I have two cats, and they are both a couple of ding dongs.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my fur babies.  One of them, Chloe, I’ve had for almost 17 years.  She’s an old lady, a bit crochety, and sleeps 25 hours a day, but she’s such a little sweetie.  And Oliver, my 6 year old, still has those cute little kitten qualities that made me scoop him up in the first place.

But don’t let ANY of that fool you.  You hear about other people’s cats, the ones that kill snakes out in the backyard or save a family of five from a burning house.  You know, hero cats.  Also known as, NOT MY CATS.  No, unfortunately I get one that likes to eat grass, then throw it up on my rug.  And Chloe, the old one, likes to bring me little turds and put them in my bed – while I am in it, sleeping.

THEN, to top it all off, neither one of them will let me pick them up and carry them around the house on my hip.    Seriously, who wouldn’t want this?  If anyone would like to volunteer to move me about from room to room, that’d be great, cuz THAT sounds like an amazing time.  The least amount of effort on my part is ideal.

Plus, would it kill them to play dress up with me, to at least one time put on a pair of pantyhose so I can post a pic on Instagram?  Forget about it.  And the only time I get a kiss is when I stick my hand in their face while they’re bathing and they lick me on accident.  

I’m traumatized by their lack of love.  I need nail polish.

Good thing I have the Pretty & Polished Winter 2016 Collection to make me happy: 

That’s a lot of polish!  Twelve of them to be exact.  There’s crellies and glitters, dusty cremes and multi-chromes.  And ALL, fabulous.  So go get yourself a little snack or have a Starbucks handy (minimum), and find a comfy place to sit – cuz this one’s gonna take a minute.  And who wants to go to work today anyway?

First up is Blue Balls:

The 12-year-old boy inside of me is just laughing, laughing, laughing.  And the 42-year-old in me is rolling my eyes at myself, and now I’m almost certain this is how crazy starts.  Let’s move on, shall we?

I stinkin’ love this!  The base is a really delicate light blue crelly, and it’s loaded with blue dot glitters of all sizes and shades.  It is so much prettier than I expected it would be.  I mean, it’s lovely in the bottle, but on the nail?  Heart eyes times a billion.  Definitely one of my faves in the collection.

I did three thin coats here, and the glitter payoff is crazy good.  No fishing (i.e., no effort) allowed.  My favorite!

Macro time:

Now you want this.  I’ve already decided.

Next is Spike My Cider:

Well, hello good lookin’!  Only two polishes in, and already I’m a big pile of goo.  This is the one that made me email Chelsea, the creator and mastermind behind Pretty & Polished, to ask her WHAT. IS. THIS. VOODOO?  My mouth hung open right out of the gate with this one.  Quite possibly drooled a bit (but in a ladylike way, to be clear).

At first glance, this polish appears to be gold, but while it does have some golden qualities, it’s actually a light brown holographic packed with holographic brown glitter.  Who knew how gorgeous brown could be?  Suck it, blondies.

This had excellent coverage as well.  I did one coat and could easily have been done.  But one coaters are no fun for me (cuz I am not a normal person), so photo shows two coats.  Dries dull, so add top coat.

Aaaack!  My eyes!  This collection is already ridiculous.

Now, Shameless Sugarplum:

I guarantee you have absolutely NOTHING in your stash that’s anywhere close to a dupe of this polish.  Go on, check.  (Told ya.)  That is what I love about Pretty & Polished – there is always something so incredibly unique and different available.  This right here is that.

Base is a light pink crelly with a soft gold and pink shimmer packed with blue, pink and purple glitters.  It’s one of those polishes that made it entirely too dangerous to be driving a car, what with all the not looking at the road and everything.  So, at minimum, you have an excuse to stay home from work today.  Pajamas for everyone!

Coverage here is two regular coats.  Glitter load is heavy but application is pretty smooth.  I think you’ll really like it.

You see that shimmer?  And that cat hair?  Macro = success!

Heres That’s Just Plum Dandy:

Where my purple lovers at?  This one is for you!  What a delicious deep plum, amirite?  Aside from the  polish smear I left on the tip of my pinky, this swatch is pretty much perfection.

Look at her under the lights, though: 

Glorious!  This is one of Pretty & Polished’s Dusty Cremes, a very unique creme formula you can only find at P&P.  If you’ve never used a Dusty Creme, you must fix that stat.  Ultra smooth and creamy, mostly two coats (but occasionally three), and self-leveling.  They are a dream to work with.  Again, an effortless polish for the lazy ones like me.

The only issue I had was trying to photograph the dusties.  I couldn’t capture them.  The polish is pretty dark, so there isn’t much contrast between the two.  And I take pics with my iPhone, which isn’t the most amazing set up ever made.  I mean, I bought a lightbox and two LED lamps – that’s about as far as my swatch budget will go.  However, anytime someone wants to buy me a Nikon, I will accept your gracious gift.  Just putting that out there in case y’all weren’t sure.

Next up is the gorgeous Sleighing It!:

Oooooooh!  What is this one?!  Chelsea made a multi-chrome and I’m just beside myself with giddiness.  I love polishes that shift in color between angles.  They’re just so fun to look at.  Very distracting, though.  Driving is difficult, working is difficult, picking things up with your hands is difficult.  Who else models holding a coffee cup with a spectacular mani?  Or does an obsessive amount of pointing at things?  Or just sticks your fingers in people’s faces in general?  Look at mah nails!

The weird ones, that’s who.  So sorry.

Okay, this one would make carrying around an LED lamp all day totally worth it.  Look how beautiful she is under the lights!  You get this stunning red to orange shift and a bit of holo, and OMG I can’t concentrate on anything else.  For real, I’m done.  Goodbye.

Okay, just seven more polishes THEN I’m done.

Here is Rocks in My Snowballs:

Doesn’t this one look exactly like dirty snow?  Chelsea nailed it!  It’s snow after 18,000 cars plow through it.  It’s nightmare snow.  Basically, anti-snow.

In case you didn’t catch that, I am not a fan of snow.  Back when I was a kid, snow meant happy things, like snowmen and no school.  But now as an adult, snow gets you NOTHING.  Work cancelled because of snow?  NOPE.  Chance of getting stuck in a hideous, hardened dirty snow rut?  A billion percent.

I’m getting hives.  Let’s move on.

This polish – despite its dirty snow connotations – is super fun.  It has a white crelly base loaded (and I mean, LOADED) with black, white and grey glitters.  Formula is a little thick, but I did two careful, thin coats and then dabbed on a coat in specific areas that needed a touch-up.  If you have trouble with the thickness, add about 10 drops of nail polish thinner (NOT acetone, you savages!) and shake it up to thin it out a bit.  Works brilliantly.

I added two layers of top coat to smooth it out as much as possible.  The longer I wore this one, the more I really enjoyed it.  I had it on all day at work, and I’ll admit to a couple times where I was typing like a supermodel.  What does that mean?  I dunno.  But you nail girls get it.

Next up is Throw Some Glitter on It!:

Bling bling!  This one is for festive party nails, for sure.  One of these days when I manage to get out of pajamas, I’ll put on this mani again and socialize cuz it’s the perfect polish for it.  It’s made for a Little Black Dress and a glass of champagne.

Under the lamps:

I can’t even begin to decipher what’s going on in there.  Full coverage glitter bomb, I know for sure.  There’s definitely pink and orange glitters.  And blue.  Purple.  Maybe a few flakies.  I did three thin coats here, but if you sponged on your second coat, that might be all you’d need.

Macro porn!

Fun, right?  (Very.)

Next we have the Obligatory Christmas Polish:

The last crelly in the lot.  It is straight up Christmas time.  Red and green glitter with gold holo sparkle in a white base.  I’ll definitely be doing some holiday nail art with this one.  And it may be “obligatory” but I think it’s pretty special, regardless.

The crelly formula on this one is absolutely amazing.  Usually white crellies can be difficult cuz they are too milky and require manipulation to cover uneven spots.   But this one is your new best friend.  Two coats and DONE.  It’s a real live Christmas miracle!

You want it, oh yes you do.

Another multi-chrome.  Here’s Brisky Business:

Excuse me, what now?  Did all my dreams just come true?  OMG, this.  Excuse me, I need a minute …

Okay, that picture didn’t help much either.  Are you dying, cuz I am.  What a stunner!  I literally have no words.  ZERO words.  Maybe I should just stop now before I turn into a bumbling idiot.  This polish makes my mouth hang open and odd throat noises come out.  Uhhhhhhnnnnnnnnn.  (See?!)

If you can’t tell, this one is my favorite.  A dark blue to purple dream boat.  Color shifting flakies.  Heaven in a bottle.  The end.

Two coats of ectasy.  How will you ever be the same again?

Focus now.  Next is I Need a Taupe-ical Vacation: 

I DO need a taupe-ical vacation!  Or a vacation period.  I know I just went on one, but that is beside the point.  Do you think it is easy to get up every day, go to work, then come home and put on pajamas and have your husband make you dinner while you polish your nails for four hours all while trying to cram in 16 episodes of The Walking Dead and then leave time to lay on the couch doing nothing for a while?

See.  Vacation = justified.

Another dusty creme, a lovely soft taupe.  You can definitely see those dusty specks in this one.  And to make it even better –  (Well, better for you.  I am the crazy one, remember?) – it was almost a one coater!  Excellent coverage and super smooth.  What else could you want or need (aside from the vacation, that is)?

Last multi-chrome of the collection and I’m so so sad.  This is Yule Thank Me Later:

Chelsea did such an amazing job with these.  If you’re into pretty polishes, this one has your name written alllll over it.  (For real, I checked.)  And anyone who likes mermaid nails, well, here ya go:  your perfect base.  If you’re not quite convinced, what is wrong with your eyes?!, but also here is a shot under the lights in case you just prefer to be thorough:

Okay, all good?  Good.  I see no logical reason you’re not buying this.  It’s got blue, it’s got green, with golden shimmer and a flakie explosion.  Case closed, people.  Put it in your basket.

If you’re taking notes, I did two coats plus one layer of top coat on this one.  Nice formula.  Happiness-inducing.

And now we’re at the end.  Here is the last polish in the collection, a fun glitter topper called I Busted My Glass:

I put this over black so you could see all the colors in this topper.  There’s bars and shards of different sizes, both metallic and holographic.  Little baby hexes too.  Now, I’m no expert on swatching toppers, but I think this turned out pretty good.  (Toot, toot!)  You could show this off on top of any color base and it would look amazing.  There are no rules.

Sparkly!  That’s what I love about it – the way the glitters reflect the light.  I don’t normally buy glitter toppers cuz they make me nervous (I know, what kind of problem is this?), but application here was easy. You get lots of glitter on the brush and they were very easy to spread around.  If toppers are your thing, this is one of the best.

The round up:

I was impressed by this entire colletion.  Definitely some winter pretties, but also lots of glitz and glam for holiday parties and get-togethers.  I can’t think of any better collection Chelsea could have done.  It’s perfection.  And you want it.  Just so you’re clear.

If you purchase the whole set, cost is $90 and you get free shipping.  If you’re only able to snag a few singles, the dusty cremes are $7.50, the multi-chromes are $9, and the rest are $8.50 each.  These will be available tomorrow, November 14 – so write yourself a little Post-It.  You do not want to miss out!

DON’T FORGET: Get 15% off your order using code dianna15

Click here to order.  Do it!  And thank you thank you thank you for reading this post all the way to the very bottom.  Internet high fives for you.  You may continue to read this blog.

Later, loves!