Remember last month, how Blush sent me a bottle of bowel regulatory health drops?  And how they actually counted it as a beauty supply?  And how I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and then threw the bottle in the trash?  Maybe I did that last thing off camera.  However, what I’m trying to say is that Blush fixed all that shenannery with this month’s box.

Much better, right?

That big packet is one of those scary sheet masks from Bioxidea.  Serious, don’t be walking around your house amongst your children wearing one of these masks.  Unless you want them sleeping in your bed for the next 8 years.  Just keep it confined to the privacy of your bathtub, ok?

Anyway, there are three versions of this mask, and I got the gold one.  And full price for these babies is $74 – for just three masks.  Well!  Put it in the cart then!  It’s bound to replace my old face with a brand new one at that price.  It does say it uses “nano gold bits” (whatever that is) to do all sorts of miraculous things to your skin.  I haven’t used it yet, but I’ll be sure to let you know the results.  Hopefully something amazing happens after just one use, because I will never ever ever ever be able to afford this product.

Next thing is yet another sample of the REN Evercalm Global Protection day cream.  This time it came in pouch form (my other samples were tubes), which depressed me a whole lot.  However, I absolutely looooove this moisturizer.  It feels so good on the skin.  BUT, my love has limits and it’s called one-time-use packet, so I promptly gave it to a friend.  On the upside, I still have one sample tube of this left so it’s all good.

Always excited to receive dry shampoo in my boxes.  Although I’ve already found my holy grail (Batiste, if you’re curious), I love to try different ones anyway.  This one by Klorane is pretty good so far.  I won’t know for sure until I reach about 2/3 into it, as that’s when the white powder goodness usually disappears and all that’s leftover is wet air.  So we’ll see how it holds up.

I have never used nail wraps before, so I was a little ho hum pigs bum about getting a packet of them from NCLA.  I have a co-worker who uses them all the time, and they turn out great.  But I’m not very adept at doing my nails, even though these are like little stickers instead of wet polish, so by that fact alone I should be ace at it.  I’m going to give them a try, though, just simply because I have them, the pattern is pretty cute, and I paid for them (technically).  They are more reasonable than bowel drops, let’s just say.

Got this nifty little bottle of DHC deep cleansing oil, which upon further inspection, seems to be the company’s most popular product.  I have used this several times already to remove my makeup, and let me just tell you one thing:  this stuff is awesome at melting away your mascara.  I can actually feel it disappearing (partly indicative of the massive racoon eyes, but still).  So I like it a lot.  It’s not going to replace my normal facial cleanser – I’m not even sure it’s supposed to – but I’ll allow it to remove my mascara.  Does a pretty good job, actually a better job, than all of my other eye makeup removers I’ve used in the past.  Are you intrigued?  Well lucky for you there are 3 different sizes you can buy on their website.  The mini is only $5.50 and I’m thinking it should last maybe a month or so.

I use an exfoliating scrub twice a week, so I’m currently on the last bit of the Strivectin one I’ve been using.  Perfect timing, as I got this Vbeaute Rub Off facial exfoliator all ready to go.  Does not the words “rub off” make you want to use this product immediately?  By all means, please do.  Seriously, if it could get rid of gaping pores and forehead crevices with just one swipe, that’d be great.  The least amount of effort on my part is always ideal.  In fact, if I could just put a licensed aesthetician in my back pocket, who dispenses products at will, wouldn’t that be awesome?  Uh oh, dry patch, lemme get that for you.  Pimple alert, here’s some cream.  Ooh, shiny spot, blotting paper ACTIVATE! 

That was weird.  Sorry about that.  Moving on.

Next up is a can of water … oh, excuse me, spa water, from Vichy.  I’m kind of making fun of this product, but kind of not.  If you go on the website, it says there’s been 15 clinical studies that show benefits of using this water.  It has soothing and fortifying properties.  With minerals and antioxidants, so unique it can’t be duplicated by science.  So powerful, it can reset your skin’s health.  Quite clearly a miracle of nature.  And if all of that isn’t enough to convince you to use this product, it is also from France.

I’m not sure how to use this product, however.  Is it a toner of some kind?  Is it a makeup setting spray?  The website says to use it day and night to complete your cleansing routine.  What does that mean, though?  Before moisturizer?  After?  Oh my GAWD, it’s too complicated.  If you can’t tell, I need explicit instructions, otherwise I cannot live my life.  I need to know the who, what, when, where and for how long.  Do not tell me to cook pasta for 10-12 minutes or until done because that means nothing to me.  If you mean 11 minutes, just say 11 minutes.  Do I need to teach the universe how to behave properly?!  Gah.

Aside, from all that, I’ll use it.

Got another tube of mascara, ya’ll!  That makes about 20 or so in the stash.  I will never use them all, so I’m trying very hard to weed out the bad ones and concentrate on the good ones.  This NYX one – bizarrely called Are You DeprEYEved Of … – seems okay.  It’s a mascara serum, so apparently it’s supposed to promote fuller lashes.  If I would just devote my lashes to this one product, that is.  The benefits are few and far between if I use it every other month or so, like I am apt to do.  In any case, it does provide some decent length to my sad little straight, sparse lashes.  So this goes in the “good” pile.

Okay, here’s another product that has left me in the dark on how to use it.  This little sample of AFA exfoliating gel.  It says to use sparingly on a cleansed face and leave on overnight.  Mmmk.  Then what?  Wash it off the next day?  When do I use moisturizer, before or after?  Is a serum necessary?  And by the term “sparingly”, how much is that exactly?  I hate my life sometimes.

In my defense, I am terrified of using a product incorrectly.  Especially one that apparently needs a doctor to prescribe for you (according to the website; I have no idea how Blush got their hands on samples then).  What if I burn my face off because I’ve applied too much? Or cause some sort of chemical explosion because I combined it with serums and moisturizers that are simply not allowed?  I take my skin care very seriously, people.  I should probably ban myself from anything too complicated, as the anxiety that ensues afterwards sometimes just isn’t worth it.

I’m calling the 800 number.

…

…

Okay, question answered.  After applying the gel, wait 20 minutes then apply moisturizer.  And if I want to use serums with it, that is fine as long as I follow the 20 minutes rule.  I am such a rule-follower, I have no problem with this.  Now I am fully prepared to use this product.  All one-time-use of it. Hmmmphf.

Final item in the box is a perfume by Elizabeth Arden called Untold.  Didn’t stink, but we’ve discussed how much I don’t care about perfume.  Gave this to a friend, so it was repurposed nicely.  As soon as I use up the two bottles of perfume I already have – in about 15 years or so – I’ll be back on track to collect more perfume.

So that’s it.  Blush is still my favorite box, despite not liking everything in it.  I use the majority of it, and what I don’t use I make fun of mercilessly, or give away to others who will take care of it and treat it with kindness and respect.  And that’s very admirable of me, don’t you think?

(You do.  You think exactly that.)