I’m trying very hard to ignore the fact that Ulta is having their 21 days of beauty.  I don’t need to know about Tarte’s $10 mascara.  I also don’t need to know about Mally’s Face Defender that is discounted by $15.  But most importantly, I absolutely do NOT need to know these sales are good for one day only.  Don’t they know what kind of massive urgency is happening in my brain right now?  And that my credit card is about to rebel in an overdraft, cutting itself in half sort of way?

I’m itching all over.  I’ve got the hives.

To distract myself, I give you my Sample Society:

Got a tube of the Alterna Caviar Repair Re-Texturizing Protein Cream.  I’ve usually had good luck with these Alterna Caviar products, so I’m looking forward to trying this one. I’ve got super fine hair that tends to tangle easily (and therefore break easily), so any product that might fortify my hair, make it stronger, sleeker, better – well, who’s gonna say no to that?  (Crazy people.)  I’m finishing up another product right now, but as soon as I’m done, this one is next in line.  And as long as it doesn’t make my hair feel dirty, sticky, or greasy (like the Alterna Bamboo thickening cream did), we’re gonna get along just fine.

Perhaps the most exciting this in the box is this full-size $85 jar of Restorsea eye cream.  With the inclusion of this product right here, I could throw away everything else and still comes out dollars ahead.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that falls under the category of SAVING MONEY and therefore the Gucci Cosmetics eyeshadow quad that’s about to happen has zero guilt stamped all over it.  My clicking hand is getting var var excited.

So I was reading the little booklet that Allure put out that gives mini reviews on the products, and it was getting me totally excited to start using the eye cream.  Talked about its winning virtues as well as how it smells and feels.  Apparently despite it’s boring white color and non-existant smell, it will make you look like you’ve been sleeping in a field of daisies for the past 15 years.  All good things, right?  Welllllll – I can’t speak for the results or anything (yet), but I will say if this thing is odorless I must be smelling things wrong.  If you enjoy the aroma of a sour washrag topped with a skosh of wet paper pile, then this, THIS, will be your sanctuary.  It smells so wrong, that I’m not even sure I got a fresh jar despite it being wrapped up in cellophane and clearly brand new.  Like, I’m kind of scared to use it.  Did I get a doozy?  Or does everyone elses smell too?  If you subscribe to Sample Society, please go sniff your jar and leave a comment.  Otherwise, my anxiety will run rampant.

For your totally useless product needs, I present the Tarte Brazillance facial tanning wipes.  Granted, I know there are people out there that love these.  I hear they are some of the best, most natural looking wipes of the self-tan genre.  But if you’ve come here for the official word then you’ll be waiting a while.  I haven’t self-tanned since 8th grade except for a very brief experimentation of some Jergen’s spray can back in 2005.  It involved me standing naked in my bathroom and my baby sister disturbed for life.  Well, how else you gonna tan everything if you don’t force someone else to do it for you?

One product I am enjoying is this little tube of the Lorac POREfection mattifying primer.  It makes my face feel very smooth and I’d swear my foundation goes on better.  I’d like to say it mattifies me, but honestly I haven’t noticed anything too drastic in that direction.  I’d also like to say it blurs my pores, but nothing really does that for me.  I don’t believe I am your ideal candidate for pore-filling.  When products claim they will make you flawless, they aren’t referring to a 40-year-old with a splotchy complexion and pores that dig to China.  Pretty sure they just mean normal people.  But if you like the texture of a silicone primer, this one is pretty nice.

Last product in the box is the Givenchy Dahlia Divin perfume.  Y’all know how perfume puts me to sleep, and this one is no exception.  I didn’t even smell it out of curiosity that’s how much I cared about it.  Nope, just stuck it in my re-gifting box for someone else to enjoy.  However, this is the perfume that Alicia Keyes inspired.  The notes are white flower, jasmine, sandalwood, plum, golden fruit, patchouli and vetiver.  And according to my research, it is a “floral woody” scent with a “radiant” feel and the woman who wears this is a sublime, sensual modern goddess.

Mmmmmk.

Hopefully that means something to you perfume lovers out there.  This one just debuted this month, so if anything, it’s NEW and I don’t know about you but I just love being among the first to own something.  Which is why that aforementioned Gucci Cosmetics thing is about 2 seconds away from reality.  I’m a woman on the cusp, what can I say?

That’s all for now, friends.  Enjoy your day and I’ll be back again soon for more fun stuff.  Bye!