New Beauty Test Tube | March 2014


Life loves me again.

After opening two mediocre boxes, I thought for sure the excitement was dead and buried. But now that I’ve received my New Beauty Test Tube, my faith has been restored.

Faith in what, I’m not sure. Beauty boxes, surprises, the mail? Probably all that, just to be safe.

Anyway, here’s what I got:


See what I mean? I’m about to pee my pants just looking at it.

Don’t worry; I’ll behave.

Got me some hair stuff.  I’m excited to try It’s a 10 Miracle Leave-In Lite conditioning spray.  I absolutely loved my 12 Benefits, but was not a fan of the Sexy Hair soy wheat thingie, so getting to sample another leave-in makes me happy.  I’m always on a quest to make my hair as luxurious and supermodel-y as possible.  If I don’t look like I just walked away from a wind machine, I have failed.  So if the It’s a 10 can help any little bit, I’ll be pleased.

Have you ever tried the GlamGlow Youthmud Tinglexfoliate mask?  Yes, no?  If you’re not sure, then you most definitely haven’t, trust me.  I got a sample from Ipsy a few months ago and couldn’t wait to try it.  All the celebrities use it in preparation for the red carpet or some other fancy party where they need to look like beauty queens.  So of course, being the un-shallow person I am, I needed it immediately.  I almost bought the full-size before even sampling the sample.  I mean, who doesn’t want to look like a celebrity?  Crazy people, that’s who.

But I withheld myself, by a sheer magical force of willpower.  And good thing too.  This stuff will burn your face off.  Literally.  (Okay, not literally.)  However, their definition of “tingle” needs a bit of a tweaking, unless by tingle they mean stinging.  Or maybe they actually meant stinging, but somebody wasn’t paying attention in the meeting.  It happens all the time.  I mean, if you gonna call something a Rocky Mountain Oyster, it better be a dadgum oyster.

What am I going on about?  I dunno.

Got another Lumene moisturizer, but this time it’s a night cream.  Last Lumene product I got, the smell was so horrid I had to throw it away after maybe 3 or 4 uses.  This new item is a different line, their Pure Radiance one, so hopefully it doesn’t stink.  It’s made with arctic cloudberry, whatever that is, but it sounds like a fruit, so it’s promising.  I will keep you posted, no worries.

Perhaps the most amazing thing in the tube is this It Cosmetics powder brush.  This is the real deal, full-size, authentic powder brush valued at $48 which cost more than the entire tube.  How awesome is that?  (Very.)  This brush is luxuriously soft.  I don’t even want to use it because it’s so pretty.  For now, I’ve left it in its container and displayed it on my counter.  I’m entertaining the idea of using it to swirl on my Guerlain Meteorites, because fancy + fancy = math even I can do.  Hooray!

There’s a Mally liquid lipstick pen in there.  I got the color Mally Look, which is a very bizarre name for a lipstick, especially because all the other shades are named something normal.  But whatever.  I already have one lipstick pen of hers that I got in a little value set, color Blossom, but I didn’t love it.  It had a plasticy smell and felt really thick on the lips.  The Mally Look shade seemed to smell slightly better and was less gross.  So I don’t know what all that means.  I like the new one better than the old one.  But isn’t that how it always is in life?  I fully expect to meet my husband’s new girlfriend in about 25 years.

Not a fan of nail polish.  I repeat, not a fan of nail polish.  Even if it’s Orly.  I will say that I probably would have kept it if they’d sent me a different shade.  But I got red.  Red is super hooker-y for an office situation, unless your office is in a strip club or tattoo parlor.  (No offense if that’s really your office; work that work, girl!)  But for me, I prefer to wear red nails on weekends when going out on the town.  And because I never go out on the town (as in come Friday night about 6pm, it’s pajamas all day errrr day), I never wear red polish.  Aside from that, removing red polish is a pain.  Unless you like ghostly red remnants all on your finger skin.

Now having said all that, I’d probably still wear red polish to the office.  Just ignore me.

Got another Bioxidea sheet mask, but this time in the diamond edition.  I haven’t even used my gold one yet, so you could stay I’m starting a little collection.  For those curious, full-size is three sheets for $79, which is roughly $20 for a one-time use.  (Go math!)  It claims to give you a 48-hour face lift using “diamond power” so I’m going to hold it to that promise.  Cuz if my face doesn’t completely revert back to baby skin after one $20 use, well then what is the point of this?  Again, I ask you:  what is the point?

Adding yet another mascara to the booty.  This time it’s one by Grandelash-MD.  Apparently it’s like a lash growing serum and mascara rolled into one.  I’ve used it twice, and it did okay as far as lengthening my lashes.  Not the most dramatic I’ve seen them, but then again my lashes do not perform well with any mascara.  I suppose the only way to see if the growing claims are real is to use this product every day. Do you know how hard that is when you have like 23 mascaras? Playing favorites is nigh on impossible. In other words, if this mascara works, I’ll never ever know.

Got this jazzy little Tarte Maracuja Oil rollerball. Isn’t it cute? I already own a sample of the jar with the medicine dropper, but the rollerball idea seems way more interesting, not to mention convenient. This actually came at a pretty good time because I just now TODAY finished my other one. How about that? Readin’ my mind, surfin’ on my wavelength. As if New Beauty Test Tube and I were meant to be. Welp! That solves that. Subscription cost: justified.

Also, I really like the maracuja oil. I’m not sure what maracuja is. It could be slug larvae for all I know. But it makes your face soft.

Another eye cream. The one product I own that takes a long, long time to get through. My two-week supply of StriVectin lasted over a month if that tells you anything. So I’m not sure how long it’ll take to get to this PerriconeMD High Potency Eye Lift sample, as I’m smack in the midst of a Glytone tube that’s bound to replicate itself as soon as I think I’m getting close to the end.  But anyway, this PerriconeMD one costs a fortune, so I’m excited.

Okay, when I saw this little bottle of Boost-It! Instant Complexion Enhancer I wasn’t sure what to do with it. And upon further investigation, I discovered this was one of those Luminess Air products that you drip into a mechanical airbrusher and spray on your face. Naturally I’m confused as I don’t own an airbrush system. But then, I shut off my brain for a sec and just kept reading. I get ahead of myself sometimes. I’m a highly anxious person, if you can’t tell.

Anyway, apparently you can use this without an airbrusher and you apply it on your face like a primer before makeup. So I did. Can I just say this is the ONLY product I’ve ever used that claims to give you a glow that actually does. It was beautiful. I looked very supermodel-y, not gonna lie.

I’m gonna keep testing it out until the sample is empty, and if I continue to lubbit, I’m buying the full size. Guaranteed.

Last product in the test tube was a couple of packets of Nip+Fab No Needle Fix serum. The texture of this was quite nice, but there’s no way I can tell you if it plumped up my skin properly with a one-time use. We’ve been over this before, but no one listens.

All in all, this box was fantastic. I wish it came every month because it’s just so fun to open. Now it seems as if May is a billion years away. Guess I’ll go subscribe to another box to take the pain away.

Sorry not sorry.

4 responses »

  1. Oh have you tried the Zoya nail polish remover? It’s the best remover I’ve found for stopping that awful red polish stained fingers situation that looks like you press berries with your bare hands as a hobby. Hooker-shade wearers, rejoice! (That’s me, I’m all about the hooker colors of polish. And the other ones too. Basically, all of the colors). Anyway, it’s good remover. Annoying because I don’t have anywhere to get it locally, but I got mine from the Birchbox shop. And the flipper bottle thing is great if you tend to spill that crap. You can open and dispense it with one hand. It’s like magic. MAGIC I TELL YOU! Not really, but, it’s neat and one bottle lasts for ages.


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