New Beauty Test Tube | November 2014


You wanna know what happens when you go from 70+ degrees on a Monday down to 30 degrees for the rest of the week?  Depression, wearing socks with high heels, and a cold sore.  Awesome.

I need cheering up.  Here’s my New Beauty Test Tube:


Guess what?  Still depressed, cold and making horrible fashion decisions.

I’m sorry that I paid $38 for this and only got two good products.  Like I was so severely sorry, that I ended up cancelling my subscription.  You know how much perseverence that required?  I mean, I can barely brush my teeth with my eyes open much less dial a phone number to request a cancellation.  But cancel I did, and oddly enough I don’t even feel guilty about it.  I may be growing up.  Although I still have my husband take my chicken off the bone for me, so probably not.

First item is the Dermalogica Precleanse, which is basically just a cleansing oil used to break up your makeup prior to actually cleansing with real soap.  Seems like a redundant step, but I do it anyway.  If anything, it saves your wash rags from getting more dirty than they actually get.  Although I don’t prefer to use oil but rather a cleansing milk because cleansing milk sounds much more fancy, and I am a princess and that’s how princesses do.  And don’t even try arguing with that kind of logic.

However, the oil.  It was fine.  I’ll use it.  It works just as good as any of the other precleanse products I’ve ever used.  Probably won’t repurchase though because, again, PRINCESS.

Then I got a Donell Lip Saver lip balm.  Excuse me while I go take a nap.  Even the packaging is boring.  The only upside to this is I can use it in the morning before I start my makeup routine.  Other than that, it’s not even coconut flavored.  Boooo.  Next.

Virtually every Test Tube I’ve ever gotten has included a Mally Starlight eyeliner.  That’s probably exaggeration, but it feels like they send one everytime.  I’m not saying I wouldn’t use this product, but they sent me silver (shade name: Starshine), and I already own two other silver eyeliners.  Unfortunately I’m not an eyeliner hoarder (except for black, strangely enough) so this is pretty much a regift.  And also evidence that it was definitely time to move on from the Test Tube.

I actually cared that I received a tube of this John Frieda Frizz-Ease Smoothing Creme seeing as A) it is intended for straight hairstyles, which I have and B) it is also intended for frizzy hair, which I also have.  Seems perfect.  I applied this to mostly my ends, but maybe a little bit higher up than that.  I was scared it was gonna give me goopy hair so I was being a little frugal on how much I put on.  Because nobody has time to rewash their hair, especially someone who can only manage it twice a week.  Thankfully, things worked out.  I did not get goopy hair and my ends actually seemed to be a little smoother.  And on the days where I didn’t wash my hair and simply combed it before work (read: lazy), the ends stayed smoother-looking than normal.  Granted, no miracle was performed or anything, but it was better.  I’m thinking I might take a little risk and apply a bit more just to see what happens.  It may look like I accidentally dipped my hair into a skillet of bacon fat (which I’ve done before, not surprisingly, and which also required two back-to-back hair washings), but I’m going to do it anyway.  It’s for science.  And for this blog.

Next we have a Votivo candle travel tin in the Icy Blue Pine scent.  To save you time (as I know it is precious), I will describe this for you in one word:  NO.  And now we may move on with our lives.  Unless you like the smell of men’s cologne mixed with one of those tree-shaped car fresheners, in which case SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU.

I did try to pawn it off to a few co-workers.  It took a bit, but someone did take it.  Pretty sure it had more to do with it being free then it actually smelling good.  I’ve done that before.  Which is how I’ve come home with chip clips from the insurance agency, magnets (also probably from the insurance agency), and Post-It Notes from the office supply cabinet (which actually might be more of a stealing situation than a free one).

You what’s funny?  Making an EMERGENCY trip to Sephora to buy makeup remover wipes only to come home and open the mail and find a pack of Klorane makeup remover wipes in it.  Believe it or not, this happens all the time.  I am excited, though, to try this brand as I absolutely love their hair products.  Plus the packaging is very pretty – nice, calming blue color.  I don’t know why that matters; it just does.  They’re also made with soothing cornflower, which also (mysteriously) makes me want to use them.  So in about 20 days when I’m finished with the emergency wipes, I’ll get started on these and report back.

But back to the real reason why I’m cancelling this box.  I received the Revision Intellishade tinted moisturizer duo, a sample I had previously received a mere 4 boxes ago.  That irritates me var var much.  I paid a lot of money for this subscription hoping for some new products and/or brands to try.  Not sad little repeats like these teeny tiny tubes of BB cream.

Now, this irritation is nothing against the product itself.  It’s actually a very good one.  I used the regular (not matte) version over the weekend, and it gave me a very nice glowing finish (or else it could’ve been the 2 inches of hideous snow reflecting back at me).  The coverage is pretty sheer – I mean, my splotches were evened out slightly, but freckles and pimple scar were out and proud.  I even put two layers on, and eh.  Still there.  However, I do find it very cool that this one shade of BB cream is supposed to work for everyone.  Everyone.  I love products that take out the guesswork.  Plus it has SPF 45 AND won a Beauty Award.  So while I was not thrilled to receive more tubes of this, at least it wasn’t something hideous.

Last product in the tube is the CHI Silk Infusion hair treatment.  I have owned and used this product in the past.  In fact, I gave my daughter a practically unused bottle of this about 6 months ago.  And then, magically, it shows right back up at my house to teach me a lesson.  I didn’t dislike it or anything; I gave it away cuz I had so many new hair samples to try that it was clogging up my hair drawer.  In an effort to tidy up and organize, but see where that gets me?  A brand new bottle to take up space.

I will say that I recall using this several times previously, and I never got that icky dirty hair feeling.  It’s like an oil, but I guess it’s not an oil but rather silk molecules, which until now you didn’t even know existed (trust me, you did not).  In case you don’t know what this stuff does, I will paraphrase for you:  strengthens, heat protects, improves moisture and shine, defends against the environment.  So fiiiiiiine.  Back in the hair drawer you go.  Alongside all those hifalutin’ samples that mostly turned out to be big poo-poos anyway.

Let’s all take a moment to say goodbye to the New Beauty Test Tube.  It was good, but then again, not really.  I did get a free New Beauty magazine subscription out of the deal, which I actually enjoyed very much and have chosen to continue.  So all’s well that ends well.  I can now spend my $38 on things I actually want NEED.

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