Sample Society | June 2014

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So you know how my Love Lula subscription ran out last month and I opted not to renew?  Well, I’ve replaced it as you probably knew I would.  I am now the proud owner of a month-to-month subscription to Memebox.  What is Memebox?  It’s a box full of Korean skincare and beauty samples.  Why do I need this?  Why is the sky blue?  Don’t ask stupid questions.

The below is not my Memebox.  It’s Sample Society:

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Although heavy on the skincare, like literally the entire box, I think this one is pretty good (other than that blasted perfume sample that is). I’ve used several of the items and I have opinions to bestow, so let’s get started.

First things first, the Orlane Hydro Matifying Care tube is so teeny tiny, they killed a thousand trees for that insanely big packaging.  Serious, I was like oooh, Orlane!, thinking of the many many days ahead of me wearing this luxury moisturizer.  And then upon opening the box, I mentally checked off about 19 days.  Drat.  However, this is a very nice moisturizer.  It looks thick when you squeeze it out, but it goes on so light and lovely.  It’s supposed to be mattifying, and I guess it kind of is, but my pores can be seen from outer space so you gotta do something a lot more industrial than apply moisturizer to cover those babies up.

That was a huge run on sentence but I am too tired to figure out how to explain it grammatically correctly.  Also, I’m not sure I just said proper English.  This post is going tragically downhill.

Speaking of teeny tiny samples, the Karin Herzog Vita-A-Kombi 2 moisturizer yielded two whole days.  Probably worked out for the best because there seemed to be a lot of specific instructions involved in the use of this product.  Allow me to explain:

Nowhere on this tube told me what this stuff was.  Could be a serum, or a mask. Possibly moisturizer.  As a person with OCD issues, I need clear, concise instruction on virtually everything I don’t understand.  Do not tell me to cook fish until it flakes easily with a fork because how long is that exactly?  Flakes easily isn’t even a proper cooking term, and if so it should come with a standard length of time it takes to do so, like 15 minutes or something.  And if you mean to cook it 15 minutes, just say 15 minutes.  Why ya gotta go make up cooking words instead?

I’ve went off topic.  Well, you can’t expect me to cook a decent salmon with that sort of attention span, now can you?

But back to the Karin Herzog thingy.  I contacted the company, and turns out this is a moisturizer made with 2% oxygen, retinol and vitamin E.  I was also informed I cannot use my fingers to apply this as they will most likely burn and rot away.  Well, that’s not what they said specifically, but that’s what I heard.  What they probably said was to apply it with a brush as the benefits of the oxygen will absorb through your fingers and never get to your face.  Sounds much less dangerous, but I swear I was scared for like 15 seconds.

I did as I was told and got out a little concealer brush, used it, and everything turned out fine.  Nothing exploded or melted, which is all good news.  I even went so far as to purchase a better brush at Walmart yesterday so I could apply my second time like a true professional (after watching the Karin Herzog YouTube channel demonstration – which is something only an idiot like me would do).  Turns out the tube had two uses in it so I overreacted just slightly.  Thank goodness the brush only cost $1. And even if the oxygen had absorbed through my fingers instead of my face, two days worth of oxygen wouldn’t have made a lick of difference anyway.  Two-time-use tubes are almost just as bad as one-time-use packets.  What. Is. The. Point.

Next item is a repeat.  In fact, it’s such a massive repeat, I could have stocked a warehouse with it.  Got my FIFTH tube of Pur-Lisse Hydra Balance moisturizer.  And what can I say about this product that I haven’t already mentioned before at least four other times in this blog?  A whole bunch of nothing.  I mean, I’m currently using one of my older tubes and it works fine.  Goes on smooth, sinks in pretty good.  Doesn’t leave me sticky.  I just don’t love it enough to continue hoarding it like a hoarding hoarder.  Regifted.

Another product that leaves me guessing is this H2O+ Oxygenating Rejuvenator.  Even the title doesn’t give a hint. My OCD can’t take this. So I’ve emailed customer service and am waiting impatiently for an answer. I am assuming it’s a moisturizer, and if so, would it have killed someone to print the word ‘moisturizer’ right there on the tube? Why do you insist on driving me insane?

I’ve been kind of getting into dry oil sprays lately. So getting this Borghese Fango Deep Hydration Finishing Treatment (var var long explanation for spray oil) was fine by me. I have been using it for the past few nights, and although I don’t have much to compare it to yet, I will say that I like it okay. It absorbs nicely, which is probably the most important aspect of an oil mist. However, it smells like men’s cologne. Not fruit, not flowers, not even some fake made up ocean breeze slash desert oasis smell, which I probably would have actually preferred for once. Nope, this is straight up men’s cologne. And not even a very good cologne. So I will not repurchase after the sample runs out. I do not want to smell like my ex-boyfriend from high school.

Last product in the box has been saved for last cuz I knew if I started with it you’d fall right to sleep. It’s a perfume by Juliette Has a Gun called Anyway. And I’m not even gonna pretend I sniffed it, even for research purposes. It’s sitting in my mom’s little care package I’m making for her out of my beauty box rejects. Awwwww, can you say best daughter ever?

It’s always awkward ending review posts like this cuz the nerd in me feels like I need to sum it all up in a concluding paragraph. But the lazy in me always comes out on top. And so I’m just saying bye and I’ll see you tomorrow.

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