Weekends go by way too fast. The only benefit to that is my birthday is almost here. Less than two weeks in fact.

Sounds like I can’t wait to turn 40. But really I just like gifts.

Here’s my Sample Society:

Ever since the relaunch of this box, I’ve been quite impressed. Hopefully it continues in this way cuz disappointment is a stupid noun that should not have been invented.

Let’s start with the thing I gave away first. That Oribe Surfcomber texturizing mousse. You throw the word texturizing in anything, and chances are I don’t want it. My flat ironed hair does not need texture. It needs smoothness and shine. That’s it. Anything else equals a bad hair day and a calling into work type situation.

And maybe this is just mousse. I used to use mousse all the time in the 90s, and things ended well. But now products just can’t be simple anymore. They can’t just be mousse. They have to be mousse with superpowers. Plus, the instructions say to apply to DRY hair, and I am immediately alerted to impending disaster. So I will kindly opt out and pass it along to my daughter who isn’t afraid of anything.

Got a little vial of the Kate Somerville Dilo Oil. I’ve always wanted to try this brand, so even though it’s not what I would have asked for first, I am excited about giving it a go anyway. The directions say you can add a few drops to your moisturizer (one option) so this is probably what I’ll do. Although one review mentioned mixing a drop with their foundation to help with application which makes me think of the dry texture of the Kat Von D Lock It foundation. I love the result of the foundation, but putting it on is a big o pain in the ass. I bet combining it with the Dilo Oil will make it spread like a dream. Or at least that what I hope happens. I’ll give it a try this weekend and report back.

I wasn’t so thrilled about the neon orange Ciate nail polish cuz I have zero interest in nail polish. We’ve discussed this. However, I do not own a neon orange (color Cha Cha Cha), so that is the ONLY reason I’m keeping it. It’s a good summer/Halloween color or if I ever feel like deer hunting (i.e., never), I can match my safety vest like a damn professional.

I will say I’m quite impressed with the formula of this nail polish. It dried super duper quick. Like I was barely done with my left hand and it was virtually ready for coat two. One thing though is it absolutely needs a top coat cuz it has no shine in it whatsoever. So have one handy and everything will work out fine.

I already own a full size of this Too Faced Melted lipstick in Melted Peony, but I’m still completely cool with getting another one. Mainly, cuz it gives me hope for future boxes that might possibly include similar awesome items such as this. But also cuz I’m giving it to my sister and then there’s no excuse for her not to love me forever.

For those that don’t know, these melted lipsticks are fab. They are highly pigmented and you get full on color with one swipe. They are glossy and beautiful. I only own the peony color, but I wouldn’t hate it if someone buys me another one.

Last item in the box is the Jane Iredale Longest Lash mascara. Sadly, this one is not for me. The pro: the brush is huge and voluminous. The con: it deposits the faintest amount of product, and for me, I need lots to give my teeny lashes the proper boost. Literally, if you have the time, you’ll need to do roughly 15 coats if you’d like any volume. I put this on before work and it was such a big boo, I was in a bad mood for the rest of the day. It’s amazing how my makeup skills are tied to my mental health. Perhaps you should just check my eyeliner before speaking to me, you know, to make sure it’s safe.

This mascara would work best for people who don’t need volume but would prefer fanned out, clump free lashes. Or maybe people who would like a natural lash look, although if that’s what you like, chances are you don’t wear mascara at all.

Alright I’m done. Time for bathing. See you tomorrow, loves.

It’s Friday, everybody!  We are at the end of the work week.  Does this excite you as much as it does me?  Am I the biggest dork in all the land?  Probably.  But if you’re not excited it’s Friday, I am concerned about your mental health.

Here’s my Sample Society in a photo of exceptional quality:

Sample Society has been relaunched with the start of this box.  Other than the color of the actual box, I’m not sure what that means.  Hopefully better products with an even balance of makeup and skincare. However, there was a dadgum perfume sample in there, so it doesn’t bode well.  We shall see.

Let’s go ahead and get the perfume out of the way.  It is Aqua Universalis from Maison Francis Kurkdjian, and the first thing I did was go who, what?  I’ve never heard of him/that, but it’s pricey as shit so it must be luxury.  Wish I cared.  But for those curious, the scent is bergamot and lemon, Lily of the Valley, orange and musky wood.  Smells just like all the other perfumes I’ve gotten in my boxes lately, because I don’t even bother to differentiate them.  Do. Not. Want.

Next.

And to make it even better, I got my other un-favorite – a bottle of nail polish.  Serious, whhhhyyyyyeeee does my life hate me?!  It’s Butter London in the shade Champers, which is actually quite pretty, so I suppose I’ll go ahead and keep it, but it barely squeaked by and not without my fair share of pouting.  Has anyone ever actually finished a bottle of nail polish?  I sure haven’t.  I’m pretty sure there are billions of half empty bottles just filling up landfills all willy nilly and polluting the Earth with their noxious fumes.  I’m about 97.96686% certain I’m saving the planet by not liking nail polish.  And that should make me Queen, at the very least.

Okay, now that I’ve finally depressed everyone to tears, how about some good news?  Got this hair mask from Fekkai that I really  like.  It’s their PrX Reparatives mask, and it worked pretty good.  Granted, I still love my Carol’s Daughter the most but I will use and finish the Fekkai one and enjoy the results.  The smell was very clean, and the texture was about medium-thick and creamy.  After I dried my hair, I could tell it looked smoother and less frizzy.  Not every product I try does this, so kudos to Mr. Fekkai.  Probably won’t repurchase though because that’s how devoted I am to Carol’s Daughter.  That had a skosh of lezzie in it, but you know what I mean.

Next up is the L’oreal ColourRiche Extraordinaire lip colour in the shade Coral Encore.  This is a very pretty color and super shiny.  The card in the box says this is supposed to smell like cotton candy, but mine didn’t.  In fact, it didn’t smell like any kind of candy.  So either someone’s idea of cotton candy is drastically skewed, or my lipstick is broken.  Either way, though, I do like this product.  It is kind of sticky; it collects at the inner edge of my lips in a not-so-attactive kind of way.  But it’s not so horrid as to keep me from using it.  The applicator on this thing is ultra bendy, like it’s on its last leg or something.  However, it’s soft and not bothersome or anything.  I’ll keep it.

Last product is the grand finale:  Laura Mercier Matte Baked Highlighter.  I love Laura Mercier’s products.  I could’ve hated everything else in this box, but the inclusive of Laura-Mercier-anything would have saved its life.  I have really been enjoying this highlighter.  But it is NOT matte.  I don’t even know why they called it that.   No, it’s not overly shimmery; yes, it looks very natural and fresh on the skin; but no, it is not matte by any definition of the word.  So that is a little misleading.  Regardless, though, I love it and will use it til I hit pan in about 15 years.  I don’t use highlighter that often.  That’s my own problem.

Aaack.  We’re at the end.  Time to get into pajamas and enjoy the weekend.  I have a couple of boxes waiting for me when I get home as well, which means I now have a total of 5 boxes left to review this month.  Annnnnd, it’s July 25.  I’m a really good blogger with horrible time management issues.

But adorable.  So all is forgiven.  Weeeee!

So you know how my Love Lula subscription ran out last month and I opted not to renew?  Well, I’ve replaced it as you probably knew I would.  I am now the proud owner of a month-to-month subscription to Memebox.  What is Memebox?  It’s a box full of Korean skincare and beauty samples.  Why do I need this?  Why is the sky blue?  Don’t ask stupid questions.

The below is not my Memebox.  It’s Sample Society:

Although heavy on the skincare, like literally the entire box, I think this one is pretty good (other than that blasted perfume sample that is). I’ve used several of the items and I have opinions to bestow, so let’s get started.

First things first, the Orlane Hydro Matifying Care tube is so teeny tiny, they killed a thousand trees for that insanely big packaging.  Serious, I was like oooh, Orlane!, thinking of the many many days ahead of me wearing this luxury moisturizer.  And then upon opening the box, I mentally checked off about 19 days.  Drat.  However, this is a very nice moisturizer.  It looks thick when you squeeze it out, but it goes on so light and lovely.  It’s supposed to be mattifying, and I guess it kind of is, but my pores can be seen from outer space so you gotta do something a lot more industrial than apply moisturizer to cover those babies up.

That was a huge run on sentence but I am too tired to figure out how to explain it grammatically correctly.  Also, I’m not sure I just said proper English.  This post is going tragically downhill.

Speaking of teeny tiny samples, the Karin Herzog Vita-A-Kombi 2 moisturizer yielded two whole days.  Probably worked out for the best because there seemed to be a lot of specific instructions involved in the use of this product.  Allow me to explain:

Nowhere on this tube told me what this stuff was.  Could be a serum, or a mask. Possibly moisturizer.  As a person with OCD issues, I need clear, concise instruction on virtually everything I don’t understand.  Do not tell me to cook fish until it flakes easily with a fork because how long is that exactly?  Flakes easily isn’t even a proper cooking term, and if so it should come with a standard length of time it takes to do so, like 15 minutes or something.  And if you mean to cook it 15 minutes, just say 15 minutes.  Why ya gotta go make up cooking words instead?

I’ve went off topic.  Well, you can’t expect me to cook a decent salmon with that sort of attention span, now can you?

But back to the Karin Herzog thingy.  I contacted the company, and turns out this is a moisturizer made with 2% oxygen, retinol and vitamin E.  I was also informed I cannot use my fingers to apply this as they will most likely burn and rot away.  Well, that’s not what they said specifically, but that’s what I heard.  What they probably said was to apply it with a brush as the benefits of the oxygen will absorb through your fingers and never get to your face.  Sounds much less dangerous, but I swear I was scared for like 15 seconds.

I did as I was told and got out a little concealer brush, used it, and everything turned out fine.  Nothing exploded or melted, which is all good news.  I even went so far as to purchase a better brush at Walmart yesterday so I could apply my second time like a true professional (after watching the Karin Herzog YouTube channel demonstration – which is something only an idiot like me would do).  Turns out the tube had two uses in it so I overreacted just slightly.  Thank goodness the brush only cost $1. And even if the oxygen had absorbed through my fingers instead of my face, two days worth of oxygen wouldn’t have made a lick of difference anyway.  Two-time-use tubes are almost just as bad as one-time-use packets.  What. Is. The. Point.

Next item is a repeat.  In fact, it’s such a massive repeat, I could have stocked a warehouse with it.  Got my FIFTH tube of Pur-Lisse Hydra Balance moisturizer.  And what can I say about this product that I haven’t already mentioned before at least four other times in this blog?  A whole bunch of nothing.  I mean, I’m currently using one of my older tubes and it works fine.  Goes on smooth, sinks in pretty good.  Doesn’t leave me sticky.  I just don’t love it enough to continue hoarding it like a hoarding hoarder.  Regifted.

Another product that leaves me guessing is this H2O+ Oxygenating Rejuvenator.  Even the title doesn’t give a hint. My OCD can’t take this. So I’ve emailed customer service and am waiting impatiently for an answer. I am assuming it’s a moisturizer, and if so, would it have killed someone to print the word ‘moisturizer’ right there on the tube? Why do you insist on driving me insane?

I’ve been kind of getting into dry oil sprays lately. So getting this Borghese Fango Deep Hydration Finishing Treatment (var var long explanation for spray oil) was fine by me. I have been using it for the past few nights, and although I don’t have much to compare it to yet, I will say that I like it okay. It absorbs nicely, which is probably the most important aspect of an oil mist. However, it smells like men’s cologne. Not fruit, not flowers, not even some fake made up ocean breeze slash desert oasis smell, which I probably would have actually preferred for once. Nope, this is straight up men’s cologne. And not even a very good cologne. So I will not repurchase after the sample runs out. I do not want to smell like my ex-boyfriend from high school.

Last product in the box has been saved for last cuz I knew if I started with it you’d fall right to sleep. It’s a perfume by Juliette Has a Gun called Anyway. And I’m not even gonna pretend I sniffed it, even for research purposes. It’s sitting in my mom’s little care package I’m making for her out of my beauty box rejects. Awwwww, can you say best daughter ever?

It’s always awkward ending review posts like this cuz the nerd in me feels like I need to sum it all up in a concluding paragraph. But the lazy in me always comes out on top. And so I’m just saying bye and I’ll see you tomorrow.

I got you a gift. Something you’ve always wanted.

No, not that. The other thing you’ve always wanted. A Sample Society box review! Who’s your favorite blogger in all the land? Me, that’s who. Takin’ care of you and stuff.

Here’s the goods:

This is an okay box this month. I don’t love it but I will use 80% of what they sent me. As far as beauty boxes go, that’s considered a success I think.

First item is the Juice Beauty CC Cream. I don’t get too excited about a CC cream sample unless you’re amazing like the It Cosmetics one. This one is not that amazing. I finally got around to putting it on today and it’s just okay. It has a weird smell. And it’s kind of thick. My face feels a little sticky right now. Plus you can still see my freckles. But apart from all that, two thumbs up. Here’s my face: -__-

A warning to anyone who might use the Borghese Gel Delicato makeup remover: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT put it in your eye. Cuz I did the first time I used it and gave myself conjunctivitis, complete with antibiotic drops and steroids. Hooray! On the upside, it removes makeup very very well. On the downside, I didn’t wear eye makeup to work for 4 days straight and my co-workers couldn’t recognize me. I showed everyone my morning face, y’all, and it was scarring for life.

Next product is one I’m very excited to try. It’s an exfoliant by Sonya Dakar called Flash Facial. It has the trifecta: works its magic in 60 seconds (instant gratification, my favorite thing), Gwyneth Paltrow loves it (celebrity endorsement), and the full size is $95 (expensive, therefore amazing, presumably). I will be using this as soon as I’m done with the Blue Plasma exfoliant I’m working on and I’ll report back.

Got an SPF cream by Dermalogica called Dynamic Skin Recovery. It’s a daily moisturizer with SPF 50 in it, so it sounds great. I will be using this next week. My only concern is the description calls it medium-weight and emollient. Hoping it’s not too thick cuz guess how much time I have in the morning to wait around for my SPF to sink in? Zero. ZERO time. So we shall see.

Last item in the box is a Murad T Zone Pure Refining serum. I’m happy to get this cuz my t-zone has been getting oily lately, and I’m hoping this serum can put a stop to that nonsense. And also my pores are like moon craters, so I’d like the serum to fix that as well please. In fact, let’s just switch the whole face out ok? Like for a 25-year-old one. Supermodel, preferably. Thanks.

We’re done! Short and sweet. No worries, friends. There’s oodles and oodles more reviews in store. See you tomorrow!

Sorry I was MIA over the weekend.  The post office delivered one of my packages to someone else (no clue who) so I was pouting for three days.  Luckily it was just a $10 phone case, not a beauty item, so if it never shows up in my mailbox I suppose I’ll live.   I won’t like it, but I’ll live.  If it was makeup or skin care, however, the world has ended.

As you’d expect.

Anyway, my Sample Society box came in last week and it’s sooooo much better than the previous one.  Lookie here:

I posted this picture on Instagram and confused a few people.  The items in the back are props only, I repeat, PROPS ONLY.  I was trying to take a more flattering and colorful photo, and I suppose I failed.  That’s what happens when trying to do stuff while in the bathtub, as I have violated my own rule that states only lazy things happen in there.  A brief bout of ADD, that’s my only excuse.

So let’s get started.  First things first, I got a little jar of Clark’s Botanicals Deep Moisture Mask.  Oh how I love masks.  I wish I could do a mask every night, but probably my face would fall right off or something.  This one is supposed to revitalize stressed, dry complexions.  Has antioxidants in it as well, which is always a good thing.  I haven’t used it yet because as you know I have a very large cache of masks waiting in the wings.  But I’m very excited to start.  Also, the full-size is $72 – which means absolutely nothing to me whatsoever.  Certainly not that expensive is better or more fancy or anything as shallow as that.

La la la la la la …

I’m a horrible person.  I know.

Next little jar is the H20+ Aquafirm+ Micro-Collagen Moisturizer.  This one fights fine lines and loss of firmness with collagen-boosting moisture.  But most impressive is it contains marine microspheres and sea nutrient barrier.  What is all that?!  I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I want it. But full-size is only $50 so I don’t want it as much as the other one.

Just kidding. (Kind of.)

The flowered tin would be a cute little travel candle by Illume.  I got the scent Anemone, which is a nice citrusy-and-something-else scent.  I’m not opposed to candles if they smell good.  And by good I mean smells like food.  I don’t want a candle that smells like warm laundry, a pine tree, or something called Ocean Escape because that’s not a thing.  I want food ones, forever and always.  Chocolate, coconut, apple strudel.  If you send me a candle that smells like Winter Wonderland or Crisp Country Air, I delete.  Just like that.  No looking back.

I’m getting worked up.  On to the next thing.

Got a really pretty blue eyeliner pencil by Butter London.  This is a nice, creamy liner that goes on smooth and smudges out easily.  I wore it on my bottom waterline last week, and it was a nice contrast to my brown eyes.  I don’t really know what else to say about it until I wear it on my top eyelid to see how it fares.  At this point, it’s just an eyeliner.

Last item are these japanese blotting papers from Tatcha.  I don’t have much of a necessity for these, as I don’t tend to get very oily.  However, they are adorable and adorable trumps necessity about 97.947604% of the time.  Just ask my daughter who once brought home a live baby chicken and I let her keep it without blinking an eye for a second.

That’s it, y’all.  Short and sweet.  I usually like to sample the products a bit before doing a review, so I apologize for basically a very useless and uninformative post.  Entertaining, yes.  But definitely, absolutely useless.  Maybe next time.  I do have a large haul to discuss because SOMEBODY keeps sending me 20% off coupons. SOMEBODY doesn’t realize what they’ve done.

Ulta, I’m talking to you.

Two zingers in a row. I’m getting worried …

After the disaster that was Boxycharm, I was hoping the tide would turn. Or even just half a turn would be okay. But no. It just got WORSE. Entering, Sample Society:

No, no, no, no and no. Whyyyyyyyeeeee does my life hate me? When I saw this box, my face looked like someone was telling me an exceptionally boring and/or pointless story, or like a story that keeps on going while I need to go have the biggest pee of my life. You know what I’m saying; you’ve been there.

First awful thing – that Jane Tran hair clip. Tell me, why is this even in the box? Did someone beg for this? Or was there an emergency vacancy that needed filling sort of situation happening about 24 hours before ship time, and this was the only thing they had on their shelf? I’m gonna go with that, because otherwise, something’s happened to Sample Society. Something unsightly and scary.

Now, before you throw wet noodles, please understand that the hair clip itself is fine. And I’m sure Jane Tran is a lovely human being. I just don’t wear hair clips, like almost zero percent of the time is there a hair clip happening. In other words, things I don’t want and/or need can kindly vacate my box. Hair clips be one of them.

Next awful thing is the Jane Iredale Tantasia self-tanner. Guess how many times I’ve applied self-tanner in my life? Like twice. Once when I was in 8th grade right before a class trip to an amusement park where I proceeded to walk around all day with orange streaky legs. The second time, I stood completely naked in my bathroom while my sister sprayed me full-on with some tan in a can. Both were nightmares: one nightmare for me and the other for my sister (who had to see me naked and in tantric-like poses – how else to get the spray tan up in there?) After those two times, I put my self-tanning days to bed.

Next barely tolerated but slightly better product is the tube of tinted SPF creme from MD Solar Sciences. First of all, what kind of business name is that? Could they have called it anything more sterile and lab coat-y? No. No, they couldn’t. But the product isn’t that horrid. I’ve used it twice now, and it is very creamy and feels nice on the skin. It replaced my normal SPF, and if I wasn’t already in love with that one, I could see myself buying a tube of this one. And it does cost $32, so it’s super fancy.

Gah! Fiiiinnnnneee. I suppose this isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever gotten. But don’t get too cocky, Sample Society. We’re not done yet.

Got yet another tube of BB cream to add to the ridiculous amount of BB creams I own. I’m seriously so over BB creams. I’ve only ever liked one of them, the Miracle Skin Transformer Face one. Oh, and the It Cosmetics CC cream is really awesome. But other than all that business, BB creams, CC creams and whatnot make me sleepy.

So this Dr. Brandt one didn’t even illicit an eye twitch out of me. I didn’t care a little bit at all. I threw it in my box of crap and walked away.

Then I used it.

Dammmmmit. This stuff is good. Maybe the best. Yep, definitely the best. Fantastic coverage, made me look beautiful and glowy. I’m not even gonna lie when I tell you there’s a 97.6374857% chance I’m buying the full size.

Last product in the box is a CC cream for the hair by Alterna. This is the only product in the box that I felt I was gonna use. I like leave-in hair treatments, so I’m cool with receiving this one. My hair needs all the help it can get.

So. I am gonna say my foot is somewhat in my mouth right now. This box turned out 60% to the good. After my initial scoff, I took the time to use the products and realized they weren’t so bad. This isn’t my favorite box, mind you, but I’m feeling better about it now.

Sorry, Sample Society. Friends again?

I’m starting to think my blog is quickly morphing into a beauty box review site. Cuz we’re back at it again with yet another box, and we ain’t even halfway done. Someone needs to give me a utility bill to pay or something, cuz otherwise I’m about 2.5 seconds away from finding another box to subscribe to.

Don’t tell my husband I just said that. Cuz he’ll no doubt find me a utility bill.

Received my Sample Society box the other day and lookie what I got:

I’m kinda likin’ the box this month. Despite the fact I got three hair dealies, that is. I don’t prefer hair stuff, because there’s just so much stuff I won’t ever use. Like hairspray, root lifter or sea salt spray. I basically wash, dry, flatiron, the end. I spend so much time on makeup in the morning, I can’t deal with a whole hair ritual too.

I’m incredibly lazy. Did I mention that?

However, I’m alright with the Bamboo products they sent. Got two of them: volume spray and a strand thickener. Both of these products are used prior to blow drying, and apparently will give me oodles of poufy hair. Haven’t tested this theory, but I promise I’ll let you know.

The other hair product is a mask from Phyto. I can’t wait to try this. It claims to repair dry, damaged, weakened hair which is exactly what I need. My hair is so hideous when in its natural state. Hoping by using this product I will somehow be able to air dry without risking my prim and proper reputation. Cuz otherwise, I tend to lean towards mental patient escapee hair. Or maybe light socket exploring hair.

Next (non-hair) product is the mineral body lotion from Ahava. I got the pineapple peach one. Smells pretty nice, but not overwhelmingly so, which is a bit of a bummer cuz if you’re gonna smell like tropical fruit, you better bygod commit to it.

All my body lotions smells like tropical fruits, just so you know.

The consistency of this one is a little watery, but it absorbs pretty good so I guess its wateryness is a non issue. Not even sure why I brought it up then. I’d press backspace on that and delete it altogether but I’m really sleepy right now and can’t be bothered.

Moving on.

Last item is this serum from Murad. Do you see on the box where it says it reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles in two hours? Well, I instantly became interested in that little tidbit. Then upon further inspection, I discovered that it won a Good Housekeeping award. And that it cost $78 for a 1-ounce bottle.

In other words, I may not have noticed if my wrinkles went away after two hours, but it’s an award winner and expensive and therefore all claims are immediately justified.

I’m an asshole.

Im sorry. I’m easily persuaded. What else can I say for myself? I just wanna believe so bad that there is a miracle product out there that will undeniably replace my old face for a new one in a mere two hours. Can I please just have my daydreams?

One thing I can say about it that I know is 100% true is that the texture is quite lovely. My face is very soft right now. Just did a wrinkle check however, and sad to report that they are still there. Ah well. Can’t have everything.

That’s it people. You’re free to go.