It’s been a while since my last Buying Stuff post, but don’t let that fool you.  There’s been an extraordinary amount of buying stuff happening behind the scenes.  Like an obscene amount.  Well, how else am I going to achieve my lifelong goal of owning all the things?  Plus, you try walking away when companies sell things in cute little kits for Christmas.  It’s nigh on impossible.  I mean, I never really want a body lotion, but stick it in a basket with the matching body wash, spritzer and a loofah and immediately there’s nothing else I want more than that dadgum body lotion.

In other disastrous marketing trick news, please stop putting Award Winning stickers or the word “Limited Edition” on your products.  The latter creates a panic inside of me like no other.  If I feel I’m about to miss out on something that will never ever exist in humankind again, it’s only natural I must own that product right now this very second.  And if you dare put one item on the shelf and pretend it’s the very last one in the entire world, I am helpless to the point of nothing else matters.  Hence, Buying Stuff was born.

 

 

Speaking of kits, picked up this Korres Beauty Shots mask collection for no reason other than what’s already been explained.  Do I need all these masks?  Is the sky blue?  Don’t ask stupid questions.

I have not used any of these masks, therefore there is really no point to posting this picture here for you.  I suppose if you want proof of my insanity, then I’d say your job is done for the day and you can go get your pajamas back on.  I bought this because of the kit situation, but also because it is a kit of masks. I loooooove masks.  And fruit smells.  I’d pick a fruit smell over a flower smell about 98.98675% of the time, regardless of benefit.  This goes to show you how good I am at reviewing skin care and what level of professionalism I have, up to this point, achieved.  I can sense you are impressed.

And then I went and bought this thing because it won an Allure magazine award:

 

 

It’s the Dr. Brandt Glow retinol eye cream and I’ve actually been using it for the past four months.  It’s the eye cream that won’t die, seriously, cuz to this day it weighs exactly the same as when I first bought it.  Pretty sure it’s replicating itself every morning.  Full size price is $55, but that’s okay because it will last the rest of your life.

First of all, the consistency is nice.  It’s a lightweight cream that looks like pink pearl.  It has some ruby crystal complex which, if science is correct, makes white things turn pink.  It has a shimmer about it, but once it’s on your eye, you don’t notice it.  But it does lend a bit of a glow.  Not crazy Kim Kardashian glow, but a smidge.  In fact, once you put concealer or foundation on top of it, it pretty much disappears.  What I’m trying to say is, do not be afraid.

I use less than a pea-sized amount and blend under my eye.  It sinks in pretty fast, which is nice.  I have noticed my under eye wrinkles (er, fine lines) do look somewhat diminished.  There is retinol in it, but I don’t think there is a lot of it because it hasn’t caused any irritation whatsoever and I use this stuff every morning.  As for the reason it won an Allure magazine award, I have no idea.  But it did, and I’m sorry, what is your question?

Here’s this bastard:

 

 

Nothing against the Bite Beauty Agave lip mask, but hope you don’t have arthritis or anything cuz this is the worst packaging of any tube of any kind I’ve ever seen.  Good luck squeezing any product out, unless you have the biceps of Hercules, that is.  It’s seriously like giving birth except the exit hole never gets bigger.  Can you imagine that?  I might have gone too far, but at least you get my point.

As for the lip balm itself, it’s very good.  Extremely thick and sits right on top of your lips in a slightly uncomfortable fashion.  But then you go to sleep completely unawares and wake up nicely moisturized.  It has an odd smell like raw cookie dough that I don’t enjoy but other people may be okay with it.  It’s basically the best lip balm I’ve used to counteract my horrid scraggly lip skin, but if they don’t fix the packaging soon I may have a carpal tunnel medical emergency on my hands.  Literally.

Side note:  this is not for anyone with OCD.  The tube is made of soft metal, so when you squeeze the life out of it to get your pea-sized drop of product, you are left with this hideous dent right in the middle.  So you try and fix it by smoothing it out, pushing product up from the bottom of the tube to fill in the middle again.  But not one to leave well enough alone, you decide maybe if you roll the tube up from the bottom (a la toothpaste tube style), you can perhaps create a nice, neat little package of lip balm to sit prettily on your bedside table instead of one that looks like a hobo just used it.  Then you realize by doing so, your tube has busted a seam and is now properly exposing its inner contents to the poisonous air, rendering this terrifically expensive lip balm useless and moot.  I mean, that’s what happened to me.  Normal people will be just fine.

 

 

There is a skin care craze a’brewin’ and it’s in the form of exfoliating powder.  Not one to be left out of the loop, I picked up the Nude Detox Brightening Fizzy Powder Wash to see what all the fuss was about.  If you think for one second I ignored the word “fizzy”, you haven’t been reading this blog right.  It’s the primary reason I chose this one.  My brain wouldn’t leave me alone about it.  Fizzy just sounds like goodhearted, childlike fun.  Like blowing bubbles, sidewalk chalk and the Ice Cream Man.  Who wouldn’t enjoy that?  People with skewed priorities maybe, like workaholics or idiots.

To use this, pour about a teaspoon of powder into wet hands.  Add a bit of water and rub your hands together to create a paste.  Wait for the fizzy.  And then keep waiting.  And then finally wait freaking forever cuz the damn thing does not fizz.  Yes, it exfoliates very gently.  Yes, it will foam up with soap bubbles when more water is added to your face.  But fizz it does not.  I don’t know what I expected – perhaps the sound of Pop Rocks crackling away inside an open mouth?  Yes, that’s exactly what I expected.

Regardless, my face was very clean and felt extremely soft afterwards.  Mildly tight but nothing uncomfortable.  The smell was less than desirable, though, unless you like the scent of a milky baby neck.  Would it kill someone to toss some flowers in the batch, freshen things up a little?  Do I need to be CEO of yet another company?

     

After running out of conditioner samples, I decided to purchase something that was actually intended to be used for shaving.  Someone on YouTube did a review on the Lush D’Fluff shaving soap, and because I am easily persuaded, I purchased it online about 2.5 seconds later.  I got the small version so I could try it out before deciding it was Holy Grail Status.  Which turned out to be a good thing because this product is not for me.  It has a soap consistency, which is so much more drying than my preferred cream or lotion.  Plus if this smells like strawberry (as indicated right there in English on the front of the package), then my entire life has been a lie.

Other than those two things, which are pretty major if you ask me (and you did; that’s why you’re here), it will work as intended.  Just not very good/fun/nice.  Unless you enjoy the feeling of dry legs, I’d steer clear.  Of course, my legs are very dry to begin with, and sometimes even after I shave them I still feel like they need shaved.  You might say the lower half of my body just doesn’t cooperate well.  Hair grows by the microsecond, legs tan the least and slowest, and ankles are in dire need of liposuction.  In other words, none of that has anything to do with Lush D’Fluff shaving soap.

 

 

Got a couple of Tatcha samples to try out – the Polished Rice Enzyme Powder and Indigo Soothing Silk body butter.  Again, the popularity of exfoliating powders made me do it.  This particular one is made from rice and it smells, not surprisingly, like rice.  So it isn’t particularly luxurious.  However, it is a very nice cleanser and I kind of liked it even better than the Nude one.  I found it pretty gentle on the skin, although if you’re a rough washer, maybe you’d disagree.  In addition to rice, it also has crushed pearl in it, so at this point I’ve stopped listening to anything else.  There’s pearl in it.  Gimme.

Magical properties include: addressing fine lines, uneven skin tone, hyperpigmentation and breakouts.  Polishes your skin to a jewel-like luster.  I don’t know about you, but those people at Tatcha got me feeling all warm and liquidy inside.  Talking like that.  Lord, are you hot and sweaty?  I’m hot and sweaty.

The other item, the body butter, was lovely as well.  I checked to make sure and can officially confirm there is liquid silk in there.  Ugggggghhhhh.  I can barely sit up straight to type this.

Other good things about the body butter:  it’s truly a blue lotion.  How about the novelty of that?!  It’s made with indigo, which is anti-inflammatory so if you suffer from dermatitis or similar skin conditions, you might like this.  It also turns your skin blue – well, for like a second, but still.  I can describe this body butter as luxurious and rich with the utmost confidence.  I don’t think anyone would argue my point.  It’s an absolute texture-dream.

Sadly, though, the smell was just okay.  Wasn’t anything floral that I recognized.  Definitely not fruity.  I don’t actually know what indigo is – is that a plant or some kind of fabric?  Regardless, maybe it smells like indigo.  And if so, I do not like indigo.

Look at this thing:

 

 

Picked up this Kaplan MD lip mask and lip balm kit from Sephora.  Look at that tiny spatula!  I’ve since broken it, but it was definitely born cute.  Not sure what this product honestly does.  I was hoping for a cure-all to the neverending saga that is my chapped lips.  But it’s pretty much the same as everything else I’ve tried – nice for the moment, but we’re back to square one the very next day.

The mask is ultra tingly.  The first time I used it, my lips actually went numb.  Most likely I applied too much and kept it on too long.  The box says 3-5 minutes, then tissue off and apply the balm.  I was reading some reviews, and a lot of people were talking about how they use this right before a big event to plump their lips.  I didn’t notice any plumping effect, but we’ve already determined I don’t read directions very well.  The balm is super nice though.  It’s a medium-thick oil and very soothing.  Doesn’t taste good, however, so don’t get it in your mouth.  Unless you have time to get up every five minutes to spit in the sink.

Bottom line: it’s a decent product.  Not a miracle worker, but I like to use it every now and then.  Pretty certain if I didn’t have a fan blowing in my face for 8 hours every night, I wouldn’t have a lip saga to begin with.  So I can’t blame the product necessarily for not curing my issue.

That’s all for now.  Time for YouTube and alcohol.  Var var busy, clearly.