what is even happening right now?  Hope y’all got a Plan B for the day cuz I’ll just be over here trying to attach my jaw back to my face.  Ugh.  How the rest of this blog is getting written is a science experiment waiting to happen, you know, if y’all not busy.  Let me know how it goes cuz it’s about to get suuuuuper pass-out-y over here.  This polish = DEAD.

So this one has a bright pink base with the most exquisite blue/purple shimmer, ultra holo glitter and fine holo microglitter.  Seriously, anyone have a drool bucket handy?  Imma need a thousand of them.  LEGIT no typo.  A thousand, at the minimum.

Prepare yourself.  Now scroll:

Are you hot?  Cuz I’m hot.  The shimmer got me, guys.  It got me good.

Actual cute nail art:

Although it’s a pretty simple design, I really like how it turned out.  That’s two good ones in a row, if you’re doing math for funsies, although WHY? is the actual question.   

Used the Moyra Fabric Texture 20 plate that I picked up from the Cosette Nail Shop.  I love all my Moyras and highly recommend you pick up a few.  And by few I mean all of them cuz no one does crazy nail lady quite like you.

Now here’s I’ll See You in the Movies:

Just because there’s a perpetual state of robe-wearing happening at the moment doesn’t mean you can’t bring the sex every once in a while.  These are your date night nails, your hot mama nails.  The nails you wear when you want to feel less sweatpants-y but also still be in sweatpants.  Well, if you’re me, that is.  All the rest of you, I’m sure, can figure out more proper uses that doesn’t require a nap for good measure.

This one is a red scattered holo with shifting flakies, holo flakies, ultra holo glitter and fine holo microglitter.  Opaque in almost one coat, which works out perfect for those who like to do quick nails and then go be productive and accomplish some shit.  So, like, opposite of me, then.  Cuz I do nails with a splash of other things, like breathing with a touch of dishes thrown in so hubby won’t divorce me.  

Time for drool!

Holy moly, that’s a pretty red.  No sense in being basic about it, I always say.  Bahaha.  Just kidding.  Cuz SWEATPANTS, remember?

My favorite nail art:

For real, I don’t even know who I am anymore.  How does this mani exist without a minimum of 18 stupid things on it?  I’m starting to get suspicious, like perhaps I’ve been kidnapped and I don’t even know it.  Who is doing this nail art, cuz it’s certainly not me.  A facsimile of me, maybe.

Used the Moyra Fabric Texture 20 plate again, which means it’s official:  to the Cosette Nail Shop you go!  Buying all the plates, spending all the money.   As you do.

This one is Why Do You Say Romantic Like it’s a Dirty Word?:

Hubby just came in here and brought me a sandwich. Told ya.  At some point, the sandwiches just appear.

So this one is a light gold intense holo with pink and peach shimmer and holo flakies.  Again, opaque in about one coat, although I did two just be sure.  Plus, this one has that kind of addicting formula where if you’re not paying attention, there might be an accidental Polish Mountain situation in progress.  Although, good thing I give up easy, cuz goals have never been my strong suit.  Which surprises no one, I’m pretty sure.

More macros, more drool:

You can really see that pink and peach shimmer popping out, and that’s what makes this gold extra special.  If I’m not mistaken, you’re buying one bottle and then 27 back-up bottles.  Right?  Right.

Then I did this thing:

THERE IT IS.  While it’s not necessarily a fail, I can sense the mojo slipping a bit. Although, I’m mildly relieved cuz I’m not ready to commit to being too good at anything. Cuz I fixed the work copier just ONE time back in 2008, and now apparently I am a copier repairman with a side of doing my actual job.  No, the expectation of being an expert is just too much to bear sometimes.

Used the Uber Chic Beauty Mandala Love plate on this one in case you’re curious.

Lastly, here’s What a Waste of a Lovely Night:

My eyes, my eyes!  Gah!  Who wants this one on all the surfaces, everywhere?  All my blue lovers, get on it!  This is your perfect blue, your one coat dreamboat.  Might as well be a basketful of kitties based on how hardcore you’re not walking away.  I mean, kitties with a Leonardo and a skosh of Starbucks on top, to be more specific. It’s straight up everything you’ve ever wanted.  Seriously.  I dare you to determine otherwise.  

Barely any description is needed for this beauty.  She’s an intense indigo holo.  FULL STOP.  And she’s headed for the shopping cart whether you like it or not.

Let’s seal the deal:

A little cutie patootie:

We’re ending this blog on a high note, k?  I was going to do a galaxy mani on this one, but got tired just thinking about it, so I did this easy version instead.  And I don’t hate it, so toots on the ole horn for me, then!

Used the layered star and circle image from the Uber Chic Beauty 12-03 plate, in case recreations are in order.  (They are, to be clear.)

The round up:

 

The Technical World collection released yesterday so we’re all good to go for shopping.  The entire set is $120 but if you get your priorities straight within the next 48 hours, you can score a 10% discount.  Weeee!  Also, single bottles are $12, although we’ve already decided you’re not doing this.  You’re committing to all 10 cuz I help you make good decisions.

In case you are curious, here are the names and descriptions of the other 5 polishes I didn’t swatch:

City of Stars – lilac crelly with shifting iridescent glitter and fine holo microglitter

Someone in the Crowd:  cobalt blue crelly with iridescent flakies, shifting flakies, holo flakies and fine holo microglitter

Here’s to the Ones Who Dream – jade scattered holo with shifting flakies, holo flakies, ultra holo glitter and fine holo microglitter

As Long as it’s Pure Jazz – deep plum intense holo

Chasing All the Lights That Shine – mix of rainbow metallic glitter, shifting iridescent glitter and a hint of fine micro glitter in a clear base

If you’d like to see more swatch photos, check out Polish and Paws.  Tell her I sent you!  Then click here for shopping cuz what else is more important today?  That’s right, nothing.

Later, loves!