In a random act of extreme short-lived inspiration, I pulled all my work pants out of the closet and threw them on the bathroom floor in preparation for laundry. Four days later, they are still there. It’s amazing how long a person can continue to walk around a pile of dirty clothes on the floor. At this point, it’s just become furniture. It may stay there for eons with light years and eternities on top, you know, depending on when hubby decides to put it in the washing machine. Cuz while I am quite aware the pile only exists cuz of Pants-Pulling Frenzy circa 96 hours ago, I can also ignore laundry like a dadgum champion.
Currently, I have three separate piles of clothes going. One is a basket of clean ones that have actually sat there long enough for them to have probably become dirty again through simple neglect. The other two are basketless, which the housekeeper just vacuums around every week, most likely in a judgy kind of way. Listen, the whole reason I have a housekeeper is because of those piles; otherwise, what would be the point then? You don’t get to Lazy, Level EXPERT by putting away your own laundry, I’ll tell ya that much.
In related news, the only thing left in my closet pants-wise is a pair of green khakis that I haven’t fit into properly since 2009. So work on Friday was almost a no-pants-HR-violation sort of scenario, but I chose to just leave them unbuttoned for 9 hours instead. I mean, they were (mostly) zipped up all the way, at least. Pretty sure that still qualifies as business casual. Although the no-pants option would have been enjoyed immensely, just to be clear.
While we wait for another wave of laundry inspiration to hit (might be never; I dunno), I have a real life polish emergency to share. It might be the most emergency-est of all time, so pay super close attention just in case. Look:
It’s a multichrome EXTRAVAGANZA! straight from our pal Dave at Octopus Party Nail Lacquer. This is the Game of Thrones / A Song of Ice and Fire trio, three spectacular shifty, shimmery dreamboats that you’re about to fall in love with super hardcore. However, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, they’re only available for 22 hours. After that, it’s a sad state of affairs for everyone. So get off your no-buys people, as this is a legit polish emergency and therefore justified to the trillionth percent.
First up is Sweet Summer Child:
Okay, so this is how it’s gonna be? With the mouth gaping and the tongue lolling? We just got started! I’ll be divorced by the end of this blog, seeing how unattractive I’m about to get. There’s only so much sexy to go around while holding a drool bucket, ya know?
So this one is a red-toned purple with magenta shift that turns a little orange at extreme angles. There’s a bit of blue shimmer and multichrome flakies mixed in as well for extra specialness. Excellent, opaque formula in basically one coat. Except I did two cuz CAN’T STOP POLISHING. I lub it so much.
Macros, in case you want to pass out a little:
That orange shimmer is a bit shy under lamps. Outside in shade or on cloudy days, you can see it much better. Here’s a very lame attempt:
Points for putting pants on though. Best blogger ever, is what you’re thinking.
Next up is Stoneheart:
Gah! How are we still upright? Someone needs to roll me over a couch in case of surprise fainting. Bring a Starbucks. And Leonardo, just in case. One must always be prepared. Cuz someone’s holding the big leaf fan, and hell if it’s me.
If you love bright pink, this one is bright pink times a billion. It’s a glorious shimmery fuchsia with an orange shift in extreme angles. I don’t have an outdoor photo of this one due to only one pants-on session per day allowed. But if you look at the top of the bottle, you can see that orange peeking out. And there’s blue shimmer too, for maximum drool effect.
A ridiculous display of pretty:
Yep, you’re about to spend some money. I can already tell.
Lastly, here’s I Drink and I Know Things:
This one is my favorite. Cuz there’s nothing better than a green and purple combo. Well, except for biscuits and gravy. Or, like a jumbo bag of Funyuns and the house to yourself. But after that, NOTHING.
Macros to seal the deal:
Seriously, though. The flakies. The dadgum flakies! How you’re able to turn your back on this one, it’s beyond comprehension. Maybe you don’t like happiness. Maybe you have no eyes. I dunno. Either way, I’m var var concerned about the state of your brain.
Gotcha. I knew it would.
The round up:
This trio will be available tomorrow, March 26 (or could be this evening in certain time zones) from midnight through 10pm EST. That’s a mere 22 hours to organize your life. If you miss the window, well how sad will you be then? (Very.) In other words, just do what I say. I MEAN IT.
Cost will be $11 each and shipping for all three is only $4. Click here to shop! Then sit back, relax and revel in your excellent decision skills. Toots for you! (And gift cards for me.)
I’m gonna go stare at this pile of laundry and see if anything happens. Maybe (hopefully) magic or teleportation, at the minimum, lest I have to display some sort of effort on a Saturday night. In which case, the words NO BUENO come immediately to mind. Ugh.