Glossybox | October 2014

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Hi boo boos.  It’s Wednesday.  Halfway to pajamas, so I can barely concentrate.  Figured it would be a good time to review a box, you know, while I’m feeling my most professional.

Here’s Glossybox:

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Well.  I am not loving this one.  Like there isn’t one thing in here that excites me.  I’ll use two of the products, but even those are mediocre.  I’d excuse this behavior if you are a $10 box, but you are not.  You are a $21 box and therefore must be fabulous at all times.  Do I need to be in charge over there?  CEO at the minimum.

Okay, first mediocre thing is this Tarte Power Pigment lip crayon in the color Flush.  Hold your wet noodles; let me explain.  The product is fine.  It goes on pretty smooth. Has a bit of a waxy texture, but that doesn’t bother me.  Leaves your lips feeling pepperminty and cool.  Plus the skinny tip gives you a more precise application.  But it’s hot pink.  I do not enjoy hot pink.  Regular pink, yes.  Hot pink can sit back down.  I just feel it’s super flashy looking with my skin tone.  Probably no one else would agree, but if I can’t be my own worse critic, what is the point of life?  I ask you, WHAT. IS. THE. POINT.  Now, if I would’ve gotten a mauve or a dark coral, maybe even a brownish nude, this entire blog post wouldn’t suck as bad as it’s about to.

Sheet masks.  These things make you work for it.  I have nothing against the one I got – Sesha Botanical Hydro Mask – but the instructions are as follows:

1)  Remove pre-cut mask from envelope and place over clean face with moist side of mask facing downward.  2)  Smooth mask over face starting with the nose area, then peel off plastic backing.  3)  Leave on for 15-30 minutes.  4)  Remove mask and gently wipe off remaining residue (no need to rinse).

Omg, are you tired yet?  Cuz I am.  That’s a lot of messing around for something that doesn’t quite give me the satisfaction level I get from a standard mask.  And perhaps you are saying to yourself that these instructions aren’t really that big a deal, and that I could quite possibly be the biggest baby/complainer/annoyance that ever lived.  But I say to you, NO!  I am the biggest lazy person that ever lived, and that is var var different.  In fact, if someone could just come into my bathroom and apply my mask on for me, that would be ideal.  And while they’re at it, go ahead and bathe me.  I seriously just want to lay there and nap.

Why am I not a princess?! Hmmmpf.

But back to the mask.  This one is for soothing and calming the skin and gives you instant hydration.  The hyaluronic acid in it binds itself to water and helps maintain moisture within your skin.  That’s SCIENCE, people.  So you may enjoy this mask.  I think I’ll use it tomorrow maybe.  Then I’ll let you know my true thoughts in a future Empties post.

Now I’m not saying the Nails Inc Matte top coat is useless and stupid.  It’s just I already own one by OPI.  How many matte top coats do you need?  I’d say just one, but maybe I’m not the one to ask.  If you’ve never used a matte top coat, the Nails Inc would be just as good as any, and you definitely need one in your collection.  It really does do a cool effect on your nails.  I haven’t done it for at least a year – which proves my theory that you don’t need more than one matte top coat – so I might have to do it again soon.  I just don’t think about it when I’m doing my nails, as you know nail polish isn’t at the top of my list of favorites.  Although I can appreciate something pretty and unique.  Long story short – buy this if you don’t already have something like it.

And of course, we must now take a drastic downhill turn.  I got the Vince Camuto Amore perfume, which by itself is probably just lovely, but have I mentioned before how much I don’t use perfume?  A few times, maybe.  Or at the very minimum, in every single post I write.  Yes, I’m a broken record when it comes to perfume.  I never ever ever keep it.  I wish beauty boxes would do an “opt out” for perfume, so I can gladly check that box and then receive something more fabulous in its place.  However, I am not in charge, which is a damn shame.  Seriously, would it kill anybody to make me CEO?  Would it?  I mean, except for having savvy business sense or math skills, I’d be a pretty good one.

Just to be fair, though, let me describe the smell:  fruity and floral at the top with cashmere, amber and sandalwood at the base.  Does that mean anything to anybody?  Nope, me either.  It doesn’t stink.  How about that?

Last item in the box is a definite regift.  It’s the Proganix Volume Root Boost.  What am I supposed to do with this?  I don’t wash my hair more than twice a week; I don’t need to be putting in root booster to muck up my hair faster than normal.  I’m perfectly fine with just blow drying upside down to give me a lift.  Everytime I’ve used a root spray, I’ve turned my hair into a greasy, sticky, scummy mess and that’s not an exaggeration.  So I’m passing on this one, even though it could be my dream come true, but who has time to experiment?  I’m not washing my hair twice in one day if things don’t work out.  Not even taking a chance.

Who’s the best blogger/product reviewer of all time?  This girl.

The good news is that my friend loves root lifters, this seems to be a full-size product, and so my best friend score just shot up by the millions.  In my opinion.  She may be like, thanks for the $12 bottle of spray.  And carry on with her life like NBD.

Well, you’ve reached the end of yet another exciting and informative post.  Hope it was worth your time, and if not, then you need to reassess your life.  Toodles!

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