As a child, we do things. Things we – as adults – would never ever do. Like play outside all day without a cell phone. Or learn how to water ski with people watching. But when you are 10 years old, you are brave. Invincible. You are my nephew doing magic tricks at a shopping mall for tips.
However, there are some children who have their wits about them and already know the ways of the world without that sweet, innocent veil of youth. Here’s me circa 1984:
1. I made deals with God. Once, I negotiated that He wasn’t allowed to let me die until after I’d ridden the subway. At that point in my life, the subway was a thing that was so far removed from the reality of living in a town of 600 people, I assumed I outsmarted God with this little bargain. Fast forward to 2003 when I actually got on a subway, and I’m not saying I wore a maxi pad in case of accidental peeing, but then again, of course I did. It was a scary day, to say the least.
2. Clearly I was terrified of death. And I worried about everything. I would panic during P.E. in case someone jumping-jacked too hard and made themselves sick. I watched everyone’s faces for signs of doom, like in an uncomfortable, stalking sort of way. And the only time it actually did happen, I didn’t see it and was nowhere near it, so naturally a meltdown for me was the next logical step. Cuz I was almost certain you could get a stomach thing through the sheer power of knowing about it. In the 4th grade, science worked in mysterious ways, and telling me otherwise was a very moot point.
3. Food scared me. Even as an adult, I still have issues. Just yesterday I handed hubby all my potato chips that had brown spots on them so he could eat them for me even though brown spots = POISON. I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. My earliest food memory was back when I was 9, 10 years old when I found an almost whole Oreo in my cookies ‘n cream ice cream. What was wrong with that Oreo? Why wasn’t it crushed into pieces like all the other Oreos? Well, obviously it, too, was poison cuz un-crushed Oreos don’t just appear like that without clear evidence of some looney in a lab dropping cyanide in the cookie bin. Again, SCIENCE, and who’s going to argue with that kind of logic?
Now, although I’ve always considered myself shy and awkward back then, I did have a few moments of bravery. I did community theatre in 5th grade where I had to pretend go through puberty in front of hundreds of people. And a couple times I snuck out of class to go invite first graders to the library to watch me be Punky Brewster in a play I hadn’t even written yet. I have no idea how I got away with that one. I mean, I guess after I got in trouble for watching a boy pee on the playground, they figured sneaking out to do a play was a step in the right direction.
Regardless, I survived. Basically as an older version of that same self with maybe slightly better coping skills. I mean, I’ll still spend 8 hours googling if I’ll die from my cat licking me in the mouth, but now I just do it more incognito so I don’t spread the weirdo around. Well, until I tell everyone on the internet, that is.
While y’all pretend you don’t know me, let’s look at pretty things! I received one of the lovliest swatch packs the other day. Tara from BravesDiva Polish made these adorable little pastel cremes perfect for spring. Get ready to shed some happy tears! Take a look:
Cutie pie! For real, if you aren’t kissing babies and making flower crowns in a field somewhere, well clearly you are a robot. Or perhaps you have no eyes. I dunno. Cuz these things are DARLING. This is the Opening Day collection, and ya gotta pay real close attention to everything I say. It’s kind of a polish emergency, just so you know. Here’s the rundown of all the colors, then I’ll meet you at the bottom.
Big League Chew, a pastel pink creme:
Gatorade Bath, a beautiful creamy pastel orange:
This pastel yellow is called Sunflower Seeds, and it made me look so tan so I lub it lots:
My favorite is Lawn Seats, cuz green. And pastel. And deliciousness.
Here is Boys of Summer, a blue pastel creme:
Lastly, this is 7th Inning Stretch, a purple pastel:
These polishes are amazing. They are smooth, they are creamy, they apply like a dream. The consistency is on the thinner side, which isn’t a bad thing, cuz they are obsessively easy to control, are not gloopy, and they level out like perfection. They dry pretty glossy too, although I applied quick dry top coat since I can’t sit still for 10 minutes, waiting to dig a paper clip out of the bottom of my purse that I suddenly decided I need.
I used three coats for the pink, yellow and orange and only two coats for the blue, green and purple. But that will be dependent on how you polish your own nails. A lot of the other swatchers got them opaque in two coats. I, however, have a bad case of the OCDs and even when it is clearly perfect, my brain makes me look like 27 more times.
However, the best part about these polishes? They WATERMARBLE! So, guys. I did a thing. Look:
I spent 18 hours on this watermarble, but it was totally completely worth it. These polishes are so perfect for watermarbling. They drip nicely, spread in the water nicely. They’re basically me in the 6th grade, reading books and following rules. Well, until I slapped that girl in the ear one time.
Then I nail arted:
I mean, it’s not an award winner, but I still like it. Plus I feel like it’s been light years since I did any stamping. I mean, I suppose it’s only been about two days, but when I’m swatching, sometimes all that exists is just me and my pajamas. Well, and a husband who keeps asking if I’m done yet.
Used Lina Feeling Shapely 08 plate if you’re curious.
The round up:
So about that polish emergency. Listen up!
The Opening Day collection is available for pre-sale RIGHT NOW but just until April 9. This will ensure you get your polishes before Easter, which happens to be on April 16 – which also means winter will be here soon and I’m already panicking.
Now, if you somehow can’t get your life together by the 9th, you can still stroll in on the 10th or after and make a purchase, although getting it by Easter is a big ole crapshoot. But why you wanna be the last one in line, well not even science can explain that one.
Here’s the deets:
Entire collection $45
Single bottles $7.50 (or, practically free, to be honest)
Click here for shopping!
Now you can sit back, relax, and put on pajamas, cuz you make good decisions. I mean, I helped though, so toots on the ole horn for me, too. And a Starbucks, if you’re not busy.